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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23146657">Fool me once, fool me twice</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>ACTUALLY very Slow Burn, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety Disorder, Blow Jobs, Bottom Tony Stark, Cliche, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Holding Hands, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, I swear, Jealous Steve Rogers, M/M, Minor Violence, No Steve Hate, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Oblivious Tony Stark, Paris (City), Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Protective Steve Rogers, Rimming, Romantic Fluff, Sassy Tony Stark, Slow Burn, Slow Dancing, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Steve Rogers, Undercover, fed up steve rogers, fluffy cliches because i'm a hopeless romantic and relate to my characters as a coping mechanism, in this house we stan BOTH the boys, like a lot, steve and tony are tourists, steve and tony in paris like what more could you possibly ask for?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:28:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>119,148</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23146657</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"<br/>One touch from Steve, one “<em>Tony</em>” whispered in front of him with that look of fake annoyance, one glance and a wide smile, and he was gone.</p><p>But it was not going to happen.</p><p>No one was going to break his heart again.</p><p>"</p><p>But then SHIELD sends Steve and Tony to Paris for a mission, and well- there is probably a reason why Paris is considered the city of love, am I right?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steve Rogers/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>149</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>291</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>In these hard times all around the world, with the COVID-19 spreading wider and faster, I hope you're safe and well.</p><p>Enjoy this fluffy and angsty fic, my dears! Hope you like it!</p><p>(The first paragraph is a prologue from a scene that's going to happen ;) )</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Why would you say that?”</p>
<p>Tony looked at him: long seconds of silence passing by; neither added something. They just stared into each other’s eyes.</p>
<p>“Say what?” Tony finally asked.</p>
<p>“Why would you say you loved me if it wasn’t true” Steve squinted his eyes, they were burning with a sorrow he was no longer able to hide nor suppress.</p>
<p>“It was true” Tony replied. “It really was.”</p>
<p>Another moment of silence.</p>
<p>“What about now?” Steve asked, and he looked like he already knew the answer. He already knew it was going to break his heart. He knew it but he still wanted -<em>needed</em>- to hear it.</p>
<p>Tony lowered his eyes, shrugged his shoulders, slightly trembled; then finally talked. “Not anymore.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>______________</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right behind you!” Tony shouted.</p>
<p>Steve turned to face the creature at his back that was trying to take him down. He flipped his shield and kicked the being to the other side of the road.</p>
<p>The creature stood up almost immediately and approached Steve once again. It run toward him with an inhuman noise and tried once more to hit him.</p>
<p>Steve grunted a little but punched it again, this time doing a back flip while striking it. Right when it seemed he had took it down, the creature threw its sort of paws across Steve’s chest, making him fall to the ground.</p>
<p>Steve stood up, his face starting to get covered with blood, but he still tried to fight the alien. He punched its head, aiming at its eyes, but the monster seemed to get his intention and turned away at last minute.<br/>
Steve lost his balance and fell to the ground again, while his shield slipped on the other side of the road.</p>
<p>Steve struggled to reach the shield, uncertain fingers stretching to grab it, but before he could even quite touch it, the creature made another terrifying noise and then hit him in the chest.<br/>
Steve gasped without air, then his head fell on the concrete and he lost his senses.</p>
<p>Tony jumped at the scene, shock in his eyes, before starting to fire up the being with his suit’s razors.</p>
<p>“Take this one, you disgusting thing” he yelled, and his voice came out with a metallic note from his suit. He shot at the alien trying to draw its attention to himself, so that it would back off from Steve and not pounce on him.</p>
<p>Tony succeeded in his intention. The creature turned back and threw itself over Tony, who was flying low over it, still firing with his gauntlets. The monster sprinted toward him.</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>” he muttered, and as he tried to fly higher, the alien grabbed one of his boots and pulled him down, breaking his repulser. Tony fell to the ground, his suit cracking and denting badly on the concrete.</p>
<p>The creature was still somehow fighting, even though Clint had started shooting it with a rapid sequence of harrows that did not make any difference beside pissing it off.<br/>
He cursed out loud and jumped away when the alien decided he was its new target.<br/>
Clint rapidly run away, trying to hide behind abandoned cars left in the middle of the street.</p>
<p>“Black Widow!” he shouted at Natasha, hoping to get any help now that he was left without any weapon and two of his teammates were down.</p>
<p>“We got it!” Natasha yelled back. She slid between the paws of the alien so that it faced to look at her, while Thor threw Mjolnir on its back.</p>
<p>The monster screamed with a creak while falling to the ground. It sill tried to stand up but it had not even lifted its head when the Hulk finally made his appearance, and with just one asset kick he splattered the alien creature. It died on the spot, leaving behind it a quiet atmosphere now that it had ceased with its loud noises.</p>
<p>“Nice one, big guy” Natasha cheered the Hulk.</p>
<p>Clint came out from his hidden spot, clapping along for the victory. “I was actually starting to think we wouldn’t make it” he admitted.</p>
<p>Natasha smirked.</p>
<p>“I had not doubted it for a second!” Thor contradicted him, and gasped when Tony badly shunted him aside, so that he could aid Steve, who still hadn’t got his senses back.</p>
<p>“Rogers” Tony called, after he had basically thrown himself to the ground next to Steve. “Rogers, are you alright?” he asked. He tried hiding his concern in his voice even though the sight of Steve laying on the ground made him tremble.</p>
<p>His eyes were shut, but his face was covered with blood. He was laying in a dismantled way, his head looked painfully turned in the opposite direction than his body. One of his arms was splayed over his injured chest while the other one rested behind his head. His legs were spread in what could seem a comical position if it wasn’t so painful to look at.</p>
<p>Tony stumbled next to Steve, his heart pounding in full desperation. Steve did not seem to have any intention to wake up.</p>
<p>“Rogers” Tony called again, one hand over Steve’s arm rested on his chest. “Rogers, wake up” he exhorted, shaking the unconscious body in front of him. </p>
<p>Tony took off his helmet. His eyes were starting to sting even though he knew it couldn’t be that bad, even though he knew Steve had the Super Serum and could not get permanently hurt.</p>
<p>“Steve” he creaked this time. And it all seemed so similar to that damn vision the Scarlet Witch had casted upon him.<br/>
Steve laying half dead between his arms, and Tony not being able to do anything to save him. Not being able to have done <em>anything</em> to prevent this from happening.</p>
<p>“Steve!” his voice came out louder than he intended to. He knew the other guys where watching him. He knew this was looking like a little too invested reaction to one of them being injured, but he didn’t really care in that moment. He just wanted someone to do something, to try and wake up Steve, because this was starting to become something worse than just a few wounds.</p>
<p>“Tony” he heard Natasha calling. “Tony, you have to move, we have to take him to the hospital.”</p>
<p>Tony turned around. He found out that people had actually tried to do something about this situation but <em>he</em> was the one stopping them from doing so.</p>
<p>He nodded. “Yeah, of course” his voice seemed more like a mumble. “I’m sorry” he murmured.</p>
<p>Tony distanced himself from Steve and tried to still his heart from beating that fast. He repeated himself to calm down, that he really didn’t need to make such a scene in front of everyone.<br/>
But that damn magic vision was continuing to falter before his eyes, and it looked <em>so real</em>. And he couldn’t- he <em>couldn’t</em> bare to lose Steve. The mere thought made his chest ache with sorrow.</p>
<p>He remained quiet and still in his place, while Thor lifted Steve between his arms as if he didn’t weigh more than three pounds.</p>
<p>Natasha turned to look at him. “Are you alright?” she asked.</p>
<p>Tony tried to imagine how his face must be looking like in that moment. Adrenaline was still rushing through his veins. His teeth were tattering and his eyes must have been wide and full of worry.<br/>
“Everything is fine” he stated.</p>
<p>Natasha raised one eyebrow. “He’s gonna get well”.</p>
<p>“I know” Tony replied. He sounded a little annoyed, and he actually was. He was starting to feel embarrassed at how excessively he had reacted to the event, and he couldn’t stand people noticing that.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Stark, it’s not the first time some of us gets hurt, you look like you’re going to pass out” Clint added, and Tony snapped his helmet back on.</p>
<p>“I’m fine” he stated, the metallic tone of the suit hiding the creak in his voice.<br/>
He stayed in his place until he was sure an ambulance had taken Steve and had headed to the hospital, then gassed his only working boot and stompingly flew away.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>While holding Steve’s hand between his own ones, with the man was still unconscious in the hospital bed, Tony wondered if he was actually ever going to accept the fatality of the situation. The problem had always been his weak heart. He had always known it.</p>
<p>He would fall in love with the first person who proved to care about him even in the slightest way.</p>
<p>The thing that had always caught his attention was the fact that whenever a gossip magazine managed to get a look about one of his many temporary hookups, it would always chants about Tony’s incapacity to commit.</p>
<p>But Tony knew that was not the case.</p>
<p>He would actually cherish the many women and men he would bring into his bed. He knew their names, he knew their occupations. He just pretended not to remember, or not to care. And not for the reason the media wanted people to think: that he just wanted to look like an asshole, this uncaring billionaire who would just party around and have fun with whoever crossed his path.</p>
<p>No, he would act uncaring because he did not want to get hurt.</p>
<p>He could not- he could not even <em>think</em> about the possibility of someone breaking his heart -<em>metaphorical</em> heart- and him to let them. His literal heart was actually pretty damaged, he could not allow himself to undergo the sorrows of love.</p>
<p>And it was not like he didn’t care about relationships either. He just knew that it was kind of impossible for him to find someone who could accept the precariousness of his life, or the many responsibilities he had, without trying to make it about their story.</p>
<p>And he also feared that it would somehow lead them to telling him that they had found someone else, someone more caring, someone who actually made themselves present, and that it was over, everything was over.</p>
<p>He could not imagine a moment in which he would have to gather all his broken heart’s pieces and try to put them together, not when he literally had to do it with his beating heart.</p>
<p>But Steve.</p>
<p>
  <em>Steve.</em>
</p>
<p>That was the problem. That he had not foreseen to fall in love with him.<br/>
That he had never expected to just wake up someday and feel like the only solution he could ever think of, to whatever his problems were, was Steve.<br/>
And he hadn’t seen it coming because he was so sure it would have been about fireworks, about being lovestruck, about looking into someone’s eyes and suddenly feeling he had found them, the love of his life.</p>
<p>With Steve it had happened so casually, he had for real not seen it coming.</p>
<p>One day they would be bickering like fourth grade children, the day later they would just stare at each other like they meant the world for the other. And then the thing had happened. Because he had obviously always known Steve was extremely handsome and attractive. And he knew he was this deeply honourable and iconic man.</p>
<p>But he did not think he would fall for it.</p>
<p>Tony had built his own shield for so many years, he had tried so hard to hide whatever feeling he could show in his expression, and then all of this had suddenly fallen down.</p>
<p>One touch from Steve, one “<em>Tony</em>” whispered in front of him with that look of fake annoyance, one glance and a wide smile, and he was gone.</p>
<p>But it was not going to happen.</p>
<p>Tony knew it. And not because he was afraid of not being reciprocated. Even though he actually suspected Steve was not only not swinging in his way, but neither so enthusiastic about having to deal with Tony’s presence so often- not because of <em>this</em>.</p>
<p>But because Tony had promised it to his own self. He was not going to fall in love. And if it was ever going to happen -like it actually had- he would not let anyone know about it, and he would not let someone use it against him.</p>
<p>No one was going to break his heart again.</p>
<p>“<em>Goddamnit</em>, Rogers” Tony huffed. “I can’t believe you let them do this to you.”</p>
<p>It turned out Steve had got a concussion and was now still trying to recover from it. His face was adorned in a grim way by evident stitches struggling to turn black and blue. It really looked like he had been beaten up in the worst way possible.</p>
<p>Tony realised that if it wasn’t for the serum, Steve might already been permanently injured. And his  torn apart angel face still looked like that nightmare of his.</p>
<p>The thought made Tony’s heart ache.</p>
<p>He continued tracing circles with his finger over the soft skin of Steve’s hand. </p>
<p>“I thought you were the careful one” he whispered, then lowered his head over the blond man’s arm.</p>
<p>With a kind of uncertainty and the deepest delicacy he could manage, he kissed Steve’s hand, just the brief touch of lips.</p>
<p>“How is he?” a voice made him startle, and Tony looked up all of a sudden to find Natasha behind him.</p>
<p>“What?” he asked concerned, fearing she had caught his tender act.</p>
<p>“He still hasn’t woken up” she just stated, without mentioning anything that could blame Tony of his weakness.</p>
<p>“No” Tony replied, even though she had not really asked for an answer.</p>
<p>Natasha patted his shoulder with fondness. “Don’t worry, he will” she winked affectively. “You know- the whole serum thing.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah” Tony conceded, trying to smile but failing in the process. “I know” he added. </p>
<p>“You should get some rest” Natasha suggested him, and Tony stood up with some difficulty.<br/>
He subtly whined: after a whole night spent on that chair, he was actually aching a little.</p>
<p>“You’re not a kid anymore, Stark” Natasha teased playfully. Tony grinned with tiredness.<br/>
“Always a kid at spirit” he clapped back, then patted her on her head and finally left the room.</p>
<p>For a moment, he looked at the two figures through the pane: Natasha had took his seat, and was looking at Steve with a soft smile, that was actually hiding a little worry behind it.</p>
<p><em>She is concerned, too</em>, Tony thought, <em>Who wouldn’t for Steve, who wouldn’t?</em></p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Tony woke up in a cold sweat, fear still hiding in his bones. He turned on the little lamp beside his bed and tried breathing in the calmest way possible. One, two, three breaths. He had this. He could do this. </p>
<p>The nightmare was always the same one. The one that used to haunt him since a few weeks by now. All his teammates laying dead in front of him, the only one who had made it alive.</p>
<p>And why him? <em>Why</em>? He would have given anything to be the dead one. The idea of just standing there without being able to do anything to make the situation better was consuming his lungs.</p>
<p>But the worst part was always looking at Steve. Steve injured, wounded, so hurt that it was not humanly possible for him to still be alive. And he would look at Tony with those big blue eyes of his. Full of dread, full of broken dreams, full of delusion because Tony had done nothing.</p>
<p>And he would actually tell him so.</p>
<p><em>You could have saved us.</em> Haunting words for Tony’s heart. So easy to feel guilty.</p>
<p>He brought a hand to his face, rubbing his eyes. He was so tired. He couldn’t sleep since so many nights now. He couldn’t stand it anymore. He was torn in half by both his unrequited feelings toward Steve and this sorrowful vision of him.</p>
<p>He was going to go mad. </p>
<p>He jolted when his phone beeped and the screen lit up. He wondered who the hell would look for him at five in the morning. No one would willingly get up this early in the morning.</p>
<p>Only Steve. Only Steve because he had an inhuman daily routine, and he would go jogging, and the evening before he would ask Tony if he wanted to join him and Tony would say <em>no, of course no, Cap. Are you out of your mind? I’m an old man, I need to sleep</em>. But he would feel that damn weird warmth in his stomach because it would always show up when Steve talked to him.</p>
<p>Tony stopped the trail of his thoughts damning himself. His investment toward Steve was still sometimes unbelievable to him.</p>
<p>He took up his phone and found out the message was sent by Natasha.</p>
<p><em>He woke up</em> it said, <em>thought you might want to know</em>.</p>
<p>Tony felt suddenly lighter. He breathed out with relief and laid on the mattress once again. He shut his eyes and smiled in the feeble light of the early morning, then he stood up with realisation and rushed to the hospital.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Tony hesitated slightly before stepping in. He so desperately wanted to see Steve healed, but at the same time he worried it might hurt to watch the man struggling to speak. He touched the little box resting in his pants’ pocket to exhort himself, then he opened the door.</p>
<p>Tony approached the hospital bed with concern, trying to hide his worry with a forced grin. “How you feelin’, Cap?” he asked with a cheering voice.</p>
<p>He looked over the blond man laying among the sheets, and a shiver ran along his spine at the sight. He knew Steve was able to heal in a very little time thank to the Serum, but still every time he had to witness the man being injured it almost felt like <em>he</em> was the one being hurt.</p>
<p>Tony pulled out his hand from the fabric of his trousers, holding a tiny box. “I brought you this”, he smirked hinting at the box he was keeping in his hands and making it slightly swing.</p>
<p>Steve smiled feebly, his head resting weary on the white pillow, gold curls adorning his pale face.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Steve asked, his voice a soft whisper due to the ache he was probably still feeling in his chest.</p>
<p>“Open it”, Tony encouraged. He placed the gift between Steve’s hands, waiting for him to open it.</p>
<p>He stared at him while Steve struggled to open the box, his arms and chest were connected to several tubes.</p>
<p>Tony smiled fondly when he noticed Steve’s furrowed expression. He looked so concentrated in his task, he seemed a little kid trying to open his Christmas gifts.</p>
<p>“You want me to help you?” Tony offered, actually wondering if it was rude of him to make Steve open the box all by himself while he was so clearly in a condition that did not allow it so easily.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, I got it”, Steve actually replied, distancing the gift from Tony’s offering hands.<br/>
Tony smiled: such a Steve Rogers thing, to insist in doing things he could not, just for the purpose of it.</p>
<p>After a few minutes Steve finally managed to open the little box.<br/>
He stared inside of it for a while, his eyebrows narrowed in a questioning look.</p>
<p>“Come on”, Tony insisted with a smile. “Take it!”</p>
<p>“Tony…” Steve huffed.</p>
<p>In front of his waiting, Tony actually began to ponder if he wasn’t asking for too much. He had thought about it for a while. It was something he really wanted to give to Steve, but he had kept it in his dresser thinking it was kind of pathetic of him, and plus it was something that could mean a little more than just a platonic relationship.<br/>
Perhaps he had rushed a little, but after Steve’s injury, he really was sure of his actions, so he just waited for Steve to say something.</p>
<p>Steve turned the box inside out, making its inside fall in his hand. He looked at it still in disbelief, then made the gift swing before of his eyes.<br/>
A pair of keys shined briefly in the light that was creeping through the white curtains of the room.</p>
<p>An horrific moment of silence followed his act, and Tony began to reconsider all of his life’s decisions.</p>
<p>“You like the chain?” Tony decided to break the ice. “I know you said you hated my tower, but- you know- it’s the <em>Avengers</em> Tower now, not <em>Stark</em> anymore, so I thought you might like it. I made it moulded in iron so it won’t break. Plus, you know, <em>iron</em>, roll credits! And yes, I know that you already basically live in the tower and that it does not really need a concrete key to come in, but,-you know- it’s actually a symbol and in this way it would be official, you know, you have the keys, so it would really be your home, not just something that you think, but a concrete reality and-“</p>
<p>“Tony” Steve interrupted him, and Tony stilled, suddenly all to aware of his trailing off.</p>
<p>Tony stared back at him. Maybe he was really rushing it off, Steve was actually going to tell him that thanks, he would have loved it, but he really was a lone wolf, he had to go his own way.</p>
<p>Tony held his breath, smiling nervously.</p>
<p>“Yeah, anything, Cap” he grinned, trying to make Steve go on.</p>
<p>“Yes” Steve grinned too. “I’m gonna move into the tower.”</p>
<p>Tony left go of a big breath, and for a moment he felt like throwing his arms around Steve, and he couldn’t help but think about how Steve had actually accepted his propose, and it all seemed too similar to a marriage proposal.</p>
<p>“You will?” he asked again, a little uncertain, and Steve nodded smiling widely.</p>
<p>“After what happened to me on the battle field, and how you all were here when I woke up, I understood that perhaps my family -my home- is with you” he stopped for a moment, then cleared his throat before adding “You all, you know.”</p>
<p>Tony pressed his own lips nodding too. “Yeah, yeah, of course!” he exclaimed, all of a sudden too aware of the intimacy between him and Steve.<br/>
“Now I’m gonna, you know- now I’m gonna go” Tony eventually stated.</p>
<p>Steve nodded again. “Yeah, I should rest a little.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you should.”</p>
<p>Steve smiled one last time, this time his lips tight, before placing his head back on the pillow and closing his eyes.</p>
<p>“Get some sleep” Tony suggested him, then left the room in silence.</p>
<p>Once he was out, he pressed his back to the door and slid beside it a little. He breathed slightly, wondering when did his life become this fucked up, which was the day he had fallen so hard.</p>
<p>But he had actually loved Steve for so much time by now, it was almost impossible to trace an exact moment. </p>
<p>***<br/>
<em><br/>
“Mom! Mom! Look at me!” Tony yelled, his voice an high pitch, his little hands swaying up in the air while he ran with clumsy feet.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>He broke into his parents’ room with giggles and screams. His mother turned to face him with a surprised look in her eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Tony!” she exclaimed, suddenly aware of the presence of the kid. “My sweet, sweet boy!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She stood up from the vanity table she was sitting in front of, and opened her arms to catch her child.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What are you up to, you little troublemaker?” her voice was kind and deeply gentle, but there was a feeble tremble in the back of it, a fondness that was trying to hide a deep ache inside her chest.<br/>
Her face was pale due to the concealer she was previously applying, but her eyes were reddened by unshed tears.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Look at me, look at me!” Tony urged again, and distanced himself from his mother’s arms to better show himself. He was wearing a stars and stripes flag around his neck like a cape, and a little black mask on his face which would only cover his eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You’re so righteous in that cloak of yours, sweet baby” his mouther stated.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony sticked his chest out, gloating a little with the compliment. “But mom!” he whined a little “did you get who I am?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His mother giggled and picked one of his cheeks. “Of course, my baby, my sweet, sweet boy.”<br/>
She then brought an hand to her forehead in the act of a salute. “It’s an honour to meet you, Captain America.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony giggled loudly at his mother’s funny voice, and cackled hard when the woman lifted him up again and made him fall on the king size bed starting to tickle the little boy’s belly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Stop! Stop!” Tony whined still laughing.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s my duty to tickle Captain America!” his mother stated, and Tony laughed again.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He stood up on the mattress and jumped back over his mother, while the woman was cackling too.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“As Captain America, I plead you guilty of making fun of a national icon!” he exclaimed in a serious tone.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His mother pretended to pout. “Oh? For real?” she asked, then took the kid by his legs and made him swing a little.<br/>
“As the mother of the prodigy kid Anthony Edward Stark, I should do as I like!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony laughed upside down, his cape-alike all over his face. “Mom!” he complained again. “Put me down!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yes Maria, put the boy down”, a deep voice made them both startle. Tony’s mother put him down again and for a few moments Tony tried to make up his costume.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Anthony.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony lifted up his face to meet his father’s look. He was standing in front of the room, still dressed in his work clothes, a case held by one hand.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Where did you take the flag?” he asked trying to sound calm, but Tony sensed the annoyance in his words.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“He was just playing around, Howard, he’s going to put it back right now” his mother interrupted.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony looked at the woman and she stared back smiling lightly, raising one eyebrow.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yeah, yeah, of course” Tony added. “I’m sorry, father, won’t do that again, I swear.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>For a moment the figure at the door remained quiet. He looked like he wanted to say something, to actually complain about his son’s indiscipline, and about his wife’s immaturity.<br/>
Tony could almost hear him scold them already. Repeating that he could not bear with their messes anymore, that he had to work all night and he was not going to accept any noise coming from the room, not when he was the only one providing for the family.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But then the man backed away. He looked at his wife and son one last time, lowered his eyes and just turned away, closing the door of the bedroom not before muttering a “You better not”, then leaving them in silence.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Once the steps’ noise outside the room dimmed, Tony turned to face his mother, and found the woman frowning. She didn’t say anything, she just looked deeply distressed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Mom?” Tony called. Her expression sweetened as she looked at her son. “Yes, dear?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“When I’m old I want to be like Captain America” Tony softly murmured.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His mother smiled fondly, then ruffled his hair with a benevolent touch.“Of course, sweetie, you will.” She stood up from the bed and approached her vanity once again. Tony watched the woman look at herself in the mirror before her. She applied some face powder over her cheeks and smiled at Tony through her reflect.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Once I’m Captain America,” Tony spoke again while still laying over the blanket of the big bed “I’m gonna take you away from this house. I’m gonna take you away from dad.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>There was a brief silence after his words. Then Tony’s mother made a smile again, this time a little forlorn, her eyes showing deep sadness.<br/>
</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>.<br/>
“Now be careful, Cap!” Tony warned, but Steve rolled his eyes. He was steadying himself by holding on Tony’s shoulder, and even though his Super Soldier’s grip was actually starting to cause an ache to Tony’s back, Tony kept his mouth shut, just appreciating their closeness.</p>
<p>“I’m not kidding here, you troublemaker, I’m tired of being some sort of a nurse to you, so be careful next time” Tony snapped, but without any real annoyance.</p>
<p>Steve laughed at his harsh voice. “Thank you, mommy” he joked, and Tony laughed too, feeling the warmth in his gut that would always rise in him whenever he played around with Steve.</p>
<p>He helped Steve lay on the couch.</p>
<p>The doctor had said he could return home without any real worry. The Super Serum had fastened the recovery, so after a few days Steve had left his hospital room and had headed back to the Tower, moving in with the other Avengers. It still amazed Tony how only a week before, Steve was fighting between life and death, and now he was all recovered and back to action. But even though it was somehow concerning, Tony couldn’t deny how much he loved the idea of Steve having moved in with him. </p>
<p>“Tony, you don’t really have to do this” Steve informed him.</p>
<p>Tony shrugged. “I want to” his voice came out sweeter than he intended to. “Furthermore, now that you are officially a resident of this house, i feel like, as the host, it’s my duty to keep track of everything that happens, and help preventing any problem.”</p>
<p>Steve laughed. “Am I a problem?” he asked raising a brow.</p>
<p>Tony laughed too. “Always been”. The thought that he could just be there in his own house, a house in which he lived with <em>Steve</em>, and just joke with the man like there was nothing in the entire world that mattered more than their interaction, made him wonder if there could ever come a time in which this could be the ordinary. Daily life with Steve sounded so tempting.</p>
<p>Tony approached him, then sat on the couch too. “How are you feeling, Cap?” he asked with a serious voice. “For real”.</p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes. “I’m fine” he scoffed.</p>
<p>Tony placed a hand on Steve’s knee, and he was left confused when Steve kind of started. “Did it hurt?” Tony asked inquisitional.</p>
<p>Steve blushed the slightest and he shook his head. “I just- wasn’t expecting it” he muttered embarrassed. </p>
<p>Tony frowned but did not say anything. It stung a little to think that Steve would be bothered by his friendly touch, but he tried to ignore it.</p>
<p>“But I’m fine, Tony, for real” Steve continued. “You know, I do not get really seriously injured, they’re just bruises.” Steve smiled in the truest way, and Tony left the talk fall.</p>
<p>“When you offered me to come live in the Tower, I was honestly doubting to accept” Steve prompted after a moment of silence. “Not because I didn’t want to, but because I thought you were offering me just out of pity.”</p>
<p>Tony remained quiet, waiting for Steve to add something further.</p>
<p>“I know we had some incomprehensions at first, and it’s not like I wasn’t somehow rude toward you, but you’ve not be that nice yourself, so I was really dubious about your proposal.”</p>
<p>Tony frowned. He wasn’t ready for that conversation.</p>
<p>He and Steve had never addressed their fight in the Helicarrier at the beginning of their acquaintance. They just pretended it had never happened. Obviously it had come out the reason everyone was so susceptible and bad-tempered toward the others was because of the presence of Loki’s sceptre, but Tony had not really ever forgotten how Steve’s insults had stricken him.</p>
<p>There had been times during those sleepless nights in which he would just harshly judge his own character before the events of his kidnapping in Afghanistan, in which he thought that perhaps he had really been a bad person. These thoughts used to torment him. To keep him awake for hours and hours, and they were the main reason he had decided to quit anything that had to do with the black market, because he couldn’t bare to be referred as the Merchant of Death anymore.</p>
<p>But once he had met Steve, his childhood hero, and had heard him call him in such a despicable way, Tony had been hurt so bad.</p>
<p>He had honestly started to question his life’s choices again. And of course he had reacted in a way of which he was not too proud himself. He knew Steve had become a Super Soldier because he was the kindest and gentlest man even before the Serum. He knew it by heart because his father had provided to remind him it so many times it had become almost a dirge in his mind.</p>
<p>Because whenever Tony was bad at something, the man would remind him that he was some kind of failure. And Howard had always considered Captain America as his own creation, so he couldn’t shut up about the fact that Steve Rogers was already a great man, and Tony could not advocate the presence of the Super Serum as the reason he was not as half as good as Steve. So he had reacted in that way during their fight as a sort of revenge toward his father, but he had really been hurt by Steve’s assumptions.</p>
<p>He had hoped to meet Captain America during his whole life, even though his father would always pick him over his own son. Tony was so fascinated toward the man, he was actually over the top at the idea of meeting him. But then Steve had acted in such a prick way out of nowhere, and Tony had understood why his father had always preferred him over his son. It was because he himself despised Tony’s personality in such a strong way.</p>
<p>But then the things had settled down a little. They would still bicker time to time, but it wasn’t as before. They would make jokes to one another, and Tony had soon grown fond of Steve.</p>
<p>He had noticed Steve’s pretty face right away. Indeed, he had noticed how handsome Steve was, when he still was a troubled teenager disappointing once again his father by not messing around with just girls, but with boys too. And Howard had not ever liked that, but the man had always pretended not to know anything about his son’s sexual life. He had just one time hinted at how Tony was into promiscuous sex in one of his rants about how a failure the boy was. Nothing else.</p>
<p>So yeah, obviously Tony knew Steve was attractive, and at the beginning he could not deny he would have somehow out-sided his ego and just perhaps took advantage of the situation, and go for a one-night stand. But then he had started to really know Steve, and he had noticed how morally upright the guy was, how he obviously wasn’t into <em>promiscuous sex</em>, as his father had called it, and furthermore how he just kind of despised Tony out of nowhere. So that was a no-go. Every conquest of Tony Stark used to be someone that would at least <em>enjoy</em> being in the same bed with him, so to even think Steve had so much hatred toward his very own presence, had destroyed any prepubertal fantasy of Tony.</p>
<p>Then they had started to collaborate, cooperate. Work together as such a perfect combined duo, that Tony thought perhaps they had at least some chemistry. But on a friendship level. <em>Obviously</em>. Indeed, they pretended their initial dislike of one another had never happened, and just tried to build their friendship out of understanding and accepting the other’s so different personality.</p>
<p>And that had worked. Because in less than a few weeks they had become the best of friends.</p>
<p>But the truth was that Tony had fallen for Steve without even realising it. And as their friendship would grow, the more he would notice he was desperately in love with the man.<br/>
Because Steve was generous. Steve was dedicated. Steve would frown in front of things he would not comprehend but actually try to learn and to understand them. Steve would listen to everyone’s opinion, and would provide detailed information about why he thought it was or was not a good idea. And he wouldn’t ever dismiss someone’s thought without listening and confronting it before.<br/>
And he would roll his eyes at Tony’s made up scenes, but would badly hide a giggle whenever Tony would make a joke or nickname someone. And Tony himself would have sweared that one time he had caught Steve actually laughing when he had referred to him as the <em>male version of Barbie</em>.</p>
<p>So yeah, to hear Steve say that to this very day he had questioned his good intention into asking him to move into the Tower hurt a little more than Tony would have liked to admit.</p>
<p>Tony cleared his throat. “And what made you change your mind?” he asked, trying to hide his disappointment with uncaring bother.</p>
<p>Steve twirled his nose. “You seemed sincere” he just stated. Then he shrugged his shoulders, and at first Tony found it kind of annoying. It still stung how he could just act in the most humble and unbiased way and people would still expect him to backstab them.</p>
<p>“Yeah, you know, it’s almost as if I care about you” he replied with a hint of irony in his voice.</p>
<p>Steve tilted his head. “I’m not judging you, Tony”.</p>
<p>Tony rolled his eyes. “Save it, Rogers. I really have no time for your <em>I’ve always thought Tony Stark was an asshole and then he finally moved the sun and the stars for me and perhaps that changed a little my mind. Maybe he’s actually a tolerable person</em>. I don’t care” he deadpanned. “And for the record, I would <em>not</em> move the sun and the stars for you”. He obviously knew that was a lie. He would have moved the entire galaxy for Steve Rogers.</p>
<p>Steve blushed furiously. “That’s not what I wanted to say!” he exclaimed trying to set himself upright on the couch, before tensing his face out of pain for his chest.</p>
<p>“<em>Shit</em>” Tony mumbled placing his hands on Steve’s shoulders. “Lay back, and calm down. You should not affaticate yourself.”</p>
<p>Steve huffed. “Then I should not talk with you. It seems like your main goal in your life is assuming people hate you.”<br/>
He looked really bothered. His face was still flushed and his eyes were a little wide.</p>
<p>“I do not <em>assume</em>” Tony corrected. “I <em>know</em>” he laughed without fun. “You yourself were about to prove my point, and I figured that out before you had even started to speak.”</p>
<p>Steve made a fed up noise and just looked back and forth in total desperation. “No!” he exclaimed. “You’re wrong! That’s not what I wanted to say. If you would actually let people speak before-“</p>
<p>“Then speak!” Tony encouraged raising one eyebrow. “Let’s listen to what you wanted to say. Or now perhaps you don’t want to speak no more, considering I’ve already said everything.”</p>
<p>Steve sighed out loud, emphasising his annoyance. “I was trying to say that I thought you did not really want me to move into the Tower because I had always been so rude toward you.<br/>
Because from the very start you had tried to be easy-going and just funny and open to meet me, and I judged you in the worst way possible.<br/>
I assumed you were a bad person.<br/>
And I would have totally understood it if you didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. <em>Hell</em>, even with Ultron I still had to judge you, and I did not listen to you, while you just wanted to act good, you just wanted to help, and once again I thought you were being selfish.<br/>
And then I get hurt and you act so kind, so helping, you just want me to heal, to take some rest, and you offer me to stay <em>here</em>, with <em>you</em>, in the Tower I bashed right in front of you, you still offered me to live here! You still forgave me! That’s what I wanted to say, Tony, can’t you see I care about you?!”</p>
<p>Steve grunted in frustration, his cheeks whole red now. He grabbed his chest and laid back on the couch, tightening his eyes and clenching his teeth in pain because of his injures.</p>
<p>Tony didn’t say a word. He actually felt horrible. Maybe he <em>did</em> assume everyone hated him out of nowhere.<br/>
He sat on the couch next to Steve, his heart pounding fast because of the other man’s words. “I do too” he murmured.</p>
<p>Steve nodded. “I know, you <em>dumbo</em>” he shook his head. “You’re about to give me a heart attack just because you can’t accept a compliment.”</p>
<p>Tony laughed out loud, and for a moment his chest ached so bad too. <em>You’re about to give me a heart attack, too</em>, he wanted to say. He lowered his eyes. “Perhaps you’re not that fine” he pointed out.</p>
<p>Steve opened his eyes frowning tightly. “It’s because of the stitches” he explained. “It’s a matter of days. It will go away, eventually”.</p>
<p>Tony nodded quietly. </p>
<p>“I’m really thankful you offered me to stay here” Steve repeated after some moments. “I mean it. It’s important to me.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded again. It seemed like he just couldn’t do anything else than agreeing with Steve. Odd, considering he was so used to just go against everything the other man said.</p>
<p>“You’ve never treated me as an untouchable icon. That’s what I like about you, Tony. You treat me like a human being, a flawed one. You challenge me. It’s irritating, of course, but it’s also up-lifting.”<br/>
Steve bit his lip deciding wether to add something else. Then he looked Tony in his eyes. “You’re the only person that never fails to make me feel good.”</p>
<p>Tony actually kind of blushed, but tried to scoff it away smiling smugly. “Yeah, I get told that a lot” he joked, but his chest seemed to explode. <em>Tell me more</em>, he would have wanted to say.</p>
<p>“I’m really glad to be here. This is the first home I’ve ever had. Not just in the future, in my whole life.” Steve smiled shyly, and a heavy silence followed his words.</p>
<p>Then Tony decided he couldn’t bare the silence anymore, so he cleared his throat in the most inelegant way possible. “I have some work down in the workshop to do, you know- I should really go” he informed. Steve nodded.</p>
<p>“Imma rest a little” he replied. “Don’t stress yourself too much!” he recommended Tony, while the man was leaving the living room.</p>
<p>“Won’t!” Tony answered with a grin, then got a last glance of Steve laying on the couch, his teeth flashing white in a sincere smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Down in his workshop, Tony struggled to make his boots work again. They had been tampered with the bad weather of the last time he had flown. He had refused to fix them after Steve’s injury. He had just left them in a corner and had dedicated himself to other projects not to think about it. But now that Steve was alive and well, Tony thought that it was the right moment to fix them.</p>
<p>They weren’t that bad: only one repulser had been broken, that meant that whenever he flew, he would get the push just from the working one. This caused him not to have any balance, so he put himself to work right away.</p>
<p>It wasn’t like he didn’t have any other boots to use, the broken ones weren’t actually necessary, but he didn’t want to throw them away, not when they reminded him of Steve.</p>
<p>It was very difficult to concentrate when he couldn’t think about anything else but his poor life’s decisions. It had been a lot of time since he was feeling like his whole life was basically falling to pieces.</p>
<p>Since the Ultron episode, he had not been the same anymore. He couldn’t sleep at night. Sometimes he would stare at the ceiling for hours and hours trying to find a meaning, a purpose in his actions. He knew it was too early to worry this much about events that seemed to take place in other parts of the universe, but he just couldn’t ignore them.<br/>
And he knew he was being paranoid, and everyone else seemed to want to remind him so, but he seriously couldn’t just pretend it wasn’t happening.</p>
<p>And he couldn’t even ignore the Scarlet Witch’s vision either. It seemed to haunt him not only in his sleep. Steve had healed, he had totally recovered, but still it seemed too similar to his dream not to care about it. And Tony couldn’t stand the idea of that nightmare becoming the reality, not when he himself had been in some way warned of it. <em>Not when he could have saved them.</em></p>
<p>He grunted at a metal piece that would not stay in its place. The boots were seriously damaged.</p>
<p>He asked himself when was the last time he had worried so much about someone. He knew he wanted to repair the boots just because of Steve. Knowing someone had so much effect on him kind of frightened him. It was scaring. <em>Paralysing</em>. Almost as if he dreaded the moment in which Steve would leave and Tony would be left all alone with his nightmares.</p>
<p>The irony was that right now he could accept their normal friendship like that. He was not going to push for anything else, because he feared so much a rejection. For the first time Tony Stark actually thought someone could say no to him.<br/>
And it was okay. Seriously. Just Steve’s presence in the same room he was in, could calm him and give him a feeling of quietness he could only imagine.</p>
<p>The truth was that Tony was feeling very cold lately. Things had not worked with Pepper. And he had refused to throw himself into any other meaningless hookup. Obviously his body had needs and requests, but he just used to ignore them. Life had become so stressed he could not think about any other pastime which was not in some way useful. Furthermore, he still wasn’t ready to touch another body which was not Pepper’s.<br/>
Or- he <em>would</em> have been, but the handsome and well built blond body he was thinking about was not available. So he just got used to hush his thoughts.</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>” he muttered under his breath, but eventually he managed to stick the piece he was struggling with at its place. </p>
<p>He smiled without even realising it. He stood up from his stool and put both the shoes on.</p>
<p>“FRIDAY, test the boots” he commanded.</p>
<p>“As you wish, Sir” the A.I. replied, and a few seconds later Tony started to be lifted by his boots. They worked very fine.</p>
<p>He got back to the ground again, a wide grin on his face. Maybe he wasn’t that hopeless.</p>
<p>He took off the boots and looked at them with admiration. They were a little smudged, he was going to redesign them, but the important news was that they belonged to that day, and they had been repaired, and Steve had been repaired too.</p>
<p>He had always been passionate about broken things being fixed. He couldn’t stand to just stay there with things that didn’t work and not do anything about it. And of course that had caused him many trouble, but Tony was pretty sure it was his only personality trait he wasn’t ashamed of.<br/>
Sometimes, he was even proud of it. Maybe it was just that his father used to hate it, and unlike any other thing Tony would hate about himself too because of the man’s dislike, he had decided to love it, cherish it, and increase it.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em><br/>
“Boy! What are you doing right there?” the voice of his father made him jolt with surprise.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Nothing” he lied.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father approached him with an annoyed look on his face.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Why are you here?” he asked again, and Tony turned to face the man, suddenly feeling so much smaller than he actually was.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I was looking for a piece I needed” he whispered nervously, lowering a little his look not able to hold his father’s eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Anthony” he called, and Tony knew what was going to happen next. He would tell him not to come  down in his workshop, not to touch his things, not to lie to him, not to even show himself in front of him.<br/>
Instead, his father remained silent for a moment, then rolled his eyes and sighed loudly. “Can you just not be a bother, for once?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony held his breath. His dad’s words hit him like a punch in the face.<br/>
“I’m sorry” he muttered. He fixed his eyes to the floor, not daring looking at the man standing in front of him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I can’t even blame you, boy” his father stated. “It’s your mother’s fault. If she had been a better mother, you wouldn’t act like this now.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony closed his fists, anger rising in his chest, but he kept his mouth shut.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“She’s always thinking about herself, and you act like a brat because of that” he continued.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I just needed a screwdriver for a project I’m working on-“ Tony spoke, unable to hold back his tongue.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony raised his eyes and met his father’s look. He seemed quite surprised, but there was a hint of annoyance in his face.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m working on a project-“ Tony repeated. He assisted at his father changing his expression from dread- to realisation- to amusement.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You are working on a project” the man repeated once more. He raised a eyebrow and smirked a little. “May I see it?” he probably meant to ask it with friendliness, but his voice came out like a mock.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony tightened his lips. “It’s not over yet” he informed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father scoffed and shook his head. “Alright, Anthony, you don’t have to pretend with me. You were rummaging through my stuff because you’re an insolent kid.” </em>
</p>
<p><em>Tony shook his head. “No, I’m telling the truth-“ he tried to explain, but the man interrupted him. “Now- </em>this<em> I can understand it. But to invent you were doing it because you are- what? A </em>mechanic<em>, perhaps? That is not something I can tolerate. You know I don’t like it when you lie to me, even less when you think you can make fun of me in this way.” He grabbed Tony by an arm, and manhandled him to the door.</em></p>
<p><em>“I would really appreciate you would </em>not<em> play with my things anymore. There are important projects down here, not foolish stuff like your toys” he finished talking with a hint of bother, then pushed Tony out of his workshop and closed the door in his face.<br/>
</em></p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Can’t believe <em>you</em> are the one who’s training <em>me</em>” Steve scoffed while punching the sand bag in front of him.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah, I know” Tony interrupted him. “Go easy with it, you’ve just been dismissed.”</p>
<p>“Tony, you know I’m not hurting anymore, right?”</p>
<p>“Never say never.”</p>
<p>They had agreed into training together. Well- <em>Tony</em> had. Steve just stated that he was going sparring for a while, and Tony had insisted to following him because he believed he was not already totally healed from his injures.</p>
<p>And now they were in the gym together, Tony sitting cross-legs on the floor, looking at a bare chest  Steve punching with all of his strength.</p>
<p>“I really do not need a backup” Steve said again. Tony knew that- of course he did. But he had been so afraid during the battle that he just couldn’t lose sight of him.</p>
<p>Completely healed, Steve was now acting as if he hadn’t even ever been injured. He had returned to walk easily, he had also started to run again, but Tony felt that his need to just be around Steve whatever he was doing was the realisation that, even though the Super Serum aimed at making the man invincible, Steve was still, after all, human.</p>
<p>And that was something that would keep Tony awake at night, and of course he had promised not to fall in love, and sometimes he still pretended and lied to himself that it was not like he had, he just deeply cared for Steve, so he had decided to look after him. Because if Tony was not going to do that, then who would have?</p>
<p>“I’m sorry if I’m worrying about you” he ironically apologised.</p>
<p>Steve stopped sparring once more, and lowered his head to look into Tony’s eyes, who on the other hand turned up his gaze.</p>
<p>“I appreciate it, Tony, but you don’t have to.”</p>
<p>“I know, I know” Tony repeated again. He stared at the floor, his chest aching a little.<br/>
There it was that warmth he would feel every time, that dumb feeling that would make him act all weird, and stupid, and so evident about his emotions.</p>
<p>Steve sat in front of him, so Tony raised his look again. He tried not to notice Steve’s muscles flexing but he was just a man, after all.</p>
<p>“I want to thank you for what you’re doing, Tony” Steve said earnestly, a smile on his face. “I really do. You offered me a house, a home, and I get that you’re concerned about me, but I’m fine, I swear.”</p>
<p>Tony smirked without any real irony.<br/>
“I’m just a mother hen” he apologised. “Just want to see all of my kids doing fine.” The words burnt a little in his throat, and he felt kind of selfish at the thought that of course he would be sad if some of the other guys got hurt but he couldn’t deny that the idea of Steve getting the slightest injury would drive him almost insane.</p>
<p>“That’s why we love you” Steve stated, before standing up again.</p>
<p>Tony’s heart ached again. <em>Get a grip, Stark</em> he mumbled to himself.</p>
<p>Steve offered him his hand and Tony took it to get up. Steve’s hand was firm and warm.<br/>
Tony sucked in a breath as soon as his look went from their holding hands to Steve’s wide eyes. His chest began pounding harshly and he couldn’t help but stare at Steve’s shy smile. Steve seemed to convey fondness with just his deep blue gaze.</p>
<p>Natasha stepped in the room in that very moment. She glanced at their hands entwined and frowned the slightest bit.<br/>
“Morning” she greeted, then walked to the rings and covered her hands in chalk.</p>
<p>Steve let go of Tony right away, his neck all flushed, and moved his look to the floor not to meet Tony’s one. Tony twirled his nose. It was not like they were doing something wrong, so that actually bothered him, even tough he just scoffed it off. He cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“Morning, Nat. What’s today’s schedule?” he asked with a grin. Natasha stared at him with a raised brow. Her hands were all covered in chalk and she was about to grab the rings.</p>
<p>“The schedule?” she asked with a hint of surprise in her voice.</p>
<p>“Yep. The training schedule” Tony repeated.</p>
<p>Natasha smirked, before turning away her look. She grabbed both the rings and lifted herself on them. Her whole body formed a straight line up in the air, but she didn’t seem to flinch a muscle at her strain.</p>
<p>“<em>The training schedule</em>” she worded again, not helping but smirking subtly.</p>
<p>“Why are you so surprised?” Tony asked, his tone faking outrage, and he even brought a hand to his chest in disbelief.</p>
<p>Steve had returned to the punch bag, not a word was leaving his mouth. Tony could still spot a blush on the back of his neck tough.</p>
<p>“Stark, you don’t <em>train</em>. I actually never even saw you jogging” Natasha clapped back. She tightened her lips, the only tiny signal she was struggling at her exercise.</p>
<p>Tony grunted. “<em>What</em>? I do!” he whined.</p>
<p>Natasha closed her eyes. She swayed a little on the rings, then inverted the position of both of her hands with a smooth movement.<br/>
“You don’t” she replied giving her back to Tony.</p>
<p>From the corner of the room he spotted Steve hiding a giggle.</p>
<p>“For your consideration, I’m actually down here because I have decided to train Rogers, now that he is slowly returning to function again” Tony exclaimed with an annoyed tone.</p>
<p>Natasha let go of the rings and got back to the ground again in an elegant way, her tiptoes on the floor.<br/>
“This is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard in years” she laughed.</p>
<p>“I’m serious!” he highlighted.</p>
<p>In that moment Clint stepped in too. Tony rolled his eyes at Natasha’s grin getting wider. He knew what was expecting him.</p>
<p>“Barton” she called indeed. “Listen here!”</p>
<p>Clint approached them in the middle of the room. “What’s up?” he asked. A weird grin already appearing on his face.</p>
<p>“<em>Stark</em> is training <em>Rogers</em>” Natasha pointed out and patiently waited for Clint’s reaction. It did not come late.<br/>
He made a questioning look at first, then frowned, then raised a brow, and then glanced back and forth between Steve and Tony. Lastly, he laughed out loud.<br/>
“<em>What the fuck</em>?” he asked. Tony grunted.</p>
<p>“<em>You</em>? “ Clint uttered in disbelief. “You even struggle at opening the cupboard!”</p>
<p>“It’s because it’s too high!” Tony exclaimed back. Both Clint and Natasha kept on laughing.</p>
<p>“You’re the laziest person I know. You watch tv shows you don’t even like just so you don’t have to get up from the couch to look for the remote. You real life invented an A.I. so that you can just word out your needs and get them done without moving a hand” Clint went on, with Natasha now holding her own belly with laughter.</p>
<p>A loud noise coming out of nowhere made the three of them startle. They right away turned back to to see what the cause had been, and found out Steve had destroyed the sand bag.</p>
<p>“<em>What the fuck, man</em>?” Clint yelled still in shook. “You scared the hell out of me!”</p>
<p>Steve turned back blushing furiously. “I’m sorry” he muttered.</p>
<p>“So you’re telling me those tiny legs of yours should train that big bodybuilder right there?” Clint hadn’t even finished talking that Steve had already joined them.</p>
<p>“<em>Enough</em>!” he exclaimed. His firm tone made Tony startle again. “He’s actually being very helpful. He’s letting me know when I’m pushing too hard and when I should rest. He knows what he’s doing!” Steve exclaimed, and both Natasha and Clint went quiet. On their face there was the look of two kids being scolded by their parent for some mischief.</p>
<p>Tony got quiet too. He wasn’t expecting Steve to partecipate to the convo. He didn’t even know he was listening to them, and he certainly wouldn’t expect him to think Natasha and Clint were somehow really bothering him.</p>
<p>“Furthermore” Steve added. “He’s very fit.”</p>
<p>Silence became now a little awkward. Steve was blushing hard, but it seemed to be more out of anger then embarrassment. He got back to the punch bag without saying anything else. He grabbed the broken one up and looked at the damage with a critic eye.</p>
<p>Tony realised his lips were parted, so he closed his mouth right away. He cleared his throat and before he could even reply, he noticed Natasha and Clint sharing a look then bursting out laughing again.</p>
<p>Steve turned back, his mouth wide open. “<em>Hey</em>!” he exclaimed, but now Tony was laughing too.</p>
<p>“<em>He’s very fit</em>” Natasha repeated mocking Steve’s serious tone.</p>
<p>“<em>Oh my god</em>- you sounded so pissed off!” Clint pointed out.</p>
<p>“That’s because I am!” Steve clapped back, but his voice actually came out more like a whine.</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “Let them be, Cap. They’re just children” he tried to sound annoyed, but he couldn’t deny the situation was a little funny to him. The scene sounded so much as domesticity that his chest hurt slightly. It seemed like he <em>could</em> be happy, after all.</p>
<p>“You guys are out of your mind” Clint settled for, eventually, then grabbed the weights and began exercising in a corner.</p>
<p>Natasha was still smiling when she turned back to Tony. “I appreciate it” she whispered fondly. “You’re doing the right thing” she glanced at Steve without him noticing it.</p>
<p>Tony smiled with the corner of his mouth.</p>
<p>“Let’s see if you can do something else right with him, one day or another” she hinted before patting a hand over Tony’s shoulder, then returning to her training.</p>
<p>Tony hid a smile. Steve was still looking at the bag all focused, but Tony would have sweared he was smiling too.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Tony had been laying on the couch for about one hour now, <em>3.45 am</em> shining on the digital clock hung on the wall. He actually was pretty tired, but sleep just seemed not to want to fall on him. So he had decided to get up from his bed and wander to the living room, asking himself if he could tire himself enough to go back to sleep.<br/>
But he was now just laying on the cushions of the sofa without feeling any desire to get up again. Hours were gliding on him without he could even realise it, and his usual thoughts were oppressing his mind.</p>
<p>Sometimes he wondered if it actually wouldn’t have been better if he had just returned to his house in Malibu after the whole Ultron episode, just be with Pepper, perhaps marry her, give up to his superhero life. Live a humble life. Maybe it wasn’t even too late to reconsider his life’s choices.</p>
<p>His fogged look caught the light shining through his chest and it reminded him that he could never live a simple life. He just wasn’t born for it.</p>
<p>He was in the middle of tormenting his own self when Steve appeared in the room. He stumbled a little in his own feet when he noticed Tony was there too.</p>
<p>“Hey” he huffed, a small smile on his tired face.</p>
<p>“Can’t sleep?” Tony asked, and Steve shook his head while approaching the couch. He sat down next to Tony who tried to shift a little to make room for him.</p>
<p>“It seems like you can’t either” Steve mumbled, and Tony raised a corner of his mouth in an attempt of smiling. “The usual” he scoffed.</p>
<p>“How is it?” Tony asked, smiling with the corner of his mouth. A whole week had passed since he had been dismissed from the hospital, and Steve had obviously healed by now, but Tony could not ignore his perpetual worry toward the man.</p>
<p>Steve looked at him with a smile too: he was not limping nor someone would have said he had been injured just a week before, but Tony kept wondering if the many wounds Steve collected without any evidence on his body would not implicitly hurt his heart.</p>
<p>“Real good, if you ask me” Steve replied.</p>
<p>It was not the first time the both of them would find together in the middle of the night to talk, but the other times had something different.</p>
<p>It usually happened as the continuation of a previous discussion. They would be talking about Avengers’ matter and then would find themselves changing subject and speak about fears and unspoken wishes. It never happened out of nowhere.</p>
<p>Tony rolled his eyes. “<em>Real good</em>” he repeated in a mocking voice. “I don’t believe it for a second.”</p>
<p>Steve grinned widely. “Why so?” he looked Tony in the eyes, the shadow of a dare, even though he sounded amused.</p>
<p>“Because-“ Tony sighed. “It’s just- you were almost <em>dead</em>. And then you recovered, obviously. And everyone asked you how you were doing and you said <em>fine</em>, and someone asked you again how it was going and you said <em>fine</em> again, and now once in a while people still ask you how you are and <em>again</em> you say <em>fine</em> but you almost <em>died</em>, Cap, and I just- I don’t believe it!”</p>
<p>“You don’t believe <em>what</em>?”</p>
<p>“I don’t believe that you’re fine! I believe that you say so because it sounded so mind-blowing to you that you actually were on the verge of death, and now you just don’t want anyone to worry about you, so you repeat you’re fine thinking that by saying it, you will convince everyone that you actually are and perhaps people <em>believe</em> you are, but you’re actually just trying to convince yourself, because you know- you <em>know</em> you’re <em>not</em> fine, but you feel like it’s your duty to feel so, because you’re alive and you should be grateful.”<br/>
Tony’s words came out of his mouth in a rush, his hands moving fast and everywhere trying to prove his point.</p>
<p>Steve remained quiet and still. Then he raised a brow and his eyes glanced rapidly at Tony’s glimmering arc reactor.</p>
<p>Tony felt suddenly exposed. Maybe his words had not just been related to Steve’s situation.<br/>
“I wasn’t talking about myself” he stated.</p>
<p>Steve hinted at a smile. “I didn’t say anything.”</p>
<p>Tony sighed loudly and rested his head over the pillows of the coach behind him. “I trailed off once again, I’m sorry” he apologised.</p>
<p>Steve huffed softly, then placed his head on the couch too, a few inches away from Tony.<br/>
“You’re right” Steve muttered.</p>
<p>Tony opened his eyes. “You don’t have to say it-“</p>
<p>“No, I’m saying it because it’s true” Steve stopped him. “The Super Serum conceals and erases the wounds, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel anything when I’m hurt. I feel it, and sometimes I feel it for a briefer time, of course, but this means that the pain increases and deepens. I feel the hurt of the injures healing at a faster speed, and sometime at night my teeth clench so hard I think I might break my own jaw. But I’m used to it. That’s why I say I’m fine, because I do not have to stay in a hospital bed for months but just for a few days. Because I can run and spar and fight again after a single week. I’m lucky, Tony, that’s why I’m fine.”</p>
<p>Tony didn’t say anything, so Steve spoke again.</p>
<p>“But the fact you’ve been worrying so much about me- I appreciate it, I really do. I can’t help but think that sometimes all the concern you direct to others is the concern you’d want people to direct to you. And I’m sorry if nobody tried to really make sure you were alright after what happened to you in Afghanistan. I think it’s a shame you care so much about people when you don’t receive anything alike back.”</p>
<p>Steve looked at him and Tony shuddered. He had never talked about Afghanistan with Steve. He had not hid it from him, but neither did he share with him his feelings. So Steve’s speech left him quite astonished, and so did the fact that he had understood so well how Tony had felt once he had come back.</p>
<p>Steve drew near to him, his head still resting on the couch.<br/>
“You deserve way more than what you think, Tony. I’m sorry you don’t seem to get it.”</p>
<p>There were a few inches between the two of them now: Tony could spot the light freckles on Steve’s nose, his slightly flushed cheeks, his deep blue eyes.</p>
<p>“Tony” Steve murmured. A whisper, a soft word that got caught in the back of Tony’s mind as the sound of heaven. He would have given anything for Steve to repeat his name like that. To softly call him like that for the rest of his life. To repeat his name every morning and every night, to fall asleep to the sound of his voice.</p>
<p>Tony rested a hand on Steve’s knee and Steve seemed to jolt but tried to hide it. They were so close. Tony could push himself up a tiny bit and he could kiss Steve. Just a little shift, just a little courage to do it.</p>
<p>“Tony”, Steve’s voice again, sounding like a tremble, perhaps a little hesitant, and Tony was gone. He raised himself to be up to Steve’s face, he threw a glance at Steve’s mouth, parted and soft, and Tony licked his own lips, wait burning in his throat. Then he shut his eyes and closed the distance with Steve.</p>
<p>At first he found himself a little disoriented, thought that his intention maybe wasn’t that clear. But once he opened his eyes, he found out that Steve had actually distanced himself, and was looking at him with a deep sorrow and pity in his eyes.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry” Steve whispered, a hand placed on Tony’s arm as to keep him away from him, and Tony felt his heart ache.</p>
<p>“I can’t” Steve mumbled. His voice sounded like an echo to Tony’s ears, he was feeling so confused right now. He couldn’t voice anything in his mind, the refusal was deeply burning in his gut. He was still leaning to Steve, his hand had fell to the ground when Steve had backed away.</p>
<p>Tony shook himself, realisation falling on his head: Steve had refused him. He had refused his kiss. He did not feel the same thing.</p>
<p>It was not like Tony had not taken account of the possibility. Throughout the few years he had known Steve and had found himself being in love with the man, Tony had always distanced the idea of confessing his love.</p>
<p>His decision was due to moral facts- he did not want to change the team dynamic; to rational facts- Steve was not into men; and to emotional facts- even if he was, Steve could not possibly fall in love with Tony. No one could possibly fall in love with Tony.</p>
<p>And he had been so good, for all these years: avoiding every situation that could lead him to confess his feelings. And of course there were flirts and innuendos, but Tony had always hid that with the idea of being an asshole, nothing more.</p>
<p>But these last few days, Tony had felt a light of hope rising inside him. The way Steve had reacted to his proposal to move into the Tower with him; the big huge smiles Steve would reserve him only, those kind words, and then this whole speech he had just delivered- How could Tony have misinterpreted the situation this bad?</p>
<p>Tony’s eyes must have been hugely wide, and his expression probably screamed <em>I’m heartbroken</em>, because Steve looked very guilty.</p>
<p>“I’m really sorry, Tony” he repeated, a creak in his voice. It occurred to Tony that he ought to say something, so he closed his still open mouth and tried to soften his expression.</p>
<p>“Yeah, no, it’s okay” he stumbled, shaking his head and trying to smile.</p>
<p>“I- I just can’t” Steve said once again, sorrow in his eyes.</p>
<p>Tony nodded. “I’m- I’m really sorry, Steve. Didn’t want to make you uncomfortable”.</p>
<p>“You didn’t. It’s not your fault, I swear” Steve seemed on the verge of tears; weird, considering the fact that he was not the one whose heart had just been broken.</p>
<p>Tony smiled again, getting back some courage. He could feel his chest still shaking and the hurt in his gut was so bad he would have wanted to cry, but Steve was not doing any better, so he thought he might cheer him up.</p>
<p>“I get it, Steve, really. It’s not your fault either.” <em>It’s not your fault you’re straight</em>, Tony thought, and he said that to himself too. He couldn’t do anything to change it. They were not meant to be: the realisation was obviously breaking his heart, but they were <em>not</em> meant to be.</p>
<p>“We’re friends” Steve pointed out and <em>ouch</em>, that made Tony’s heart ache even more if it was even possible.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah” Tony grinned “<em>bestest</em> of friends.” Life had really decided to punish him for something when it made him fall in love with his best friend.</p>
<p>Steve’s hand was still on Tony’s arm, his grip was gentle but firm. Steve noticed that, and he too moved it away in an instant, as if the contact with Tony’s skin was burning his fingers.<br/>
Tony actually felt the loss but hid the sorrow with another grin.</p>
<p>“I get that, Cap, and I’m sorry. I really am” he declared. Steve nodded but he kept his eyes fixed on the floor.</p>
<p>“I should go” Steve then suggested, and finally raised his face to look at Tony. There were so many things Tony wanted to say: like, <em>don’t go, stay with me,</em> and <em>I know you’ve broken my heart but I’d let you keep all the pieces if you wanted to, because my heart has always been yours.</em></p>
<p>But he nodded too, and then heard himself say “I’m going too.”</p>
<p>He waited for Steve to stand up and go away. He watched him walk a little uncertainly out of the living room, looked at his blonde hair almost glowing in the dark. Then Tony sobbed softly and moved a hand to his heart, sadness pooling in his chest.</p>
<p>It was not Steve’s fault, and it was not his own fault either. He knew it, <em>rationally</em>, he knew it. But he still wondered why the hell had he decided to go for it. To just straight up throw himself toward Steve’s mouth like he was just some hot guy met in a pub. Like this situation wasn’t going to change his whole relationship not just with Steve, but with whoever was in the Tower too. He asked himself why- <em>why</em>- he still had to fuck up everything in his life at his ripe old age.</p>
<p>He took his head in his hands and for a brief moment he felt like tearing up- he <em>wanted</em> to tear up. But then he tilted his head up realising that he was not a kid who had been refused by his crush. He could not weep like a teenager in love.</p>
<p>He had feelings for Steve- <em>deep</em> feelings for Steve, of course, but he was an adult, and Steve was too. Sometimes it happened, unrequited love was not something he was used to, but there was a first time for everything. He was going to get over this too, like he always did. Love had never been something essential in his life, he could live without it. It would break his heart, it <em>already</em> was breaking his heart, but he would get used to it.</p>
<p>He stood up, still hesitant even though he had just given himself a pep speech. But he had this, and he was sure he could make it through it.</p>
<p>It was going to be a little awkward at the beginning, perhaps, he still had tried to kiss Steve and that was not going to unhappen, but he could make it up. Properly apology to Steve, and things could work again.</p>
<p>He stepped out of the living room and paced to his bedroom: yeah, he had this.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He didn’t have. He couldn’t close an eye for the entire night, and when light finally started to make its entrance in his room, he got up from the bed and parched his way to his workshop looking forward to distract himself from his thoughts.</p>
<p>He had repeated himself for the entire night that all was going to be good, but there was always that little splinter that was punching holes in his heart, reminding him that he had been refused, that he was not made for love.</p>
<p>He thought that perhaps the realisation was hurting him this bad because it was the first time. Throughout his whole life of debauched routines, he had never found someone telling him no. Whenever he thought there was interest on the other side, he would go for it. He would ask, of course, but he always received an enthusiastic affermative answer on the counterpart, that would always lead him to have a good time. People did not say no to Tony Stark. People would not refuse a kiss started by Tony Stark. So maybe that was the problem. That he was not used to being the refused one.<br/>
That was it.</p>
<p>Beside the fact that it was not.</p>
<p>Because with Steve he was not looking to get laid. Well- of course it would have been a good idea to get laid, he was not going to deny it, but that was not his only purpose. He did not want just a kiss, he wanted <em>love</em>.</p>
<p>He couldn’t help to think he was being extremely pathetic. <em>Booh ohh</em> Tony Stark can’t sleep because he wants to be loved. But that was the truth. He could even imagine how kindly and gently Steve would have loved him. He would have taken such care of him. Except that he was not.</p>
<p>There couldn’t be not even a parallel universe in which he could find out how nice being loved by Steve was. Steve did not love him. In any way except in a friendship kind of way. And of course that was great and nice, but it wasn’t enough.</p>
<p>And the thought of not being enough had kept Tony awake the whole night, so now he was sporting pretty dark eye-bags and deep tiredness in his bones.</p>
<p>He was damning himself on a project when Fury called him.<br/>
His badge rung a few times before he actually decided to let go of his work and check who was annoying him when he was finally feeling productive. He saw the name beeping on the screen and sighed out loud, already bothered by the idea of having to face the man with something like two -maybe three- hours of sleep. He cursed in a whisper, then paced out of his workshop, annoyance in every little gesture.</p>
<p>He marched along the hall and waited a few instants for the elevator to stop at his floor and started a little when the doors opened and he found Steve already inside.</p>
<p>“Hey” Steve greeted, and Tony grinned way too widely in mild panic before laughing in embarrassment.</p>
<p>“Can I get a ride?” Tony asked and <em>gosh</em>, that sounded so bad.</p>
<p>“Sure” Steve shrugged and left him some room in the elevator.</p>
<p>“I’m going down” Steve informed him and Tony nodded. “Me too” he added.</p>
<p>The descent seemed to be eternal. Both of them remained silent, not even a sound leaving their mouth, and Tony damned himself several times for having caused this kind of atmosphere just because he couldn’t keep it in his pants.</p>
<p>“Listen-“</p>
<p>“Tony-“ they both talked in unison. Steve smiled awkwardly.</p>
<p>“Go on” he encouraged, and Tony shrugged. “No, no, you first.”</p>
<p>“No, for real” Steve offered again. A brief silence.</p>
<p>“Well-“</p>
<p>“I was thinking-” They both looked at each other again, and this time Steve giggled with a little more enthusiasm.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry about last night” Steve then decided to take the floor.</p>
<p>Tony ached a little at the apology, thinking about a million else and way worse meanings that sentence could have. Perhaps he had got the least bad one- he was not that unlucky in the end.</p>
<p>“No, Cap, <em>I</em> am” Tony stopped Steve before he could add something else. He did not want him to have pity for him. <em>God</em>- he couldn’t stand <em>Steve</em> to feel sorry for <em>him</em> because he had been refused.</p>
<p>”I don’t want this to ruin our friendship” Steve explained. Tony smiled for an instant. That was actually sweet of Steve. It was almost as if the embarrassed one was him and not Tony. Another reason for Tony to love him.</p>
<p>“No, of course!” Tony agreed “That’s why I’m sorry, because I know it’s my fault and I- I don’t want you to feel somehow uncomfortable next to me because of that”.</p>
<p>“Why would I feel uncomfortable?” Steve asked. He made a questioning look, his brows furrowed in a irresistible way.</p>
<p><em>Oh, what I would give to kiss you again right now</em>, Tony thought. Instead he looked right at Steve hesitantly, nipping his own lips with stress.</p>
<p>“Because, you know, I wanted to kiss you” he felt so stupid while trying to explain it. As if saying it out loud was actually making the matter bigger and bigger, and he knew he was digging his own ditch but he couldn’t stop. Good God why, <em>why</em> couldn’t he stay in his place?</p>
<p>“That doesn’t make me uncomfortable in the slightest way” Steve uttered and right after he blushed a little. “It’s actually flattering.”</p>
<p>Tony watched the flush paint Steve’s cheeks with amusement and a subtle bother at the thought that he was just another guy proud of making both girls and boys swoon for them.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah” he conceded, rolling his eyes. “I just wanted to blow your ego. You’re so full of yourself.”</p>
<p>At first Steve seemed to be offended by his comment, but then Tony grinned and laughed, so he relaxed and laughed along too.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe you” Steve shook his head, but there was a light fondness in his voice, so Tony smirked.</p>
<p>“Me neither.” He was actually feeling at ease right now, and was weirdly glad he had this conversation with Steve, so he could now have proof that everything was, indeed, clear between the two of them.</p>
<p>They stepped out of the elevator together once it made it to the ground floor. Tony directed a questioning look to Steve when he noticed the blond man was basically following him.</p>
<p>“Uhm- Steve?” he called. “Where are you going?”</p>
<p>“I have a meeting with Fury” he answered.</p>
<p>“I have one too” Tony said. “It must be something team related.”</p>
<p>Steve nodded and they both made it to the reunion room where Fury was waiting for them.<br/>
He greeted them with no smalltalk and made them sit in front of him.</p>
<p>“Where are the others?” Steve pointed out. </p>
<p>Fury began to talk without giving him any explanation. “I need you to do something very important for me.”</p>
<p>Steve was now frowning, still questioning the absence of the other guys.</p>
<p>“Anything for you” Tony conceded with a hint of irony, at which Fury didn’t even flinch.</p>
<p>“There has been a case of a huge amount of vibranium gone missing. I got my agents on it for a few months by now, but they don’t seem to resolve the situation. They barely got anything out of it.”</p>
<p>While Fury was talking, Tony sat on one chair and lifted his legs over the desk in front of him. He began fiddling with a pen grabbed from the table.</p>
<p>“No one knows anything about this situation” Fury went on. Meanwhile, Steve was still frowning in the corner of the room, really focused on the discussion.<br/>
“I’ve decided to send you two there, hoping I’ll solve this problem.”</p>
<p>“Nice” Tony interrupted him. He made the pen sway between two fingers. “Is this thing in New York or in the suburbs?” he didn’t even tried to conceal the total lack of interest in the matter in his voice. He just couldn’t care the slightest bit about Fury’s tasks, but the thing involved him and Steve, so perhaps something intriguing <em>could</em> get out of it.</p>
<p>“It’s in Europe” Fury let them know. “So you’re gonna stay away for a week or more.”</p>
<p>Tony raised a brow, his mouth parting unwillingly. “<em>Europe</em>?” he repeated.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna give you all the information needed once you’re about to leave for the mission, don’t worry. For now, you just need to know it’s something top secret, and you’re also gonna work undercover.”</p>
<p>Steve hadn’t made a sound during the whole convo. Tony glanced at him in a subtle way, and found out he was clenching his jaw and keeping his arms crossed to his chest. His expression looked very flaring.</p>
<p>“And why do you need us two?” Steve eventually asked, and Tony tried to ignore the bother he could trace in his tone.</p>
<p>“You’re very good assets” Fury explained.</p>
<p>Steve fidgeted on his spot. He uncrossed his arms and brought a hand on his eyes, rubbing at them a little.<br/>
“I understand it” he worded out slowly, yet his voice seemed very tense. “But so is Romanoff. So is Barton. I’m asking why, <em>in particular</em>, you need <em>us two</em>.”</p>
<p>Tony wondered why Steve was so annoyed at the thought of going to a mission with him. They had done this kind of things other times, and yeah, perhaps this was something a little more specific and which required extreme duo dynamic, but the way Steve was doing nothing but ask for more explanations- as if he wanted to be convinced that they <em>had</em> to do this- was hurting him a little more than just a bit.</p>
<p>“He can fly, you can fight” Fury deadpanned.</p>
<p>Tony laughed in the back. “So what you’re saying is that he’s the brawn and I’m the brain” he couldn’t help but point out.</p>
<p>“Basically” Fury conceded.</p>
<p>“Well, that’s okay to me. I’m actually amused. But I have to say that I know how to be tough, if I want to” Tony crossed his arms and lifted one foot over the other on the table.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head and tried to hide a smile. “<em>You</em>? Tough?” he mouthed.</p>
<p>Tony made a face but his stomach twisted in warmth at the sudden benevolent expression in Steve’s eyes.</p>
<p>Fury kept on talking. “I trust you.You two are actually my <em>best</em> assets”.</p>
<p>“Yes, I get told that a lot” Tony shrugged. He looked at Steve with scepticism. “What about you, Cap?” he asked.</p>
<p>Steve turned to face him. “What?”</p>
<p>“Are you in?” he wished he didn’t sound too hopeful. He knew he had basically just saved himself on corner after that big fuckup of trying to kiss him, but the thought of spending time with Steve just the two of them, like the good ol’ days, was making extremely good things to his brain.</p>
<p>They stared at each other for what seemed ages to Tony, then Steve lowered his head and sighed. </p>
<p>“Okay, I’m in” he muttered. Tony grinned, and again repeated to himself to just keep it lowkey.</p>
<p>“Great. You take your plane tomorrow morning” Fury informed them.</p>
<p>“<em>What</em>? So soon?” Steve sounded surprised, his mouth wide open.</p>
<p>“You take a private one, and then drive by car. We don’t want anyone to suspect anything.” Fury began folding some documents placed all over the table.</p>
<p>“Drive by car to <em>what</em>, exactly?” Tony asked while Fury took the pen with which he was still playing away from his hands. He shoved it in a case with several documents.</p>
<p>“To your hotel.”</p>
<p>Tony could spot Steve getting annoyed once again. The thought made him a little sad.</p>
<p>“You’ve already agreed” he heard himself saying. He really sounded desperate. Furthermore, Steve was going to notice that Tony’s interest could be related to his attempt at kissing him. Tony bit his own tongue.</p>
<p>“I know” Steve scoffed without even glancing at him. He kept on trying to meet Fury’s eyes, but the man was busy collecting his documents.</p>
<p>“What is the exact destination, may I ask?” Steve’s courtesy might sound polite, but his voice was conveying another level of harshness.</p>
<p>Fury raised his head. “Paris, France” he said, then grabbed the case and parched toward the door. ”I asked you two because I know you’re capable and not too nosy, do I have to change my mind?”</p>
<p>Steve remained silent.</p>
<p>“No, Sir” Tony spoke for him. His heart was racing at an unknown speed as his mind kept repeating the words <em>Paris</em> and <em>Steve</em> all over again. He wanted to kick his own self.</p>
<p>“Good” Fury stated. He left the room without adding a word.</p>
<p>“So-“ Tony began, but Steve didn’t even look at him before making his way to the door too.</p>
<p>“I don’t have time for your witty humour right now, Tony” Steve said, then left him alone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What had actually bugged Tony was the fact that Steve really had no right to act like that.</p>
<p>Yeah, of course he might be feeling uncomfortable due to that awkward episode of theirs, but they had totally cleared that out. It had been explained, Steve had stated he had actually somehow enjoyed the hint Tony had dropped about finding him attractive.<br/>So, really, why was he all so pressed about having to leave with Tony?</p>
<p>It wasn’t like they hadn’t ever go on a mission together before. There had been a few little tasks where just the two of them were required. And they had cooperated in such a dynamic and efficient way it was obvious Fury wanted them to team up again.</p>
<p>Furthermore, Tony was sure they had overcome their whole bickering thing they used to do at the beginning of their relationship.<br/>It were long days ago when they would try and challenge the other, and for so much time Tony had  actually thought there was something more under all that bother coming from Steve. He would have called it sexual tension, because it sure was what Tony would feel during those episodes, but considering the previous event it must really be just annoyance.</p>
<p>And he had accepted it.</p>
<p>His affection toward Steve was something way more rooted inside him, something that could be traced back to his childhood admiration toward the Captain. So he really hadn’t let their little fights smudge his pure image of Perfect Steve Rogers being The Kindest and Bravest Man of the Entire World.</p>
<p>And there had actually come a time when his previous thoughts were finally confirmed.<br/>They had started to get along, and Tony would be a liar if he didn’t admit he had always, at any time, hoped it could develop into something more intimate.<br/>Not because he didn’t worship his friendship with Steve, but because really, it was just his heart pounding and beating whenever Steve would talk to him. And when they had started to share their opinions and interests to each other, Tony had felt rising that damn warmth that was now so familiar to him, and he couldn’t, he <em>couldn’t</em> deny it anymore.<br/>He was so in love. </p>
<p>Every morning when he woke up he would wish for an instant that once he opened his eyes he would find Steve looking back at him, the same blue gaze Steve had directed at him that day of the Chitauri’s attack, the stare that would fill his dreams. </p>
<p>And of course he would damn himself, because the mere thought of being in love was making him feel so pathetic, so vulnerable and weak. He had promised he would have not fallen in love.<br/>But here he was, <em>of course</em> here he was.<br/>And now, with this whole dumb mission Fury had thrown them on, he had to spend a whole week with Steve in <em>fucking</em> Paris.</p>
<p>If someone had told him so a few days before, he would have been over the moon thinking about all the subtle ways he could woo Steve with. But now, after that fucked up act he had done, he saw the perspective as some kind of nightmare.</p>
<p>And he really hadn’t at first, mostly because he was so sure they really had clarified it, but the look on Steve’s face at the thought that he had to stay in Paris with Tony, was making his chest ache so bad.</p>
<p>He was already imagining the two of them walking side by side along the Senna, but now he couldn’t even settle for a beer like two old friends, because Steve apparently wasn’t even up for that. And it was all Tony’s fault, of course it was. And he was damning himself again for this.<br/>It seemed like he just couldn’t have good things.</p>
<p><em>Another night spent sleepless</em>, Tony thought.<br/>The stress was keeping him up even though he kew he really had to sleep, so that he could be in shape for their whole weekly trip. But the trip itself was the main reason that caused his insomnia, so he just huffed out loud and turned to the other side of the mattress.<br/>They were going to leave at 6 am, so that was another reason to actually try and get some sleep.<br/><em>Soon or later I’ll fall asleep</em>, he tried to reassure himself.</p>
<p>He actually stayed awake for another hour facing the ceiling. Then, finally, at 3.40 am he fell asleep.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>When Tony first showed up he was all dressed in a nice tailored suit.<br/>Was it too much? Perhaps, but it still was Paris, and he couldn’t bare the idea of taking a flight in sweats. He had showered and covered himself in nice fragrances but no, this wasn’t about his huge crush. It was just the usual.</p>
<p>He found Steve waiting for him in the living room. He was wearing a hoodie, obviously all unbothered by the event. His hair was a little ruffled, and his eyes hinted at a sleepless night.<br/>When he spotted Tony he just gestured at him to say hi, not mouthing any word.<br/>Tony took it as a sign of  a not so benevolent greet.</p>
<p>It really looked like Steve was totally hating the idea of leaving with him. Tony shrugged.</p>
<p>“Hey, Cap” he called, and then placed his several luggage next to Steve’s single backpack.</p>
<p>“Whoa, there, you taking the whole wardrobe with you?” Tony couldn’t help but joke.</p>
<p>Steve smiled forcibly. “Could actually ask you the same” he pointed out.</p>
<p>“What? <em>This</em>?” Tony asked gesturing at his baggage. “It’s not even what’s in a single drawer.”</p>
<p>Steve did not reply. He looked very tense, standing firm near the counter which Tony was leaning on.<br/>It felt a little weird to talk with Steve like this. It looked so similar to their first interactions, when Tony would jokingly flirt with the man and he would react all bothered and annoyed spreading out lectures.<br/>Tony had thought they had overcome that phase. They still joked with each other, but now it usually was mutual, the both of them would laugh and it used to be somehow comfortable. Not like this.<br/>What had changed?<br/><em>It’s because of the kiss</em>, Tony thought, the <em>damn</em> kiss.</p>
<p>“Why you acting like this?” he couldn’t resist asking. </p>
<p>Steve turned to look at him, his brows furrowed. “Like what?”</p>
<p>“You seem pissed off.”</p>
<p>Steve frowned even more. “I’m not” he stated. “I’m just tired of waiting.”</p>
<p>That obviously wasn’t the problem, Tony knew it, but he still pretended to believe it, and tried to forget about it.<br/>“Yeah, you’re right. Fury told us he would have been here fifteen minutes ago, hope nothing bad happened.”</p>
<p>Steve nodded without any particular interest.</p>
<p>“We should go check outside” Tony then proposed, actually wanting to avoid that kind of embarrassment between the two of them.<br/>He stood up and grabbed his baggage. He struggled a little. Maybe it really was too much.</p>
<p>“Here, let me help.” Steve took one bag from Tony’s hand, and grabbed the other two with his own.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to” Tony stopped him, but Steve shrugged.</p>
<p>“You know it doesn’t weight even the slightest to me.” Steve obviously meant to say it as a persuasion to let him grab the bags, but Tony took it as an invitation to joke a little bit, just to loosen the situation a little.</p>
<p>“Oh! Thank you, Captain, my Captain” he faked a whine and smiled subtly when he caught Steve grinning.</p>
<p>“You’re hopeless” Steve muffled, but kept on smiling.</p>
<p>They got out of the room and aimed at the roof, deciding to wait for Fury there.<br/>It turned out Fury was already waiting for them.</p>
<p>“You’re late” the man greeted them.</p>
<p>Tony made a surprised face. “<em>You</em> are late! We were waiting for half an hour by now!”</p>
<p>Steve didn’t say a word, while Fury cleared out that he had specifically told them he would have waited for them on the roof.<br/>“Where else did you think you would get on the jet?” he asked in annoyance.</p>
<p>Tony rolled his eyes but didn’t reply.</p>
<p>“So what you need to remember now is that no one knows about your mission.<br/>This flight will stop in the countryside of Bordeaux. There, you will find Agent Leroy, a SHIELD agent who will give you the car you will be using to drive to Paris” Fury delivered the instruction with a firm tone.<br/>“Once you’re in France, Agent Leroy will inform you about the other details. She will join you in a couple of days when the mission will take place.”</p>
<p>Steve shifted on his foot, looking rather uncomfortable. “And what are we supposed to do until the beginning of the plan?” </p>
<p>Fury turned to look at him, a brow raised. “Pardon me?” </p>
<p>Steve cleared his throat, visibly bothered. “I’m just saying- for the first few days in Paris what are we gonna do? What is the <em>purpose</em> of us being there without any mission to accomplish?”</p>
<p>Tony pretended not to care but he totally got what Steve was trying to ask.<br/>What was he gonna do all alone with Tony?<br/>That hurt him, of course, but he couldn’t deny Steve’s question was legit. Obviously the idea of having free time in Paris with Steve was not something that could remotely worry Tony, but apparently it mattered to Steve.</p>
<p>“You’re gonna have to attend other meetings. Know the people with whom you are gonna work” Fury explained. “Plus, don’t get me wrong, I think you are gonna find something to do in Paris.”</p>
<p>Tony would have sweared Steve had rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“Alright, alright” Steve conceded, but there still was a shadow of bother in his tone. “Now, what are we waiting for? Are we gonna take this flight or not?”</p>
<p>Fury gave them other small directions, made sure they would not talk with anyone about their mission, and warned them to be subtle.<br/>“I repeat: this is top secret.”</p>
<p>Tony grunted out loud. “You made it clear, chief.”</p>
<p>He turned to look at the jet waiting for them. It was not that big but it still allowed a separation between the pilot and the passengers.</p>
<p>“Where do I have to put these?” he asked pointing at his baggage.</p>
<p>Fury raised a brow. “That’s not my problem.”</p>
<p>Before Tony could start ranting, Steve approached him and grabbed the bags once again. “Let’s go,  Tony” he pushed, then started to climb the stairs of the plane.</p>
<p>“<em>Fine</em>” Tony mumbled but still side-eyed Fury.</p>
<p>They got up the jet and Steve settled the bags on the luggage rack.<br/>Tony took a seat and turned to look outside the window. Fury was still staring at them, his only eye narrowed with seriousness.</p>
<p>“Sometimes I wonder: if he had both eyes, would I feel more or less threatened?” Tony mumbled, still looking outside the window.</p>
<p>Steve huffed, if for Tony’s joke or Tony’s heavy bags he could not tell.<br/>The man took the seat in front of him.</p>
<p>“He just wants everything to stick to the plan” Steve assured.</p>
<p>Tony grunted and rolled his eyes. He found it annoying that Steve was always trying to condone everyone. He let the talk fall and waited for the jet to start flying.<br/>Steve did not even look outside the window. He took a book out of his backpack and started reading on the spot.<br/>Tony eye-sided him too, but didn’t say a word.<br/>The vehicle started lifting slowly, and for a few moments Tony felt the seat under him vibrating.</p>
<p>Great silence fell in the state-room. The only sound present was the noise coming from the engines of the plane itself.</p>
<p>Tony brought his look back to the window. They still were too low for the sight to be somehow exciting, but Tony still enjoyed it. The country was starting to get smaller and smaller, hills and valleys running under the plane.</p>
<p>It was still very early in the morning, so the sun was not already shining bright up in the sky, but they were slowly gaining altitude, so it seemed like flying near the stars.</p>
<p>Tony got a glimpse of Steve placing the book on the table and shifting on the seat to get more comfortable. He closed his eyes probably wanting to sleep.</p>
<p>Tony turned to the window again. It was obviously annoying to think of travelling for almost ten hours with someone that probably would have enjoyed to be anywhere else but there.<br/>He was so sure they would have eventually got along again, he had not expected Steve to try and sleep right in front of him.</p>
<p>Tony snorted subtly, then pulled out his phone from his pants’ pocket and checked his notifications. There was a message from Rhodey wishing him to enjoy his trip, followed by a wink.</p>
<p>Tony smirked, then eyed back at Steve, his curled up position and his shoulders turned to the opposite of Tony’s seat was speaking more than words, and Tony’s smile died on his mouth.</p>
<p><em>I hope so, but the premises are not that good</em>, he texted back, then placed the phone next to Steve’s book.</p>
<p>He hadn’t exactly confessed his love for Steve to Rhodey. He just probably had exposed himself against his will.</p>
<p>It had happened right after their stay in Clint’s farm. He and Steve had had to share the bedroom, and for a moment he had felt his heart pounding quickly, but then he had found out the beds were separated, so it actually wasn’t that exciting anymore.<br/>At that time he already knew he had fallen in love with Steve, but he would still try to deny it in his rational moments. He remembered Steve being a little uncomfortable in their common room, so he had then told Rhodey about it, actually just wanting to make him aware of his annoyance and bother because of Steve’s obvious despise toward him.</p>
<p>“Are you sure it is despise?” Rhodey had asked him, but Tony had not quite listened to him and had gone on bubbling about Steve’s upright attitude whenever he would talk to him.</p>
<p>“But why do you care so much about it? You never care about what people think of you. You don’t even care about what <em>I</em> think of you” Rhodey had fairly pointed out.</p>
<p>Tony had made a surprised face. “I do not-“ he had startled. “I do not <em>care</em> about what he thinks of me.”</p>
<p>Rhodey had raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“It’s just that- It annoys me, okay?”</p>
<p>Rhodey had made another face, then rolled his eyes. “I wonder why” he had muffled under his breath.</p>
<p>“Like- like that other day” Tony had gone on. “At Clint’s farm. We were like- chopping woods, or something. And he just had to- I don’t know, he just had to <em>rip</em> in half a single log with his bare hands, like- who <em>does</em> it? He just wanted to flex on me.”</p>
<p>Rhodey had tried to hide a sudden laugh but failed in the process. “He did <em>what</em>?” he was now laughing.</p>
<p>“I’m serious!” Tony had stated. “All those stupid muscles flexing, and that dumb pretty face of his all so smug” Tony had huffed. “I mean- we get it, you’re Captain <em>Handsome</em>, there is no need to brag about it.”</p>
<p>A silence had followed Tony’s words, who was now feeling a little flushed.</p>
<p>“Tony” Rhodey had called slowly.</p>
<p>“Uhm?”</p>
<p>“Do you have a crush on Steve?”</p>
<p>Tony had widened his eyes, outrage splaying on his face.<br/>“<em>What</em>? No!” he had squeaked.</p>
<p>“Okay, you do” Rhodey had stated while leaving the room which they were in.</p>
<p>“I do <em>not</em>!” Tony had yelled back while the other man was stepping away. “James Rhodey Rhodes, I do <em>not</em> have a crush on Steve Rogers!”</p>
<p>And he really did not.</p>
<p>Indeed he already was in love.</p>
<p>But it did not matter anymore, not now that he had the confirm that Steve did not feel anything toward him more than a simple friendship, and now perhaps not even that anymore.</p>
<p>And he still had to tell Rhodey about it. <em>God</em>, he was going to laugh so much.</p>
<p>Steve shifted on his seat and opened a single eye.<br/>“We’ve just left, did we?” he asked in a low grumble, his voice full of sleep.</p>
<p>Tony tried to ignore the pleasant feeling that noise of Steve was doing to his guts.<br/>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>Steve grunted. He shifted back right on the seat and rubbed his eyes.<br/>“I thought I had slept for a while” he yawned. “But apparently I did not.” He turned his face to the window pane.</p>
<p>“You’re gonna sleep once we get to the hotel. Believe me, sleeping in Paris is the most relaxing thing ever” Tony granted.</p>
<p>Steve’s jaw clenched hard, and Tony noticed his fist tightening too.</p>
<p>“Is everything alright?” he asked concerned.</p>
<p>Steve turned to look at him. “Yeah” he replied, a subtle annoyance in his tone.</p>
<p>“Okay” Tony stated back. He bit his lip in wonder, asking himself if he could add something or if it was better to just stay quiet. But he was Tony, so he obviously had to speak again.<br/>“Actually, are you sure you’re okay?”</p>
<p>Steve swallowed visibly. “I do, I just wish we had not left.”</p>
<p>Tony rolled his eyes, actually running out of patience. “You could have said no if you really didn’t want to come.”</p>
<p>Steve frowned. “You know I couldn’t” he pointed out.</p>
<p>“Actually, you could.”</p>
<p>“If Fury and SHIELD want me to do something, then I’m going to do it, no matter how nagging or bothersome it may be” Steve clapped back.</p>
<p>At first Tony was hit by his words almost as a punch in his face. It hurt him badly that Steve would consider <em>nagging</em> and <em>bothersome</em> being with him. Then he actually raised his chin and fixed his look in Steve’s eyes with challenge.</p>
<p>“Listen, Cap, I really don’t know what the problem is right here” Tony scolded in annoyance. “I thought we made it clear, you said we were good, so I don’t understand what all this fuss is about.”</p>
<p>Steve frowned. “I don’t wanna talk about it, Tony.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I understand, but it’s not the end of the world, okay? It’s like-“ Tony stumbled on his own words, clearly having troubles to say what he was really thinking. “Does this- does this really make you <em>this</em> uncomfortable?”</p>
<p>Steve stared at him, a questioning look still evident on his face. “<em>This</em> what?” he asked.</p>
<p>Tony rolled his eyes. The one thing he really couldn’t bare of Steve was his need of everything being explicitly said or else he couldn’t get it.</p>
<p>“The two of us- <em>Paris</em>” Tony gesticulated in a vague way, and Steve still looked clueless.</p>
<p>“Look, I get it, back in your time it might look like an abomination, but for real, there is nothing wrong with me wanting to kiss you, I think you might have figured out that you’re quite handsome, and I’m sorry, <em>still</em> sorry, if I jumped to conclusions about your sexuality, but really-“</p>
<p>“Tony, stop” Steve almost cried out. He was a little flushed, his eyes wide, but he looked kind of amused.<br/>“We did clear it already” Steve stated. “I’m not acting like this because of <em>that</em>” he lowered his eyes. “Furthermore, I thought I had specified that I’m really glad you find me fine enough to kiss” another blush crept on his cheeks.</p>
<p>Tony gaped subtly. “Oh”, he mouthed. So it <em>still</em> wasn’t about it, and he <em>still</em> had brought it out.<br/>Perhaps him trying to kiss Steve really wasn’t that big of a deal. But the certainty that his avance hadn’t bothered Steve in any way only made him ache a little more. Steve really didn’t want him, after all.</p>
<p>“Then what’s the problem?” Tony couldn’t resist to ask.</p>
<p>At this point Steve raised his head, a sad smile adorning his face. “It’s just- I haven’t been in Paris since <em>then</em>” he blurted out. “The thought is making me feel a bit anxious.”</p>
<p>Tony remained quiet. Then he damned himself once again, how could he be so insensible? <br/>“I’m sorry” he murmured, but Steve shook his head.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to, it’s not your fault” he said.</p>
<p>“I know but I- I just kept making assumptions and I apparently just couldn’t take a no as an answer and I’m sorry you were dealing with these feels while I kept pushing for a reaction.”</p>
<p>Steve smiled now, a sincere and bright smile. “I should have talked about it with you. It was not right of me either to just treat you that way. You couldn’t know about it.”</p>
<p>Tony stared at Steve’s entwined hands on the desk and resisted the urge to hold them with his own. <em>Another time</em>, he thought. Now it would have just looked as he was exploiting the situation.<br/>“Everything’s gonna be fine” he assured.</p>
<p>“I know” Steve repeated. “It’s just a lot to take in, you know? I never thought I would make it out alive, the first time I got there and now- now I’m just going back there and it’s all different and I- I don’t even know how I should <em>feel</em> about it” he stopped for a second, looked at his hands with a questioning expression, then raised his head once more. When he turned to face Tony again, his eyes were trying to hide a veil of tears.</p>
<p>“That place- it’s all filled with memories, <em>feelings</em>- I’m scared, Tony.”<br/>His voice trembled, and Steve turned away his look once again, perhaps embarrassed at his own revelation.</p>
<p>Tony couldn’t help himself. He reached for Steve’s hands with his fingers, a little hesitant at first, but the dismayed look on Steve’s face won his uncertainty.</p>
<p>“Hey” Tony called. He brushed his fingers over Steve’s skin. He had such cold hands. “There is nothing to fear, I’m gonna be there. With you.”</p>
<p>Steve looked at him with a hint of hope. “You don’t have to- you don’t have to be this nice with me, you really don’t” he whispered.<br/>Tony ached. He really had made Steve feel guilty because of his rejection. What a jerk he had been.</p>
<p>“I want to” he almost jumped up. “Why wouldn’t I?”<br/>Then he understood it wasn’t enough to convince Steve, and he traced in his eyes that kind of weird distressful expression he had shown after he had backed away from the kiss.</p>
<p>“You’re my best friend” Tony stated. “I want to be here for you, especially in these moments. This is what we have always done, am I right? We’ve had each other covered. You- you were so nice to me after the whole Ultron fucked up thing and for real, now I want to be here for you. It’s obviously on a whole other level, I mean- it’s not like you almost blew up an entire country, but-“</p>
<p>“Tony” Steve called, but his eyes though shimmering with unshed tears were now showing a kind of fondness. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>Tony smiled.</p>
<p>“I mean it” Steve stated, an upright look on his face, and the whole Captain America undertone in his voice.</p>
<p>“Yeah” Tony nodded. “I mean it too.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Tony had always loved flying. Was it with his suit or just in a plane it did not matter. He had loved it since the first flight he could remember of his childhood.<br/>He could still remember Jarvis securing his seatbelt and his mother worrying he would take it off.<br/>He could still remember the amazement of seeing the clouds under him, and the surprise of being in the plain sky flying like birds.</p>
<p>He had felt so good, so happy and carefree, almost as if he was no longer a human being himself.<br/>And he had turned to look at his mother, his mouth hanging open and his eyes filled with astonishment.<br/>“Mom” he had called. “We’re flying like angels!”</p>
<p>Later, journalists would have said Tony Stark loved flying in his Ironman suit for the feeling of power it would give him. The belief of being above everyone else.<br/>Little did they know Tony Stark just wanted to touch the rainbow.</p>
<p>Tony woke up and yawned loudly. He glanced at his clock: it was 10.15 a.m. He had slept for more than a couple of hours, so that had to be considered a win.</p>
<p>When he turned to look at Steve, he did it with the side of his eye, not wanting to be caught in his act.</p>
<p>He found the other man still focused on his book. Steve was holding the object with a firm grip, as if the book could somehow escape his hands all of a sudden.<br/>His eyes were running from side to side at a high speed, his fingers turning pages every two minutes. Tony wondered if that was one of the several effects of the Super Serum or Steve actually was that smart and clever of his own.</p>
<p>For a moment, Tony pretended they were not in a mission, that they were not undercover, and they were just travelling the two of them, Steve reading his book just to explain to Tony his theories after, sharing his thoughts and asking for his opinion.</p>
<p>Too bad it would have never been like that.</p>
<p>He thought again about how stupidly he had misread Steve’s bother and had convinced himself it was because of his avance. He hadn’t thought about the obviousness of the situation. He had completely forgotten one of Steve’s expeditions had been in Paris.</p>
<p>He ached in silence thinking of a Steve all dressed in his army uniform, ready to sacrifice himself for  the good of freedom and peace. Not even taking into account the chance of surviving, much less of surviving in <em>this</em> way.<br/><em>Perhaps</em>, Tony told himself, <em>I myself would have preferred death.</em><br/>To wake up in a totally different reality without no one there, would have left him agonising and angry. He would have not have any strength into going on. Something else for which he deeply admired Steve.</p>
<p>But to think of him looking at a city thriving and blooming, while spotting in it the ghost of a destroyed and bombarded place, no matter how hard he would try to ignore it, made Tony suffer and look for an immediate solution. And because he would not accept Steve’s pain when it could in some way be soothed, he took a decision.</p>
<p>“You know what?” he indeed worded out all of a sudden.</p>
<p>Steve tilted his head up out of surprise.<br/>“What is it?” he asked with a hint of panic in his voice, closing his book right away. “Are you alright?”</p>
<p>Tony frowned, then his expression actually softened. Seeing Steve all worried about him was truly a blessing for his ego.<br/>“Yeah, Cap, relax” he warned, hiding the amusement in his tone. “I thought about something.”</p>
<p>Steve sat back on his seat. He rolled his eyes and brought his shoulders on the seat-back again.<br/>“I always worry when you start talking out of nowhere. Let’s hear what you thought about.”</p>
<p>Tony fake laughed. “You really do trust me, huh? Anyway” he immediately went on. “I can’t stand the idea of you not being comfortable during our trip so-“</p>
<p>“Not being comfortable?” Steve repeated frowning again.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Tony raised one brow and Steve scoffed.</p>
<p>“It’s not that I’m not comfortable-“</p>
<p>“I know, that actually did not come out how I intended it to. I just meant that it won’t be that pleasing experience it would be to anyone else, and since it wasn’t for me either back in time -for totally different and unrelated reasons which I'm not going to tell you, nor pretend they are somehow comparable to what happened to you- I thought that perhaps we could try and make it an enjoyable experience so that both our memories could somehow improve?”</p>
<p>Steve’s frowning had caused his eyes to narrow so much that it would have now felt unusual to see a relaxed expression on his face.</p>
<p>“I trailed off, did I?” Tony asked.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head out of impatience, but he did not really seem bothered. “I was not kidding back then, Tony, I really am not ready to see that place again.”</p>
<p>“I know, I know” Tony immediately backed away. “But I think that in this way you’re gonna preclude yourself a really great experience.”</p>
<p>For a few moments a great silence fell between them. Steve had turned his head to the window, and seemed all too focused on the landscape outside. Tony was still waiting for an answer.</p>
<p>“So, what do you say?” Tony asked with expectation.</p>
<p>Steve let out a huff. “Why do I feel like you’ve got something in your mind?”</p>
<p>Tony giggled. “Because I do!” he exclaimed.</p>
<p>“Alright” Steve conceded. “But I cannot assure you that I’m gonna be accepting of everything.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded, quietly, but his excitement was undeniable. His mind was running to multiple scenarios of him and Steve visiting every corner of Paris. He felt a little phony to exploit Steve’s presence this way, acting like boyfriends or something, but the joy of being with him was nowhere to be contained. </p>
<p>“You have my word” he promised. “Imma take you to nice and quiet places, full of soft and delicate things. Imma show you the most elegant and beautiful places of the city. You’re gonna fall in love!” Tony concluded.</p>
<p>Steve looked at him, great fondness in his expression, and Tony longed for his last sentence to be true. To make Steve fall in love with him would be the epitome of his life, he didn’t even care if it sounded desperate.</p>
<p>“Alright Tony, I trust you” Steve said. He laughed shaking his head, then he tried to hide a yawn: he probably still wanted to sleep a little.<br/>“You’re gonna have to explain me a lot of things” he warned instead. “Last time I’ve been there, the city was a little different.”</p>
<p>“No problem” Tony clapped back right away.</p>
<p>“Are you happy to go?” Steve asked after a brief moment. He looked at Tony straight into his eyes.</p>
<p>Tony nodded.<br/>He could not pretend to have good memories of Paris. He had a few, of course, but they could not really be defined as joyful. They were just brief moments spent with his mom here and there, among restaurants and bars and expensive shops.<br/>He couldn’t recall about laughs or smiles, but just a bunch of tugs from one place to another, trying to be quick in their return to the hotel, before his father would come look for them.</p>
<p>“I am” Tony smiled.</p>
<p>***<br/><em><br/>“What’s that thing?” he exclaimed while pointing at a weird construction with a finger over the window of the limo.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>“Move away that hand, Anthony. You know I don’t like fingerprints on the windows” his father replied without answering his question.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s the Eiffel Tower” his mother explained, but at the same time she gripped Tony’s hand and moved it away from the glass pane. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“And what is it?” Tony asked again, and faced his father, as if the man would actually be going to engage a conversation with him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Be quiet, boy, for once.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony sat down straight on his seat, his eyes stung a little with a hint of tears, but he knew he couldn’t allow himself to be seen crying by his father, or things would have got worse.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“We’re gonna have a tour guide explain to you whatever you want, sweetheart, just wait for our arrive at the hotel.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony smiled shyly at his mother’s sweet voice, and glanced at her sneakily. She was looking outside the window, her back turned to Tony’s father.<br/>The awkward atmosphere could be traced from far away.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Once they arrived at the hotel, his father kind of disappeared. He always acted the same when the three of them would leave for a few days for some place. He would drop them at the fanciest hotel of the city and then wouldn’t tell them anything for the whole permanence. He would go to meetings and conferences and return the last day to pick them up and head to the airport.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I hate Paris” Tony mumbled hand in hand with his mother.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Why you saying it, honey?” she asked him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It sucks.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The woman laughed fondly, then directed him to a cafe. They sat down at one of the several tables facing the street.<br/>His mother ordered a Martini, and asked for a chocolate crepe for him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I don’t wanna eat anything” Tony grumbled. He was actually annoyed by the noise around them. He just wanted quietness for once.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Don’t be silly, love, you’re gonna like it.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony mumbled a “I don’t think so” under his voice, but actually changed his mind once he bit a piece of his omelette. He dribbled chocolate all over himself and his mother giggled as she wiped his mouth and chin with a napkin.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You’re a mess, Tony” she chanted, and even though it was meant as a fond scowl, Tony still grimaced.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m sorry” he whispered. His mother made a concerned face.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Hey, sweetie” she called. “I wasn’t serious.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony looked at her. The love he could trace in her eyes was always so strong it could make him forget any thing that had ever hurt him.<br/>“I’m still sorry, though” he repeated, mostly because he had noticed he had stained his shirt with chocolate.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His mother smiled softly, then aimed at one of Tony’s hands and squeezed it in a loving way.<br/>“One day you’re gonna like it” she promised.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony frowned. “What?” he asked.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Paris,” his mother smiled again, more a grin this time. “One day you’re gonna like it. One day you’re gonna come here with the person you love and that loves you too, and you’re gonna love this city, I promise you.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony twirled his nose. His mother giggled and grinned again, widely and content.<br/>They remained quiet for a few instants, and Tony thought about it for a while.</em>
</p>
<p><em>Then he decided to speak for his own. “I won’t ever fall in love.”<br/></em><br/>***</p>
<p>Once he had finished giving instructions to Pepper about the meetings he was not going to attend because of his stay in Paris, and had reminded her the things she should say, Tony placed his phone back on the table. He actually didn’t have to tell Pepper what to do, indeed it had been <em>her</em> that had informed him she was going to make some modifies and adjustments to a series of statistics and plans Tony didn’t even care about.</p>
<p>It was just little things multinational enterprises wanted him to change or reevaluate, and it was long time since he had been interested about it. It wasn’t because he was uncaring, but because considering the problems he had to face as an Avenger, <em>life-threat</em> problems, he had reconsidered his whole life’s decisions, and could not stand anymore old white fat men begging him to reassess their proposals just for them to earn the two percents more out of companies they were already exploiting for a profit of millions of dollars.<br/>He had by now run out of patience.</p>
<p>But luckily, Pepper was a woman of rationality, and she would decline accords that Tony didn’t approve in ways way more polite that in which he would have.</p>
<p>Tony sighed content under his breath, he really was grateful to that woman.</p>
<p>During his whole texting and making plans at the telephone, Steve had been quite impassive and kept on reading his book. The light shining through the windows was now making his hair look like golden satin, and with his flushed cheeks for the flight pressure, the man looked like a literal angel.</p>
<p>Tony sobbed quietly, and couldn’t help but ache once more, thinking of his eternal unrequited love.</p>
<p>He decided to get Steve’s attention just to shush his delusional thoughts.</p>
<p>“It’s such a beautiful day” he commented out loud.</p>
<p>Steve raised his head. He glanced at the window and almost got blind because of the light. He covered his eyes with a hand so that he could look at Tony while protected by his fingers’ shadow.<br/>“It is” he confirmed.</p>
<p>“We’ve been lucky, the flight is not gonna take that long” Tony went on.</p>
<p>This time Steve just nodded and brought his eyes back on the book.</p>
<p>The act lowkey bothered Tony.</p>
<p>“What are you reading right there, Cap?” Tony asked in the attempt of not letting the talk die.</p>
<p>Steve glanced at the volume before him. “Kafka” he replied.</p>
<p>Tony nodded. He had noticed the author long before, but had intended to find something to talk about with Steve, but the other man didn’t seem to take the hint.</p>
<p>“<em>Die Verwandlung</em>. Is it <em>The Metamorphosis</em>?” Tony indeed asked.</p>
<p>Steve turned the book in front of his eyes. For a moment he remained quiet, focusing on the German words, as if he didn’t even know what he was reading in the first place.</p>
<p>“I really like it” Steve then decided to say.</p>
<p>“And why are you reading it in German?” Tony asked again. It was starting to feel like an interrogatory.</p>
<p>Steve shrugged, then silenced himself again. </p>
<p>Tony grunted under his breath. It looked like it always had to be him the one talking, or else the silence would have been agonising. But then, before he could blurt about something irrelevant once again, Steve decided to speak, his eyes still fixed on the book.</p>
<p>“Before going to war, when I was still in the camp, there was this German little girl, that had run away from Germany with her family. She was only a kid at that time.”</p>
<p>Steve raised his head and turned to look at Tony straight into his eyes.</p>
<p>“Her father worked with the strategy commando, so she would spend her time around the base. I remember she would always have something to read with her. She would sit in the corner of a room and just isolate herself and read for hours and hours. No one would bother her. I think no one would even notice her.”</p>
<p>Steve smiled, a hint of sadness in his expression. Tony shifted slightly on his seat, feeling a little uncomfortable.</p>
<p>“One day she looked very distraught and you could tell she didn’t want to talk with no one about it. She was just there, sitting composedly on her chair, not making a single sound escape her mouth even though it looked like she was going to scream at any moment. I asked her if everything was alright and she told me that she was indeed upset, but not to worry because it was just the book she was reading.”</p>
<p>“She was reading this one?” Tony anticipated, and Steve nodded, nostalgia filling his eyes.</p>
<p>“She told me it was the most both mesmerising and disturbing book she had ever read, and she almost begged me to read it as soon as possible. And I would have, but it was in German and there were no translations yet” Steve fiddled with the book between his hands. “So I promised her if I had ever come back from the war, I would have properly learnt German and I would have read it, and we would have talked about it.”</p>
<p>“And then you didn’t come back” Tony whispered.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head. “She actually died before I could even leave for my mission. She had pneumonia, we all knew she wouldn’t have made it out alive.”<br/>He cleared his throat, his voice was starting to creak. He turned to look outside the window and remained quiet for a moment.</p>
<p>Tony went silent too, and he realised how many deaths and losses Steve might had witnessed during his time in the war. How many kids he probably had to try and cheer up just because of the role he was impersonating. How heartbreaking it must have been to show himself as a superhero holding the answers to any question, and then find himself all alone at night, full of doubts no one would  even care to chase away.</p>
<p>“I had totally forgot about this book” Steve started again. “Until I saw it in a bookstore the other day. Now there are proper English translations, but I promised I would have read it in German, so that’s what I’m doing.”</p>
<p>Tony huffed benevolently. He couldn’t believe Steve was such a man of honor and so trustworthy that he was keeping faith to a promise he had made almost fifty years before to a young girl who was now dead.</p>
<p>“No one deserves you, Steve” Tony let the words escape his mouth. He got conscious about it the second after, and blushed slightly, but didn’t take it back. Steve turned to look at him right away, his eyes wide and full of gratitude.</p>
<p>“I’ve done many mistakes” he said, and Tony ached at the sorrow he could not ignore in Steve’s tone.</p>
<p>He pretended to laugh. “Yeah, I can only imagine what mistake you might have done. Perhaps you forgot to water the plants one day, or to take the mail from the letterbox.”</p>
<p>Tony had expected him to laugh too, but Steve actually grimaced. “I’m serious” he said.</p>
<p>Tony’s smile died on his face. “You don’t have to forget you’re human, after all” he pointed out, and Steve seemed to relax a little.</p>
<p>He remained in silence once again.</p>
<p>After a while, Tony added “You know, I read it too” he glanced at the book. “When I was in High School. We had to. I liked it, to be honest. Still found it kind of creepy, though.”</p>
<p>Steve frowned. “Yeah, it is creepy.”</p>
<p>Tony recollected the plot in his head and found it ironic that the main character would wake up one day and find himself in a different form. He couldn’t resist but thinking of Steve awakening in the twenty-first century out of nowhere.</p>
<p>“It reminded me of myself” Steve tried slowly, and Tony startled when he realised they had thought the same thing. “It still scares me, sometimes, you know? To wake up and remember I’m no longer who I used to be.”</p>
<p>Tony twirled his nose. He felt powerless once again in front of Steve’s pain. He would have punched himself for his incapacity of resolving the situation.</p>
<p>“You’re gonna find your place in the world” he stated.</p>
<p>Steve laughed without joy. “It’s what I always tell myself before falling asleep.”</p>
<p>“I believe it” Tony replied.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, Tony” Steve sighed rubbing his eyes. “I’m not gonna lie. I wake up, I fight for this world to be a place somehow a little better, then I go to sleep once again. I don’t feel like there is place for Steve Rogers, you know? I feel like there is only place for Captain America.”</p>
<p>Tony swallowed, his heart aching badly in his chest. He couldn’t believe Steve could be feeling this way, he couldn’t believe Steve thought he was not wanted or needed. And he would have screamed <em>There actually is a place for Steve Rogers in this world, it’s right here, in my heart.</em></p>
<p>“Is it not enough to just be here?” Tony asked instead, his voice a little uncertain. “In this stupid jet, in this shining light of an early morning?”</p>
<p>Steve smiled with a forlorn look.</p>
<p>“There <em>is</em> a place for Steve Rogers, you just have to look for it.”</p>
<p>Steve turned away his look, and Tony would have sweared he was trying not to cry.</p>
<p>“We could look for it together” Tony added slowly.</p>
<p>Steve bit his lip. He brought his eyes back to Tony.<br/>His eyes were shining with unshed tears, blue so sparkling it might blind Tony. Tony felt his breath leave his throat and it hurt to think that that look didn’t mean anything more than gratitude, nothing more that appreciativeness. That it would have never meant anything more than friendship.</p>
<p>But mostly it hurt to think that Steve would forever feel unwanted, that he would think that he was nothing more than a soldier, a fighter, a nameless body serving his country with no hope for something in return.<br/>Someone undeserving of love.</p>
<p>To be there, right in front of Steve, and not being able to make him understand that he was not going to feel lonely forever, that it would eventually come a time in which he would finally feel at home, somehow.</p>
<p>And it also hurt Tony to realise that a home for Steve Rogers was not a place with him, even though Steve had one day said it to be so. He had told Tony that he felt at home, and Tony had believed it. Tony was about to leave the compound and Steve had made that face of his, his broken eyes looking in the distance and he had not replied to Tony’s question.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Are you okay?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m home.”</em>
</p>
<p>And that was enough for Tony, that had been enough and it still was.</p>
<p>And to have Steve sitting right in front of him, begging for peace of mind, without actually saying a word, was so heartbreaking to Tony that he would have changed the course of all the stars in the sky, he would have travelled through time and space just to find a hint of happiness for Steve Rogers.<br/>And if being happy for Steve was not meant to be near Tony, then it was alright, because Tony would have gone to the end of the world for Steve, without a second guessing.</p>
<p>And the way Steve was still standing there, eyes weary with memories of a broken past, that hidden and melancholic smile on his worn out face, was driving Tony insane, and in another moment, in another life, perhaps in another universe, he would have screwed it all, because <em>who cares</em>, and he would have kissed Steve Rogers right and there. And again, and again.<br/>He would have kissed him senseless, and would have made him finally feel home, and wanted, and needed, and necessary.</p>
<p>But Steve was once again backing away. He once again shifted on his seat, his back upright. He cleared his throat and glanced at his own book.<br/>“Imma read a little more, if you don’t mind.”</p>
<p>And it was all gone, in one second, and the only sound in the cabinet was Tony’s heart shattering.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>A few hours later the landscape started narrowing, and buildings and roads got now visible.</p>
<p>Tony had been looking outside the window pane since a lot, so he didn’t miss the view.</p>
<p>“We’re about to land” the pilot warned them through the mechanical voice of the intercom all of a sudden, and the both of them startled in surprise.</p>
<p>Steve raised his eyes from his book, and looked at Tony with a questioning expression.<br/>“Already?” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“It’s been hours” Tony replied.  “I mean- it’s about time!”</p>
<p>Steve raised a corner of his mouth in a faked attempt of a smile. “Yes, of course” he murmured.</p>
<p>He threw a look outside the window with hesitation, and Tony understood what was going on. As long as they were flying, it had been easier for Steve to pretend not to actually care that much about going back in Europe, but now that he could no longer ward his mind from the thought, and actually had to come to terms with it, he was starting to get scared.</p>
<p>“Hey” Tony called.</p>
<p>Steve looked at him, his expression full of concern, so Tony smiled reassuringly. He stretched a hand and squeezed Steve’s shoulder trying to comfort him.</p>
<p>“Everything is gonna be fine” he promised.</p>
<p>Steve nodded, and even though he still looked unsure, he relaxed a little.</p>
<p>Some minutes later the jet finally lend on French sole.<br/>They both headed out the vehicle, and Steve insisted once again to take Tony’s baggage.</p>
<p>“You don’t need to” Tony warned him. It was flattering, of course, but the last thing he wanted was to take advantage of Steve’s kindness.</p>
<p>“Just let me do it” Steve affirmed, and Tony smiled fondly.</p>
<p>A woman all dressed in black approached them.<br/>“Captain. Mr Stark” she greeted them with a strong French accent. “I’m agent Leroy.”</p>
<p>She shook their hand with a firm grip. She was a not so tall woman, with a pixie cut of hair and black eyeshadows on top of her head.</p>
<p>“I hope your flight has been pleasant” she confided benevolently.</p>
<p>Steve nodded.<br/>“Indeed it was” Tony assured.</p>
<p>Agent Leroy smiled. “You still have five hours of driving until Paris, though. I’m sorry we couldn’t let you land in Paris, but it’s safer this way.”</p>
<p>“Director Fury warned us about it, no need to worry” Steve interrupted her. The same quietening smile he used around civilians whenever he needed them to remain calm was displaying on his face.</p>
<p>The woman made a pair of keys fidget between her fingers. “Here’s your car” she informed them, and then she glanced at a vehicle standing behind her. A simple car, one not intended to get any attention. </p>
<p>“Nice” Tony replied, and then caught the keys once agent Leroy playfully threw them at him.</p>
<p>Steve headed to the car and started looking at it. For a moment Tony thought the man was being critical about it, but he actually was just curious.</p>
<p>“We’re gonna see each other in two days” agent Leroy informed them.</p>
<p>Steve was still looking at the car, so Tony nodded and grinned at the woman. “See you soon.”</p>
<p>The agent smiled back and headed to her own car, in which another man was waiting for her in the driver seat.<br/>“Remember: do not talk with anyone but our agents” Leroy reminded them while closing the car’s door.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah. We got it” Tony said, rolling his eyes.<br/>The car heated up the engines, then left them there.</p>
<p>Tony sighed out loud, then approached steve.<br/>“What are you so concerned for, Cap?” He asked.</p>
<p>“Uhu?” Steve turned his look to him. For a moment he frowned, then he grinned widely. “Nothing, it’s all good.” </p>
<p>Tony lost a beat at Steve’s huge smile, so beautiful in the afternoon light. He longed for that smile to be eternal, and felt the need to fight whoever would ever dear to steal it.</p>
<p>“We should probably go” Steve proposed.</p>
<p>Tony came to his senses again. “Yeah, we should” he agreed.</p>
<p>They got into the car, then began driving through the roads of Bordeaux.<br/>It was a really sunny day, so the view was stunning: sunshine would come through the windows in a striking way. Tony covered his eyes with a hand, the light was almost blinding him.</p>
<p>“Are you sure it’s okay for you to drive?” Steve asked him.</p>
<p>Tony spotted a trace of worry in his voice, but he would have sweared Steve was mostly afraid of Tony proposing him to switch seats. He knew Steve was in no condition of driving right now. and that the man himself didn’t want to.</p>
<p>“It’s okay” he answered with a grin. “It’s actually a pleasure” he wiggled his eyebrows, then laughed.</p>
<p>It was time since he had not been flirty anymore. He had stopped when he had realised it was not a joke anymore, and he actually wanted to shower Steve with compliments because he had fallen in love with him. But it was easy now to kid around and pretend nothing really mattered, in that bright day in a French land.</p>
<p>Sun was still shining and the sky was clear. The streets were full of people, the buildings showered with sun light.</p>
<p>Steve laughed too, along with him, then placed a hand on Tony’s own on the steering wheel and squeezed lightly.</p>
<p>Tony tensed up, the feeling too unexpected and emotional to pretend of not being affected by it. His chest tightened but he forced himself to smile.</p>
<p>“Keep your hands to yourself Cap, you don’t want to be a distraction” he joked again, then cleared his throat when he noticed his voice had come out a little choked.</p>
<p>“Can’t believe you” Steve said, but he sounded amused and kept on giggling.</p>
<p>“I know, I know” Tony added. “I’m one of a kind.”<br/>He looked at Steve and they locked eyes for a second. He would have wanted to grin, to fondly smile at Steve, to kiss him and tell him how much he loved him.<br/>But he was Tony Stark, so he smirked and winked at him.</p>
<p>Steve laughed, shaking his head.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It really was a out of body experience to drive in the middle of France with Steve sitting on the next seat. Tony couldn’t still put his mind around it.</p>
<p>For the past half hour Steve had been chanting about how many tv shows he was watching lately thanks to the supervision of Sam. The man had then been left blown out at the thought that Steve hadn’t ever seen Star Wars, and to be honest Tony had been pretty amazed by it too. So now Steve was catching on the movies while Sam would comment every scene out loud explaining to him how a certain special effect had been realised with the technology of the time.</p>
<p>“What do you think of him?” Steve asked all of a sudden.</p>
<p>Tony turned his eyes from the road to look at Steve. “Of Sam?” he frowned.</p>
<p>“Yeah” Steve exhorted. “He’s such a cool guy. You like cool guys, right? So I thought you must be getting along.”</p>
<p>Tony burst out laughing. “I like cool guys?” he repeated. </p>
<p>Steve blushed. “Yeah, I mean- you’re so passionate about so many things, and Sam is too. I mean- you love to bubble about things that no one understands, but it seems to me you like it better when someone actually gets it, like Banner- for example. And I think Sam would get all that stuff, that’s what I’m saying. Plus, I like the idea of my two best friend also being friends with each other.”</p>
<p>Tony’s heart made a flip-back, both at Steve’s sentence and at Steve’s earnest tone. It stung a little to be considered a <em>best friend</em>, but at the same time it made him really proud to be someone Steve wanted to show off to his friends.</p>
<p>“Well, in this case-” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Steve was still blushing. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable” he anticipated.</p>
<p>Tony would have liked to point out that <em>Steve</em> was actually the one who seemed uncomfortable, but he didn’t want his flush to worsen.<br/>Furthermore, he was still thinking about Steve’s description of him, about the fact that he had painted Tony as someone who <em>loved babbling about things no one would understand</em>. It made him subtly laugh to think that he actually hated having to explain things to people that would not get them.<br/>The only time he not only enjoyed it, but actually looked for it, was whenever he had to show something to Steve. He loved to rant for hours and hours about the littlest details and getting all of Steve’s attention for himself, and actually being sure that Steve was interested about whatever would come out Tony’s mouth.</p>
<p>“You’re not making me uncomfortable!” he stated. “Actually, I really do like Sam, he’s a very smart guy and very funny too.”</p>
<p>Steve grinned widely. “You do?” he asked impatiently.</p>
<p>Tony smiled. “I’m happy there is someone like him keeping an eye on you, grandpa” he joked.</p>
<p>Steve laughed, but he was still grinning with his whole face. “I’m so happy about it, Tony” he squinted his eyes in contentment. “So much.”</p>
<p>Tony’s chest grew three sizes bigger. Steve’s smile had the power to melt him. He turned away his gaze and fixed his attention on the road but with the corner of his eye he noticed Steve was still smiling.<br/>Tony cleared his throat. “You’re actually wrong, Cap” he added.</p>
<p>Steve frowned, and his smile left his face.</p>
<p>Tony ached in silence.</p>
<p>“About what?”</p>
<p>“I do not like cool guys only” Tony explained, then he put on his most serious tone. “I mean, I like you too, so-”</p>
<p>Steve relaxed on the spot and laughed out loud. “You actually made me worry!”</p>
<p>Tony waited for a second and then it happened: Steve shook his head with that usual expression of fake annoyance he would always put up for him.<br/>And at the beginning of their acquaintance it truly was annoyance but now, now it was something Tony always longed for whenever he would make a joke. He literally just waited for it. It was something for him and him only, and it would always give him the belief of a deep bond between them, a mutual understanding of each other. Like they both knew there would always come a time in which Tony would joke about something, and Steve would shake his head still smiling with that shining smile he would reserve to him only.</p>
<p>A deep growl caught Tony’s attention.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry” Steve apologised awkwardly.</p>
<p>“Someone’s hungry” Tony pointed out. He giggled. “Don’t worry Cap, I got you covered.”</p>
<p>Steve raised a brow. “You’ve got a fridge in those tiny bags you brought with you?”</p>
<p>Tony huffed. “Don’t you <em>dare</em> insult my Dolce and Gabbana luggage! No, I do not have food in my bags but I do know where to find it.”</p>
<p>Steve entwined his hands behind his head and shifted on the seat. “You do?” he asked with a questioning tone, but actually hinting at a mock.</p>
<p>“<em>Yes</em>” Tony repeated and he rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna take you to a rest stop area.”</p>
<p>“A <em>what</em>?” Steve took away his hands from behind his head.</p>
<p>“A rest stop area. Europe is full of it. Especially in Italy, but France got some of them too.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but what is it?” Steve asked again.</p>
<p>Tony diverted their path all of a sudden, exiting the highway.</p>
<p>“Do you trust me?” he asked while parking the car out of a big building that looked like a mall, with people coming in and out of it.</p>
<p>Steve nodded, his eyes already on the building, not even following Tony’s words anymore.</p>
<p>Tony rolled his eyes and smiled.<br/>He had always loved rest stop areas. He thought of them like places out of reality, something out of time itself. Where everything and anything could take place, where nothing mattered and there was no right nor wrong.<br/>He had always loved rest stops because they were places where years and years before he could feel somehow normal, just a kid going on a trip with his parents and setting off for snacks and a rest. Not the rich son of an important scientist. Just him. Just Tony.</p>
<p>But Tony hadn’t even imagined in the slightest how much he could love rest stops, not until he decided to stop in one of them with Steve.</p>
<p>He gaped enthusiastically when Tony directed him through the automatic doors of the store in the stop, and he looked in disbelief around himself.</p>
<p>“What <em>is</em> this?” Steve asked, amaze in his voice.</p>
<p>“A rest stop” Tony informed.</p>
<p>“No, I mean-” Steve spoke again. “Is it both a grocery store <em>and</em> a restaurant?”</p>
<p>Tony giggled. “Yep, it’s like a mall. You’ve never been to a mall, haven’t you?”</p>
<p>Steve just shook his head while keeping on looking around with his mouth open.<br/>“Never heard of these things” he muttered again.</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s mostly an European thing, to be fair.” The surprise on Steve’s face was starting to make Tony feel the same wonder about the place.</p>
<p>“Wanna look around?” he offered. Steve nodded, finally lowering his eyes, but still looking around all enthusiast.</p>
<p>“What’s the purpose of this place?” he asked. Tony laughed. He <em>really</em> was stubborn.</p>
<p>“There is no real purpose” he rolled his eyes but he was not really bothered. “When you’re tired because you’ve been driving for a lot of time you take a rest, and if you want you can also eat something or buy anything you may need during your trip.”</p>
<p>Steve nodded once more, every word said by Tony registered by his mind as if it was fundamental knowledge. “And what are we gonna do here?”</p>
<p>He looked at Tony waiting for another answer, but Tony just shrugged. “I’ve always loved these kind of places, just wanted you to see it.” The truth was that the fact that rest stops wouldn’t change a tiny bit over the years would somehow make him believe that he could pretend to still live in the past.</p>
<p>Steve smiled with the corner of his mouth. “And why do you love it?”</p>
<p>Tony turned away his look. He had obviously foreseen Steve would ask him to motivate his sentence, but all of a sudden he didn’t know if he really wanted to share his memories. He shrugged again.</p>
<p>“No reason in particular” he lied and then, to avoid Steve from investigating further, he pointed at a shelf on the other side of the store stuffed with candies and sweets. “Look over there, Cap!” he called. “Let’s get some of those.”</p>
<p>Steve immediately forgot about their talk and headed content to the shelf.<br/>“Which one do you want?” he asked.</p>
<p>“All of them!” Tony exclaimed, and Steve turned to look at him with a raised brow. “You’re being serious?” he asked in surprise.</p>
<p>“Of course I am! We still have a few hours before we get to Paris, weren’t you hungry, Super Soldier?”</p>
<p>Steve flushed the tiniest bit. “A little” he confessed.</p>
<p>“Then grab how many of those you possibly can” Tony exclaimed again. Steve laughed. “Okay, okay” he conceded, and then filled his arms with candy bags.</p>
<p>“You want something else, you little brat?” Steve asked with the same voice a parent would use with his child.</p>
<p>“Actually, we could maybe buy an ice cream or something?” Tony didn’t miss the occasion.<br/>Steve agreed contently and they both went straight to the check-out where there was a refrigerator full of ice cream bars.</p>
<p>They paid for all the things they had bought and headed out the store.</p>
<p>“You can’t miss a day of fun with Tony Stark” Steve exclaimed while they were stepping out, still looking at the big mall on their back.</p>
<p>Tony shrugged consciously. “If you could only loosen up a little…”</p>
<p>Steve laughed. “I can’t. I have to make sure you don’t set the place on fire.”</p>
<p>Tony opened his mouth faking outrage and Steve laughed again.<br/>He took off the package from the ice cream and started eating it. “You know-” he told Steve. “My mother never wanted me to eat these” he mumbled while looking at the sweet between his fingers.</p>
<p>Steve frowned. “And why so?” he asked.</p>
<p>Tony shrugged. “She didn’t like the idea they were not home-made, or something. She said they tasted like plastic.”</p>
<p>Steve tilted his head. “But you did eat them before now, did you?”</p>
<p>Tony raised an eyebrow and looked at Steve with a questioning face. “What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Like-“ Steve shifted on his feet. “This is not your first time. She <em>did</em> let you eat it, some day or another?”</p>
<p>Tony frowned more and remained quiet. Then he got Steve’s worried expression and understood what the man was trying to ask. He thought Tony was not allowed to eat ice cream in a peremptory way.</p>
<p>“She did not forbid me to!” he exclaimed. “She just wanted me to eat something better” he giggled. “My mother was a wonderful woman, if that’s what you’re wondering about, Cap.”</p>
<p>Steve relaxed visibly. “Oh” he mouthed and flushed subtly. He ate some candies. “I’m sorry if I assumed something that bothered you.”</p>
<p>“Not at all” Tony replied on the spot. Steve smiled with his lips tight, so he focused on his ice cream and remained quiet.</p>
<p>After a moment, Steve spoke again.<br/>“Alright Tony, now you have to tell me your secret” Steve blurted out.</p>
<p>Tony’s heart made a jump. For an instant he thought Steve would ask him about his feelings and he chocked on his ice cream.<br/>“What- my <em>secret</em>?” his voice came out as a whine.</p>
<p>Steve frowned with a questioning face. “Yeah, the story about your love for these places?”</p>
<p>Horror left Tony’s eyes and he relaxed a little. “Oh, yeah the- the story about these places, uhm-“</p>
<p>Steve twirled his nose. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t feel like it” he warned.</p>
<p>Tony appreciated his concern, but he actually wanted to share his thoughts with Steve, especially in this quiet moment of theirs.<br/>“No, I actually would like to” he replied and Steve grinned.</p>
<p>Tony swallowed.<br/>“I mean, there is no- there is not a real reason, you know- it’s just that-“ he shifted on his feet and looked around just to avoid Steve’s earnest blue eyes. “Whenever we would travel around Europe and the chauffeur had to take a rest or something, my father would stay in the car while me and my mother would cut those moments out just for ourselves, and we would just- come in the store and buy whatever junk food we would find, and ate it along the hallways before getting in the car again.<br/>And I know it sounds dumb or something, but- whenever I spot these places from the window of the car, I just get these sad feelings and I just- I sometimes just-“ he closed his eyes and snorted with frustration.<br/>“<em>God</em>, sometimes I just really miss her.”</p>
<p>Tony shook his head with embarrassment. He rubbed his eyes and then looked away. “I'm sorry, this is pathetic” he stated.</p>
<p>He brought his eyes on Steve and noticed he had this deep forlorn look on his face. He looked way more miserable than Tony felt in that moment. He wondered why.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry” Steve mumbled.</p>
<p>Tony laughed without joy. “Well, it’s not like it’s your fault.”</p>
<p>Steve grimaced and lowered his eyes.</p>
<p>“You would have liked her” Tony mumbled.</p>
<p>Steve raised his look again and stared at him.</p>
<p>“I mean- she loved Captain America, but I think if she had known you, she would have loved Steve Rogers better.”</p>
<p>“Stop it, Tony” Steve whined. Tony noticed he was trying not to cry. He found it weird that he was the one talking about his mother while Steve was tearing up.</p>
<p>“Are you alright? Is it something I said?” he asked with worry.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head. “No, just- just stop it, <em>please</em>” his voice creaked once more.</p>
<p>“Okay” Tony murmured. He had by now finished his ice cream so he threw the stick in the trash. “Do you want to get on the car again?”</p>
<p>Steve nodded still quietly snivelling.</p>
<p>They got in the car without adding a word and Tony turned the motor on. <br/>They drove in silence for some minutes, with Steve still sniffing and looking outside the window. Tony wondered what the problem was.<br/>Eventually, he thought that perhaps Steve had thought about his own mother too and started missing her like Tony did. He regretted bringing out the topic.</p>
<p>For half an hour they didn’t talk, then Steve turned to face him. “Are we gonna go on the Eiffel Tower too?” he asked.</p>
<p>Tony started at his voice. He caught his eyes and noticed he was calm now. “Only if you want to” he settled for as an answer. Steve nodded.</p>
<p>“I want you to show me every place, every building, every little thing you hold in your memory” Steve added after a moment.</p>
<p>Tony looked at him still driving, and couldn’t help but smile.<br/>“Do you?” he asked with expectation, his heart pounding.</p>
<p>Steve smiled too. “Yeah” he assured.</p>
<p>“Alright” Tony smiled once again, and when he realised he just <em>couldn’t</em> stop smiling, he tightened his lips.<br/>Steve shifted on his seat, and rested his head on the window pane.</p>
<p>For some other minutes none of them spoke again. Then Tony bit his lips and decided to work up the courage. “Will you also let me take you out to dinner?” he asked, but kept his eyes locked on the road in front of him, too afraid to listen to Steve’s answer.</p>
<p>But Steve did not reply, only silence followed Tony’s words. His heart was threatening to leave his chest, and Tony really didn’t want to deal with another humiliating situation, but when he glanced to the other seat, he found out Steve had fallen asleep.</p>
<p>He relaxed and sighed with relief, considering that at first he had really thought Steve was going to reject him once again.</p>
<p>Tony’s look fell on Steve’s closed eyes, on how his lids were trembling the slightest bit. His golden lashes casted shadows on his pale cheeks: he looked like a goddamn angel. Tony held his breath. His hand hitched a little at the thought of moving away a golden lock that had fallen over Steve’s forehead.</p>
<p>He fought with the urge of keeping on looking at Steve, and actually turned to pay his attention to the road in front of him. Knowing Steve was there next to him, so quiet, so beautifully at peace, so at ease with Tony, made his heart ache as the usual.</p>
<p>Back then he had appreciated Steve’s sincerity when he had confessed him he actually feared being in France again. He obviously had been amused once Steve had asked him to show him the city, but at the same time he reminded himself he had to be careful and not push the man farther than he was willing to go.</p>
<p>Steve had technically been back from the war for a couple of years now, so of course he was still scared about it. Tony wondered how he would react to the city being so different in a so little time.<br/>Sometimes, he really felt sorry for Steve. He was just trying his best in a world he was still trying to comprehend. Perhaps, Tony had been too demanding. </p>
<p>He couldn’t help but think about their almost-kiss again. Obviously, the rejection was still burning his gut, but he felt a little guilty now. Steve was new to all of this. It was a whole new reality to him. He had even been way more delicate than anyone in his place.</p>
<p>So what if he didn’t feel the same thing Tony felt for him?<br/>Maybe Steve didn’t even have time to think about any kind of love in this whole getting used to the future. Perhaps he was still trying to understand the difference between platonic and romantic relationships nowadays, and Tony had just thrown himself over Steve, as if the man could react in a normal modern way.</p>
<p>It wasn’t only about the whole homosexuality thing, maybe Steve just wasn’t used to people being so open about their feelings, about bonds border-lining between sexual and friendly. Perhaps he had pushed it a little too far.</p>
<p>And now, looking at that old-young baby-looking man all crawled up in the seat of that old car made Tony want to take it all back. To just return to a previous time in which he hadn’t made any move toward Steve, and they would just act like best friends, and Tony would try and teach him about modern tech and Steve would gape at him as if he held the ultimate truth.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He had been driving in silence for a few hours when they started to approach the city. Tony smiled in anticipation, thinking about Steve’s reaction. He was still sleeping next to him, so peacefully that Tony almost debated if he should wake him up or not. But he really wanted him to take in the view of the city slowly, and not just wake him in front of their hotel.</p>
<p>“Hey mr <em>I fall asleep as people are still talking to me</em>, you might not want to miss this” he called sweetly.</p>
<p>Steve grunted and slowly opened his eyes. “What?” he yawned. “Is everything okay?”</p>
<p>The quietness due to his sleep was still veiling his blue eyes and would make him even more attractive. Such a sleepy look was hunting for Tony, and for a moment he yearned to be looked like that every morning for the rest of his life.</p>
<p>“Yeah Cap, everything is okay” he assured. “But we’re about to arrive, I thought you might want to see the city.”</p>
<p>Steve gaped. “<em>Oh</em>” he shifted on his seat just to sit upright, then he stared at his entwined hands resting on his lap. “Yeah, of course.”</p>
<p>As Tony was wondering what was wrong, they finally made it into the city and a triumph of lights and sparks made its appearance before them. Paris was really a unique experience.<br/>He glanced outside: the feeling was the same he could still remember of the first time he had been there. The amazement in front of such beauty was never gonna fade.</p>
<p>“Look outside the window” he encouraged Steve.</p>
<p>Steve fidgeted on his seat. “Yeah, I’m looking” he blurted.</p>
<p>Tony smiled again, his eyes trying to convey a benevolent expression. “Just look.”</p>
<p>Steve bit his lip and for a few seconds he remained still, actually questioning to raise his head or not. Then he seemed to decide for the better and turned to the window pane. He stared outside the glass.</p>
<p>Tony looked with him. The view was extraordinary. The Senna was sparkling in the evening shine.<br/>Steve remained silent while Tony shifted his own look from the landscape to the man sitting on his side. And once again he couldn’t decide which view was the most worthwhile.</p>
<p>Then Steve closed for a bit his eyes, his bottom lip trembling the slightest. He breathed for a while, in and out, then opened his eyes again and focused on the landscape.</p>
<p>“What do you think of it?” Tony asked with enthusiasm and huge anticipation.</p>
<p>He waited for Steve’s reaction. The other man was looking out of the window with a strange expression. Something seemed to be breaking inside his eyes. A gaze filled with wonder and amazement but at the same time a sorrow no one could even imagine if they hadn’t find themselves in the same situation Steve had experienced.</p>
<p>“I-“ he started, but his voice died in his throat.</p>
<p>Tony twirled his nose. “You don’t have to say anything” he warned.</p>
<p>Steve didn’t turn away his look from the view. He kept watching with the same investment, the same forlorn expression veiling his face. “It’s different.”</p>
<p>“I know” Tony replied. But he didn’t. For a moment he felt bad for having suggested he could soothe what Steve was feeling. He didn’t want to assume anything nor did he want to lessen Steve’s pain. He just wanted to make him feel supported, protected, watched on. </p>
<p>“There were no lights” Steve murmured. “Last time. There were no lights.”</p>
<p>Tony shuddered. His throat closed up. It must be very heartbreaking. It was heartbreaking to even <em>listen</em> to it.</p>
<p>“I like it now” Steve went on.</p>
<p>Tony nodded, even though Steve wasn’t even looking at him. “You’re gonna like it even more once we’re gonna walk down the streets.”</p>
<p>Steve turned all of a sudden to look at him, and Tony noticed a hint of terror in that blue stare.<br/>“I don’t know-“ Steve softly whispered.</p>
<p>Tony tilted his head. “What do you not know?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I- I don’t know if I wanna walk down the streets” he confessed.</p>
<p>Tony pursed his lips, his expression softened once more while seeing Steve lowering his gaze. His shoulders were bent, and he was tormenting his own hands. Tony reached for them, and Steve seemed to appreciate the contact. He didn’t even startle.</p>
<p>“We don’t have to, if you don’t want to” Tony reassured him. He was willing to spend the whole week in the hotel if Steve didn’t want to see those streets again. <em>Hell</em>, he was willing to spend his whole life in the hotel just to see Steve happy.</p>
<p>“Okay” Steve nodded.</p>
<p>“Okay” Tony repeated.</p>
<p>Then Steve turned away his look again, back at the view outside the window. “It seems another universe. Another reality” he murmured.<br/>“It seems out of time” he then added in a whisper.</p>
<p>Tony didn’t know what to say. He was silently aching for the other man, and could not find any word of comfort.</p>
<p>“I’m here” he settled for, after a while.<br/>Once again Steve brought his eyes on him. A hint of a smile seemed to show up on his sorrowful face.</p>
<p>“I know” he said. “That’s why I’m not afraid.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>When they finally made it to the hotel, they both got out of the car and let it to a chauffeur to park it. A porter took their luggage as they walked in the hotel hall. The place looked very fancy, but Tony appreciated the fine elegance of it all.<br/>They approached the reception. Steve remained a step behind.</p>
<p>“How can I help you?” the woman behind the table asked them.</p>
<p>Tony took off the sunglasses he had put on a moment before coming in. He moved closer to the woman. “Agent Leroy sent us here” he stated, then retreated himself.</p>
<p>The smile abandoned the woman’s face. “Oh” she murmured. “You must be Mr Stark.”</p>
<p>“Indeed I am” Tony grinned. “And behind me there is Captain America, but he’s a little shy.”</p>
<p>Steve smiled blushing and nodded at the receptionist.</p>
<p>“Alright, I prepared you a double room because I thought you might need to discuss about your tasks, but I can give you two singles if you prefer it” the woman told them earnestly.</p>
<p>Tony gulped. “Yeah- well, perhaps the two singles would be better” he replied trying not to sound somehow affected by the question. Obviously he would have loved to have a double room, but he was not going to make decisions for Steve without his consent.</p>
<p>“Actually-” Steve stepped ahead. “If you don’t mind, I mean-“ he blushed furiously.</p>
<p>Tony smiled reassuringly even though his heart was falling to pieces. <em>He really does hate the idea of sharing a room with me,</em> he thought.<br/>“No problem Cap, the lady will prepare us two rooms-“</p>
<p>“Yes, obviously. I’m deeply sorry-“ the woman apologised frantically.</p>
<p>Steve flushed even more. “No, I was actually asking you- if that’s not a problem, I mean- you know, I wouldn’t mind having the double?” he looked painfully in Tony’s direction, his cheeks way too red now.</p>
<p>On the other hand Tony thought he might fly. “What? No, yeah, I mean, of course! Of course we can have the double! It’s perfect, let’s have the double” he looked at the receptionist. “Let’s have the double!” he repeated again.</p>
<p>The woman looked very confused at their interaction but after an instant she smiled. “Well, then here’s your card” she handed Tony a magnetic card. “If you should need anything don’t hesitate asking. I hope you have a great permanence!” she wished them and grinned widely.</p>
<p>Tony put on the glasses again. “Thank you for your patience” he smiled, then gestured at Steve to follow him and they both headed at the elevator. The lift was very silent.</p>
<p>Once they got into their suite, Tony understood that this trip was either going to make his wishes come true or pathetically shatter his heart.</p>
<p>“It’s nice” Steve commented.</p>
<p>Tony nodded, but he was staring at the king size bed in the middle of the room. “I’m gonna use the bathroom, if that’s not a problem” he said, and Steve told him to go ahead.<br/>Tony got into the room to change his clothes, but it was mainly a reason to just be alone for a few minutes to try understanding what was going on.</p>
<p>So Steve had blatantly refused his kiss but was now asking him to share the same bedroom? He had thought after his rejection Steve wouldn’t want to have any intimate contact with him, but now, to think they were going to sleep next to each other- <em>wait a minute</em>, Tony thought, because he had suddenly remembered there was a coach in their suite, so Steve was most likely going to settle on it.</p>
<p>Tony snorted: he didn’t want Steve to be uncomfortable, not when he was already feeling so afraid in the city itself. He decided he was going to propose to be the one sleeping on the couch.<br/>He wore his pajamas and left the bathroom, and Steve got in it right after. </p>
<p>Tony looked at the room: Steve hadn’t still unpacked anything, so Tony couldn’t understand what his next move was gonna be. He waited for the man to come out of the restroom.</p>
<p>“So-“ Tony spoke as soon as he spotted Steve’s blond head. “I was thinking- It wouldn’t be a problem for me to sleep on the couch-“</p>
<p>“What?” Steve interrupted him. “Not at all” he looked quite outraged.</p>
<p>Tony frowned. “Okay” he conceded. “But I don’t want you to sleep on the couch either. You’re already feeling an outsider in this place, I don’t want you to worsen your mental health even more.”</p>
<p>Steve tilted his head, then seemed to get something unknown to Tony. He widened his eyes and shifted on his feet. “I thought we were going to sleep in the same bed, but I only get now it must sound ridiculous to you, I’m so sorry” he muttered.</p>
<p>Tony opened his mouth. “You <em>what</em>?”</p>
<p>“No, no, no, I’m sorry. For real, you’re right. I’m gonna sleep on the couch” Steve gestured at the couch in the corner of the room and actually headed at it, but Tony stopped him.</p>
<p>“It’s okay!” he answered. “I would really like to.”</p>
<p>Steve snorted. “Tony, I know you have trouble falling asleep, you wouldn’t close an eye on the couch-”</p>
<p>“I’m not talking about that damn couch” Tony rolled his eyes. “I’m telling you it’s okay if we both- I don’t mind sleeping with you.” He tightened his eyes in realisation and actually wanted to kill himself. “<em>Gosh</em>, that sounded awful, that’s not what I meant.”</p>
<p>Steve laughed. “I got it, Tony” he smiled. “I don’t mind it either.”</p>
<p>“Alright” Tony replied.</p>
<p>“Alright” Steve grinned.</p>
<p>For a moment they kept looking at each other, then Steve cleared his throat. “Then I’m gonna- I’m gonna go to bed.”</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “Yeah, no, of course. Me too.”</p>
<p>Once they were both under the blanket, Steve turned off the little lamp on his night stand.<br/>Tony breathed slowly, tying to impress in his memory the feeling of the mattress arching under the weight of Steve Rogers sleeping next to him, for the eternity.</p>
<p>“Good night, Tony” Steve whispered after a moment. His breath slightly ruffled Tony’s hair, who was facing him his back. Tony tightened his eyes and his chest ached in the dark. It was so little yet so much for his heart to take.<br/>He fought back the urge to cry at the realisation it was never going to happen.</p>
<p>“Good night, Steve” he told him back, then waited for dreams full of stars and stripes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi everyone!</p>
<p>Hope you enjoyed the chapter!</p>
<p>I also hope everyone is safe during this difficult time. Take care!</p>
<p>Let me know what you think of this story in the comments, if you want to! Any feedback is well accepted.</p>
<p>Have a great day, love you!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Good morning.”</p>
<p>The low voice made Tony startle. He opened his eyes in an instant and almost had a stroke when he lost himself in the bluest gaze he had ever seen.</p>
<p>Steve was staring at him at a few inches of distance, his eyes were still weary with sleep but there was a wide smile on his face.<br/>Tony’s heart jumped, he couldn’t believe such a vision this early in the morning. Steve was glowing in the light creeping through the windows, he was so beautiful he looked unreal.</p>
<p>“Hey” Tony replied, and cleared his throat when he realised his voice had come out like a whine.</p>
<p>The very thought of waking up in a bed next to Steve Rogers was doing wonders to his chest- and to other parts of his body. But he couldn’t think about it.<br/>It would have been not only highly embarrassing, but also extremely inappropriate. The possibility of him standing up with a hard-on horrified him; Steve would have finally closed their friendship for real.</p>
<p>“Slept well?” Steve asked. So innocent, so pure.</p>
<p>Tony nodded. He had actually slept very well. Yeah, of course, he had slept next to Steve so that was basically obvious, but still he enjoyed how much influence Steve had over him.<br/>Indeed, it was one of the very first nights in which he had managed to have a full six or even seven hours sleep without waking up from time to time. He did not have any nightmare, so that had to be considered a win.</p>
<p>“What about you?” he turned back the question. “What does it feel like to wake up in the middle of Paris and just enjoy the view?”</p>
<p>Steve blushed violently, and it occurred to Tony that he had wiggled his eyebrows while talking, making Steve think he considered himself to be the view. He widened his eyes.</p>
<p>“That’s not what I meant-“ Tony started, but Steve smiled shyly.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I am indeed enjoying the view” he interrupted Tony, but didn’t look at him. He actually gazed toward the window, facing the Eiffel Tower.</p>
<p>Tony followed his gaze: he knew it was cliche, but he wanted to make it special for Steve. Furthermore, who could blame him for taking a little advantage out of it.</p>
<p>“I still can’t believe it’s all back to the normality” Steve murmured.</p>
<p>Tony turned to face the window too, giving Steve his back. It was a nice morning, sun was shining and perhaps it was also gonna be quite warm.</p>
<p>“I mean,” Steve continued. “I’m not saying it as a bad thing.”</p>
<p>Tony huffed at the clarification.</p>
<p>“It’s just that- it’s so weird. When I was fighting, I didn’t even <em>know</em> if there was ever going to be a day after, let alone the thought that the city, this city that had been <em>destroyed</em>, would be ever going to look like this again.” He silenced himself, and gaped a little. “It amazes me.”</p>
<p>Tony remained quiet. It felt so weird to think about a time period in which he could have looked outside of this window and just see desolation. He often took things for granted, and now that he was thinking about it, he found himself being very lucky.</p>
<p>He jumped up when he felt an unexpected touch on his back, and he turned to face Steve almost immediately.</p>
<p>Steve was looking at him, the sweetest of expressions. “Thank you” he whispered.</p>
<p>Tony relaxed. He smiled a little uncomfortably. “And for what?” he asked, trying not to sound bothered.</p>
<p>Steve smiled back. “For being here. For having insisted to spare the room, the <em>bed</em>, with me. If I had woken up this morning all alone in front of this window, I would have felt so lonely.”</p>
<p>Steve lowered his eyes, way too conscious of Tony’s stare. But Tony was aching, that familiar warmth pooling in his heart, and for a moment he felt kind of bad for having insisted to share the same room just because he wanted Steve to be close to him.</p>
<p>He gently squeezed Steve’s arm, trying to keep it friendly, just two buddies talking about their feelings while sharing the same mattress.</p>
<p>“I would have felt lonely too” he confessed, and it really was the truth. He loved Paris, but he couldn’t deny the melancholy he would feel in his chest because of its nostalgic beauty. </p>
<p>Steve smiled softly.</p>
<p>“So,” Steve spoke again. “What are the plans for today, chief?”</p>
<p>Tony giggled at the nickname. This trip was going to break his heart. “I thought we could, like- visit the town or something for starters?”</p>
<p>Steve nodded.</p>
<p>“We have the first part of the day free” Tony informed.<br/>Late in the afternoon they were going to attend a meeting with the agent that had greeted them back in Bordeaux. Tony had no interest in the matter, but he knew that mission was the main reason they were in Paris, so he reminded himself to stick to the plan. It still didn’t mean they couldn’t enjoy their free morning, though. </p>
<p>“I’m not that good of a tour guide, but, you know- we can make it work” Tony grinned, then stood up from the bed. He would have given anything to just stay in bed with Steve the whole day, but that was not something to even take into account, so he just shook it off his mind.<br/>“I’m gonna make us look like tourists, we’re gonna visit the whole town and you’re gonna love it, Cap. You have my word.”</p>
<p>Steve stood up too. “I’m sure about it, Tony, I trust you.”</p>
<p>Steve then proceeded to get dressed right there, without even flinching, while Tony was left kind of struck by his acts. Yeah, he had seen Steve changing many times, but this was different and incredibly intimate due to the fact they were sharing the same room.</p>
<p>He tried to turn away his look but it was like a one life experience, and he really couldn’t help but stare at Steve’s bare chest while he was stripping off his shirt. Once Steve had finally freed his head from the collar of his shirt, he glanced at Tony and found him already staring at him.</p>
<p>Tony turned away his eyes immediately. “I’m gonna- I’m gonna go change in the bathroom.” He cleared his throat, and without even waiting for an answer he closed himself in the little stall.<br/>He knew it, he had to get a grip, he really knew it, but <em>good lord</em> Steve really seemed to be teasing him.</p>
<p>After a few minutes he got out of the bathroom. Steve was sitting on the bed all intent on reading a guide book he had insisted on buying during their car drive to the city. He really wanted to catch up to the news.<br/>“Can we go to these art galleries?” he blurted out as soon as he got a glimpse of Tony.</p>
<p>Tony looked at the names Steve was pointing at in the little book.<br/>“<em>D’Orsay museum</em>” Tony read. “Of course, why not?”</p>
<p>Steve grinned. “I heard Sam talking about it. He went there last summer, he sounded very enthusiast about it” Steve’s voice came out hesitant, like he was trying to justify his interest.</p>
<p>Tony’s expression softened. “I’d really like to visit it with you” he assured, and warmed up when he noticed how Steve had changed his expression.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna offer you lunch after that, to repay you for your kindness.”</p>
<p>Tony jumped up. The thought of Steve buying him a meal was flattering but that wasn’t a date, and he really didn’t have to. He shook his head.<br/>“I’m not doing this as a favour. I mean- I like to see you happy, but it’s a place I’d really like to visit too” he tried to sound convincing, and Steve actually relaxed.</p>
<p>Tony had previously been in Paris, of course, but his visits had not been cultural or artistic in any way. His father would take him and his mother to France, but leave them by their own while he took part in conferences and meetings, and Tony and his mom would just wander through shops and restaurants until Howard would show up again. Not his best memories, to be fair.</p>
<p>That’s why he really wanted to enjoy this trip with Steve, because he found it kind of sad to think of one of the nicest towns in the world in that kind of melancholic way.<br/>Furthermore, even if Steve had explicitly rejected him, it was not like they were not still very close. He couldn’t think of a better friend, so Tony was really glad they were there together.</p>
<p>“Alright” Steve conceded. “But let’s set off, it’s already late!”</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “You really are a morning person, aren’t you?” he faked a cough. “<em>Disgusting</em>” he said, then smiled again and they both headed out of the room. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Walking along the streets of Paris with Steve standing by his side had to be considered Tony’s life’s peak. He was feeling over the moon. He kept bubbling about meaningless things just to keep his mouth running and not think about the fear in his chest of not being able to grab the moment he was experiencing, and keep it in his heart forever.</p>
<p>Steve was making his look wander from one place to another, his look full of amazement and his mouth hanging open.</p>
<p>“And because of this they decided- Steve?” Tony interrupted himself, because the other man had stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk. He was looking at the Eiffel Tower in the background.</p>
<p>“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Tony commented while looking at the building too.</p>
<p>Steve didn’t say anything for a moment, then he nodded. “I had seen it, that time, of course” he mumbled. “But, you know- it’s different now.”</p>
<p>Tony smiled softly. “Everything is different, now. A good different. A <em>better</em> different.”</p>
<p>Steve turned his face and locked his eyes in Tony’s. “You’re right” he affirmed.<br/>His eyes were full of that trust Steve would always show whenever he spoke to Tony, the belief that he was always going to tell him the truth. Tony would have rather die before seeing that expression leave Steve’s face.</p>
<p>“We gotta take the metro” Tony informed him, just to make Steve turn away his look. That blue stare of his was starting to make him feel embarrassed.</p>
<p>It was always like that with him: he would pray whatever deity from above to make Steve say something to him, but as soon as Steve would talk to him, Tony would do whatever it was in his power to make the talk end and set himself free from that hunting gaze.</p>
<p>“The metro?” Steve asked dubiously.</p>
<p>“Yeah, we’ll get to the museum sooner. Come this way.”</p>
<p>Steve twitched his mouth but didn’t add anything else, instead he followed Tony down the underground.<br/>They waited for the metro to arrive for a few minutes, Steve frowning and looking intensely at the map on the wall with all the stops, meanwhile Tony kept his hands pushed in his pockets, trying to shield himself from the cold wind blowing.</p>
<p>When the metro finally arrived, he hurried Steve up and they both got up, but once they were standing inside the vehicle, face to face while holding the support handle, Steve seemed to grimace again.<br/>He kept on looking outside the window panes, frantically watching the signs of every stop they’d pass.</p>
<p>“Cap” Tony called. Steve brought his eyes on him on the spot. He was so pale he looked ill.</p>
<p>“You okay?” Tony asked him. Steve nodded right away, but his eyes were quickly filling with tears.</p>
<p>“Hey” Tony murmured, and he grabbed Steve’s hand around the handle.</p>
<p>His knuckles were white, and the metal under his fingers was slowly starting to bend.<br/>“I need to-“ Steve panted. “I need to take some air.”</p>
<p>Tony frowned with concern. “Hey, sweetheart, breathe” he tried not to flinch at his own usage of the pet name, but in that moment he could not conceal his fondness and worry for the man in front of him.</p>
<p>“We’re almost arrived. We can get down at the next stop, babe, but you have to stay strong for a few minutes” he warned.</p>
<p>Steve nodded frantically and he started taking big breaths, his chest rising quickly.</p>
<p>“Like this, good boy, keep on doing it” Tony held his hand tighter, and Steve seemed to appreciate the contact. He closed his eyes and kept on breathing.</p>
<p>“We can set the alarm on if you feel like it” Tony proposed. He would have opened the doors of the cabin with his bare hands if that meant for Steve to stop suffering.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head frenetically. “No” he panted. “No need to.”<br/>In that moment a drill rang and the sliding doors opened.</p>
<p>Tony squeezed Steve’s hand. “Come out, let’s walk” he guided Steve out of the cabin and the man followed him like a lost puppy.</p>
<p>They resurfaced and the sunshine hit them with its beams.</p>
<p>“Take deep breaths, honey, everything is okay.” Now that he had started with the pet names he just couldn’t seem to be able to stop it. He shut his eyes tight damning himself, but Steve didn’t comment on it. He actually breathed a few times, facing the sun with his eyes closed. His complexion was slowly starting to look healthy again.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry” he murmured after a few seconds.</p>
<p>Tony frowned. “For what?”</p>
<p>Steve lowered his head. He brought a hand to his nape. “For the scene I made” he mumbled.<br/>He tightened his eyes in sorrow. “It just- I’ve always been claustrophobic. I’m sorry” Steve stuttered.</p>
<p>Tony ached silently. Even after suffering that deeply, Steve was still apologising.<br/>“There is nothing to be sorry about. You had a little panic, I get it. It happens to me too, sometimes” he reassured him.</p>
<p>Steve raised his eyes again. “You do?” he asked with a questioning voice.</p>
<p>Tony really did, and not just sometimes. It was actually happening pretty often right now, but he didn’t want to worry Steve, nor diminish what he had just experienced.<br/>“The important thing is that now it’s gone” he tried cheering up Steve, but it didn’t look like he wanted to be cheered up.</p>
<p>“Do you wanna talk about it, Tony?” he actually clapped back.</p>
<p>Tony remained quiet. That was funny: Steve had just experienced a panic attack but he wanted to talk about Tony’s mental health. Once again, Tony had been selfish and brought the topic on himself.<br/>“Not at all” he replied with too much emphasis.</p>
<p>Steve raised an eye brow. “Perhaps you should.”</p>
<p><em>Maybe another time</em>, Tony thought. The last thing he wanted right now was to start a discussion about his mental issues. He really wasn’t up for that.<br/>“We should really head to the gallery, or else we won’t make it to our other appointments” he replied.</p>
<p>“<em>Tony</em>” Steve just told him, that benevolent yet reproaching tone in his voice.</p>
<p>“Alright, let’s go!” he moved off and heard Steve scoffing behind him. “There are still a lot of thing we have to do Cap, let’s keep on pace!”</p>
<p>After half an hour they started seeing the big building in which the art gallery took place. It was an old castle, with a huge yard around of it. A massive bridge would lead to the entry, while on the sides of it, the river was streaming quietly in the sunshine.</p>
<p>“Let’s go inside, shall we?” Tony exhorted.</p>
<p>Steve grinned at him and they both headed at the entry.<br/>Tony had never been inside the gallery, he had only saw the building from the outside. The sight left him breathless.</p>
<p>“It’s breathtaking” Steve mumbled as a whisper, wording Tony’s thoughts. Tony nodded.</p>
<p>The ceiling was very high and made of glass, so sunshine would creep through it and flood the whole room.<br/>The place was full of people walking back and forth, from painting to painting, pointing at canvas to each other and posing for pictures in front of the art pieces.<br/>There were several stairs leading at the other sides of the hall, while on the sides of the room there were sculptures of marble.<br/>At the end of the room, a huge clock hung on top of the ceiling was dominating the atmosphere.</p>
<p>He turned to look at Steve who was still gaping at the immense room. He found him with his mouth slightly parted, his eyes in bliss as he was trying to engrave in his mind every single detail of the view, probably succeeding in his act, considering his eidetic memory.</p>
<p>Tony smiled subtly. He would have given anything in the world to be looked like that by Steve.</p>
<p>“Shall we take a look around?” he proposed, and Steve suddenly became aware of his presence once again.</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course!” Steve exclaimed. “I’m just- I can’t believe all of this, Tony. I can’t believe it.” His eyes turned sad and melancholic for a brief moment, then he smiled. “Let’s go” he grinned.</p>
<p>Visiting an art gallery with Steve was not something Tony could ever be prepared for. Steve seemed intentioned on looking at every single piece of art. He started stepping in in each room at a brisk pace, as if the paintings could somehow disappear if he wasn’t that fast to look at them.</p>
<p>Tony struggled to keep his peace, not only because his legs were <em>not the legs of a surf magazine model, Steve Rogers</em>, but also because as soon as he could get a grasp of whatever the painting was representing, Steve would already drag him to another piece of art.</p>
<p>“Look at these two!” Steve exclaimed with a huge grin on his face. “Oh! These are one of my faves!” he sighed loudly in front of a painting.</p>
<p>“<em>Naissance du Venus</em>” Tony read the target out loud.</p>
<p>“Yeah” Steve confirmed. “And the other one is <em>The birth of Venus</em>.”</p>
<p>“It means the same thing” Tony mumbled, and Steve raised an eyebrow at him.</p>
<p>“I can speak French too, thank you very much” he clapped back in annoyance.</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “Hey there, Mr. <em>I know and speak properly ten languages</em> calm down!”</p>
<p>Steve laughed too. “It's the same figure but it is a revisitation of it from two different artists” he explained coming back at the paintings. “I think they’re beautiful” Steve stared at the images of a naked Venus surrounded by angels while laying on the waters.</p>
<p>“They are indeed” Tony conceded. He had never really considered himself an art critic, nor he was, but he couldn’t deny the two paintings had some sort of atmosphere of calmness in them. A peace he could only imagine.</p>
<p>“Come on” Steve shook him to senses. “There are so many more things to see.”</p>
<p>They wandered around many halls, staring at the most various and different paintings, as Steve mumbled about details and techniques and specific definitions Tony would forget in the exact moment he would mention them. He realised Steve must feel the same whenever he talked about his projects.</p>
<p>It was actually so amusing to listen to Steve being extremely raptured by those gaudy colors, and Tony found himself in awe with everything Steve would say. He talked with so much passion, and there was a light in his eyes whenever he would spot a painting he had only ever heard about.</p>
<p>“Oh my god, Tony” Steve pointed excited at a huge canvas hung in the middle of the room they were in. “It’s <em>The luncheon on the grass</em>!”<br/>He paced toward it, so near he could point a finger and actually touch the painting itself.</p>
<p>“Steve, you might want to step back. I think it’s gonna set the alarm on” Tony warned frowning.</p>
<p>Steve didn’t listen to him. “It’s Manet!” he exclaimed with the same awe. “Oh my god!”<br/>Steve grinned so widely Tony’s heart stopped beating for an instant. He breathlessly looked at another breathless Steve looking at the painting. </p>
<p>That huge smile on Steve’s face made Tony remember about that time after he had thrown the nuke into space in New York, when he was laying on the concrete and the first thing he had seen once he had come to his senses again was that big grin of Steve. He gloated a little thinking he had caused the same beautiful expression Steve was directing at those masterpieces right now.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t have ever even <em>imagined</em> I could see it one day!” Steve kept on talking. “It’s- I’m <em>so</em>-“ he glanced back and forth between the painting and Tony. His eyes were glimmering and his cheeks were slightly flushed. “Thank you, Tony” he eventually settled for.</p>
<p>Tony’s heart made a flip back. He shifted a little on his feet, aware that his own neck was starting to blush. “It’s- it’s really nothing, Steve” he mumbled rubbing at his nape.<br/>When did he become an awkward teenager in front of his crush? He cleared his throat. “I mean-“ he tried again. “You’re welcome.”</p>
<p>Steve smiled at him softly, tilting his head. “I’m serious” Steve pointed out.</p>
<p>Tony tightened his lips. He would have gladly thrown his arms around Steve’s neck and kissed him senseless, if he hadn’t been so burnt about his previous rejection. He felt his heart ache.<br/>“Me too” he smiled feebly.</p>
<p>Steve turned away his gaze, and got back at awing at the painting. Then he seemed to remember they still had several artworks to see, so he dragged Tony to another room.</p>
<p>They got back at their speed pace and this time Tony felt more at ease. He laughed whenever Steve would jump at another canvas he <em>wouldn’t have ever thought would see in his whole life</em>. He listened at Steve pointing out historic facts about the artists’ life, and he himself tried to analyse the color and the techniques used, while Steve giggled at him whenever Tony would make up some term he could not remember. </p>
<p>“It’s called <em>Pointillism</em>!” Steve laughed out loud, holding his belly and squeezing his eyes.</p>
<p>Tony was laughing too. “It’s the <em>same</em> thing!” he exclaimed.</p>
<p>Steve laughed again. “I can’t!” he whined. “You called it <em>Dottillism</em> with your whole chest!”</p>
<p>Tony pretended to grunt. “Well, I’m sorry! Not everyone is a fanboy of Michelangelo, or- Da Vinci, <em>whatever</em>!” he scoffed pouting.</p>
<p>Steve giggled for another moment, then looked at Tony with a benevolent expression. “You’d be a terrible art critic” he stated.</p>
<p>Tony faked a gasp. “I’m offended, you Steven Grant Rogers. How dare you!”</p>
<p>Steve huffed shaking his head, and once again Tony had the urge to kiss that laughing mouth, just to taste Steve’s happiness.</p>
<p>Steve probably realised Tony had gone quiet, and stopped laughing with an embarrassed look.<br/>“We should continue our visit” he proposed, and Tony nodded, grateful that the silence could come to an end.</p>
<p>The other room was filled with paintings of dancers, and in the middle of the hall there was a glass case with a wax statue of a young ballerina in it.</p>
<p>“She’s so gracious” Tony commented. The girl was standing with one of her feet pointed to the floor, her hands behind her back, and the head looking straight up, two braids adorning her face.</p>
<p>“Makes me think of Nat” Steve murmured. They both stared at the statue for a moment. “She must have looked like this, so young.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded. They still didn’t know many things about Natasha, and probably never would have. But she had hinted she had been a ballerina, once, and the way she had said that had made all of them deduce it was not a joyous memory of a normal childhood. He shuddered in sadness.<br/>“Let’s carry on” he exhorted. </p>
<p>They eventually found a room with Van Gogh’s paintings and Tony gladly sighed at the realisation.<br/>“Finally! I know everything about this guy!” he told Steve. “He’s the madman who cut his ear.”</p>
<p>Steve laughed shaking his head. “I can’t believe you” he said with a hopeless sigh. “You’ve just referred to Vincent Van Gogh as <em>the madman who cut his ear</em>.”</p>
<p>Tony raised a brow. “And what about it?” he challenged smiling subtly.</p>
<p>Steve went on analysing the canvas to Tony, explaining to him the meaning of the gaudy colours the artist had decided to use. Then he narrated to him the fight between Van Gogh and another artist named Gauguin, and why he had decided to cut his ear.</p>
<p>“I bet they were fucking” Tony stated with the most serious expression.</p>
<p>Steve blushed violently. “<em>What</em>?” he almost chocked.</p>
<p>“Oh, come on!” Tony began to explain with an obvious look. “It’s obvious. They lived for years in the same house, just the two of them, inseparable and best of friends, then one day they fight and the nutter decides to cut his ear for his homie? They were fucking.”</p>
<p>Steve gasped a little, trying to find his words. “Well- it’s <em>not</em>- it’s not obvious. I mean- two men can  live together and care for each other and just be friends, I mean- me and Bucky used to act the same and we were really just friends and- well- think about <em>us</em>.”</p>
<p>Tony’s blood froze in his veins, and for a moment he thought he could not breath anymore.</p>
<p>“It’s- It’s <em>totally</em> possible” Steve finished.</p>
<p>Tony remained still, damning himself for having brought out the topic.<br/>He had once again dug his own ditch just because he couldn’t help but act flirtatious with the other guy. And now Steve had explicitly stated they were just good buddies. <em>Nice</em>, really nice.</p>
<p>Steve was still mumbling something under his breath, things like <em>can’t believe you</em> and <em>it’s not obvious</em>, so Tony turned his eyes to him and Steve blushed again.</p>
<p>“Plus, it was a <em>really</em> complicated relationship. They cared for each other but there was just this- this <em>obsessed</em> bond between them, like- they couldn’t help but hurt each other even though they just wanted to protect the other.”</p>
<p>Tony frowned. Alright, now it really <em>did</em> sound like their own relationship. And the problem here was that Steve was second by second shattering every little hope Tony had that their connection could somehow hide a deeper feeling.</p>
<p>But the way Steve was denying in the most explicit way the possibility of the two artists feeling something for each other bothered him, so Tony commented just for the purpose of annoying Steve.<br/>“Sounds gay but okay” he muttered.</p>
<p>“<em>Well</em>-“ Steve started, but a voice interrupted him before he could clap back.</p>
<p>“Excuse-moi, messieurs” an old lady asked, and they both turned to look at her. The woman was gesturing at them to move away because she was trying to look at the painting.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, <em>so</em> sorry” Steve blushed and immediately took a step back.</p>
<p>“Nous sommes désolés” Tony apologised, slightly bowing to the lady who grinned at them.</p>
<p>“Ce n’est pas un problème” the lady smiled.</p>
<p>They went away a little embarrassed, but they did not comment on their previous talk anymore.</p>
<p>“Perhaps we should go” Steve stated after a while, but Tony shut him right away.</p>
<p>“Look at that!” he exclaimed.</p>
<p>Steve raised his look and opened his mouth.<br/>“It’s <em>The Starry Night over the Rhone</em>” he murmured.</p>
<p>Tony smiled benevolently and they both approached the painting.<br/>Steve looked at the canvas in total awe and didn’t add a single word. His mouth was still hanging open, and once again Tony looked at him instead of looking at the masterpiece. His blue eyes were way brighter than the shining night sky printed inside the frame.</p>
<p>He lowered his own eyes aching, because seeing Steve so amazed and so at ease, thinking about how much he was scared of coming to Paris, made him want to hug him, and reassure him that the whole city was like that painting, and he would have not allowed anyone to make him think otherwise.</p>
<p>He noticed Steve was standing still with his arms along his body, his hands were finally not in his pockets. And it would have been so easy for Tony to just grab his fingers, and hold his hand, and just keep him with him forever. And <em>oh</em>! What he would have given to live inside that peaceful canvas with Steve for the rest of his life!</p>
<p>“It’s like last night” Steve murmured, then turned his look to stare at Tony. “The lights. They are like last night.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded. “Yeah” he affirmed, then cleared his throat because his voice had never sounded more chocked.</p>
<p>“Is everything okay?” Steve asked not even trying to hide the concern in his tone.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah” Tony grinned, but he could not deny the moment was so overwhelming he was almost considering to cry. “I was just thinking-“ Tony added. “I was thinking that we really should go.”</p>
<p>Steve turned to look at the canvas again, one last moment, and Tony thought that he was probably trapping in his own eyes all the stars of the painting. Then Steve smiled, still looking at the wall. “Alright, we can go now.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>When they got out, sunshine invested them. They decided to go eating in a restaurant Tony really wanted to show Steve. He wanted him to only have good memories of their trip, so he tried to recollect in his mind every place in which he had been good, and proposed to Steve to just trust him.</p>
<p>They walked for a while and Steve seemed to enjoy the nice weather. He kept smiling and repeating excited comments about the canvas they had seen in the art gallery.</p>
<p>“You know, it really did inspire me to start painting again” he confessed a little shyly.</p>
<p>Tony grinned. “It’s so good to hear you say this!” he commented.</p>
<p>When Steve had come visiting the tower at the beginning of the team-building, he had dropped a few hints he had always enjoyed making art, but in that big tower he felt like there was no room for his futile artworks, especially not among those mechanical and technological stuff. And obviously Tony had taken that as a challenge, and had decided to spoil Steve with whatever art tool he had knowledge of.</p>
<p>Steve had appreciated it, and Tony had tried to use it as a way to persuade him to move into the tower, but Steve had not accepted, and he had just left all those gifts there, promising he would use them whenever he would come visiting.<br/>One thing or another, he never really had the chance.</p>
<p>“I’m really <em>really</em> glad to hear this, Cap” Tony emphasised again. “Can’t wait to look at you while you paint in the attic once we’re back.”</p>
<p>Steve blushed at it, and Tony got suddenly aware of the confession he had made. “I mean- I’m obviously not going to bother you” he assured.</p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes. “You know you don’t bother me, Tony.”</p>
<p>“<em>Yeah, yeah</em>” Tony scoffed laughing.</p>
<p>Steve seemed to want to add something, and at first he remained silent, but then he turned to look at him again. “You know, I would really like to paint you, one day.”</p>
<p>Tony stilled and his eyes widened. He imagined for a moment a picture of Steve painting him, all alone in a room, just the two of them, and felt suddenly full of very inappropriate thoughts. He tried to suppress them.</p>
<p>He shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind” he replied with nonchalance, but he was now feeling very hot all over.</p>
<p>“I’m really hungry” Steve changed the topic, and Tony silently thanked him, because it certainly was too early in the morning to be having certain thoughts. He damned himself, it really seemed like a horny day.</p>
<p>He finally spotted the restaurant on the other side of the street and exhorted Steve to cross the road.<br/>The place was bright in the morning light, and not too crowded. It probably would have needed a reservation, considering the elegance of it all, but the waiter recognised Tony just from his smirk, so a few moments later he and Steve were sitting on a table near a huge window.</p>
<p>Steve looked around with his eyes wide and his mouth open, and Tony found it adorable that he looked like a child.</p>
<p>“You like it?” he couldn’t help but ask.</p>
<p>“<em>Tony</em>” Steve just said, and Tony gloated.</p>
<p>“I know it’s not that much” he lied, and Steve shook his head still looking back and forth.</p>
<p>“It actually is.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know” Tony replied with amusement, and finally Steve brought his eyes back on him.</p>
<p>“I really hope you’re not doing all of this just for me” Steve commented worried.</p>
<p>“Just for you? Well, I’m sorry to break it to you Rogers, but you’re not that special. I like to treat myself well” Tony clapped back and wiggled his eyebrows. He was the best at denying his obvious feelings.</p>
<p>The waiter approached them and took their orders, and when they finally started to eat, Tony worked up the courage to open up a little bit.</p>
<p>“The first time I came here it was with my mother” he started cautiously.</p>
<p>He still remembered how Steve had reacted during their car drive, and he didn’t want to trigger the same reaction. But at the same time the city and the restaurant itself had made him think about his mother a lot, and he felt like he could be honest with Steve, and could even allow himself to be a little vulnerable.</p>
<p>“You did?” Steve asked while eating his omelette.</p>
<p>Tony nodded. “She brought me here because it was the place where she used to come with her friends when she was a teenager. She came here and spent the afternoon drinking tea and discussing movies and books.” Tony eyed a table on the other side of the room. For a moment he almost thought he could spot her giggling and moving her dark hair behind her ears.<br/>“The first time I went to Paris she made sure I would fall in love with this city. I hated it, and that broke her heart.”</p>
<p>Steve was listening to him with his most serious look, his eyebrows frowned and his hands entwined over the table.</p>
<p>“She kept on telling me that Paris was the city of love and I was going to find my true love here, one day. But I think she used to tell me so just from her own experience” Tony stated.</p>
<p>Steve looked surprised. “Your parents met each other here?” he asked.</p>
<p>Tony laughed making Steve tense up. “What?” he asked.</p>
<p>Tony stopped giggling and raised one brow in an obvious way. Steve blushed furiously. “<em>Oh</em>” he said. “She was not talking of him.” <br/>Tony shook his head.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, that was stupid” Steve apologised, but Tony gestured with his hand.</p>
<p>“You have nothing to worry about. I realised they were not in love from my early age. I mean- I think they loved each other in some kind of toxic way, but they were certainly not in love.” He noticed his tone sounded resentful, even though he wasn’t.<br/>“My father had always something to say about my life style, and my mother was sometimes too condescending. I think <em>I</em> was the main problem of their miscommunication.”</p>
<p>Steve grimaced. “That’s not true” he stated. He really sounded hurt by what Tony had just said, so Tony decided to lighten the situation.</p>
<p>“Oh no worries, Cap. I’m used to be considered a pain in the ass” he joked. He had expected Steve to at least smile, but the other man didn’t seem to want to laugh. He looked very forlorn.</p>
<p>“You’re not, Tony. You’re one of the most amazing people I know” he confessed, then seemed to think about it again. “You’re actually <em>the</em> most amazing.”</p>
<p>Tony smiled sadly. He loved when Steve complimented him, but he didn’t want him to do it because he found him pathetic.</p>
<p>“Yeah, well- It was really not a problem to me” Tony shrugged. “When you grow up with a father like mine, you learn not to get offended too easily.”</p>
<p>Steve grabbed his glass and drank for a moment. Then he looked at Tony straight in his eyes.<br/>“Was he really that bad?” he asked curiously.</p>
<p>“You wanna know what I think about my old man?” Tony asked. He tried to hint at a huff in his voice but he had to admit to himself his heart was aching.</p>
<p>Steve tilted his head. “Only if you wanna talk about it” he conceded.</p>
<p>Tony tried to smile without real success. “<em>Oh man</em>, what can I say? I hated the guy. No, I’m lying, I did not” he immediately corrected himself. He looked at Steve. The blond one was listening all focused, his eyes not turning away the slightest bit.</p>
<p>“I used to feel a deep admiration toward him” Tony carefully kept on talking. “I used to think he was everything that mattered in my life. Whenever I would do something new I could not help but ask myself what he would say about it. I always hoped to make him proud. I don’t even know if I felt any affection or only fear, perhaps? I still cannot tell.”<br/>Tony shut his mouth. His eyes fell on his own hands, and he noticed they were subtly shaking. He stilled them.<br/>“But I don’t really care. I’m better than him” he stated.</p>
<p>Steve remained quiet, but seemed to fidget on his seat.</p>
<p>That annoyed Tony. For a moment he thought that Steve was going to contradict him. Tell him that he had actually known his father and there was no way Tony could be better than him.</p>
<p>“I mean- I know he was a genius himself. I think he somehow made me think I could not hope to even reach his level, much less outdo it.”<br/>Tony cleared his throat. He was growing more and more uncomfortable, not only because of the topic, but also because of Steve’s stare not flinching a bit. “But I am Ironman. He could have not invented it. Not even imagined it.”</p>
<p>He raised his chin, pointed his eyes in Steve’s with a hint of challenge. <em>Now go on, tell me I’m wrong</em>, he would have liked to say.</p>
<p>Steve lowered his gaze, perhaps not able to hold Tony’s look.</p>
<p>“I’ve never really known my own” Steve murmured after a while.</p>
<p>Tony’s expression suddenly changed, his face dropped and he bit his bottom lip. He was so sure Steve was going to give his opinion about Tony’s father, that he had not even thought about the fact he may be thinking about his own.</p>
<p>“He died during the Great War. My mother was pregnant at the time. He did not even see me once.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry” Tony worded out.</p>
<p>“It’s not your fault” Steve tilted his eyes up to Tony, his expression frowning. </p>
<p>“I know. I’m still sorry though.”</p>
<p>“You know, my mother used to cry a lot when I was little” Steve went on. “She tried to hide it from me, doing it only when it was late in the night and she thought she was alone, but I could actually hear her every time.”</p>
<p>Tony bit his lip in thought. He remembered it was something his own mother used to do too. But she often didn’t even try to do it on her own. There were times in which she would just burst out crying in front of him, and he had to collect her pieces.</p>
<p>“She never really forgot my father, I guess” Steve concluded, and his look got lost in the view outside the window.</p>
<p>“Do you want to order something else?” the waiter asked them after he had approached the table without them noticing it.</p>
<p>Steve gulped in surprise. “I’m okay” he muttered.</p>
<p>Tony shook his head, so the waiter went away.<br/>“I bet you were the perfect son” Tony guessed smiling.</p>
<p>Steve huffed. “Not at all” he laughed. “I would always put myself in trouble” he lowered his eyes and kept smiling, probably thinking about some memory.</p>
<p>“If so, then we’re not really that different from each other” Tony pointed out. “Once I discovered the pleasures of the body, it was over for me” he laughed.</p>
<p>Steve looked at him with a questioning face. “You’ve always been a troublemaker, am I right?”</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “Nah, I would just keep myself some company.”</p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes and Tony grinned widely. He had started spending the night outside when he was thirteen, and at that age he really thought he was the coolest of his friends, but now it just sounded very sad. He had thrown himself from bed to bed, changing girls and boys whenever he would feel like it, but at the end of the day, when he would come down all that rush, he would feel nothing but an aching emptiness in his chest.</p>
<p>“You know me, I’m a partyholic.”</p>
<p>Steve huffed. “Yeah, alright” he conceded. “From what I’ve been able to see, you are one mendacious man, Tony Stark. You’ve got a heart as big as your tower, yet you try and pretend you’re a cold bastard.”</p>
<p>Tony smirked. Of course he smirked. But he had actually been struck by Steve’s words. Every morning he would conceal any little problem he could even think about, and would just face the day ahead with a numb mask on his face. To be exposed like that made him suddenly aware that sometimes people could still find out his little trick.</p>
<p>“A <em>mendacious</em> man” he repeated, then grinned. “You know what? I should add it to the list. Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist <em>and</em> mendacious.”</p>
<p>Steve burst out laughing. “<em>Oh man</em>, you’ll never gonna change.”</p>
<p>“At least you won’t have no surprises with me” he shrugged. “Can’t say the same about you, mystery boy.”</p>
<p>Steve flushed. “I’m not mysterious” he stuttered.</p>
<p>“I actually think-“ Tony started, but had to stop himself because someone had texted him. It was an unknown number with an address in it, signed by Agent Leroy. “They’re waiting for us, we should go” he exhorted.</p>
<p>Steve nodded, and once they paid for their meal they headed out of the restaurant.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em> “Tony?” his mother’s sweet voice called from an other room. “Tony, would you mind coming here?” she asked again.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony was about to go out. That night he was going to one of the biggest parties of his class course. Being a thirteen year old genius already attending high school, guaranteed him to frequent people older than him. Furthermore, he seemed to have the face of a mature boy, so girls had started to notice him very early.<br/>He couldn’t deny he liked it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yes, mom?” he replied stepping in his mother’s room.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She looked at him smiling benevolently. “You look like such a gentleman.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony shrank in his black suit. “Mom, I’m not a kid anymore” he complained.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She smiled rolling her eyes. “I know, honey, don’t remind me about it.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She got up from her bed and approached her son to fix his bow tie twirling her nose.<br/>“Promise me you’re gonna behave tonight” she warned, and Tony grunted. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His mother never really reproached him for his misbehaviour, but Tony knew there were nights in which she would smell the scent of alcohol coming from his mouth and still choose not to say anything.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Anthony” she warned. He hated when she called him with his entire name.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What?” he asked in annoyance.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Your father doesn’t like it when you spend the night outside. And I don’t, too” she stated.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m. not. a. kid” Tony repeated.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I told him I would have kept an eye on you. I promised him” she added.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony scoffed again, but shut up when his mother stared at him narrowing her eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Alright” Tony conceded. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It still wasn’t enough to her. “Alright what?” she asked.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Alright, I’m gonna behave.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His mother softened. “Here’s my baby.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Mom!” Tony whined.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I know, I know” the woman laughed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Later at the party a group of senior guys found it funny to make the smart-ass kid drunk, and Tony would have rather facing an alcohol coma than disappointing his best men.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It was late in the night when he found himself in the bedroom of the host with a girl on his lap, kissing him and touching him without he even knew her name.<br/>At four in the morning, he collected his crumpled clothes and moved away from his naked chest the arms of a sleeping girl.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Outside the house where the party took place, Jarvis was still waiting for him, dozing while leaning on the limo.<br/>The man greeted Tony without any question, and drove him home in silence.<br/>When he stepped in, the house was in pitch dark except for a dim light in the corner of the living room. Under it, his mother was crouched on an armchair while reading a book.<br/>She raised her head as soon as she heard the door closing, and Tony felt guilty once he noticed she was crying.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m sorry” he muttered. “Mom, I’m so sorry.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She smiled. She would always smile whenever she talked to him. But this time her smile was somehow sad, filled with disappointment.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Go to bed, Tony” she said shaking her head. “Just- go.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The day after, Tony had to deal with his father’s anger directed not only at him, but at his mother too, complaining he couldn’t have to think about his brat son being an alcoholic in his early teenage years.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What is he gonna be at twenty? A nymphomaniac?” the man shouted out of himself.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But apparently he wouldn’t have to wait for his son’s twenties, indeed the rumour that Tony was not that bad in bed had spread among his classmates, and he soon became girls’ most desirable fantasy.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Some time later, Tony found out he was into boys too, and that had two main consequences: the increase of his conquests’ number, and the deepening of his father’s hatred. Both of them largely appreciated by Tony.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The location on Tony’s phone brought them to a fancy building in the centre of the city.</p>
<p>“It should be this one” Tony mumbled.</p>
<p>They got inside the hall and a couple of agents immediately greeted them. They all looked very enthusiast of seeing Captain America approaching.</p>
<p>“You’re a celebrity” Tony commented. Steve smirked dubiously.</p>
<p>The agents then directed them to to the elevator.</p>
<p>The lift was silent, and Tony shifted near Steve. In moments like this, in which he was not acquainted with every people in the team, and especially when he didn’t have sudden access to his suit, he would feel very exposed, as if any threat could come out of nowhere. So he found it reassuring to be standing near the equivalent of a bodybuilder with a superhuman strength.</p>
<p>The elevator doors opened and they stepped outside.</p>
<p>Agent Leroy approached them grinning. “Mr Stark. Captain. Glad to see you again.”<br/>She pointed at a man next to her. “This is Agent Allard.”</p>
<p>The three then shook their hands. “Let’s go inside” the agent invited them and leaded them through a door.</p>
<p>They got into the conference room and found out there were a dozen of agents sitting around an oval table. Agent Leroy pointed them two empty seats and they both sat down.</p>
<p>“So, we’re all here” the head of the team stated. “I’m Louise Blanchard, director of the French SHIELD department” she introduced herself. It was a woman in her late fifties, wearing her hair styled in a low bun. She introduced them to every agent, then sat down too.</p>
<p>“First of all, I would like to thank you both, mr Stark and Captain, for having accepted to work with us. We did not know you would accept it. We contacted Director Fury and he warned us he was not sure you would say yes. So, thank you.”</p>
<p>Steve smiled benevolently.<br/>“It’s a pleasure” Tony commented and Steve subtly side-eyed him.</p>
<p>“We have been informed about your ability. Actually, we had the luck of truly understanding how much the Avengers Team is powerful thanks to live footage of your missions. Furthermore Agent Faucher was present that day in Sokovia. He reported your way of solving the situation was impeccable.”</p>
<p>She looked at a young man sat on the other side of the table. Agent Faucher smiled widely and waved a little his hand.</p>
<p>Tony smirked.</p>
<p>“The help from the whole team would have been considered excessive, but we still needed someone. I informed Director Fury he could send whatever agents he thought would be the best. I was really surprised when he advised me he was going to send you two.”</p>
<p>“I was surprised too” Tony mumbled under his breath, and Steve kicked him under the table, so Tony smiled at the woman.</p>
<p>“It’s an honor to us to be able to help you” Steve remarked.</p>
<p>The agent smiled politely. “It’s something less exciting than saving the world from alien invasions, I suppose, but the case we are working on for months is actually of extreme sensibility. We do not want to rush things and miss the chance of solving it.”</p>
<p>The woman went on. As she spoke about preventive measures of control and how they all wanted the safety of their country, Tony kind of zoned out. He was keeping on repeating himself that that was why he was in Paris, <em>explicitly</em> for this mission, but at the same time he could not help but think that stupid conference was stealing precious time from his trip with Steve.</p>
<p>He just wanted to go out of that big-ass hotel and go back to visiting art galleries and walking side by side with Steve, while pointing out every innovation they had done in the city, and listening to Steve’s stories about the place in his times.<br/>He couldn’t care less about this no-sense mission.</p>
<p>“Alright, mr Stark?” a man asked him.</p>
<p>He shook his head. “<em>What</em>?”</p>
<p>“<em>Tony</em>” Steve murmured quietly.</p>
<p>“May you repeat your question?” he asked, delivering his most charming smile.</p>
<p>The man blushed but tried to hide it. “I wanted to know if it’s okay to you and the Captain to go undercover as a first step.”</p>
<p>“<em>Oh</em>” Tony mumbled. “Yeah, of course.” He actually didn’t care about this, either. Undercover or not, the whole mission wasn’t interesting enough for him to keep his mind away from what really mattered. <em>Steve</em>.</p>
<p>“It’s okay to me, too” Steve replied, and the man nodded before focusing on a few papers he had placed in front of him.</p>
<p>“Alright” Agent Blanchard went on talking. “I don’t know how many things Fury has told you, so I’m gonna act like you know nothing at all.”</p>
<p>“She’s not that wrong” Tony mumbled.</p>
<p>“A few months ago, we reported a big tone of vibranium missing. At first we thought there had been a mistake, but the theft kept on happening. The curious thing was that a few days before, this man, Augustin Savatier-” she brought out a series of pictures of a man in his forties and showed them to all.<br/>“-had had a meeting with Agent Allard, asking for which amount of money we would offer him a ton of the metal.<br/>When we denied his offer, he assured us he was going to obtain what he needed anyway. And when we found out the theft had taken place, we obviously decided to direct our investigation toward him.<br/>The problem is that we have no proofs, and mr Savatier has very competent lawyers, and even though he has basically confessed us he was the author of the theft, we still cannot do anything about it.”</p>
<p>“And you need us to do <em>what</em>, exactly?” Tony asked. He started fiddling with some paper clippers left in front of him.</p>
<p>“We need you to frame him” the agent replied.</p>
<p>“Alright” Tony slowly said.</p>
<p>He found it stupid. He found all this mission stupid. This big bad guy was stealing vibranium, and what about it? They could investigate on him without bothering them.<br/>He had long ago decided he would participate in these kind of cases only if they involved serious life threats. He was not going to play good and bad cop.</p>
<p>“Listen-” he started. “I don’t really want to sound rude, but I’m pretty sure you could have dealt with this problem by yourself, without making us fly to the other side of the world just because of some petty thief.”</p>
<p>“<em>Tony</em>” Steve repeated with his condescending tone, and Tony actually got annoyed.</p>
<p>“No. I’m sorry, Rogers, but I really don’t think they need us. You’ve got agents trained for these kind of problems. There may be people needing us for real, and we’re here discussing about a money matter!”</p>
<p>“It’s not about money” the agent stated calmly.</p>
<p>“It seems like that, to me.” He was fed up with capitalistic controversies, and people stealing and making profit out of other already stolen goods. He was sick of it.</p>
<p>“Once the vibranium got stolen, people started to get missing too.”</p>
<p>“<em>What</em>?” Tony blurted out.</p>
<p>“<em>Young</em> people” the woman clarified. “<em>Kids</em>, mostly.”</p>
<p>Tony got quiet.</p>
<p>“It could be a coincidence” Steve dared.</p>
<p>“We thought about it, too. But it’s always about kids between the age of ten and fifteen years, and they’re usually teens considered smart and clever by their relatives. They all reported a very high I.Q.”</p>
<p>Tony took a pair of sunglasses out of his pocket and put them on. “What do you want us to do?” he asked without any emotion in his voice.</p>
<p>Steve turned to look at him, but didn’t say a word.</p>
<p>“For a few days you’re gonna create a bond with this man, until he will trust you. Then we expect him to confess his intentions” the agent informed them, and at that Tony laughed without joy.</p>
<p>“You think this big bad guy will spill his darkest secrets to his new best friend? I don’t think you understand how these things go.”</p>
<p>The woman rolled her eyes. “Oh, we actually <em>know</em>, mr Stark.”</p>
<p>She turned on her right and exhorted a girl to stand up. The woman had the body of a top model and was actually really pretty.<br/>“She’s Margot“ agent Blanchard introduced her. “For the past months she’s been bonding with Nadine, mr Savatier’s wife. They’ve become friends, they frequent the same places and restaurants, they walk together on runaways.<br/>You’re right, mr Stark, I don’t think mr Savatier would tell his darkest secrets to a new acquaintance, but he would do anything for his wife, included bonding with her best friend’s soon-to-be husband. And here, is when you both come in.”</p>
<p>Margot smiled at them widely, then sat down again, putting her fluent blond hair behind her shoulders.</p>
<p>“You’re gonna be doctor Potts, while the Captain will be your personal bodyguard, ex Captain Stevens.”</p>
<p>Steve took the floor. “It might work” he commented. “I’m in.”</p>
<p>The agent smiled. “Thank you, Captain. It means a lot to us” she assured, then turned to face Tony, who was still wearing his sunglasses while looking at the window, turned with his back on the spinning chair.<br/>“And to those kids too” she added.</p>
<p>Tony grunted loudly. “<em>Fine</em>” he said eventually. “I’m in too, but if the two things turn out not having any connection, then I’m gonna be real mad.”</p>
<p>All the agents started shifting on the chair in enthusiasm at hearing Tony had accepted to collaborate. Agent Blanchard grinned. “Thank you, mr Stark” she said benevolently.</p>
<p>Tony scoffed. “<em>Yeah, yeah</em>. It’s routine to me” he shrugged. He got up from his chair and pointed his hands over the table. “Alright, we pull up stakes. It’s been a pleasure.<br/>Cap, we should really go.”</p>
<p>Steve stood up too and approached the agent to shake her hand. “We’re not gonna disappoint you” he promised. “Your trust is in safe hands.”<br/>After he had made sure to greet and thank everyone, they finally left the room.</p>
<p>Tony snorted. “Can’t believe they used the kids’ card.”</p>
<p>Steve laughed and shook his head. “You’ve got a soft heart, Tony Stark.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The sun had completely set when they got outside the building. The sky was not pitch dark but it was less clear then when they had first arrived. Given Steve’s reaction in the metro that morning, Tony proposed to walk for a while and then just take the bus so that it could be less scary.</p>
<p>The weather was nice, both of them had just a light jacket on, but for a second Tony got chills and shivered.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?” Steve asked right away.</p>
<p>Tony gloated at his concern. “Just got some chills, nothing serious” he explained shooing away Steve’s worries.</p>
<p>The other man frowned. “Are you cold?”</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “Don’t you worry, Cap, it’s all right.”</p>
<p>He kept on walking but Steve stopped in the middle of the street. “No way” he stated. “We’ve got a mission to do, you cannot get sick” he gestured with a finger like a parent would do with a little child.</p>
<p>Tony raised an eyebrow. “Oh, so you’re worrying about the <em>mission</em>! Here I was, thinking you were worrying about me” he shrugged and started walking again.</p>
<p>“Oh <em>c’mon</em>!” Steve groaned trying to catch up with his pace. “You know I am obviously worrying about you.”</p>
<p>Tony hid his amusement. “Well, it didn’t certainly sound like that.”</p>
<p>Steve stopped walking again. “<em>Tony</em>” he called.</p>
<p>This time Tony couldn’t help but smile. “It’s too late!”</p>
<p>Steve noticed he was smiling so he relaxed a bit. “You really <em>do</em> assume no one likes you!” Steve rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>At that Tony opened his mouth in surprise. “Yeah, but I’m right most of the time?!” he commented in an obvious tone.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head trying not to smile and started to take off his jacket.</p>
<p>Tony frowned. “<em>What</em>- what are you doing?” he asked as Steve freed his arms from the piece of clothing. “Steve, you’re gonna catch a cold. Put it on again.”</p>
<p>“Just shut up” Steve mumbled, and then rested his jacket on Tony’s shoulders, leaving him open mouthed in disbelief.</p>
<p>“You- there is <em>no</em> need- <em>I</em>-“</p>
<p>“Are we going to go back to the hotel or do you wanna spend the night in the middle of the street?” Steve asked interrupting him. He kept on walking and this time it was Tony’s turn to try and keep pace with him.</p>
<p>He pretended not to be bothered by Steve’s sudden act of <em>kindness</em>? <em>generosity</em>? <em>bland friendship</em>? He couldn’t even name it. The leather jacket was a nice heavy feeling on his shoulders, and even though he was really trying not to think about it, he just couldn’t stop himself from sensing Steve’s cologne pervading the cloth.</p>
<p>Steve didn’t add a word about his gesture, instead he started summing up every step of their plan and commented his impressions about the agents present during the meeting.<br/>He sounded very positive about their mission, and went on adding details they had to keep in mind if they wanted the plan to succeed.</p>
<p>Tony just listened to him. Steve’s scent around his neck, Steve’s calm voice and Steve’s own presence beside him, had almost put him in a trance, and he would have gladly died on the spot, because that did feel like heaven.</p>
<p>“You haven’t told me your thoughts about it” Steve pointed out, out of nowhere, and the spell casted upon Tony broke all of a sudden.</p>
<p>“My thoughts?” he repeated.</p>
<p>Steve turned to look at him and smiled reassuringly. “Your thoughts, yeah. Are you pleased with what you were asked to do?”</p>
<p>Tony reciprocated the smile. “Yeah, you could say I’m <em>pleased</em>” he mocked Steve.</p>
<p>They went on walking in silence for a few moments.</p>
<p>“Yeah, well- It’s not like you were asked to do something you might not like, am I right?” Steve asked again.</p>
<p>Tony frowned, trying to get what Steve was implying. “What do you mean?”</p>
<p>Steve flushed and scratched his nape. “Yeah, I mean- That girl- she’s pretty.”</p>
<p>At this point Tony raised his head with such a quick movement that almost hurt. He met Steve’s embarrassed look. “She is” he replied slowly, while frowning.</p>
<p>Steve nodded quietly, and Tony wondered what he was trying to say. Was he annoyed because Tony could spend the whole mission with a pretty girl, while pretending for them to be together? Would he have wanted to be the one faking the relationship instead of the other way round? Tony couldn’t tell.</p>
<p>It sure was weird for Steve to act like that, though. He was someone who highly evaluated human interactions, so he would have probably been extremely in discomfort at being with a girl pretending her to be his fiancé. So it really didn’t make no sense.</p>
<p>“Would you have preferred us to switch our undercover characters?” Tony asked at some point. “I mean- it wouldn’t be a problem to me, I just think it would seem weird for me to be considered your bodyguard, I mean- I surely do keep myself in shape, but you know your shoulders are unmatchable.”</p>
<p>Steve flushed. “Not at all!” he exclaimed. “That’s not what I was trying to say!”</p>
<p>“Then what did you want to say?”</p>
<p>Steve coughed clearing his throat, making sure not to meet Tony’s questioning look. “It’s not important” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Tony raised his head. “Not at all, Cap! I want to know about it!” he stated. The last thing he wanted was for Steve not totally agreeing with the plan and jut sticking with it because of his way too polite personality.</p>
<p>“I was just- I was just wondering” Steve started. “You okay with it? I mean- after Pepper, I thought-“</p>
<p>Tony interrupted him. “Me and Pepper broke up in the friendliest way possible, believe me.”</p>
<p>“I was not implying anything-“ Steve said, but Tony spoke again.</p>
<p>“No, of course, I get it. I’m just saying- I have totally moved on, like, at all.”</p>
<p>For a moment they locked eyes, and Tony felt the urge to add something about his being ready to start something with someone new, or about his investment in someone who didn’t want to have anything to do with him, but he kept his mouth shut.</p>
<p>“Okay” Steve commented, and tightened his lips.</p>
<p>Tony shrank himself in Steve’s big jacket and followed his pace, too afraid to say something that could expose himself.</p>
<p>At some point they passed through a bridge, and Tony opened his mouth in amazement. “Steve!” he called. “Look at your left!”</p>
<p>Steve followed his order and Tony caught his reaction on the moment. He seemed quite scared at first, but then his eyes widened with enjoyment and he grinned. “It’s beautiful” he murmured.</p>
<p>The Senna was accompanying their night walk, streaming silently beside them and sparkling in the shine of the stars.</p>
<p>“I’m glad I accepted to come” Steve blurted out, and immediately turned to look at Tony, so he encouraged him to go on with a hint of his head. “Or else I would have forever thought about this place with the memory I still had during the war period.”</p>
<p>Steve stared at the stream again, his eyes squinting in a sweet way. “I would’ve missed all this beauty” he said, and again he looked at Tony, and for a brief moment -just an instant lost in the eternity of time- Tony pretended Steve was talking about him, and was actually confessing him that he wouldn’t have <em>ever</em> wanted to live without seeing such view at least one time in his life.</p>
<p>“I’m glad I came here too” Tony replied, and smiled again, trying to convey with his eyes all the words he couldn’t dare to pronounce.</p>
<p>He would have wanted to kiss Steve right and there, near the main river of the city of love. He would have wanted Steve to put an arm on his shoulders, over his own jacket that was still pervading him with his perfume. He would have wanted them to hold their hands and just make promises to each other under that starring sky.<br/>But instead, Steve just lowered his head, and his smile seemed to fade. “Let’s go home” he murmured.</p>
<p>And of course, Tony would have wanted to reply <em>I already am at home, because you are my home and whenever I’m with you I don’t feel like I’m lost anymore</em>, but it was not right.</p>
<p>So he nodded, and they both headed to the hotel: a wide distance kept between their hands, full of words that couldn’t be said out loud.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi everyone!</p>
<p>I hope each one of you is healthy and well.</p>
<p>Also I hope you enjoyed the chapter!<br/>Paris has a special place in my heart forever, that's why I chose it as the setting of this story.</p>
<p>If you liked the chapter please please please leave a comment: it always warms my heart to have some feedback.</p>
<p>That's all!</p>
<p>Have a good day, love you!!!</p>
<p>p.s. Yes, I used the same names SteveTony had in Endgame for their undercover characters because I just love the chaotic energy they have in those scenes. But the events are totally unrelated, though. ;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Falling asleep the night before had been one of the most difficult things Tony had ever faced in his entire life.</p>
<p>Once they had stepped back in their suite, Tony had changed into his pajamas right and there. Then he had turned around and had found Steve standing firm next to the bed, looking kind of uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Steve had shifted on his feet a few times, holding his night clothes between his hands. When Tony had asked if something was wrong, Steve had kindly asked him if it was a problem to Tony if he took his shirt off.</p>
<p>“I usually sleep shirtless” Steve had apologised shyly, adding that the night before he had thought it was inappropriate to ask. </p>
<p>And what was Tony supposed to say? He would have begged for Steve to do so, so of course he told him there was no problem at all.</p>
<p>But in reality there was indeed a problem.</p>
<p>Steve had fallen asleep with his back facing the wall, so when Tony was laying in the same position, he had in front of him Steve’s angel face, with those soft lips and sculpted cheeks. But when he was going to turn his back, then he was all too aware of the massive body of a greek god basically embracing him from behind. And honestly, the mere thought had caused his pants to get suddenly very tight, and he had had to forcibly stop himself from placing a hand on his groin to give himself some relief.</p>
<p>It had been a very long night.</p>
<p>And when morning finally came, he had not closed his eyes for more than a few hours. He turned to face Steve and found him awake as well.</p>
<p>“Hey” Steve smiled.</p>
<p>Tony smiled too, without saying anything. The blond man yawned and stretched his arms over his head. His muscles flexed, and unholy thoughts started filling Tony’s mind all over again.</p>
<p>This thing of falling asleep and waking up next to his massive crush had not been one of his best ideas.<br/>From another perspective it might have been, and Tony was sure he would have longed for it to happen, if time ago he had been told there was such possibility. But it was really painful not being able to touch nor stare a little longer at the man.</p>
<p>“Do I have something out of place?” Steve asked frowning.</p>
<p>Tony came to his senses. “<em>What</em>?” </p>
<p>“You’re staring” Steve mumbled. Good, so now Steve had noticed he was a little too invested into his presence next to him.</p>
<p>“Oh” Tony said dumbly. “No, nothing’s out of place.”<br/>Of course there was nothing out of place in Steve’s appearance. He had the face of an angel, blond lashes over those bright blue eyes. What could <em>possibly</em> be out of place?</p>
<p>Steve smiled, then went quiet. Tony realised Steve was looking at him, his lips parted the slightest bit. His eyes were starting to widen, and Tony would have dared say Steve had glanced at his mouth.</p>
<p>“Do I?” Tony asked then, his voice coming out like a growl.</p>
<p>“What?” Steve replied softly.</p>
<p>“Something out of place.”</p>
<p>Steve bit his bottom lip and nodded slowly. “Yeah” he answered with a low tone that made Tony’s lower stomach tremble.</p>
<p>“May I?” Steve spoke again, and before Tony could get what he was trying to do, Steve moved his hand forward to Tony’s face.</p>
<p>He ran his fingers through Tony’s hair, combing a rebel curl that Tony had not yet slicked back with his gel hair, considering they had just been sleeping. Steve combed the strand on a side, and for an instant he indulged with his hand near Tony’s face, caressing Tony’s cheek in the most imperceptible way with his thumb.</p>
<p>“There” he murmured with another low growl, and a moan almost escaped Tony’s mouth.<br/>He stopped himself in time, but the light brush of Steve’s finger on his skin made him shiver anyway.</p>
<p>“We should probably get ready for the appointment” Steve whispered. Tony was still quite in a trance, his mind was either running miles per second or had completely stopped working. He couldn’t seem to find that out.</p>
<p>He nodded very slowly, and ached when Steve pulled away his hand.</p>
<p>What was all of that? What the fuck was going on? He couldn’t get it. Steve had rejected him, he had explicitly refused his advance, so why the hell was he now- <em>what</em>? <em>flirting</em>? What was <em>that</em>?</p>
<p>“You sure you know where the place is?” Steve interrupted his train of thoughts. He stood up and Tony found himself staring at his v line. <em>Good god</em>, it was going to be a long day!</p>
<p>“I-“ he stuttered. Steve hadn’t even noticed what was going on. He turned to look for his clothes in his backpack and Tony got now a perfect view of his rear end. He eventually decided to get a grip and turned away his look. “I think they’re waiting for us outside.”</p>
<p>Steve finally put on a shirt. “Oh, okay” he looked at Tony still laying on the bed sheets and smiled.</p>
<p>A wave of desire to belong to someone invested Tony. He suddenly felt very exposed over that mattress.<br/>He imagined what it would be like to be watched like that by Steve in a totally different situation, to beg for him to stay in bed, to be touched fondly and loved dearly.</p>
<p>“Come one, slacker. Time to get up!” Steve exhorted.</p>
<p>Tony’s heart ached, but he still grinned. “Here I am” he grunted, and decided to stuff all those morning thoughts in the back of his mind. That was definitely not the right moment.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Out of their hotel, a SHIELD limo was waiting for them. Inside, there were Agent Leroy and Margot, the girl who was going to act as Tony’s soon-to-be wife.</p>
<p>“Good morning” she greeted them once they sat on their seats and Steve smiled politely.</p>
<p>They drove to a facility of SHIELD and once they got in the building the agent turned to them.<br/>“This is the plan: now you’re gonna change into these clothes we brought, and when you’re ready we’re gonna take you to a pub in the suburb of Paris.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded, so the agent went on. “You’ll have a brunch with mr Savatier and his wife Nadine, Margot’s friend.”</p>
<p>The girl nodded too. “I begged Nadine to bring her husband with her because I really wanted both of them to meet my fiance” she explained. “I assured her we’re gonna be real friends.”</p>
<p>Steve frowned. “What am I gonna do meanwhile?” he asked dubiously.</p>
<p>The agent spoke again. “You’re gonna be there with mr Stark, Captain. You’re gonna act as his bodyguard but at the same time be sure nothing wrong happens. Iron Man is not involved in this first phase of the plan, and in case things went wrong, we don’t want mr Stark to be exposed to any risk.”</p>
<p>“Mr Stark doesn’t want it either” Tony mumbled. The girl hid a giggle.</p>
<p>“For now, you just need to establish a friendly bond with mr Savatier. Nothing more. It is really important that he ends up with trusting you, he himself will then be ready to tell you something more about his hobbies” the agent explained.</p>
<p>As she kept talking, Tony noticed Steve was listening with a focused expression. He wondered if he really believed in what they were doing. Tony himself was not so sure about it.<br/>He did want to help those missing kids, but he had no interest in faking friendships or engaging in criminal lobbies. It had been a lot of time since he had acted like that, and he was a little tired now.</p>
<p>He just wanted to come back to his hotel, change into sweat pants and visit the town in peace. Then go back to New York, and perhaps paint the ceiling in the kitchen that was starting to get dirty.<br/>He was really turning into an old man.</p>
<p>“Once the brunch is over,” the agent said. “You’re good for today. We’re gonna get in contact tomorrow.”</p>
<p>Tony suddenly lighted up: that was something he was fond of. The rest of the day free with Steve.<br/>Alright, maybe he <em>could</em> focus on this dumb mission if that meant that he could stay with Steve after that.</p>
<p>“Do you have any question?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Do we have to wait for them to go away or can we leave on our own?” Steve questioned.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, mr and mrs Savatier have an appointment after our brunch, so they have to leave anyway” Margot replied.</p>
<p>Steve thanked her and nodded. He turned to look at Tony and smiled softly, as to search for reassurance in Tony’s eyes. Tony smiled too, ignoring the twirl of his stomach when he met Steve’s blue eyes.</p>
<p>“Alright” he interrupted the talk -but mostly the exchange of looks between him and Steve. “Where are these clothes we need to put on?” he asked looking around.</p>
<p>The agent opened the bag she had brought with her, and pulled out two packets. He gave one to Steve and the other one to Tony.<br/>“Change” she instructed. “We’re gonna wait for you in the car. Then we head to the pub.”<br/>After this, she and Margot stepped out, leaving them alone.</p>
<p>Changing his clothes in front of Steve was not exactly the best of things for Tony, especially when he was way too conscious of the silence between them.<br/>Of course, they were sharing the same room in the hotel, but it was different. Back in their suite,  there always was somehow frenzy, with them coming in and out the bathroom, or looking in the their baggage for their clothes. Now they were <em>explicitly</em> undressing, and they were both aware of it.</p>
<p>Tony pulled away his shirt in a quick movement, and unfolded the dark satin shirt he had to put on. He tried to be subtle, but still he focused on flexing his own muscles just in case Steve decided to turn his look on him.</p>
<p>But Steve was actually focused on unbuttoning his shirt in a very slow way. His head was lowered, so he was not exactly putting on a show for Tony, but still Tony stopped what he was doing and took his time to look at Steve struggling with his clothes. He finally unbuttoned it all, and freed his arms from the tissue.<br/>He then raised his eyes and met Tony’s look. They locked eyes but none of them said something.</p>
<p>Tony could feel the panic in his gut, and his first instinct was that of turning away his look, but he suddenly got curious of Steve’s intention, and decided not to let him win this weird game they were playing.<br/>But Steve probably didn’t want to lose either, because instead of buttoning up his shirt like Tony would have expected him to, he remained bare chest and with a swift movement he slackened his belt and unzipped his jeans.</p>
<p>Tony’s throat dried up, and he felt a sudden interest in his own pants.<br/>Steve remained quiet, his face still straight up, and then in the most painfully slow way, he started stripping off his jeans, until he remained fully naked except for his briefs.</p>
<p>Tony’s mind seemed to black out, and there was a feeble voice in his head screaming and asking what the fuck was going on, but he shut it and decided to just enjoy the show. Looking at a naked Steve Rogers was obviously something pleasing, but looking at a naked Steve Rogers <em>purposefully</em> without clothes and with the intention of- <em>what</em>? <em>teasing</em> him? That was a whole other story.</p>
<p>Steve was starting to get flushed, his pale skin covering with a visible blush all over his chest, a reaction in deep contrast with the confidence he seemed to convey with his raised chin and fixed eyes.<br/>He took the pants out of the bag the agent had given him and, with Tony’s regret, started putting them on.</p>
<p>Was it as an instinctual reflect or on purpose, but Tony couldn’t deny his own look fell on Steve’s crotch, and <em>boy</em>, that was something he didn’t know he needed to know. Or- <em>well</em>- he <em>knew</em> he needed to know, but never thought he was going to know.<br/>Steve was well built in every aspect of his body, and now it was going to be really painful for Tony to change his own pants when his desire had not only been awaken but also aroused.</p>
<p>Steve put on his shirt too, and while he was focused on buttoning it up, Tony took advantage of his distraction to strip off his pants and put on the new ones. He struggled a little to zip them up, but muffled his whine. He certainly didn’t want to let Steve know he had been turned on by his unforeseen strip tease.</p>
<p>When Steve finished buttoning the shirt, he put on the jacket of his suit. In that one-piece Steve looked stunning, and Tony found it quite pathetic that for a moment he felt more aroused by the sight of Steve dressed like a gentleman, more than he had been seeing him bare chest.</p>
<p>Tony buttoned his shirt too, and then almost jumped up when realised that Steve had approached him.</p>
<p>“I don’t think you should button it all” Steve said.</p>
<p>“What?” Tony’s heart started to race. Why would he get so nervous in front of Steve? It was a nightmare.</p>
<p>“I mean-“ Steve scratched his nape. “Considering your character, I think you should leave it unbuttoned up here” he suggested, pointing at Tony’s throat.<br/>“May I?” he then added, and blushed slightly.<br/>It totally drove Tony crazy that Steve was right there, making innuendos and flirting, while blushing like a teen boy.</p>
<p>Tony nodded without saying anything, and he shivered when he felt Steve’s fingers on his shirt, unbuttoning the collar. He opened the shirt a little, smoothing and flattening the tissue right near Tony’s neck. The sight of those hands so close to his throat was certainly not the right thing to cross Tony’s mind in that moment.</p>
<p>“Better” Steve commented backing away, and for an instant he lingered on Tony’s chest, and that- <em>that</em> was too much.</p>
<p>Something more and Tony was going to go out of his mind and probably jump on Steve’s lap and do something he was going to regret for the rest of his life.<br/>But still- what the hell was Steve doing?</p>
<p>Tony had been pretty clear about his interest, but Steve had refused him explicitly, so what was the purpose of this whole show? Was he trying to make fun of him?</p>
<p>Tony grimaced. “They’re waiting for us” he said, breaking the atmosphere that had been created between them.<br/>“I think we should go” he cleared his throat, and bent over to pick up his clothes and put them in  the bag. It sure was a nice view seeing all those clothes scattered all over the floor, too bad it was not with the purpose Tony would want to.</p>
<p>Steve didn’t say anything, and when Tony turned to look at him, he found him with a thoughtful face on.<br/>“Cap?” he called.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head, suddenly coming back to reality. “Yeah, I’m coming” he replied.</p>
<p>Once they got in the car again, agent Leroy gave them further details, and Margot added her comments too, making them know what she had told ms Savatier during their friendship building.<br/>A few minutes later, they parked the car outside a pub so remote that people probably had to know where it was located, in order to find it.</p>
<p>They got down and the agent turned to them while still sitting on her seat. “I have great expectations of you” she warned. “Don’t let me down.”<br/>She then closed the car door and drove away, leaving them on the street.</p>
<p>“Alright guys, this way. Follow me!” Margot encouraged them enthusiastically.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“Anthony” the order made him still in the hallway. He backed some steps and threw a look inside the study.<br/>“Come here” the voice exhorted him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony breathed in and out, his heart pounding. He damned himself for not minding his business instead of wandering around the house that late in the night.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He knew he shouldn’t have meddled into his father’s projects, like the man himself always reminded him. But the bright light coming from the room had awaken his curiosity, and now he was going to suffer the consequences of his indiscretion.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He stopped on the threshold.<br/>“Yeah?” he asked.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>From inside, his father coughed. “I said: come here, Anthony.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony twitched his mouth but stepped in anyway. The study was lit up from many little lamps resting all over several desks.<br/>In the middle of the room, there was his father sitting on a spinning chair. His beard had not been shaved for a few days, his collar shirt was unbuttoned, and his hair was ruffled. He was squinting his eyes in the bright light.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What are you doing up this late in the night?” Howard asked him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony shifted on his feet.<br/>He was actually always staying up ‘till late in the night, but he used to do so in his bedroom, reading or working on his own projects by himself. He wondered why the hell had he decided to act differently that night. He was just annoyed with staying in his room, and was actually sure no one was still up in the house, and even though he wanted to deny it, he had wanted to go give a look in his father’s studio, thinking it was empty.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Then he had found it still lit, and had once again made the mistake of seeing if someone had forgot the lights on. Instead, he had caught his father resting his head on his desk, a glass between his fingers.<br/>He had tried to step away on the spot, but his father had been faster, and had turned up his head right away. And well, now he had to explain the reason of his night wanderings.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I asked you a question” his father pointed out.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony lowered his eyes. He always hated when his father used that tone of voice with him. Especially because he knew in his heart that he was not doing anything wrong.<br/>“I wanted to stretch my legs” he blurted out.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father fixed his look on him. He squinted his eyes again, narrowing his brows.<br/>“Anthony, I don’t want you to lie” he eventually said.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father loved to remind him that if there was something he could not, at any level, tolerate was being lied to. He had the feeling that everyone in his daily life would try to lie to him, and he would always frown when talking to people, expecting them to blurt out false statements out of nowhere.<br/>But he did not have any power with those people, so he would just push aside his paranoia and pretend not to be worried. <br/>But whenever he had to talk to Tony, he would just set free all of his frustration, and remind him at any possible chance that he hated lies.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m not lying” Tony exclaimed. “I swear.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Howard sighed. “Come closer” he exhorted rubbing his eyes.<br/>Tony approached him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“And for the love of god, close that damn door” he reproached him, making Tony jump with surprise.<br/>Tony turned back and closed the door, before turning once again to his father.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Sit there” Howard pointed at a chair on the opposite side of his desk.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony shifted again on his feet, asking himself what was going on. When he had got down of his bed, this was not exactly what he thought he was going to do. At the same time, he didn’t want to disobey his father, neither.<br/>He took the chair and sat down, entwining his hands on his lap, waiting for his father to say something.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The man didn’t talk, at first. He snorted and brought the glass to his mouth, drinking for a few instants. A few drops ran along his jaw, and he wiped them away with the back of his hand. He yawned and stretched on his chair.<br/>“Do you know what I do, Anthony?” he finally asked.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony frowned. “What you do?” he repeated.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father nodded, circling the hem of the glass with a finger.<br/>“That is what I asked” he said.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony twirled his nose. “You are a scientist” he mumbled.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father sat right on the chair. “Raise you voice, son.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony startled at his reproach but complied anyway. “I said you are a scientist” he repeated.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Indeed I am” the man nodded. “And what do you think of my work?” he went on.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony looked at his father as the man stood up from his seat. He approached a cabinet full of bottles and grabbed a few of them, reading at the labels on the back. He seemed to ponder what was the best one of the two he was holding, then brought both of them to the desk again.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m waiting” he informed, while placing the bottles next to his papers. He opened one of the two and poured some of it in his glass, then made the container rotate between his fingers.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony looked at his father without saying a single word, mesmerised by his movements.<br/>“I like it” Tony decided to settle for in the end.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father looked at him, and kept staring while he drank from his glass.<br/>He nodded again. “Right answer” he complimented.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony smiled subtly at his father cheer.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You must know this, Anthony” the man went on. “One day, you’re gonna take my place in the Stark Industries. You’re my only child and I want the company to remain a family’s property, you follow me?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony nodded vigorously.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Alright, son, but here’s the problem” his father drank again, this time quicker, making a noise when he brought the glass back on the desk.<br/>“I don’t think you’ll be capable of taking my place, not even a little bit” he ended, fixing his look on Tony.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony tightened his lips. The silence that followed his father’s words hurt him in a piercing way.<br/>He was still young, he was barely fifteen, but he was sure he had already proved his father he was more than worthy of his expectations.<br/>He had been accepted into MIT some days before, and he had been so sure his father was proud of it, but to hear him talk so earnestly about his worry made him ache badly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m sorry” Tony mumbled, not knowing what else to say.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father rolled his eyes. “You cannot deal with things in this way, Anthony. There is no sorry, not when you know you can be better but you still choose not to.”<br/>He stood up again, but this time he rounded the desk and approached Tony. He put his hands on his shoulders, and Tony tensed at the contact.<br/>He could count on the fingers of one hand the times his father had touched him with no purpose of being violent.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Will you please try and not make me regret the fact that I have no other possible option?” his father sighed, tightening a little his grip on Tony’s shoulders.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony nodded again. “I will” he promised.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father sighed once more, and scratched his nape with a hopeless expression. “You really are a trouble of a son, am I right?” he asked, then pushed a little Tony’s back, to invite him to stand up. Tony obeyed without complaining.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Now, before you go back to your room, remember I don’t want you to snitch around anymore, have I made myself clear?” he looked at him straight in his eyes, and Tony noted how his pupils were dilated and his eyes red. He twirled his nose at the strong scent of alcohol coming from his mouth.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I won’t do that anymore” he sweared.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The man nodded. “Right answer” he commented once more, then came back to his seat.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony remained still in his position for another second, then he went to step out of the room, but he stilled again when his father’s voice reached him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Anthony” the man called, while filling his glass another time. For a moment, Tony thought his father was going to lighten the situation, perhaps telling him he confided in him, or even just wishing him a good night.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He waited for him to talk while his heart was racing, then the man spoke again.<br/>“Once you’re out, close the door.”</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Inside, the pub was in pitch dark even though outside it was full morning and the sun was shining bright. When they stepped in, a scent of alcohol pervaded Tony’s smell, and for a moment he seemed to fall in a trance.</p>
<p>It had been a lot of time since Tony had drunk too much. He had stopped long ago, and at first he found it really bizarre that he had grown so used not to smell that scent, that it was now causing him a faint.</p>
<p>There had been a time, in his past, in which he had been so sure he was not going to get out of it. Alcohol was the only joy in his life, the only thing that could somehow give a meaning to his everyday routine.</p>
<p>He would wake up when the sun was already high in the sky. He would skip lunch, would barely drink a glass of water. But his stomach always seemed to crave whiskey, and cognac, and anything that could somehow fill the aching emptiness inside his chest.<br/>And he would crawl around his house, while Pepper and whoever he himself had put in charge took care of his appointments and meetings.</p>
<p>He didn’t care. He just needed to feel something, and if this something had to be the piercing burn of alcohol streaming down his throat, then he was good with it.</p>
<p>But it was not like Tony didn’t know it was a toxic behaviour. Indeed he did.</p>
<p>He was conscious that it was ruining his lungs, and that it was costing him all of his relationships. <br/>There were times in which owners of companies with whom Stark Industries had to make arrangements, would not trust Tony because of his bad habits. They saw he used to nap during meetings and only stand up when his glass was empty just to ask for a refill. And it was dear sweet Pepper who would roll up her sleeves and try settle things down.<br/>Tony would stay in bed. He would sleep in weeks-old worn out clothes, and not even wash his hands.</p>
<p>Then there were happier times, of course. Periods in which he would suck it all down, swallow the numbness of his existence and just live whatever life would put him in front of.</p>
<p>He would have hook-ups. He would have three night stands all in a single night, one conquest after another. Guys and girls willing to sell a liver in order to spend the night with Tony Stark.</p>
<p>And Tony was so lonely. So devoid of any kind of human touch. So hungry of it.<br/>And <em>god</em>, it was wrong, and he knew it. But between raw strokes, and moans, and hot lick stripes on heated bodies, there were brief hesitant touches, soft kisses, subtle caresses, pure acts that seemed so out of place in the profanity of his casual encounters that for just an instant, Tony could pretend he was worthy of being loved. That he did not deserve being alone. That he could ask for love, and for care, after all.</p>
<p>And when all this rush was over, he just couldn’t bare spending the night between crumpled sheets with people who just wanted to touch <em>the</em> Tony Stark. Who just needed a first page gossip, people who longed for the billionaire son of Howard Stark, a someone who seemed to exist only in the imaginary of the public mind.</p>
<p>So silence would fall all over Tony’s body again, and when not a word was pronounced out loud in the immensity of his huge house, the only companion who didn’t seem to ever leave him alone, was always that damn glass. And it would start all over again.</p>
<p>But it seemed to be a lifetime ago. Now he had things to live for. Now he knew he would have been missed if something had gone wrong.</p>
<p>It had not worked out with Pepper, he knew it, but he also knew she still loved him. And so did Rhodey, and so did Natasha, and Bruce, and Thor, and <em>hell</em>, even Barton most probably did.<br/>And he knew Steve loved him too, even though not in the way Tony would have wanted to.</p>
<p>And obviously there were still times in which a glass of whiskey seemed to be the only solution to any kind of problem he had, and time to time Tony still thought that if he ever drank a little too much, that if he crossed the edge, perhaps it would not been that bad. But luckily he always stopped himself from doing so.</p>
<p>Self loath was an habit, but there were nice things in life to live for, though. And because of this, whenever Tony had to drink a glass for some special occasion, he was always on his guard, because he knew how tempting the edge was, he knew in his mind that it was like holding a gun to his forehead and resisting the urge to pull the trigger.</p>
<p>That was why he was not so fond of the idea of willingly step in a pub to drink with people who most probably had the same habit he used to.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Steve’s voice reached him like an echo. He realised he had stopped on the threshold while Steve was looking at him with a concerned look.</p>
<p>“If you want to quit, just tell it. We’re not doing anything you’re not comfortable with, Tony.”</p>
<p>Tony swallowed with a little difficulty. He had let himself spiralling into self deprecative thoughts, but it was not the right moment to do so.</p>
<p>He looked into Steve’s calming blue eyes and relaxed. He smiled softly. “I’m okay” he mumbled. <em>Just memories</em>, he would have liked to say. <br/>He raised his chin and slicked back his gelled hair, then he smirked. “Let’s do this.”</p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes smiling. “Promise me you’ll tell me if there’s something wrong” he warned.</p>
<p>Tony huffed. “Bold of you to speak to your boss like this.”</p>
<p>“<em>Tony</em>” Steve reproached.</p>
<p>He found it comforting that even though he was always trying to conceal his hunting thoughts and act all sassy and uncaring, Steve could get what was going on and always make sure he was there for him.<br/>It was nice knowing he was looked after.</p>
<p>Tony raised his hands. “Okay, okay” he conceded. “Let’s ask for a table.”</p>
<p>When they got to the bar, Steve stood two steps behind Tony, acting as his proper bodyguard, while watching around to see if the others had already arrived.</p>
<p>“They’re not here yet” Margot informed them, and Steve relaxed.<br/>“I’ll call them” the girl informed after, and distanced herself while on the phone.</p>
<p>Steve and Tony approached the waiter. “May I help you?” the man asked.<br/>He locked his eyes with Tony’s ones.</p>
<p>“I’m waiting for other people. We’re four” Tony replied.</p>
<p>The man made a compliant smile. “Follow me” he exhorted.</p>
<p>Tony grinned and nodded at Steve, so they both were led to an empty table.</p>
<p>“Here” the waiter indicated. Tony sat down, while Steve remained still next to the little couch near the table. The barman went away.<br/>Steve rolled his eyes, and Tony caught him.</p>
<p>“What’s that?” Tony asked.</p>
<p>Steve huffed. “Could he have been more obvious?” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Tony frowned. Meanwhile, Margot joined them at the table.</p>
<p>“They are about to arrive” she informed Tony. “I told them we would take a table.”<br/>She looked around for a moment, then bit her lip. “Actually, I think it’s better if I go waiting for them at the threshold. I’ll be right back. Remember your lines” she warned.</p>
<p>Tony nodded. “Of course, ma’am” he replied. The girl left.</p>
<p>“Are you nervous?” Steve asked. Tony turned to look at him. The way the white shirt defined Steve’s muscles, even though they were partly hid by the black jacket, made Tony’s knees weak.</p>
<p>“Yeah” he assured. “Why would I?”</p>
<p>Steve tilted his head. “You didn’t seem to look fine before.”</p>
<p>Tony snorted. “I was just thinking, don’t worry” he shrugged.</p>
<p>Steve didn’t seem to be satisfied with his answer. “I know you don’t like these kind of things” he started.</p>
<p>Tony tuned away his look, and fixed it over the table. Of course he didn’t like it. He was expecting treason behind every corner, he was so sure this mission was going to haunt his dreams, and he kept on reviving his kidnap in Afghanistan.<br/>But he also kept on thinking about those missing kids. And he was not certain the two things were indeed linked, but if they were, and he didn’t do any thing, he would have been totally destroyed about it.</p>
<p>Sometime he would pretend not to care just because he was so compassionate that he couldn’t even sleep at night.</p>
<p>“I’m okay, Steve” he murmured. “I can do this.”</p>
<p>Steve softened, and for a brief instant Tony felt Steve’s fingers brush his shoulder. He tilted up his head, but in that moment the barman made his return to their table.</p>
<p>Steve retreated his hand right and there, and Tony ached for the loss of contact. He hated with his whole being this thing Steve used to do: stepping back whenever someone could trace an act of tenderness between them.</p>
<p>He looked at the waiter, and he found the man already staring at him.<br/>He was quite handsome, and the way he was looking at Tony’s exposed chest made him feel uncomfortable. It was long time since he had been watched with desire.</p>
<p>“Your friends have not come yet?” he asked.</p>
<p>Tony looked at Steve. He had already stilled and returned to stand straight, his chin raised and his jaw clenched. <em>God</em>, that was something Tony would risk everything for.</p>
<p>He placed his eyes on the waiter. “Pardon me?” he asked, still too focused on Steve’s perfect bone structure.</p>
<p>The waiter smirked. “May I offer you a drink while you wait for your friend?” The man made his eyes wander on Tony’s unbuttoned shirt once again, then looked at him straight in the eyes, and blatantly licked his lips.</p>
<p>“<em>Oh</em>” Tony dumbly replied. With the side of his eyes he noticed Steve was clenching his fists.<br/>“I- I’m going to wait for them” he replied, then smiled.</p>
<p>The waiter scoffed. “You sure you don’t want anything?” he continued.</p>
<p>“No thank you, I’m pretty sure I’m alright” Tony clapped back. </p>
<p>The man wiggled his eyebrow and smirked. “<em>Alright</em>” he repeated. Then, before turning away, he added “Well, let me know if you’re suddenly feeling not that alright anymore.”</p>
<p>“That was weird” Tony commented once the waiter had left. He shrugged.<br/>“Are they gonna arrive or-“ he asked while leaning over the couch to try having a better look of the entrance of the pub, in case Margot had to step in with her friends.</p>
<p>“Have you noticed it?” Steve’s voice made Tony turn back to the table. He looked at Steve and found him out of himself. He was flushed and his jaw was clenching even harder. Instead of sensing a danger, Tony’s first thought was <em>hot</em>. He damned himself.</p>
<p>“<em>What</em>?” Tony asked innocently, still too interested into how defined Steve’s cheeks were, in this new furious look of him.</p>
<p>Steve frowned. “He was <em>flirting</em>” he spit out the last word like it disgusted him.</p>
<p>Tony frowned too. “<em>What</em>?” he asked again. He had noticed some hints, but why was it so important to Steve? Weren’t they talking about something else?</p>
<p>“You don’t think so?” Steve asked ironically. He rolled his eyes. “He totally was.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, maybe” Tony conceded shrugging distractedly.</p>
<p>Steve flushed even more. “Well, you know we’re in a mission, right?”</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” Tony asked again. He couldn’t seem to grasp this sudden change of matter.</p>
<p>“We’ve come here from the other part of the world for a certain goal. We’re not here to joke around, or- or <em>flirt</em> or something” Steve continued. “People have put their trust in us, and we should focus on it, we’re talking about important questions, <em>top secret</em> matter, if people find out about this, it may put in danger and at risk the whole plan.”</p>
<p>Tony looked at him without a clue. “Putting at risk?” he repeated.</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, you’re supposed to be engaged, if mr Savatier stepped in when that man was flirting with you in such a seedy way, they would have found out this is all a put-on.”</p>
<p>Tony narrowed his eyes. He was starting to get what was bothering Steve: that Tony was okay with hooking up with total strangers. Tony found it extremely annoying.<br/>What was Steve’s business in all of this? Tony could do whatever he wanted. If he wanted to hookup with a hot French, he was certainly not stopping himself just because Steve thought it could put in danger their stupid plan.</p>
<p>“Well, I might be here pretending to be engaged, but I’m still gonna be single once we’re out” he clapped back.</p>
<p>Steve stopped his blurt. “<em>What</em>? You- that wouldn’t last, I don’t think he would quit his job here when he doesn’t even know if he could have an economic stability” he creaked. Then probably remembered Tony was a billionaire, so of course he could grant stability for his partner, and shut up.</p>
<p>Tony huffed. “I’m not talking about a relationship” he laughed rolling his eyes. “It may be just a hookup.”</p>
<p>Steve flushed and Tony got bothered again. He could sense Steve judging him for his promiscuity, so he decided to reinforce the message.<br/>“Yeah, you know. He’s kinda hot” he shrugged. “Don’t you think?”</p>
<p>Steve’s mouth was wide open, and Tony suddenly remembered his miserable attempt at kissing him back in New York.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m sorry, he’s not your type. I almost forgot you’re into girls only” he added immediately.</p>
<p>Steve narrowed his eyes and made a confused expression. “I’m not into girls <em>only</em>” he blurted out.</p>
<p>Tony stared at him, and his mind started to race ten miles per second. <br/>“<em>What</em>-“ he started, but a pitch high voice interrupted him.</p>
<p>“Babe! Here we are!” Margot arrived followed by mr and mrs Savatier.</p>
<p>Tony jumped on his seat and turned to look at Margot. Behind her there was a tall and stunning black woman, and next to her a man in his mid forties, but still fit and dressed properly.</p>
<p>Tony stood up and grinned at the new arrivals. He shook the hand of the man, and mimed a kiss to the woman’s hand.</p>
<p>Margot smiled with enthusiasm. “This is Nadine, babe” she exclaimed, gesturing at mr Savatier’s wife. “She’s the girl of the same modelling agency I work with.”</p>
<p>Tony smiled benevolently at Nadine. “My fiancee kept talking about you, I’m enchanted” he complimented.</p>
<p>Nadine returned the smile and pointed at mr Savatier. “He’s my husband, Augustine. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Howard. Margot talked about you a lot, too.”</p>
<p>They grinned at one another and then finally decided to take a seat.<br/>Augustine sat in front of Tony. “I’m glad to finally meet you” he said. “I really wanted to know the face of the man with whom I share the struggle of having a partner such difficult to deal with” the man laughed loudly, and Tony followed too.</p>
<p>Nadine, on the other side, rolled her eyes. “He’s always making these kind of jokes, yet he doesn’t seem to find me annoying when we’re in our bedroom” she pointed out.<br/>Tony smirked at her clap back.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, the waiter had approached the table once again, but this time he did not even threw a glance at Tony. He took their orders then he went away without adding anything else.</p>
<p>“So, Howard” Augustine started out of nowhere.</p>
<p>Tony startled, before he reminded himself that was his undercover name. “Yeah?” he replied.</p>
<p>“Who’s that guy standing right behind you?”</p>
<p>Tony turned and found Steve still in his position, his fists clenched along his legs.<br/>“<em>Oh</em>” he commented. “He’s my bodyguard, ex Captain Stevens.”</p>
<p>Augustine raised an eyebrow in amusement. “I didn’t know you had a bodyguard, Nadine didn’t tell me anything about your social- <em>importance</em>.”</p>
<p>Tony scoffed and hushed him with a hand. “I’m not really that known, but, you know- it’s always better to be on guard. Especially during these times” he made a face, as if he was hinting at something more, and Augustine actually seemed intrigued.</p>
<p>“That’s smart” he replied indeed. “Perhaps I should be taking notes.”</p>
<p>Tony shrugged. “Yeah, I mean- it depends. But, you know- when you find yourself meddled in controversial matters, you might want to avoid collateral damage.”</p>
<p>Augustine nodded vigorously. “I get what you mean” he said.</p>
<p>“Babe” Margot interrupted them. “I was telling Nadine about the beach we intend to marry in, isn’t it lovely? Tell her how lovely it is!”</p>
<p>Tony splayed himself on the couch, sighing loudly. “<em>Yes</em>, Margot. It <em>is</em> lovely” he rolled his eyes. “She’s always like that” he commented turning to Augustine, who was now huffing as someone who knew how it felt like.</p>
<p>“I wanted to marry in such a nice place too, but Augustine insisted on doing something private and in this way I never got the wedding of my dreams” Nadine complained on her turn, and Augustine sighed too.</p>
<p>“Ladies, we were talking about business, not this kind of frivolous things” he reproached.</p>
<p>Tony nodded, but it outraged him the way the man was talking not only to his own wife, but to a girl he had no familiarity with.<br/>“Oh, don’t worry” he interrupted. “I’m sure we’re gonna find another chance to talk about our hobbies” he winked at the man, and Augustine actually smirked.</p>
<p>“I like you, Howard Potts. We have to go out one day or another.”</p>
<p>Tony grinned. “It would be a pleasure” he ended the talk.</p>
<p>Then Margot found something else to complain about, and Nadine supported her on her complaining, and while Augustine kept on making sexist statements, Tony kind of zoned out and had to resist with all his strength the urge to turn around and see what Steve was doing meanwhile.</p>
<p>He recollected in his mind the talk they were having right before the group arrived at the table, and he still couldn’t quite grasp the revelation.</p>
<p>So Steve had explicitly stated he was not attracted to girls only. He had confessed to be into guys like that. Out of nowhere. Without a forewarning, without even warning Tony he was going to fuck up his whole life.</p>
<p>Because that meant Steve could, indeed, be attracted to Tony. He could, technically talking, fall in love with Tony. He could care about him in other ways than just friendly, he could be feeling romance feelings toward him and yet, he had decided not to.</p>
<p>That was a punch in Tony’s face. Because it sure had been desperate to be rejected, to be explicitly told in his face that he didn’t want to kiss him, but Tony had found a sort of relief in the fact that Steve couldn’t do anything about it.<br/>He just didn’t like guys. It was okay, there was nothing they could do.</p>
<p>But with the previous revelation, that meant that Steve found so repulsive the idea of being with Tony, that even though he liked guys, he still didn’t want to kiss Tony.<br/>That was probably the lowest point in his entire life. He had dealt with people rejecting him time to time, but it usually was because he had been a jerk, or because he had flirted with someone without knowing he had ditched on them some nights before without any explanation.<br/>It had never happened to Tony to just be rejected without any real purpose.</p>
<p>And obviously it wasn’t rejection per se that was so aching. It was the fact that the rejection had come from <em>Steve</em>, from the person he was so desperately in love with. And that meant that there was not even a little chance for them to be together, and not just because this was how things went, but because Steve just wasn’t able to feel the same things.</p>
<p>So obviously that must have been even more awkward for Steve, because the man knew he himself was into guys, but in his mind he must have pondered the idea of kissing back Tony, and decided it was not worthy. And why, <em>why</em> was Tony not worthy?</p>
<p>“Babe?” Margot called him and smiled.</p>
<p>“Yes, my love?”</p>
<p>“Nadine was talking about the fashion show we have tomorrow, will you come see us?” she asked batting her eyes.</p>
<p>Tony softened his expression. “Well of course, my darling” he replied, and Margot squinted her eyes in excitement.</p>
<p>Augustine, on the other hand, scoffed. “<em>Women</em>” he commented.</p>
<p>Tony smirked like he had previously done, but his annoyance was slowly increasing. “Will you come too?” he asked to the man. “Perhaps we can talk about our <em>activities</em>” he proposed.</p>
<p>Augustine seemed to ponder his offer, and then accepted.</p>
<p>They talked again for some time, while Tony just thought about his love problems, things that obviously worried him more in that moment.</p>
<p>He was actually extremely nervous at the thought of his way to the hotel all alone with Steve. To Steve, the thing was not any different, because he had always known the truth, but Tony couldn’t imagine how it would feel now to stand near him, feeling all those longing and yearning and sufferings in his heart, while knowing it could somehow end, but it still wasn’t going to.</p>
<p>For an instant he just wished all this mission to end, and come back to New York.<br/><em>No</em>, not even New York. He wished to come back to Malibu.<br/>Close himself in his big nice house, and spend all his days working on his projects, drowning all his sorrows in a glass of whiskey. He didn’t want to deal with this no more.</p>
<p>“Honey, we have to go” Nadine’s voice brought Tony to reality, and he noticed everyone was standing up and leaving the table.</p>
<p>“It was really nice to meet you” Augustine told him, shaking his hand again. “I look forward to talk with you about some projects I am storing.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded. “Can’t wait.”</p>
<p>Margot rested her hand on his arm and kissed him on the cheek. “Babe, we should go too” she exhorted Tony. “I wanted to go give a look to that nice shop I like a lot.”</p>
<p>Tony grinned to the girl, then patted her head. “Yes, baby.”</p>
<p>Nadine hugged her friend, and after saying goodbye to Tony too, she and her husband left the pub.</p>
<p>“You did amazing” Margot cheered once the the couple got out of their sight.</p>
<p>Tony shrugged. “I didn’t do anything special.”</p>
<p>Margot complimented him again, but Tony couldn’t pay attention to a single word because Steve had loosened from his position, and was now looking at him smiling bright.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Tony, he trusted you right away! Good job” Steve added.</p>
<p>Tony’s heart ached. He longed to hear Steve saying him some nice words like those, but he just couldn’t look at him in the same way, not without thinking <em>he doesn’t love me</em>.</p>
<p>He rationally knew it was not to be considered a fault, but it still would hurt him to be aware that there must be a point in their relationship in which Steve had looked at him and had pushed aside the possibility of something more being involved.</p>
<p>They stepped out the pub once the limo came back to bring them in the city center again. Margot kept on talking about the brunch with Agent Leroy, while Tony remained weirdly silent, and so did Steve, for reasons most probably totally different.</p>
<p>“You did good today” agent Leroy stated once they parked the car. “But this is just the beginning. Tomorrow you’ll gonna attend the fashion show, until then you have the day free. We’ll keep each other in contact.”</p>
<p>Once Tony and Steve got out of the vehicle, the car left again.</p>
<p>At first, Tony couldn’t wait for this moment to come, but now, thinking about the time he had to spend with Steve knowing what he knew, he sighed loudly with distress.</p>
<p>“Is everything okay?” Steve asked once he saw Tony so dismayed.</p>
<p>Tony smiled forcibly. “I’m just tired” he shrugged at Steve’s frowned expression. “Maybe I should go back to the hotel to relax a little bit. But you can stay here though, there is no need to follow me.”</p>
<p>Steve suddenly saddened at Tony’s words, and Tony felt kind of guilty. He knew he was being a jerk, but he wished to be alone just for a moment.</p>
<p>“I thought- I thought we would visit something together” Steve murmured.</p>
<p><em>God</em>, that kicked puppy look on Steve’s face made Tony’s frozen heart melt.</p>
<p>He obviously wanted to spend the afternoon with Steve. He obviously wanted to visit the town with him, he obviously would spend the rest of his life with that man, and it hurt him badly that he couldn’t do the last thing.<br/>It was so aching to stay there, next to the man who would keep on breaking his heart, without even having any clue about it. And what Tony hated the most, was the fact that if he had even hinted at how much he was suffering because of <em>Steve</em> to Steve <em>himself</em>, then Steve would have distanced himself, not able to cause Tony any suffering willingly.</p>
<p>But the problem was that Steve’s closeness would make Tony suffer, and Steve’s distance would make Tony suffer as well. And there was nothing he could do about it.</p>
<p>Tony grunted, then put on another smile. “You’re right, I had forgotten.”</p>
<p>Steve seemed to light up, and he instantly brought his eyes on Tony, his mouth open with surprise.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna take you to a really nice place, Rogers. Are you ready?” Tony exclaimed, and Steve smiled again, that damn bright and sweet and kind and <em>all the good things in the world</em> smile.</p>
<p>Tony smirked with knowing. “Come with me.”</p>
<p>They started heading at the other side of the street, and Steve followed Tony like a lost puppy, stubborn to get where they were going.</p>
<p>“Do we still have to walk for a lot?” he asked at some point.</p>
<p>Tony, a few steps ahead him, huffed in fake annoyance.<br/>“You seem a little child, Cap. I didn’t know you were one to complain this much.”</p>
<p>Steve snorted. “I’m not <em>complaining</em>” he whined. “It’s just that I thought we would see another art gallery or something.”</p>
<p>Tony turned his head to look at Steve, who was struggling to keep his pace even though his legs were the double of Tony’s. “I’m taking you to a better place, trust me” he assured.</p>
<p>They walked for some other time, until they arrived in front of a very high ladder in stone, and Steve almost gulped.<br/>“Oh my god” he whined loudly. “Tony, are you serious?”</p>
<p>Tony laughed, taking the first step. “Come on, kiddo. We have a lot of stairs to climb.”</p>
<p>Steve mumbled something under his breath, but started climbing the ladder anyway.</p>
<p>They both started with a sustained pace, but soon Tony started feeling his breath shortening. He turned and looked at Steve who was still fresh. “What the fuck were you complaining about? You don’t even seem to be struggling.”</p>
<p>Steve giggled with a carefree pace. “It’s just that I hate heights but I don’t really mind stairs.”</p>
<p>He kept on climbing and Tony grunted. “Can’t stand you.”</p>
<p>Steve stopped and softly tilted his head at him. “I can give you a ride if you want” he proposed.</p>
<p>Tony almost chocked on air. <em>Good god</em>, Steve really had to watch his mouth. “<em>What</em>?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, you know-“ Steve scratched his nape. “I can lift you, perhaps? Carry you in my arms if- you know- if your chest hurts because of the reactor-“</p>
<p>Tony both got relieved and saddened. He felt calmer knowing that Steve was worrying about him, but at the same time it hurt him that Steve’s only thought was always his well being even though he didn’t care about him in any other way. He was only the most kind of friends.</p>
<p>“No, actually, there is no need to” Tony stuttered on his words.<br/>The thought of Steve carrying him bridal style made his heart flatter like a school boy, but he knew the moment he was gonna lay in those arms knowing it was not going to be forever, his heart would shatter into pieces.</p>
<p>“I’m good like this” he emphasised.</p>
<p>Steve smiled shrugging, and kept climbing the ladder again. Tony copied him without adding a word.</p>
<p>Then, after several minutes, they finally made it to the top. Tony still trying to keep his panting subtly, and Steve all content and giddy with not even an hint of sweat.</p>
<p>“So, where are we?” Steve asked when he noticed Tony had refreshened.<br/>He looked around with anticipation, and Tony stared at him for an instant, impressing in his mind the image of Steve being so mesmerised about the landscape.</p>
<p>“It’s Mont Matre” Tony finally explained.</p>
<p>Steve gaped. “And what do we do here?”</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “You really <em>are</em> a kid!” he scoffed. “You keep on asking <em>what</em> and <em>why</em> and are so lively!”</p>
<p>Steve blushed at his words but smiled shyly. “I’m sorry” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Tony reached his hand as a reflex, and while grabbing Steve’s fingers he paralysed, grasping the thought of what he was doing.</p>
<p>But Steve didn’t seem to mind. He actually raised his eyes on Tony and held his hand too.</p>
<p>Tony smiled uncertainly. “Hey, I didn’t mean that as a reproach” he stated. “I love when you’re this excited.”</p>
<p>Steve grinned squeezing his eyes, and Tony felt his chest tighten. He was so in love.<br/>“Come, let’s go for a walk” he exhorted.</p>
<p>They started wandering around, among stands of flowers and of street artists making portraits and paintings of the view.</p>
<p>Steve kept walking with his mouth partly open, totally in awe with what he was seeing. He stopped at every stand, looking at the stamps and praising every artist.</p>
<p>“Tony, look at this! It is so beautiful!” he exclaimed at one art work in which the Senna was represented.</p>
<p>Tony looked at the painting and nodded. “It is.”</p>
<p>Steve turned to the artist and told him a few words in French. Tony recognised what he was saying and found it so adorable that Steve was describing his own artistic passion and sharing his opinions about the way the man had represented the stream of water in the moonlight.</p>
<p>Tony looked at him repeating “c’est très magnifique” over and over again, then turned to analyse the work too. The view was so similar to the one of the night before, in which he and Steve had walked to the hotel late in the night, while the river was streaming peacefully under them, and Tony would have wanted to throw his dreams and hopes in the stream, hoping for them to drown or flood away.</p>
<p>“Monsieur?” he called suddenly, interrupting the trail of compliments Steve was still directing to the man.</p>
<p>The man turned to look at Tony. “Oui?” he encouraged.</p>
<p>“I’m taking this one” Tony went on.</p>
<p>The man frowned and told him that there was another customer interested in the same art work, and that it was a unique piece so perhaps they had to find a deal together.</p>
<p>Tony hushed him with an hand. “It won’t be necessary, I’m buying it <em>for</em> the other customer.”</p>
<p>The man made a surprised face, then relaxed. “Well, in this case-“ he mumbled.</p>
<p>Tony paid for the stamp and asked the man to wrap it, while Steve looked at him narrowing his eyes.<br/>“Tony, you didn’t have to do this.”</p>
<p>Tony shushed him too. “I know that I didn’t have to, I <em>wanted</em> to.”</p>
<p>He took the wrapped canvas and smiled gratefully at the man.<br/>“Au revoir” he greeted, and he and Steve went away.</p>
<p>Tony turned to Steve and handed him the gift. “It’s not exactly a surprise but, you know- happy early birthday.”</p>
<p>Steve twitched his mouth. “Tony, it’s not gonna be my birthday before a lot of months” he tilted his eyes sighing, and for a moment Tony asked himself if it was the right thing to do.</p>
<p>Maybe he was embarrassing Steve because he did not requite him, and Steve hated being rude or mean in some way, so he would obviously feel so guilty knowing he was not able to feel the same love, and yet taking advantage of Tony’s feelings.</p>
<p>Tony cleared his throat. “This is just- you know- a friendly gift. Yeah, a teammate gift. It does not mean anything more than the fact that you liked it and I bought it for you. Nothing else. Take the damn gift, Rogers” he exhorted.</p>
<p>Steve sighed loudly grabbing the wrapped canvas, and for a moment he stared into Tony’s eyes while they were both holding the gift. Tony let go of the painting right and there.</p>
<p>“Can we go on?” he asked.</p>
<p>Steve smiled softly. “Thank you, Tony. You’re really kind, even though I don’t deserve it.”</p>
<p>Tony snorted out loud. “Yeah, yeah. You’ve said that several times, now can we keep on walking?”</p>
<p>Steve nodded content and followed Tony walking by his side.</p>
<p>There was something extremely peaceful in ambling with Steve in Europe while pretending this could be the ordinary life.<br/>Tony found himself once again trying to grasp the concept and keep it in his mind forever, but there was always some sort of twisted feeling in his chest, something that reminded him that he was not acting in the right way, while low key wooing Steve even though he had been refused.</p>
<p>He knew it was wrong, but at the same time love could not be something to be ashamed of. And Steve would have never considered it his fault that he was loving him.</p>
<p>“Oh my god!” Steve exclaimed at some point, and Tony turned his face right away. Steve was looking at the sunset with the biggest grin Tony had ever seen on someone’s face.</p>
<p>“It truly <em>is</em> one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.” </p>
<p>Tony couldn’t help but let out a giggle, and Steve frowned when he looked at him. “What was that for?” he asked hurt.</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “Hey, nothing bad” he reassured him. “It’s just- you keep on saying that whenever you see something new” he pointed out.</p>
<p>Steve narrowed his eyes. “Keep saying what?” he asked without understanding.</p>
<p>“You keep saying that it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. But you say it for everything” Tony explained.</p>
<p>Steve got struck by his words and at first he seemed to be pondering about it.</p>
<p>Tony softened. “Hey, I’m not judging” he cleared.</p>
<p>“No, don’t worry. I’m not offended” Steve assured. He bit his bottom lip and brought his look back on the landscape. The sun was almost burning out in the middle of the clear sky.</p>
<p>Tony damned himself for being so insensitive.</p>
<p>“I think-“ Steve mumbled after while. “You know, everything is beautiful when I’m with you” he blurted out.</p>
<p>Tony jolted in surprise, and his heart began racing in his chest. “Oh” he replied dumbly.</p>
<p>Steve kept his stare in front of him, his eyes narrowing because of the bright light, and Tony wondered what he was thinking about. He seemed very absorbed in his mind.</p>
<p>“It’s always the same sun, do you ever think about it?” Steve spoke again after a while.</p>
<p>Tony ached in silence. Some moments here and there he would still forget Steve was reviving his nightmares day by day.<br/>He reached once again for his hand, and Steve held it tight too. Tony made his fingers caress lightly Steve’s skin, and he felt a kind of electrifying feeling run though his veins. The mere contact with Steve would make him feel safe and at home.</p>
<p>“It’s not necessarily a bad thing” he murmured.</p>
<p>Steve still didn’t turn his look away, he just held tighter Tony’s hand, as to encourage him to go on.</p>
<p>Tony breathed deeply. “You know, it means that whatever happens, the sun still shines the same way. It still sets and rises again. Nothing you’ll ever do will be so terrible to make the sun change its course.”<br/>Tony bit his lip in thought.<br/>“The sun does not care about good and bad. When it goes down, it brings with it every mistake of the day, and the morning after you can start again, I promise.”</p>
<p>Steve finally turned his head to Tony and locked his eyes with worry. “I don’t want to make mistakes anymore, Tony” he confessed, and Tony couldn’t say if he actually meant something deeper with that statement.</p>
<p>“You can’t” he stated shrugging. If it was possible, then he himself would have wanted to stop making mistakes, indeed he kept on making and making them. “You’re human, Steve. Humans make mistakes. And that’s okay.”</p>
<p>Steve nodded slightly. “I’m glad you’re here” he murmured. Tony’s chest tightened with love, but he smiled trying to hide his investment.</p>
<p>“But I’ve made mistakes with you, too” Steve added after a moment, his voice creaking the slightest bit.</p>
<p>Tony lost a heart beat. “It’s not a problem” he replied. “It’s not a problem at all.”</p>
<p>“But it should” Steve interrupted him, and Tony noticed his eyes were weirdly filling with tears.</p>
<p>Tony instinctively caressed Steve’s hand, still entwined with his own.<br/>He shook his head and smiled softly. “Believe me” he repeated. “It’s not a problem at all.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They found a cute little pub along the way and decided to eat something there. There wasn’t a lot of people but there still was a background noise of chattering and music.</p>
<p>While they were eating, Tony’s phone lit up with a text. He opened the message and found a pic of Rhodey and DUM-E on his side. It was captioned <em>all good down here, hope you’re having fun ;)</em></p>
<p>Tony smiled. He had asked Rhodey to check if everything was okay in his workshop or one of his bots had somehow messed around.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Steve asked while stuffing his mouth with food.</p>
<p>Tony held the phone in front of him, making him look at the pic.</p>
<p>Steve smiled too. “Aren’t you jealous?” he asked joking.</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “No way. Rhodey is like one of those cool uncles who spoil their nephews, but you know who raise the kids? The parents” he pointed at himself while saying the last words, and Steve giggled.</p>
<p>“Poor bots, you’re always bossing them around.”</p>
<p>Tony faked outrage. “<em>What</em>? You have sympathy for <em>them</em>?” he shook his head in disbelief, as Steve kept huffing amused. “<em>I</em> am the one you should have sympathy for. I give <em>birth</em> to these bots, I put my <em>heart</em> in their creation, and then they betray me like <em>this</em>!”</p>
<p>Steve was still laughing lightheartedly when Tony suddenly froze on his own words and grimaced.<br/>Steve seemed to realise what he had said too, and he stopped laughing to give him an uncertain look.</p>
<p><em>Shit</em>. He had trailed off again, and what had to look like a reproach against his domestic bots, had suddenly seemed a reference to Ultron.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I fuck up real bad sometimes” Tony mumbled turning his look to his plate.</p>
<p>“<em>Tony</em>” Steve called shyly.</p>
<p>“No, I know” Tony interrupted him. “We better forget this thing. Change the topic. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to bring that out.”</p>
<p>Steve shook his head. “I don’t want to change the topic” he stated. “No one holds that against you anymore.”</p>
<p>Tony grunted. “But you should.”</p>
<p>“Things have worked out. There is no need to stick to the past” Steve said.</p>
<p>He looked at him earnestly, and for a moment Tony really wanted to believe him. But he still couldn’t forget the stare of disappointment Steve had given him when he had heard about what Tony had done.</p>
<p>“Your intentions were good” Steve tried again. “You never wanted to hurt anybody.”</p>
<p>“Still I do that every time” Tony snapped.</p>
<p>Steve rubbed his eyes with tiredness. “<em>Tony</em>” he started again.</p>
<p>And <em>oh no</em>, Tony recognised that tone of voice, he knew that meant he was going to give him some Captain America’s lecture.</p>
<p>But Steve shook his head and started eating again.</p>
<p>Tony kind of got bothered at that. “Tony <em>what</em>?” he asked indeed.</p>
<p>Steve stared at him. “Why are you so good at giving other people motivational speeches, yet you gloat over your own self deprecative lifestyle?”</p>
<p>Tony twitched. “I don’t know what you mean” he replied.</p>
<p>“<em>The sun brings away all your mistakes and you can start again tomorrow</em>. Did I make it up? You said that to me not even an hour ago.”</p>
<p>Tony frowned. “I still don’t understand.”</p>
<p>“It applies for you too” Steve clapped back. “You make mistakes because you’re human, and that’s fine.<br/>Your mistakes make you the person that you are, and the important thing is that you keep on trying to fix yourself, and it doesn’t matter if it seems to you that you can’t make it, because everyday you <em>are</em> indeed a better person you were the day before.”</p>
<p>Steve looked at him with sad eyes. “Without your mistakes you wouldn’t be you, and I-“</p>
<p>Tony held his breath and looked at Steve with expectation.</p>
<p>Steve stuttered on his words and turned away his look. “And I wouldn’t be me, without my mistakes” he finished.</p>
<p>After that, he didn’t add anything else to the matter, and even though Tony felt like he wanted to say something more, he remained in silence too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi everyone!</p>
<p>I hope you're all safe and well as always, take care of yourself in these very hard times!!!</p>
<p>So, I obv hope you liked the chapter and I'm seriously thankful to whoever is following the story and even more to those who are so kind to leave some feedback about my work.</p>
<p>I'm really enjoying writing this fic and I hope you're enjoying reading it too.</p>
<p>I'm so so grateful to all of you!!!</p>
<p>Love you a lot and have a GREAT day!!</p>
<p>See you in the next chapter! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony opened his eyes with a sudden sharp breath, his chest pounding in his ears. He clasped at his throat, still choking on air, and looked back and forth with wide eyes. The room was in pitch dark, not a single movement in sight. Everything was quiet and still.</p>
<p>Tony calmed down a little. He brought a hand to his heart, hoping to make it slow down, while inhaling deeply and slowly. He shut his eyes and shifted on the mattress, resting his head on the pillow.</p>
<p>His hands on his face were trembling, and even though he was aware of it, he couldn’t still them.</p>
<p>He had another nightmare. Always the same one, with the wormhole shutting while he still was floating in space, his air running out and his sight slowly blacking out. He had tried to say something but it looked like he was underwater, and his head was all dizzy and numb.<br/>And then the soft disappointed voice of Steve repeating those words like a dirge, like a dagger through Tony’s ribs.<br/><em>You could have saved us.</em></p>
<p>Tony swallowed hard and opened his eyes again.<br/>He had gotten used to the darkness by now, and he slowly started to notice the pale glow of the moon creeping through the white curtains hung on the window. He turned to his left and his look fell on the man sleeping next to him.</p>
<p>Steve was all curled under the blanket, his hair falling softly over his forehead and his eyelashes casting shadows on his cheeks.<br/>He was sleeping so peacefully, and Tony wondered what it felt like not to dread the night, to find quietness in it, and a sort of relief. </p>
<p>He feared the night with his whole being. He stayed up late until three or four in the morning, actually trying to sleep only when he could already spot the sunshine outside, as if the light could somehow chase his nightmares away.</p>
<p>He knew he had to get used to it. He had to accept the fact that there was no solution to this problem, that his insomnia found its roots in problems way bigger than him, and there was no way he could solve them all alone.<br/>But the cold on his skin could still be dimmed by a loving touch, about that he was sure too.</p>
<p>He stared at Steve again. What was he gonna do with him? He had to end it all. He was just keeping on breaking his own heart.</p>
<p>Steve was not interested, Steve was young and new to all this new century. He had to do his experiences, he had to discover the world, and learn things and find a purpose to his own life. <br/>Tony had to settle down. Find rest for once. He had to give up to his never ending desire of doing, and moving, and running around.</p>
<p>Steve twirled his nose the slightest bit, the most adorable scene Tony had ever witnessed. He was trying to move away a strand of hair that was tickling his nose.</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth. <em>It’s not right</em>, he told himself. <em>It’s not right at all</em>.<br/>And he knew it, he damn well knew it was not right, but Steve was there, looking sweet and cute, and his heart was aching so bad.</p>
<p>So Tony reached for Steve’s cheek, and with a light touch he moved away the lock that was annoying him, and he moved it to the side of his face, and for a moment his hand trembled over Steve’s skin, like he was meant to cup his cheek and softly caress it.</p>
<p>And Tony did that too. And <em>oh</em>, how wrong it was!</p>
<p>But Steve’s skin was so soft, and his touch so feeble.</p>
<p>“Tony” Steve mumbled, slowly opening his eyes.</p>
<p>Tony lost a beat, and he stilled his fingers on Steve’s face.</p>
<p>Steve looked at him tilting his head, his eyes full of sleep.</p>
<p>Tony retreated his hand. “I’m sorry” he muttered, and his voice creaked loudly. He didn’t even realised a gulp had escaped his mouth.</p>
<p>Steve freed one hand from the blanket and brought it to Tony’s cheek, imitating the same touch Tony was previously doing.<br/>“You’re crying” Steve whispered looking at his own wet fingers.</p>
<p>“What?” Tony mumbled touching his own face, and finding it filled with tears slowly streaming down his eyes. He shook his head.<br/>“It’s okay” Tony reassured him.</p>
<p>But Steve had straightened up on the mattress, great concern in his expression.<br/>“No, it’s not” he replied. “What happened?”</p>
<p>His worried voice probably hit some button inside Tony’s brain, and he found himself crying even more.<br/>“I’m-” he tried, but his voice came out like a whine.</p>
<p>“Tony” Steve called softly.</p>
<p>“It’s just- it’s just a nightmare” Tony stumbled on his words and turned away his face, wishing to be everywhere but in that bed with Steve. This must be the most humiliating situation he had ever found himself in.</p>
<p>He felt a hand on his elbow and he jolted back staring at Steve with wide eyes.<br/>Steve backed away, fearing he was doing something wrong.</p>
<p>Tony didn’t say anything, so Steve brought his fingers on Tony’s arm again, this time more carefully, like he was dealing with a wounded animal.<br/>“Hey” he murmured, still gripping at Tony’s arm. “Come here.”</p>
<p>Tony tilted his head, pondering about Steve’s next move. What was he trying to do?<br/>He looked into his eyes and Steve hinted at a feeble smile, before pushing away the blanket revealing his bare chest and opening his arms.</p>
<p>Tony twitched again, trying to understand what was going on.</p>
<p>“Come here” Steve repeated, glancing at his arms as an invitation.</p>
<p>Tony narrowed his eyes. His cheeks were still filled with tears, and even though he was not even realising he was crying, he knew in the back of his head that he still was, indeed.</p>
<p>He shifted on the mattress and carefully approached Steve’s personal space.<br/>He rested his head in the crook of Steve’s neck, dubiously questioning if that was what Steve was expecting him to do.</p>
<p>Steve closed his arms around him, placing a flat hand on Tony’s spine and pulling him closer, until Tony found himself with his head on Steve’s naked chest.</p>
<p>“Are you comfortable?” Steve asked, and his voice rumbled into Tony’s brain.</p>
<p>He nodded. “Thank you” he murmured, then coughed trying to hide what he had just said.</p>
<p>Steve didn’t say anything. He placed the blanket back over both of them and held Tony a little tighter.</p>
<p>After a few minutes, the sound of Steve’s heartbeat led Tony to sleep again.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>When Tony woke up in the morning, this time in full brightness, he stilled for an instant. He tried to remember the events of the previous night and wondered if he had dreamed all of that or if it had actually happened.</p>
<p>Then he realised there was a feeble brush of soft lips on his forehead, and his weary head was resting on a naked chest, and now he was even more confused.</p>
<p>Steve was leaving light kisses on his temple, while still holding him between his arms, and Tony felt his heart racing as he got aware of his own leg over Steve’s one, in the attempt of entangle them.</p>
<p>He shut his eyes again, pondering what to do. He obviously had to make it known that he was awake, and not keep on taking advantage of Steve’s embrace, but at the same time Steve’s lips on his skin were so warm and gentle, and his chest so solid and firm, and it was one lifetime chance.</p>
<p>But then Tony suddenly realised that yes, <em>he</em> was the one resting over Steve’s body -so perhaps their closeness was his fault- but it was <em>Steve</em> that was kissing him in that repetitive and mesmerising way. Tony was still sleeping when Steve had decided to do it, so what should he do about it?</p>
<p>“I can hear your brain bullying itself from up here.”<br/>Steve’s voice made Tony startle. He tilted up his head and found Steve’s kind eyes already staring at him.</p>
<p>“Hey” Tony mumbled awkwardly.</p>
<p>“Hope I didn’t wake you up” Steve said with worry in his words.<br/>Tony shook his head, and Steve distanced himself a little. Tony felt the loss of his lips, but didn’t comment on it.<br/>“Are you okay?” Steve asked concerned.</p>
<p>Tony remembered his nightmare of the night before like an instant flashback, and he twitched his mouth.<br/>“Yeah” he murmured.</p>
<p>Steve tightened his hug, and Tony frowned. What was going on?<br/>“If this thing is stressing you out then we can stop it” Steve warned. “I won’t stay here just to watch you suffer.”</p>
<p>Tony softened and hid his face in Steve’s chest. His skin was almost burning against his cheek.<br/>“Nothing’s wrong” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“You wanna tell me about your dream?” Steve asked slowly.</p>
<p>Tony turned up his head and propped himself on one elbow. He fixed his eyes in Steve’s, and for a moment he just looked at him.<br/>He studied the curve of his faint smile and the way his brows where slightly narrowed with concern. His blond hair were rumpled from sleep.<br/><em>I keep watching you die and my heart can’t bare the thought to the point that I panic</em>.</p>
<p>He shook his head. “Another time, maybe.”</p>
<p>Steve brushed his thumb on Tony’s back, and Tony shivered.<br/>He felt somehow betrayed. Because obviously he was in love, and he would have given anything in his entire life for moments like this with Steve, but he also knew Steve had rejected him, he knew that he was not interested, so what was the purpose of all this kindness?</p>
<p>“<em>Shit</em>” Tony mumbled.</p>
<p>“What?” Steve looked at him right away.</p>
<p>“We’re late. We should be doing things about that damn mission-“</p>
<p>Steve softened and huffed. “Don’t worry. I’ve already texted SHIELD and they said we will meet in the late afternoon for the fashion show. We’ve got nothing to do now.”</p>
<p>“<em>Oh</em>.” Tony fell back on his chest with a little huff, and once again Steve held him tight, and slowly stroked his back with a flat hand.</p>
<p>“I think you should relax a little bit” Steve told him after a while.</p>
<p>Tony didn’t reply, so Steve went on. “You’re stressing too much, that’s why you have trouble sleeping at night.”</p>
<p>Tony snorted. “There is more, believe me” he assured.</p>
<p>Steve sighed and his chest rose up and then deflated under Tony’s head. “I want you to find peace, Tony” he confessed.</p>
<p>Tony twirled his nose.<br/>He resisted the urge to draw circles with his finger over Steve’s bare chest. He wondered what it would feel like to share a post-coital moment like this with him. <em>God</em>, he was really the best at building his own false hopes and shatter them by his own.</p>
<p>“Hey” Steve called after a while, when Tony had still not answered. </p>
<p>“Steve-” Tony tried slowly.</p>
<p>Steve lightly squeezed his arm to make him go on.</p>
<p>Tony bit his bottom lip, trying to work up the courage.<br/>“What- what do you think-“ Tony shut his eyes in embarrassment. When had he become so damn shy?</p>
<p>“About what?” Steve encouraged.</p>
<p>“About me.”</p>
<p>There was a weary silence after Tony’s words, and he immediately regretted saying them out loud. He was going to ruin his restored friendship with Steve once again.<br/>He didn’t dare raising his head to look at those blue and knowing eyes.</p>
<p>“Does this have something to do with your dream?” Steve asked eventually.</p>
<p>Tony remained silent.</p>
<p>“People love you, Tony” Steve worded out speaking cautiously. “People care about you. Perhaps sometime you forget about it, but it’s true.”</p>
<p>Tony squeezed his eyes. That was nice to hear, but not exactly what he was asking for.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t your fault. The things that happened in Sokovia. It was not your fault, Tony.”<br/>Steve’s hand run along his spine and settled in the crook of Tony’s neck. He gripped softly at his nape, making Tony turn his head up to look him in the eyes.<br/>“Please, stop blaming yourself, stop holding grudges toward your own person. Please, stop hating yourself, Tony” his voice kind of creaked on the last words.</p>
<p>Tony tried to lower his look because he just couldn’t hold Steve’s glare.<br/>“Why would I?”</p>
<p>Steve tried to find the right words looking back and forth around the room. “Because it hurts me, Tony. It hurts me so bad. So if you don’t wanna do it for your own sake, then just do it for me” Steve stuttered.</p>
<p>Once again, Tony felt the same urge to cup Steve’s face and kiss him.<br/>It would have been so easy, so simple, to close their distance. To place his own mouth on those trembling lips of Steve, trying to wash away his forlorn expression while at the same time healing his own damaged heart.</p>
<p>And it wrecked him knowing for a fact that he couldn’t do it, because there was no way that could happen, because Steve didn’t love him in that way, no matter what.</p>
<p>Tony lowered his head again. He felt the pressing need to lay his head back on Steve’s bare and warm chest, curl into that embrace and turn all his worries off.</p>
<p>He placed a hand on Steve’s skin, firm and resolute, backing a little from Steve’s body, and disentangling their legs under the blanket.<br/>“We better not waste this sunny morning” he murmured.</p>
<p>Steve let go of his nape right away, and his face grimaced. “Yeah, you’re right” he nodded. “We should not.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“Play that another time, sweetie” his mother begged from the couch.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony turned to look at the woman who was smiling at him with a huge grin.<br/>“Just one time more, please.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony sighed loudly faking annoyance, even though he was actually feeling warmth because of his mother’s affection.<br/>“Fine” he mumbled.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He placed his hands back on the keyboard of the piano and started playing once again.<br/>His fingers run quickly over the keys in swift movements, as he kept his eyes shut trying to concentrate on the notes he had to play.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His mother loved when he played. She used to ask him for doing so a few time a month, usually with nonchalance, always afraid she would somehow annoy Tony with her requests.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But Tony always complied.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Indeed, he loved playing the piano too.<br/>Yeah, not like his mother did, but he still enjoyed being the cause of the sweet melodies pervading the living room.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His mother had insisted for him to take private lessons of music during his childhood, and Tony used to complain about it every time. He hated having to take lessons from some old man forcing him to repeat the same exercises hundred of times, until he was able to replicate the exact melody.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And he mostly hated the fact that at the end of every month, he had to perform in front of his father, because the man wanted to be sure his money were spent well.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So when Tony had started attending college, he had been excited about the thought of not having to play anymore. But then, from time to time, he had found himself sitting at the piano again.<br/>Just a few notes or some childish songs, just not to forget how to do that.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But his mother absolutely loved when he played for her.<br/>Because yeah, he had learned a few more complicated symphonies that he would play for his mother only.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So the woman would sit on the couch all giddy and with expectation, and would wait for him to start playing. And Tony would do that because he more than all loved the idea of sharing time with his mother.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Furthermore, the woman seemed to love playing piano too, and there were times in which she would join him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony kept on playing absorbed in the music. Whenever he would shut his eyes, he would completely lose himself in the song, and it was a nice feeling. He felt light just for a few moments.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He opened his eyes on the spot when he felt a gentle hand resting on his shoulder, but he kept on playing.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His mother sat next to him on the stool, and placed her hands on the keyboard too.<br/>She joined the melody with way more grace than Tony, and he felt himself unconsciously grin at the realisation that they were playing together, and the song was so beautiful it made his chest ache.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>They went on for a few minutes, then Tony stopped and turned to look at his mother.<br/>“I missed these moments” he confessed with a heartfelt expression.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The woman softened and smiled. She poked his cheek. “Yeah, we don’t get to do these kind of things anymore. You’re always studying or working on some new project.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony saddened at her soft voice. He knew she didn’t mean that as a reproach, but something clicked inside his brain, and he felt like she was somehow hinting at his father’s behaviour.<br/>“I don’t want to be like him.” Tony blurted out.<br/>He raised his eyes and he locked them into his mother’s.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She shook her head benevolently. “You’re not, sweetheart.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony curled his nose. Indeed, he felt like he was.<br/>Since he had started college he felt like he was not the same person he used to be before.<br/>He was way too invested in his researches and inventions, and whenever he would stay up too late after midnight he felt like he was really turning into his father.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Maybe I already am” he murmured then.<br/>He hated it with his whole chest. He didn’t want to be like him. Not even in the slightest.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His mother smiled and softly ruffled his hair. “You know,” she said. “Maybe you look like him. Maybe you do the same things he does. Maybe you even speak like him” she stopped and huffed under breath. “But my dear, this- is not like his” she softly placed a hand over Tony’s heart.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony lowered his head on his chest, and then held his gaze there. He wanted to be a good man. He was going to be a good man.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Now- you know something your father does not know how to do? Playing the ninth symphony of Beethoven.<br/>But someone told me you do know how to do that, so-“ his mother smiled hinting at the keyboard.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony laughed lightly. He nodded.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>They both placed their hands on the piano and started playing again.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>After leaving their bedroom, they started walking under the bright sunshine of that day.</p>
<p>It had been difficult to leave the bed, but Tony still had some willpower left in his gut, so he had swallowed all his misery and had smiled uncertainly, but Steve had followed him out of the hotel without commenting anything about their previous talk.</p>
<p>Spring was slowly coming and the hot weather was an evident proof of it.<br/>Tony took off the jacket of the suit he had had to put on because of their following appointments. He rolled the sleeves of his white shirt up and when he turned on his right he got a glimpse of Steve staring at him.<br/>“What?” he asked.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head and a light blush colored his cheeks. “Nothing” he mumbled.<br/>“Where are we going?” he asked him instead.</p>
<p>“Notre Dame” Tony exclaimed.</p>
<p>Steve smiled widely.  “I’ve always wanted to see that!” he informed him.</p>
<p>Tony found his enthusiasm adorable.<br/>“But we have to walk for a while, it’s a bit distant.”</p>
<p>Steve lowered his eyes and twitched his mouth. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that.”</p>
<p>Tony frowned. “What?”</p>
<p>Steve scratched his nape in thought. “About the metro thing.” He kept his head lowered while walking.</p>
<p>Tony sighed. “I thought we had already cleared that out” he said. “That’s not a problem not even in the slightest way.”</p>
<p>Steve grunted. “But we’d make to it sooner-“</p>
<p>Tony recalled in his head the sight of Steve tightening the handle bar in his hand, while air seemed leave his lungs, and Tony had feared he was going to pass out.<br/>They still hadn’t talked about that moment, but even if there wasn’t any deep meaning behind it, it still hurt him that Steve was once again blaming himself.</p>
<p>“Listen-“ Tony blurted out. “Imagine it was the other way around: we take the metro and I have an anxiety attack during the course. Would you still allow me to take it after that?”</p>
<p>Steve finally raised his head and met Tony’s eyes. He seemed to soften a little bit, even though the worry was still filling his eyes. “I wouldn’t” he confessed with an emotionless voice.</p>
<p>“Exactly” Tony exclaimed with emphasis. “And I’m not gonna allow you either.”</p>
<p>Steve put his hands in his pockets and pushed them down, while keeping on walking in silence.</p>
<p>Tony felt the need to add something, but it seemed like Steve preferred the topic to change, and the last thing Tony wanted was to push him on matters he didn’t want to talk about.</p>
<p>“So-“ Tony tried after some moments. “What do you think of this city so far? Have your opinions changed somehow?”</p>
<p>The weather was nice, the streets not too crowded and they had a lot of free time, so Tony pondered that had to be something good for Steve.</p>
<p>Steve looked at him earnestly, and smiled again. “Yeah, you could say I’m reevaluating my previous thoughts about this place.”</p>
<p>“Glad to hear that” Tony smiled too, and the talk fell once again.</p>
<p>He really wanted to find something else to say, but he could sense a sort of tension between the two of them. He remembered that morning when he had woken up between Steve’s arms, and for a moment he had thought everything was okay and it was going to be fine in the end, and then how his life had crashed again before his eyes.<br/>He wondered what Steve was thinking about, all serious with his hands sticked in his pockets. Tony glanced at him and accidentally met his eyes already looking back.</p>
<p>Steve flushed visibly and turned away his look, and Tony kind of felt the loss of it.</p>
<p>“Is everything okay?” he asked then. If Steve was eyeing at him, he probably was not okay with something Tony had said or done.</p>
<p>“No- I-“ Steve stuttered.</p>
<p>Tony realised that it must be something really serious.</p>
<p>“I was just thinking-” Steve managed to say. “About last night.”</p>
<p>Tony widened his eyes in mild concern.<br/>So that was it, Steve was going to let him know that their intimacy had been a little to much, that they had to re-establish some boundaries. After all, they had to share the same bed for some other nights, he probably feared Tony was going to make it an habitude to just lay all over his chest.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m sorry” Tony anticipated him. “That won’t happen again.”</p>
<p><em>God</em>, why had he done it? Steve had refused him. Now he probably felt guilty because he thought Tony may build his expectations up again -not that Tony had not already done that- and he was regretting that. Steve was <em>obviously</em> regretting that.</p>
<p>“I really hope it won’t” Steve murmured.</p>
<p>Tony tensed. That was a jerk thing to say, he wasn’t the one who had opened this arms to make the other cradle between them.</p>
<p>“Yeah, well- you could have not proposed that, then” he clapped back. Because yeah, he could take a rejection, but there was no way someone could make fun of Tony Stark out of that.</p>
<p>“<em>What</em>?” Steve asked in confusion.</p>
<p>“I said I won’t do that again” Tony repeated sharply. “But, you know- it’s not nice of you to make me sleep on your chest just to mock me because of that later.”</p>
<p>Steve looked mortified and his whole face went white. “I was talking about the panic attack!” he exclaimed.</p>
<p>Tony shook his head in full confusion.</p>
<p>“Oh god, Tony, why do you always have to act like this? You did it once again, have you noticed it yourself?<br/>You twist everything someone says and take it as an offence toward you. Not everyone hates you!” Steve had a weird look on his face now, like he was furious but also extremely hurt.</p>
<p>Tony lowered his head with guilt. “I thought-“</p>
<p>“Yeah well, you thought wrong” Steve interrupted him. “I made you sleep next to me because I wanted to. I would never trick you just to mock you after that.”</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth. He really did think everyone wanted to backstab him at some point.</p>
<p>Perhaps it was because of the many people who had played him dirty in the past. And not only in the abusive kind of way like Stane- no, there was a period in his youth in which whenever he found himself about to have sex with someone, he just couldn’t help but think there was a trick behind it.</p>
<p>He knew they were bringing him to bed just because they had some other purpose. Was it because he was Howard Stark’s son, or because he had a reputation, anything at all, but he always feared no one would fuck him without any double meaning.<br/>There was no way someone was interested in just having a great time with him.</p>
<p>That was why most of the times he had screwed unknown people and had insignificant hookups and one-night stands. Because in this way their goal was clear, it was evident. They just wanted to get laid, no emotions involved, no one wanted to fuck up with his feelings.</p>
<p>But this had led Tony to having very evident trust issues, and the thing reflected in his everyday relationships. Even the innocent ones like his friendship with Steve.</p>
<p>But still, Steve had just said he had wanted to hold Tony between his arms, that he had done it on purpose, and he didn’t regret it, nor did he want to make fun of him. So Tony wondered what kind of relationship he had now with him.</p>
<p>He couldn’t call it a friendship.<br/>Obviously, emotional comfort was something pretty friendly -whenever he had his down moments during college or, <em>hell</em>, even post the kidnap, Rhodey had stayed with him hours and hours, hugging him and making him talk, and wiping his tears away. <em>That</em> was friendship, Tony knew that.</p>
<p>But there was something so much more intimate in Steve’s acts during the previous night.<br/>How he had wiped that single tear away from Tony’s cheek, so gently and caring. The way he had looked at his own fingers wet with Tony’s tears with a torn apart look.</p>
<p>And then he had opened his arms and he had encouraged Tony to sleep on his <em>naked</em> chest, for <em>god’s sake</em>. And he had pulled Tony closer, he had not wanted him to rest on his shoulder, <em>no</em>, he had wanted him to place his head on his skin, and had held him tighter.<br/>And all those light kisses on Tony’s forehead in the morning. Yeah, that couldn’t be friendship.</p>
<p>“Okay” Tony mumbled. “I’m really sorry.”</p>
<p>Steve rubbed his eyes in frustration, but he was no longer really angry. “Yeah, yeah.”<br/>He brought his look back on the street under his feet and kept walking quietly.</p>
<p>“Look!” Tony exclaimed at some point. He thanked god they had finally arrived because he couldn’t bare that awkward silence anymore.<br/>“That’s Notre Dame.”</p>
<p>Steve followed his gaze and stared at the big church standing in the middle of the square.<br/>He opened his mouth in disbelief. “It’s huge” he commented.</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “You’re gonna <em>love</em> it.”</p>
<p>As they approached the building, Steve kept staring at it with wide eyes, his look pointed to the sky.</p>
<p>Tony felt his chest tighten at Steve’s awe, but swallowed his feeling in his throat.<br/>“This is one of the first gothic churches ever made” Tony explained.</p>
<p>Steve nodded with his nose still pointing to the air. “Yeah, I know everything about this cathedral” he murmured.</p>
<p>Tony scoffed with fake annoyance. “Yeah, I almost forgot <em>you</em> are the art professionist here.”</p>
<p>Steve brought his head down and looked at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude.”</p>
<p>Tony giggled and poked Steve’s arm. “You really cannot grasp the concept of sarcasm, can you?” Then he stilled with the sudden realisation of his hand squeezing lightly at Steve’s arm.</p>
<p>Steve was looking at it too, but there was a shadow of fondness in his eyes.<br/>Tony brought his hand away almost immediately, and he scratched his nape instead.</p>
<p>Maybe it had been a dumb thing to move his hand away so fast, especially since he didn’t want the act to be so evident, but the fact that it had been so natural to just find a contact with Steve made Tony fear the man could read his feelings all over his face.</p>
<p>It was one thing to share intimate contact in emotional hurt moments, but it was another thing to poke at him with such easiness.<br/>They never really shared that much of intimacy before, and Steve had the certain knowledge that Tony did, in fact, feel something toward him, so he really didn’t want to appear like a pathetic man fishing for contact.<br/>He had to watch his hands.</p>
<p>Steve looked at him in confusion, but Tony cleared his throat. “Shall we get in?” he asked to avoid having to give an explanation of his act.</p>
<p>Steve nodded still a little lost, and they both entered the cathedral.</p>
<p>There were not a lot of people inside, and Steve stood still for a moment looking at the high ceiling.<br/>“I’ve always wanted to come in here” he mumbled, his nose pointing up.</p>
<p>Tony tilted his head. “Have you?”</p>
<p>Steve nodded and turned around himself a few times to take in the whole sight of the church. He gazed at the huge colourful glass windows and smiled enthusiastically. “Look at that, Tony” he pointed, and Tony followed his finger.</p>
<p>“I tried to paint those type of windows many <em>many</em> times. It’s still something that I find really difficult to represent” Steve mumbled.</p>
<p>Tony smiled too.<br/>They were indeed very pretty. In the pitch darkness of the cathedral, the sun crept through that colourful glass only, projecting all kind of shades on the marble floor. It was both a beauty and a majestic sight.<br/>Tony felt a shiver along his spine and probably shuddered loudly.</p>
<p>Steve tilted his head. “Are you cold?” he asked with a worried tone.</p>
<p>His concern made Tony gloat in his head. He always loved it when Steve worried for him even for the littlest of things.<br/>But Tony actually wasn’t cold, even though the inside of the cathedral was somehow chill.</p>
<p>He shook his head vigorously. “Not at all, I just- got mesmerised, perhaps?” he blurted out.<br/>“Doesn’t happen often, though. Sure, I love art but I’m not that sensible. I’m a man of science, you know” he twitched his mouth.</p>
<p>Steve huffed. “There is nothing to be ashamed of. I often feel intimidated before these kind of masterpieces. It means you are conscious of the importance they have.”</p>
<p>Tony snorted just to hide his vulnerableness. “Yeah, maybe” he conceded annoyed and shrugging.<br/>Then he damned himself.<br/>It was not that he didn’t find the sight beautiful, he just didn’t want to make a fool of himself and weep like a school boy. His father had taught him that the only things worthy of being interested in were matters concerning math, or physic, or just science in general.<br/>Because of this Tony had repressed his artistic side long time ago.</p>
<p>Steve seemed to grimace at Tony’s bother, and he narrowed his eyes. “Well, it <em>does</em> make me wanna tear up, indeed.<br/>Sometime, the beauty is just too much to take in, and I can feel my heart tightening because of it” he stated with a sharp tone. “But I get it if there are more important things to you.”<br/>He kept wandering around with his eyes and pushed his hands even lower in his pockets.</p>
<p>Tony bit his lip. Had he been a dick? He had been a dick.</p>
<p>He tried to find something to add to let Steve know that he <em>did</em> think the church was heart-moving too, that he <em>did</em> see the beauty in it, he had just learned not to be too affected by it. But it was not his fault.</p>
<p>Tony twirled his nose. “Maybe when we get back to New York you can try to paint it again, since you now have seen it in first person” Tony said at last, speaking with an uncertain voice.</p>
<p>Steve turned to look at him and his eyes softened. “Yep, I could” he replied.</p>
<p>Tony shifted on his feet. “And maybe, if you can’t find the right shade, I could, I don’t know- let you know if it’s like I remember it too or not, since- yeah, since I was here too” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Steve huffed. “I’d be very glad if you helped me, Tony.” The way he pronounced his name made Tony’s heart flatter, and he grinned on the spot.</p>
<p>He brought his eyes to the big window behind the aisle and took in the sight of the warm light flooding the place.<br/>“I actually get what you said before” he murmured. “It moves my heart too.”</p>
<p>Steve looked at him with the corner of his eyes, and Tony saw him smiling.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>After wandering around the cathedral for some minutes more, they quickly ate something for lunch before pacing while chattering to the fashion show where they would meet with mr Savatier and his wife.</p>
<p>When they finally made it to the building, there were a lot of people coming in and out of it. Photographers and celebrities crowding around the entrance.</p>
<p>Tony stiffened but Steve exhorted him to go on.</p>
<p>They went in the backstage waiting for Margot who arrived after a few minutes, dressed in a bright red dress.<br/>“Babe!” she called with enthusiasm.</p>
<p>Tony turned in confusion but grinned widely when he noticed Nadine standing behind her. She was dressed in a fancy yellow dress.</p>
<p>“Oh here you are, sweetheart!” Tony pointed out. “I’m sorry I was late, I had things to work on.”</p>
<p>Margot rolled her eyes with a benevolent look. “You never change, babe. Anyway, we have to go back to the dressing room to fix some details since we’re about to walk, but Augustine is waiting for you sitting in front line.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded. “Alright, I’ll go looking for him.”</p>
<p>“Oh, he couldn’t stop talking about you, last night! He said he has so many things to show you!” Nadine added smiling too.</p>
<p>Tony smirked. “Yeah, we have to catch on on a few projects he hinted me about.”</p>
<p>Margot looked at the time on her phone and made a concerned face. “Oh my god, Nadine, we have to go. They’re probably be waiting for us!” she leaned toward Tony and left a loud smack on his cheek before grabbing Nadine’s arm and making her follow her outside the hall.</p>
<p>“She’s good” Steve commented when the two girls had left the room.</p>
<p>Tony scoffed. “Yeah, I like her.”</p>
<p>Steve scratched his nape. “Be careful with the man, now. I don’t want you to push things you don’t feel like doing.”</p>
<p>Tony frowned and glanced at Steve who was already looking at him with a worried expression.<br/>“I have everything under control” Tony replied.</p>
<p>At that Steve grunted rolling his eyes. “You always have, huh?” he joked, and Tony laughed.</p>
<p>“I swear I won’t push things, just like you said.”</p>
<p>Steve twitched his mouth. “I know that was not normal. The other night.”</p>
<p>Tony snorted. “Can we please not talk about it?”</p>
<p>“No, listen-“ Steve interrupted him. He came closer and rested a hand on Tony’s shoulder. He stared into his eyes and Tony unwillingly lowered his head. He seriously could not hold that gaze.<br/>“If something triggers you, then you get away, okay?”</p>
<p>Tony nodded uncertainly, but Steve squeezed lightly at his shoulder, until Tony had to raise his look.<br/>Steve was looking at him waiting for an answer.</p>
<p>“Okay” Tony repeated. “I promise.”</p>
<p>Steve let go of his shoulder right away, and Tony ached at the loss of touch.</p>
<p>“Alright” Steve stated. “Now let’s go.”</p>
<p>They stepped in the big hall where there was a huge catwalk in the middle of it. At its side there were several chairs placed in lines.</p>
<p>Many seats were already taken, so Tony struggled to find Augustine in the middle of that crowd.<br/>Then he finally noticed a hand waving at him, so he waved back grinning.</p>
<p>He turned to Steve. “I think you’ll have to stay here” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Steve nodded slowly. “Tony” he called when Tony was already heading to his seat. “You promised” Steve reminded.</p>
<p>Tony smiled softly. “I did” he assured, then reached Augustine.</p>
<p>The man greeted him with enthusiasm, patting him on his back with a few loud strokes.<br/>Tony grinned too, trying to hide his discomfort.</p>
<p>“I was starting to think you would not come anymore” Augustine joked, before laughing out loud.</p>
<p>“I’ve been busy the whole morning, but here I am” Tony shrugged. “I already saw your wife and my girlfriend, they said they’re about to model too.”</p>
<p>The man nodded with energy. “Yeah, yeah, Nadine does these kind of things often. She’s not really a super model, but you know- she does get booked during these fashion weeks” he explained, then twitched his mouth. “Although I don’t really like her doing this bullshit.”</p>
<p>Tony frowned. “You don’t?” he asked.<br/>He still did not really know the girl, but he had noticed the excitement in her face previously, while in her fancy dress.</p>
<p>“I think it’s a loss of time. She should invest her time in something more useful” Augustine shrugged. “But, you know- women alway stuff their head with no-sense hobbies, and we have somehow to second them if we want something else in return” he laughed loudly.</p>
<p>Tony curled his nose but left out a huff anyway, in the attempt of pleasing the man.</p>
<p>When Augustine had come back to complain about his wife’s hobbies, the runway started, so he had to shut himself.</p>
<p>Tony had already been to some runways here and here, but always held in New York, never in Europe. He enjoyed to assist to these events, and then get inspiration out of it.<br/>He couldn’t deny he loved fashion for himself. He loved dressing in nice fits, especially when he knew he was good at sporting them.</p>
<p>He looked at girls modelling one after the other, and then he finally spotted Margot on the catwalk dressed in her red dress. She walked fiercely and with a upright look.</p>
<p>Tony felt a hand squeezing his arm.</p>
<p>He turned to find out Augustine looking at him. “Has she been modelling for a long time?” he asked.</p>
<p>Tony smiled forcibly. “Yeah, she always loved doing it” he replied, trying to remember if Margot had ever told him something about her past that she let Nadine know.</p>
<p>“There, <em>there</em> is my wife” Augustine exclaimed all of a sudden, letting the talk fall with Tony’s please.</p>
<p>Tony followed his gaze and found Nadine walking the runway too. She was way better than Margot, and she seemed to really enjoy what she was doing.<br/>Meanwhile, Augustine had already started complaining once again about her obsession with fashion. “She cannot do but <em>buy, buy</em> and <em>buy</em>. Is your fiancee like this too?” he asked.</p>
<p>Tony nodded uncertainly.</p>
<p>“You know, I wouldn’t mind her doing <em>these</em> things if she just put the same enthusiasm in the things <em>I</em> ask her to do instead” the man went on.</p>
<p>Tony frowned and looked at him. “Like what?” he asked with nonchalance, trying to make the man keep talking.</p>
<p>“I don’t ask her too much, but, you know- There are things in my job that require her to participate too and, yeah -I don’t want to say she does not help me <em>at all</em>- but she does it in a way as if it is some kind of a bother, if you know what I mean.”</p>
<p>Tony forgot about the girls still walking on the runway, and turned all of his attention to Augustine. “What does she do?” he asked carefully.</p>
<p>“You know, Howard” he talked again. “I run a foster house, you could call it like that. There are, like, a dozen of orphan kids in it. And I swear, I don’t ask too much, I just want her to teach them to behave properly, but all she does is talk and play with them” he rolled his eyes. “It seems like she’s one of them too. Well, obviously way less smart” he huffed.</p>
<p>Tony widened his eyes. “A foster house?” he repeated.</p>
<p>Augustine nodded. “Oh! There she goes again! But she looks good in this, at least” he interrupted, looking at his wife walking another time.</p>
<p>Tony recollected what Augustine had just told him. He grunted at the realisation that SHIELD was indeed right, and the missing kids were related to the theft of vibranium.</p>
<p>“You know what I was thinking last night?” Augustine stopped Tony’s train of thoughts. “That I still don’t know that much about your job. Are you really a doctor?”</p>
<p>Tony scoffed and moved a hand in a shooing way. “A <em>doctor</em> as in I have a PhD” he explained. “I’m a scientist, and a chemist. I’m currently working on some extracts of rare metals. But I don’t wanna bore you with this thing, you seem to be doing something way more humanitarian.”</p>
<p>Augustine narrowed his eyes. “I’m actually very interested” he assured.</p>
<p>Tony smirked. “Well, I don’t think this is the right place to talk about these things, if you know what I mean.”<br/>He glanced around the room, hinting at the way too many people present.</p>
<p>The man nodded consciously. “You know-“ he started. “Why don’t you and your fiancee come get dinner to our place, tomorrow night?”</p>
<p>Tony pretended to ponder his proposal for a few seconds. “Yeah, it doesn’t seem a bad idea” he shrugged.</p>
<p>“There are a few projects I’m working on that I wouldn’t mind showing you” Augustine proposed. “So, you know- I can get a scientist’s opinion about them.”</p>
<p>Tony scoffed. “Yeah, alright, tomorrow night, then.” He splayed himself on his seat, trying to convey a lack of interest in the matter. Inside, he was gloating at his success.</p>
<p>“Just, you know-“ Augustine suddenly talked again. “You can leave your big man home, tomorrow. You’re gonna be my host, so you have nothing to worry about.”</p>
<p>Tony stiffened and slowly sat upright on the chair again.<br/>He did not enjoy the idea of following that man all by himself. Yeah, of course, he had his suit if something ever went wrong, but he still felt somehow safer if he knew Steve was by his side.</p>
<p>But he also knew he couldn’t lose this chance, so he nodded shrugging again. “No problem” he replied.</p>
<p>He subtly turned his head and found Steve staring at him from the other side of the room.<br/>He was standing still, his fists clenched along his body. It was reassuring seeing him around.</p>
<p>Tony smiled a little at him from far away, then turned to Augustine again. “So, tomorrow night. It’s a deal.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Sun had not already set when they stepped outside the building.</p>
<p>Steve had been eyeing at Tony during the whole ending of the fashion show.<br/>When the event had finished, both the girls had reached Tony and Augustine who greeted them cheerfully. Then Tony had apologised ruefully, but had stated that he really had to go.<br/>And he had reached for Steve right away, staring at him with wide eyes.</p>
<p>So know he was bubbling repetitively about the things Augustine had told him.</p>
<p>“So SHIELD was right” Steve mumbled keeping Tony’s pace who was walking fast trying to put as much distance he could from the building.</p>
<p>“Yeah, who would have thought?”</p>
<p>“Me” Steve replied under his breath.</p>
<p>Tony rolled his eyes. “The point is- he is intentioned on explaining to me what he’s working on, I just have to go to their place tomorrow night.”</p>
<p>Steve frowned. “I don’t see where’s the problem? We finally get to a conclusion of this mess.”</p>
<p>Tony curled his nose. He knew what was about to happen. Steve was about to get very angry once he found out what Tony had agreed to. “Yeah” Tony mumbled. “But, you know- he wants me to go on my own.”</p>
<p>Steve tilted his head to him. “Oh, so no girlfriends this time?”</p>
<p>Tony laughed awkwardly. “Well actually, girls are allowed. Bodyguards are not.”</p>
<p>Steve stopped in the middle of the street. “<em>What</em>?” he asked in disbelief.</p>
<p>“Can we keep on walking? I get a little uncomfortable knowing we’re still close to that man” Tony urged while slowing his pace just no to leave Steve behind.</p>
<p>Steve widened his eyes. “You want to widen our distance with him because you acknowledge you feel uncomfortable, <em>yet</em> you told him it was okay to go to his house by yourself?!”</p>
<p>Tony scratched his nape twirling his nose once again. “Yeah, it sounds dumb, but you have to trust me and keep on walking.”</p>
<p>Steve grunted but went on by Tony’s side. “I don’t want you to go alone” he stated.</p>
<p>Tony bit his bottom lip. He couldn’t deny it made him feel some kind of flattery to know that Steve was this protective, but he knew that there was no other way they could get the mission done if Steve couldn’t trust him.</p>
<p>“It’s our only chance” Tony pointed out.</p>
<p>“Yeah, and I don’t like it!” Steve went on. “What if something happens to you? You’re there all by yourself, and what are you gonna do?”</p>
<p>Tony twitched. “Do I have to remind you that I have the Ironman suit?”</p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes theatrically. “Once you’ve suited up, he has already done whatever he wants to you.”</p>
<p>“Oh look! You can see the Eiffel Tower from here!” Tony interrupted him all of a sudden, and pointed his finger to the landscape.</p>
<p>In the middle of the slowly darkening sky, the Eiffel Tower was standing right in front of the setting sun.</p>
<p>Steve followed Tony’s finger and stopped talking for a while just to look at the sky. He softened his previously reproaching expression and tried to hide the hint of a smile.<br/>“You can see the Eiffel Tower from <em>everywhere</em> here” he mumbled annoyed, but he kept on looking at the landscape.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Cap. But, I mean- we shouldn’t fight in Paris” Tony suggested chirpy.</p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes.<br/>“Where are we eating tonight?” he asked changing the topic.</p>
<p>Tony smirked. “I don’t really have somewhere in my head, we can stop along the way to the hotel.”</p>
<p>Steve nodded and they both started walking again.</p>
<p>Indeed it was a little difficult for Tony to walk wherever they had to go, but he wouldn’t dare complain about the fact they couldn’t take the metro. He didn’t want Steve to feel guilty again, and furthermore he didn’t mind walking if that meant he could talk with Steve.</p>
<p>He was starting to get used to this <em>living together</em> thing they were doing. It seemed like they were on a vacation or something, and Tony saddened at the thought that it was going to end soon. He wished they could stay there forever, pretending to be married and happy.<br/>He frowned. When did his crush slash love become something so serious to make him think about marriage?</p>
<p>He really had to forget all of that.<br/>He reminded himself once again how the things were, he remembered that he <em>had</em> indeed made it known that he was interested, and Steve <em>had</em> clarified that the feeling was not required, so although this holiday of theirs could seem some sort of fairytale, it was doomed to an end.</p>
<p>“What about that one?” Steve’s voice woke him up.</p>
<p>Tony looked at the restaurant Steve was pointing at at the other side of the street.<br/>He nodded. “It seems nice.”</p>
<p>They walked inside of it and asked for a table.</p>
<p>“What are you gonna eat tonight?” Tony asked once they sat down.</p>
<p>Steve bit his lip and looked at the menu all focused. “You know, I think imma go with an omelette.”</p>
<p>Tony laughed shaking his head. “Steve, since we’ve been here you haven’t eaten anything but omelettes” he pointed out.</p>
<p>Whenever they would step in a restaurant, Steve would pretend to ponder about what food he should order, but always ended with taking the same thing.</p>
<p>He blushed lightly. “I like it” he justified himself, scratching his nape in embarrassment.</p>
<p>Tony giggled again and looked at him with fondness. He loved to tease Steve like that, to make himself seem annoyed just to make it known that they really knew each other. It was like stressing that they had a really deep bond.</p>
<p>“Alright, then you know what? Imma take a cheeseburger” Tony stated.</p>
<p>Steve opened his mouth with disbelief. “And <em>you</em> dare to accuse <em>me</em> of always taking the same plate?” he threw his hands in the air with exasperation and shook his head.</p>
<p>Tony felt his stomach twirl in yearning, but tried to drown that feeling pouring himself some water.</p>
<p>When they started eating, Steve confessed him that he had really enjoyed the fashion show.</p>
<p>“You did?” Tony asked biting his burger.</p>
<p>Steve nodded vigorously. “I think they did a great job. Plus, you know- after what you told me, I feel a little bad for Nadine. She doesn’t seem a bad person.”</p>
<p>Tony curled his nose. “Yeah, I thought it too.” He was starting to get the impression that the woman was just a piece in her husband’s hands and was more likely unaware of the man’s intentions.</p>
<p>“I’m really starting to love this place” Steve added after a while.</p>
<p>Tony looked at him in confusion, and Steve smiled shyly. “You know- <em>Paris</em>.”</p>
<p>Tony smiled too. That was some good news to hear. He didn’t want Steve to remain with the idea that he was forced to revive his nightmare, and just feel the whole experience as a forcing.</p>
<p>“What made you change your mind?” he asked, giving his attention to his food.</p>
<p>Steve remained silent for a while then spoke again. “I’ve had my head wrapped about the idea that it was a dark place. Somehow foggy and loud. In my mind, I couldn’t remember the image of this city as a different place from the rainy and destroyed one I held in my brain.<br/>But since we arrived here, I’ve seen nothing but sunny mornings, and bright skies, and shining waters, and starry nights. And I love it” he smiled again, almost with embarrassment, probably fearing his words didn’t make any sense.</p>
<p>Little did he know Tony was feeling his heart ripping inside his chest. To be aware that he was a part of Steve’s change of view of the city made him almost float.</p>
<p>“I’m so glad you said it” he couldn’t help but confess. He longed once again to reach for Steve’s hand over the table, but resisted the urge by tightening his grip on his cheeseburger.</p>
<p>“You know, I asked myself if in a not so farther future I had the chance to visit all those places in which I was enlisted back in the time, I may find out they weren’t actually that bad. That the bad thing was actually my memories.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded, carefully listening to Steve’s words.</p>
<p>“Yeah, you know,” he went on. “A trip to Italy, something like that. With you, perhaps.”</p>
<p>Tony tilted his head up on the spot. He fixed his eyes into Steve’s ones and felt his heart racing fast. Had Steve just suggested they travelled around Europe?</p>
<p>Steve noticed Tony’s disbelief and flushed deeply. “I was just- you know, just rumbling. Nothing serious, I’m sorry-“</p>
<p>“No!” Tony exclaimed, and realised he had sounded a little crazy. He cleared his throat. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind.”</p>
<p>“Oh” Steve mouthed. He blushed again, but this time he smiled. “Well, then we might be starting booking flights.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded with enthusiasm but inside his head his mind seemed to have blackened out.</p>
<p>For the rest of the dinner Steve didn’t say anything else about his proposal, but instead he told him that he had heard Natasha and that she had reassured him everything was alright back in New York, and there hadn’t been any sudden mission that required their presence too.<br/>Tony listened to him smiling and nodding, but his imagination kept on creating scenarios in which they would travel around the world hand in hand.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Yeah, you’re pardoned. I never understood that reference either” Tony laughed at Steve’s confusion.</p>
<p>They had been talking about Star Wars for the whole walk to the hotel. Tony had explained in high detail every little scientific inaccuracy, and even though he was sure Steve couldn’t understand not even a single thing, he still listened with true interest, and asked Tony to slow down whenever he felt like he was missing the point.</p>
<p>“I hadn’t noticed that!” Tony interrupted their movie analysis to point at a piano in the corner of the hall of the hotel.</p>
<p>He went straight to the instrument without a hint of hesitation and opened the case in awe.</p>
<p>Steve approached him. “You play?” he asked curiously.</p>
<p>Tony turned to look at him. “<em>Played</em>” he corrected. “But it’s been a while since I stopped.”</p>
<p>Steve made a surprised face. “Why so?” he asked.</p>
<p>Tony shrugged. He lightly placed his fingers on the keyboard, with grace and consideration as if he was touching something extremely precious.<br/>“You can say my mother really loved it and, well- I’ve always related the piano to her, so-“ Tony mumbled. He sat on the stool.</p>
<p>He could almost feel Steve’s silence behind his back. He enjoyed talking about his mother, of course, but there were times in which the memory of her was just so piercing and melancholic inside his chest that Tony had to scoff the reminder away, and pretend the thing didn’t bother him at all.</p>
<p>“Would you mind?” he asked to cut the silence.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head vigorously. “I’d be honored” he stated, then sat on the couch placed near the instrument.</p>
<p>It had been a lot of time since Tony had last played, but there were some musics he simply knew by heart, so he started playing without even worrying too much about it.</p>
<p>He was used to perform in front of his father, so there couldn’t be a judge he could fear more, but still knowing that Steve was sitting right there, focused on his music, made Tony self conscious, and for the first time he actually realised he was playing in the middle of doing so.</p>
<p>He could feel his fingers running on the keyboard, he could feel the music flowing from his hands, and he forced himself to keep his eyes shut, too afraid he would be losing his concentration otherwise.</p>
<p>But the idea was too tantalising, so he slowly opened his eyes and turned to his right just a little, just to snitch on what Steve was doing meanwhile.<br/>And Steve was already looking at him, bright eyes wide with what seemed fondness, and something deeper Tony wouldn’t dare to call love. He was sitting almost on the edge of the sofa, his back upright and his hands entwined resting on his lap. There seemed to be a tremble on his bottom lip, but again Tony didn’t want to make much fuss about it.</p>
<p>He was listening with adoration and engagement, and when Tony met his eyes, he found them almost sparkling, and Steve unwillingly smiled softly at him.<br/>And Tony smiled too, he grinned- actually. He felt his heart growing three sizes and felt his hands almost dancing by their own. He brought his eyes back on the keyboard, still smiling and without the ability to stop himself from doing so.</p>
<p>He finished the music with delicacy, and for a moment he couldn’t help himself but to keep his stare on his own hands, almost scared that he could turn his head and find out Steve had not been that invested in the music.</p>
<p>Then, when the silence was way too heavy to bare, Tony decided to tilt up his look and glance at Steve. He was actually quietly tearing up, a shaking smile on his face.</p>
<p>“Steve?” Tony called, and left the instrument to sit next to him on the couch.<br/>“Steve, what’s wrong?” he asked. Without realising what he was doing, Tony reached for Steve’s hands in his lap and held them tight between his owns, staring into his blue shedding eyes.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head. “I’m so sorry” he murmured. “It just- it moved something, in my heart” he confessed. “I know, it’s stupid.”</p>
<p>“It’s not!” Tony contradicted him. “It’s not at all, it’s actually beautiful.”</p>
<p>Steve stared at him again, and Tony felt him tightening the grip on his hands.<br/>“You’re an amazing person, Tony” he murmured, and Tony shivered.</p>
<p>He slightly shook his head, feeling a little uncomfortable at the compliment.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yes you are” Steve assured him when he noticed he was denying it. “You <em>are</em>, Tony.”<br/>He glanced a little at Tony’s lips, then brought his eyes up again.</p>
<p>Tony felt his chest twirling once more, like it would always do whenever he was this close to Steve, but once again this situation was breaking him to pieces, and he couldn’t survive another rejection. He drew back on the spot, letting go of Steve’s hands.</p>
<p>“I think we should go to sleep” he stated with a firm voice.<br/>He noticed what seemed to be a forlorn look on Steve’s face, but the man masked it immediately and stood up quickly.</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course” Steve confirmed, and then they both took the lift to their suite.</p>
<p>They got in in silence, neither of them wanting to say something.</p>
<p>Tony went to the bathroom to change into his night clothes, and once he stepped out he found Steve sitting on the edge of the bed.<br/>“Hey” he called with anticipation.</p>
<p>Tony frowned. “Yeah?” </p>
<p>“You know, I was thinking about the fact that tomorrow you’re going to go on a mission all alone, and I know I cannot dissuade you from doing so-“ Steve anticipated when he saw Tony starting to speak up.<br/>“So, you know- I remembered I brought this thing from New York in case it could be useful, and I was thinking that maybe it could help.”<br/>He showed up his hands holding a phone in each one.</p>
<p>“A telephone?” Tony asked.</p>
<p>“It’s a burner one, so the call does no get tracked” Steve explained.</p>
<p>At that Tony laughed lightly. “Yeah, I know how these things work, I was just surprised about you having them.”</p>
<p>Steve blushed a little, but Tony grabbed one phone so he smiled.<br/>“There is my number saved into it” Steve added.</p>
<p>Tony opened the phone and found the contact <em>Steve Rogers</em> being the only one of the list. He smiled. “Yeah, it might be a good idea.”</p>
<p>Steve grinned proudly. “Well, I hope it helps.”</p>
<p>Tony made the phone fidget between his fingers in thought. “Actually, I mostly hope we won’t need to use it.”<br/>He twitched his mouth and looked back at Steve.</p>
<p>“Of course, no. I hope so too, but, you know- better safe than sorry” Steve mumbled, then smiled another time before go changing himself too.</p>
<p>Tony laid in bed and curled up under the blanket. He truly appreciated Steve’s concern. It really meant a lot, but there was just this never ending secretiveness behind his words and behaviour that Tony couldn’t quite grasp.</p>
<p>Steve got out of the bathroom after changing his clothes, and laid on the bed too. He was once again shirtless, and to Tony that was probably a little too much after that long day they had. He would have desperately wished to sleep on top of his chest like the night before, to let Steve’s heartbeat lead him into his unconsciousness.</p>
<p>“You okay?” Steve whispered once he had turned off the light.</p>
<p>Tony nodded and then softly replied “Yeah”, when he remembered Steve couldn’t see him.</p>
<p>“I hope you won’t get the same nightmare of yesterday” Steve mumbled after a while. “But, you know- if it happens again, I want you to wake me up.”</p>
<p>Tony bit his bottom lip. “I don’t wanna bother you” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Steve snorted in the darkness, and Tony could swear he had rolled his eyes. “Did you manage to fall asleep once I held you?”</p>
<p>Tony quivered silently. Hearing Steve explicitly say he had held him the whole night made his heart race.<br/>“Never better” Tony replied, and at first he wanted to act smugly with his answer, but his voice somehow creaked and it sounded more like a confession.</p>
<p>Steve remained silent for another instant that seemed to last an eternity. “Would you like it if I held you tonight too?” he asked eventually, with an hint of hesitance.</p>
<p>Tony lost a beat. If he <em>liked</em> it? He was willing to publicly humiliate himself just to have Steve hold him in return.</p>
<p>“I would” Tony blurted out immediately.</p>
<p>“Then come here” Steve exhorted, and he opened his arms like the previous night, and let Tony rest his head on his bare chest, right on top of his heart.</p>
<p>And for a moment, Tony tried to rationalise what was going on, he tried to understand the meaning of it all, but then Steve automatically entangled their legs under the blanket, and every hint of good sense left in Tony’s mind disappeared.</p>
<p>He placed a hand on Steve’s skin and smiled peacefully at the tight embrace of his arms.</p>
<p>“Goodnight, Tony” Steve whispered after some minutes, when he was already drifting into sleep.</p>
<p>And Tony wasn’t actually so sure, but for an instant he thought Steve left a soft kiss on his forehead.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi everyone!</p>
<p>How are you all doing? I hope you're safe as always!</p>
<p>Anyway, I also hope you liked the chapter!</p>
<p>I have a question to you all: I've been thinking about changing the rate of this story from 'mature' to 'explicit' but first I wanted to know your opinions about it.<br/>I get that some of you may have decided to read this story not expecting anything too explicit, and I really don't want to make you uncomfortable by adding too many details in some scenes. (I'm not talking about violence but about smut, if that wasn't clear lol)<br/>So yeah, if you preferred me to keep this rating let me know, otherwise I'm thinking about changing it but again, I really care about your feelings!</p>
<p>Alright that's all!!!! Leave a comment and let me know what you liked about this chapter!!</p>
<p>Love you and thank you for reading! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>No nightmares that night.</p>
<p>Tony woke up feeling well rested and unusually at ease. He opened his eyes quietly and found himself facing the window. Another sunny morning: they were really lucky.</p>
<p><em>They</em>.</p>
<p>He suddenly got conscious of the still sleeping breath over his head, and realised Steve was big spooning him.<br/>His arm was splayed over Tony’s hip, while his chest was pressed to Tony’s back.<br/>Now <em>that</em> was a good morning.</p>
<p>Tony shrank and lingered in the embrace.<br/>Steve was basically <em>burning</em> around him, but the warmth was so pleasing and delightful.</p>
<p>He could feel Steve’s chest rising with every breath, and Tony found it really amusing that during the night Steve had -<em>willingly</em>? <em>unconsciously</em>?- wrapped his arm around his waist in some kind of possessive hug.<br/>It made him feel wanted.</p>
<p>Not that Tony didn’t know what it felt like to be wanted, but imagining that <em>Steve</em> was the one desiring him, was all sort of different emotions.</p>
<p>He really needed to stop putting himself in these kind of situations, especially if he cared about his well being.<br/>Agreeing to sleep between the arms of his beloved that had explicitly rejected him was not one of the smartest things Tony had ever done, but who could blame him for appreciating a contact he was not the one to have initiated?</p>
<p>A loud yawn interrupted his thoughts, and Tony smiled at Steve’s sleepy voice wishing him a good morning.</p>
<p>“Did you really sleep well, or you disobeyed me and not called me after one of your episodes?”</p>
<p>Tony giggled fondly shaking his head. “I slept very well, soldier” he confessed.</p>
<p>Steve huffed at the nickname, and Tony noticed how he shifted even closer to his back.<br/>“How about you?” Tony asked then.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I slept well too, even though <em>someone</em> thought it was funny to steal the blanket all for himself” Steve said with a hint of annoyance.</p>
<p>Tony turned his head a little, just to meet Steve’s eyes over his head.<br/>“Did I?” he asked in disbelief. “I’m so sorry!” he apologised a little embarrassed.</p>
<p>So <em>that</em> was why Steve had decided to sleep all plastered to Tony’s body, only because <em>he</em> had been the first one to cause him a bother.</p>
<p>Steve smiled. “Don’t worry, I found another way to push the cold away” he lowered his eyes still smiling, and Tony got once again deeply conscious of their closeness.</p>
<p>There was a wicked voice in his head that kept making him notice the not-so-subtle bulge he was sensing behind his rear end, but he desperately tried to shut his mind.<br/>It was morning, they had just been sleeping. It was totally normal, it was in no way related to his own self.</p>
<p>“Considering how damn hot you are I would’ve said you didn’t need a blanket” Tony joked to cut the tension, but he actually worsened the situation and closed his eyes wanting to kill himself.<br/>“I meant- I literally meant your body temperature, I was not-“ <em>god</em>, why did everything that come out of his mouth sound like he was flirting?</p>
<p>Steve had blushed furiously, but he was now laughing shaking his head. “Yeah, no. Okay, don’t worry” he reassured him.</p>
<p>Tony tightened his eyes. “Jesus christ, I’m so sorry” he blurted out in embarrassment.</p>
<p>Steve pursed his lips. “No problem, really” he repeated. “Although I wouldn’t mind if you actually meant something else” he softly said.</p>
<p>Tony slowly opened his eyes and narrowed his brows. “What?” he blurted out.</p>
<p>Steve blushed again, and he slid a hand through his own hair. “Yeah, I mean- it was a nice thing, so I wouldn’t be offended by it” he mumbled. Then he brought his look back to Tony, and Tony widened his eyes.</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course.” He hinted at a smile. “Didn’t want you to think I was catcalling Captain America.”</p>
<p>At that Steve laughed loudly. “<em>Catcalling</em>” he repeated shaking his head.</p>
<p>Tony felt Steve’s chest bumping against his back while Steve was laughing. It made his heart ache to think that he was almost able to perceive Steve’s happiness on his own skin. There was nothing he wished more for in his life.</p>
<p>He was still looking into Steve’s blue eyes when the man stopped laughing, but kept on grinning content.<br/>“I feel so carefree when I’m with you” Steve flat out told him with a soft voice.</p>
<p>Tony gulped and his heart started racing. “I’m glad to hear that” he replied almost immediately.<br/>He smirked while talking, because he couldn’t react in any other way whenever Steve confessed him his feelings.<br/>He just <em>had</em> to do the <em>I’m sexy and I know it</em> face, and he damned himself in the exact moment for acting that smugly.</p>
<p>But Steve didn’t mind to see him act like an asshole and just grinned more, his cheeks still a little flushed both for the sleep and the way he had been laughing before.</p>
<p>He moved his hand away from Tony’s hip and Tony felt the loss in the hollow of his bones, but then he remained almost paralysed because Steve brought the same hand out of the blanket and moved it toward Tony’s head. And Tony’s mind started racing because <em>what was he about to do</em>?</p>
<p>Then Steve placed that same hand on Tony’s head and ruffled his hair with a quick movement for a few instants, all while smiling fondly.</p>
<p>Tony twirled his nose and tightened his eyes and acted annoyed, <em>of course</em>. But he ached at the pat and at the love of that caress.<br/>He scoffed. “Watch your hands, mr Rogers!” he complained.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head. “This is to remind you that you can act like a prick all you want, but I know you’ve got a soft side, and it’s too late to take it back now.”</p>
<p>Tony snorted. “<em>Yeah, yeah</em>. I made it up” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Steve shrugged. “All that iron is not gonna stop me from seeing your real heart” he confessed.</p>
<p>Tony grunted rolling his eyes. “Whatever” he said.<br/><em>I’ve already put it in your hands</em>, he had wanted to say.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“What’s that?” Tony asked pointing at a round shield.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Anthony, be quiet” his father reproached him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The man grinned widely at a photographer and tightly hugged Tony’s shoulder by his side. <br/>The sound of a click made Tony twirl his nose, and he shut his eyes a little disorientated when a flash invested him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You came out good, sir. The boy, instead-“ the photographer commented.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“The boy has to smile. Anthony, what did I tell you before?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony snorted loudly and his father glacially glanced at him. “Don’t you make that face at me” he warned.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m sorry” Tony muttered under his breath.<br/>He was so damn annoyed. He was in his father’s workshop since all day long, smiling and pretending to help the man with his projects, even though in any other circumstance Howard wouldn’t have let him not even touch a nail.<br/>But some famous magazine had requested an unreleased article about Well Known Scientist Howard Stark and his Genius Son Anthony Stark.<br/>So the two of them were faking a father-son bond they both knew did not exist.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But Tony was used to it by now.<br/>It happened time to time that his father dragged him around just to make it seem like they shared some kind of deep connection.<br/>So Tony swallowed his bother and posed for the photo again, this time smiling and showing his teeth.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“This one was good” the photographer stated.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Finally” his father commented, letting go of Tony’s shoulder right away.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Alright. Now- why don’t you sit together over there and, I don’t know- talk to each other or something” the man suggested them.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony rolled his eyes but complied silently. He sat on the chair in front of the desk while his father sat on the counter and leaned toward him as if he was explaining him something particularly difficult.<br/>He even pretended to gesticulate with his hands as the camera shot in the background.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Is that Captain America’s shield?” Tony asked while smiling for the photo.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Son” his father called.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Father” Tony couldn’t resist.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The man rolled his eyes. “Why do you care? It is. Then what?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony shrugged.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“And technically, it’s not Captain America’s shield, it’s my shield” his father added after a moment. “I did it.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony nodded. “Yeah, I’ve heard about it” he mumbled jokingly, as his father couldn’t stop bragging about it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“And I technically made the guy too, so, you know- you can’t speak about property.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You did not make the guy” Tony clapped back.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father narrowed his eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Sir, keep smiling” the photographer exhorted, and his father smiled again, a little creepily considered the rage in his eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I created him, indeed” he said with his teeth gritted while still grinning. “Dr Erskin invented the serum, but I helped the process and provided the success of the final steps. He was my creation too.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“The son you never had” Tony worded his father’s thoughts while smiling widely. His cheeks were starting to hurt.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“He’s gone” the man replied.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony scoffed. “So you don’t even try to deny it. You indeed wish he was your son.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father snorted. “I actually wish I had no sons.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“We’re done!” the photographer shouted, and his father’s smile died on on the spot.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony lowered his eyes. Sometimes he really couldn’t help but tease his father just to witness to his breakpoint. It was like he longed for the moment in which the man was going to offend him just so that he could prove to himself that he was right.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But the truth was that it was easier to hate an old dead national icon than to admit his father didn’t love him. So Tony could just direct all his hatred toward that guy Captain America, who used to be his role model when he was a toddler, but that had become his worst nightmare. He just reminded him all that he would never be.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s been a pleasure, mr Stark” the photographer thanked his father while shaking his hand.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony remained a step behind, still bothered by his father’s comment.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Anthony, say goodbye” the man ordered.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony snorted. “Goodbye” he muttered.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The photographer didn’t even look at him. He smiled once more to his father and then left the workshop with other cameramen.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony sighed loudly just to make his own bother perceived.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“We’re done here, you can go” Howard told him, as he grabbed a glass from the desk and drank all its filling in one big gulp.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I know” Tony mumbled. “But about before-“</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“About what?” his father turned his head up and met his eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“The Captain America talk” Tony tried.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The man rolled his eyes and filled his glass again. “Why are you so obsessed with Captain America, kid? Just stop it, for god’s sake.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony blushed lightly. “I’m not obsessed” he complained. “I was just- I didn’t really mean it.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father drank slowly and then placed the glass back on the desk, waiting for him to go on.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“The thing about him being the son you would have wanted. I didn’t really mean it” Tony rumbled.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father huffed a laugh. “Oh, I see” he commented. “You want me to tell you that I didn’t mean it too, about not wanting children at all.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony turned his head up expectantly but found a mocking face instead.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Anthony, don’t be such a pussy” his father finished.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony stilled, trying to get what he had just said. He felt his face flush even more and could sense his eyes stinging.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I really hope you’re not gonna weep like a goddamn child, right now” his father went on. “You’re fifteen and act like some teenage girl. Grow some balls, Anthony.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony bit his lip tightly, trying to hold his tears back just to avoid the humiliation of being mocked by his father another time. He swallowed hard and narrowed his eyes with pride.<br/>“I’m not gonna shed not even a tear for you” he threatened under his breath, but his voice sounded kind of whack.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father rolled his eyes chuckling. “I really hope so” he mumbled.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony glanced glacially at his father one more time, before turning back and heading out of the workshop.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Fucking teenagers” he heard his father mumbling before he slammed the door behind himself.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Are you really taking me to a graveyard?” Steve frowned looking at Tony with disbelief.</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “Oh come on, it’s not just a <em>graveyard</em>” he rolled his eyes. “You’re gonna love it, I promise.”</p>
<p>Steve made another face. “Yeah, I don’t know. I’m not that fond of death and dark things in general.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’m not fond of death either, <em>Steven</em>” Tony clapped back. “But I can assure you this place is really overwhelming, you’ll see it yourself.”</p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes one more, but surrendered to just follow Tony’s pace.<br/>Tony really couldn’t wait to show him where they were going. He knew the idea of purposefully heading to a cemetery was somehow creepy, but he was sure Steve was going to appreciate it.</p>
<p>He was still thinking about that night’s plan, and he would have not actually said he was scared, but he surely was a little worried about how the thing could develop. He had his suit in the hotel, but he was still working to nanotechnology to make it work, so for now he really couldn’t provide himself a protection if something bad had to happen.<br/>And there wasn’t any bad premise, actually. But something in his gut was whispering to him that he was going to find out something not very pleasant, and the idea of not having Steve close to him was a little concerning.<br/>But he was not going to word out his problems in front of Steve. Otherwise, the man would abort the mission and made sure Tony wouldn’t leave their suite.</p>
<p>He couldn’t deny he enjoyed the idea of Steve being overprotective. It was a really nice feeling. But he knew they had to accomplish their plan. Furthermore, he had the burner phone now, so if things really took a rough course he could call Steve and expect him to solve the situation.<br/>Obviously, it would have taken some time, and Tony really hoped nothing suddenly happened, but still he trusted Steve with his entire being.<br/>There was a blind trust in his heart that no matter what could happen, Steve would always been by his side.</p>
<p>This feeling had been growing in Tony for some time now. He had sensed it in his chest a year or so ago. He had realised that whatever Steve decided to do in the end, he knew it was the right choice.</p>
<p>Obviously Tony was not one to agree from the beginning. He had his own opinions and most of the time they were different from Steve’s ones, but even though there wasn’t always a in-between, Tony couldn’t help but trust him.<br/>He had tried to repress the feeling, at first. He hated it. There was a part of him that kept telling him that this trust he unconsciously rested over Steve’s head was going to be his own destruction.</p>
<p>He didn’t want to trust him this blindly, because Tony knew what it meant to trust people and be backstabbed. It shattered his heart. A piercing pain that punched holes in his lungs and made him feel so disgustingly betrayed that he found his own self pathetic while looking in the mirror.<br/>But Steve was different, and even though it was like walking on the edge, Tony trusted him with his entire life.</p>
<p>And because of this he was <em>not</em> scared, he knew it was going to be <em>fine</em>, so he shut that tiny voice in his mind that proposed him the worst case scenarios.</p>
<p>“Oh!” Tony exclaimed letting go of his thoughts. “Here we are!” He pointed at the huge gate on the other side of the street.</p>
<p>“This is the worst place you could take me too, I’m serious. I don’t even know how you thought this was a good-“</p>
<p>“Trust me” Tony interrupted Steve, who was now giving him a miserable face.<br/>“Hey? What’s wrong?” Tony asked then.</p>
<p>He thought Steve was complaining just for the purpose of it, he didn’t think he was serious. “If you really aren’t okay with this, then we can go away” Tony assured.</p>
<p>Steve sighed. “It’s not that I’m not okay-“ he lowered his eyes and shifted on his feet.</p>
<p>Oh, that meant he was uncomfortable. Tony knew that look. “Yeah, it was a bad idea. I’m sorry” he apologised stopping in the middle of the street.</p>
<p>Steve tilted his head up. “No no, I swear!” he blurted out. “Tony, I <em>do</em> want to see it! You’ve been planning activities and visits during the whole week, I’m sorry I’ve been rude.”</p>
<p>Tony brought a hand to Steve’s forearm and stroked it lightly. “Listen- I wanted it to be a surprise, but just so you know it’s not something creepy, there are some graves of important artists inside, that’s why I brought you here. But I get your discomfort, and I don’t really want to push things.”</p>
<p>Steve softened at his forlorn expression. “There are?” he asked slowly.</p>
<p>Tony smiled. “Yeah, philosophers too. It’s the Père Lachaise Cemetery. A lot of famous people are buried here, it’s not a common graveyard” he explained.</p>
<p>Steve widened his eyes. “Oh” he mumbled. “I thought- I thought it was something to do with, you know- the war, or something” he blushed a little after his confession, fearing he had said something dumb.</p>
<p>Tony squeezed his arm. “I didn’t want to trigger bad experiences, Steve, believe me. It’s your choice, really.”</p>
<p>Steve bit his lip and seemed to ponder his decision for awhile. His look run back and forth from the place they were standing in, to the gate on the other side.<br/>“Yeah, maybe we can go give a look” he tried with uncertainty. “Just- If I had to feel not so good-“</p>
<p>“Then we’re stepping out, obviously” Tony ended his sentence. “Don’t you worry about it, sweetheart.”<br/>Tony froze and widened his eyes. He had done it again. That damn pet-name.<br/>He cleared his throat at Steve’s weird look. “Sorry” Tony mumbled.<br/>Maybe it was better to pretend he hadn’t said anything, but it was already too late.</p>
<p>Steve twirled his nose, shaking his head. “Maybe we should step in, huh?” he exhorted, and Tony silently blessed him for changing the topic.</p>
<p>They came in and silence fell on their heads.<br/>There was a really nice weather, and once again Tony found himself being grateful for the luck they were having during those days. Sun was shining almost painfully above them.</p>
<p>For some minutes there was no other sound than the one of their steps over the gravel on the ground, and the birds chirping loudly in the trees all around them.</p>
<p>“When did you come here?” Steve asked at some point. His voice was soft and low, as if he wanted to be quiet considering the place they were in.</p>
<p>Tony tilted his head up and looked at him. “Years ago. With my mom” he replied.</p>
<p>Steve nodded tightening his lips. They kept walking in silence for some other moments, until Steve spoke again. “You didn’t come to Paris any other times after the first time with your mother?”</p>
<p>Tony frowned. “No, I did. I came to France a lot of times, actually, but always because of conferences, meetings and things like this. You know, work related- I never had the chance to just simply wander around like we’re doing these days” he confessed.</p>
<p>“Oh, alright” Steve conceded. “I just- well, every time you show me some place, you always say you’ve been there with your mother, so I assumed-“ Steve let the sentence wander without ending it.</p>
<p>Tony thought about his words. Indeed he had been referencing his mother all the week whenever they saw something around. He realised he might have some other memories linked to the town and to somebody else than his mother, yet there was something in him that made him want to connect his love toward Steve to the memories of the woman. Like he found it <em>soothing</em> to talk about her to Steve, and to show him the places of which he had the most vivid memories about her.</p>
<p>“Yeah, there is not a real reason” Tony mumbled back, because obviously he was not going to tell Steve that his closeness made him want to be vulnerable and open.<br/>He shrugged and kicked a tiny pebble with his feet while walking. He watched it jump for a metre and then kicked it again when he reached it.</p>
<p>“And why did your mother bring you here when you were just a kid?” Steve narrowed his eyes with a questioning look. “If you don’t mind me asking” he added immediately.</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “No problem, really” he stated. “She told me there was some sort of calm about coming here in the middle of this silence- you know, while being surrounded by the souls of these geniuses. She found it soothing. Purifying, almost.”</p>
<p>Steve met his eyes and nodded vigorously. “That’s very deep to say.”</p>
<p>Tony shrugged again. “Maybe she just felt lonely a lot” he guessed.</p>
<p>At that Steve saddened. “I’m sorry” he murmured.</p>
<p>Tony pinched the bridge of his nose trying to act unbothered. “Yeah, I’m sorry too” he confessed.</p>
<p>They walked for some other minutes, until Tony pointed at a narrow alley. “There” he led Steve.</p>
<p>They stopped in front of a block of cement in front of which there was a transparent panel. <br/>Steve got closer to the glass and narrowed his eyes. “It’s Oscar Wilde” he whispered.</p>
<p>Tony smiled. “Yeah, that’s him.”</p>
<p>Steve distanced a little to take in the sight of the whole monument. He tilted his head and Tony saw him getting softer. <br/>“There are kiss marks all over the panel” he murmured and pointed with a finger at the many smacks all over the glass.</p>
<p>Tony nodded. “It’s how people commemorate him. They kiss the glass for him” he stood next to Steve and glanced at him.</p>
<p>Steve was looking with an absorbed face, twitching a little his mouth. “It’s really heart-moving” he affirmed.</p>
<p>“It is” Tony confirmed.</p>
<p>“I mean- isn’t it lovely? After so many years people still want to make him feel loved.” Steve bit his lip. “It seems like- like the things he wrote moved people to the point that he’s associated with love. Just that. <em>Love</em>. That’s what he’s remembered for.”</p>
<p>Tony twirled his nose when he spotted Steve getting sad. “Don’t you like this concept?” he asked.</p>
<p>Steve smiled with a hint of melancholy, still looking at the red kisses. “Yeah, I like it. A lot, actually, I just-“ he shrugged. “Forget it, that’s stupid.”</p>
<p>Tony tilted his head up. “Why so? Tell me. Nothing you say is stupid” he encouraged.</p>
<p>Steve scratched his jaw. “I was just thinking- will Captain America be remembered for love? Will I only be remembered for things that have to do with war- and destruction- and death?”<br/>He finally brought his eyes to meet Tony’s ones, and Tony felt his chest tighten with sorrow.</p>
<p>It was heartbreaking to hear Steve being so insecure. To hear him say he considered himself a weapon, when Tony thought of him as the root of every beauty that had ever grown in his heart.<br/>“I don’t think so” Tony whispered. “People love you, Steve.”</p>
<p>“But I remind them of war” Steve clapped back.</p>
<p>“You <em>protect</em> them from war. You grant them <em>safety</em>. You allow people to live peacefully and lightly” Tony stated. “Everyone already remember you for love.” <em>I remember you for love</em>.</p>
<p>Steve held his stare for another instant, blue eyes so desperate for answers that Tony longed to be able to give him, but knew in his heart he couldn’t.</p>
<p>Then Steve grabbed his hand slowly, and held it with so much softness that at first Tony had not even realised they were holding hands.</p>
<p>He felt the same flattering warmth in his chest, but let it pool without trying to drown it. He and Steve were standing in front of a grave covered with kiss marks hand in hand. It was already out of place on its own. He could indulge in it for awhile.</p>
<p>Tony looked around with faint wander. He felt so peaceful and at ease. He tilted his head up and looked at Steve with a small smile.</p>
<p>Steve returned the smile and sweetly stroked his thumb on Tony’s skin.<br/>“You really like it here, huh?” he asked softly.</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth. He couldn’t help but feel some sort of magic in that silence, as if nothing else in the world mattered more than the soul of old writers buried under their feet.<br/>He shrugged but did not deny. “Guess I feel lonely too.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Once Steve had managed to hint at a feeble smile again, Tony brought him to another alley sneaking through trees and bows, until arriving at a small memorial with a statue on top of it, covered with colourful flowers.</p>
<p>Steve made a sweet noise. “Tony” he murmured fondly. “It’s Chopin. The one you were playing last night, right?”</p>
<p>Tony smiled too, enjoying the fact that Steve had remembered. “So you recognised the music, yesterday” he pointed out.</p>
<p>Steve blushed pursing his lips. “Yeah, yeah it used to play on a vinyl in a library where I went in Brooklyn. I had never listened to it again, until last night it reminded me of when I was a scrawny boy”  Steve looked away from Tony and fixed his eyes on the grave.</p>
<p>“Sometimes I forget you did not always look like this” Tony mumbled.</p>
<p>“Yeah” Steve laughed lightly. “I sometimes forget I look like this” he gestured at his own chest. “It’s been many years, but I still unconsciously remind myself to be careful and not stress myself too much to avoid having an asthma attack. Then, you know- I glance at my shoulders and it all turns back to reality.”</p>
<p>Tony twirled his nose. “Do you miss it?” he asked feebly. He didn’t want to be rude, and he feared Steve might not want to talk about it, so he looked for a reaction.</p>
<p>Steve snorted. “No” he confessed. “Not that there is something wrong about looking like that” he immediately clarified. “But, you know- it was difficult. I couldn’t walk too fast because my bones always hurt. I climbed a few steps and had to take my time to regain my breath.<br/>And I wanted to do more. I had a lot of ideas and I could feel my body leaving me behind, so no. I don’t miss it.<br/>Does this make me a bad person?” he asked dubiously.</p>
<p>Tony shook his head slowly. “No, I don’t think so” he mumbled. Then he thought about his own situation. “Actually-“ he started. “I get you.”</p>
<p>When he came back from Afghanistan, he could have let go of his Ironman project, but there was something in him that had realised that his body was frail and doomed to wreck and to bruise under too much pressure. And he had the ability and the chance to find a solution to that, and he couldn’t ignore it.</p>
<p>So he understood Steve’s choice too. He was sick, but he had a great mind. Taking the serum had been the best decision not only for himself but for people too. He admired that.</p>
<p>“Alright” Tony interrupted the weary silence that was weighing on their heads. “We’ve seen a grave for me, now let’s see one for you.”</p>
<p>Steve turned his look to him and widened his eyes with a hint of horror. “That is the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard, Tony. Don’t you ever say something like that again” he exclaimed.</p>
<p>Tony chuckled loudly. “I’m sorry” he squinted his eyes. “Black humour, should have kept it to myself.”</p>
<p>Steve shook his head laughing too. “You’re unbelievable” he scoffed.</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth. “It’s what people like the most” he shrugged.</p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes but kept smiling. “Okay, Ghost of Christmas Future, let’s see a grave for me now.”</p>
<p>Tony opened his mouth in shock. “Steve Rogers, you just nicknamed me with a <em>reference</em>? Oh my god, it’s my bad influence, I’m so sorry” he started rumbling.</p>
<p>Steve pushed his back with his hand splayed, trying to make him move forward. “Yeah, yeah now let’s see this grave” he exhorted.</p>
<p>They walked for some other minutes until they arrived in front of a headstone with a picture engraved on it.</p>
<p>“Here we are!” Tony exclaimed. “Delacroix! Thought you heard about the guy.”</p>
<p>Steve nodded. “Yeah, I love his art” he got closer to the monument and looked at it in awe. “I can’t believe he’s down here” he whispered as if he feared the artist could hear him.</p>
<p>Tony silenced. “It’s pretty impressive, yeah” he conceded. “You know, it really must be the peak of someone’s life to be buried here. With all the greatest men” he reasoned.</p>
<p>Steve turned to look at him. “Unless you’re an American icon” he deadpanned.</p>
<p>Tony laughed with his hands to his chest. “That was terrible” he commented.</p>
<p>Steve grinned. “Well- I was actually dead serious” he said.</p>
<p>“<em>Dead</em> serious? Can you stop? These are the worst dad jokes I’ve ever heard” he scoffed. “Such a grandpa” he added under his breath.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head. “Okay, okay” he conceded. “But really, I’m not joking. I think a third world war would start if I declared my corpse to be buried in French sole.”</p>
<p>Tony raised his brows. “Yeah, you’re not that wrong” he mumbled. “But yet, you’re gonna get one of those huge and fancy memorial where people keep on coming to put flowers and sing the fucking national hymn with their hand on their heart like- every damn morning or something” he snorted. “So boring. I hope no one will annoy my dead body with some dumb song when I’m dead. I want peace. Quiet. Silence. No one is allowed to come to my grave for the first month. I have to settle down a little at first.”<br/>He finished his rumbling smirking, but when he raised his head he found Steve looking at him with concern in his eyes.</p>
<p>“What?” Tony asked.</p>
<p>“I don’t like to talk about this thing” Steve replied.</p>
<p>Tony twitched. “Don’t worry, Cap. With the Super Serum I think you will probably live like three, or four thousands of years” he shrugged.</p>
<p>Steve sighed and shook his head with annoyance. “It’s not <em>my</em> death I don’t wanna talk about” he pointed out with a creak in his voice.</p>
<p>Tony stilled. “I- it’s going to happen, Steve. Sooner or later” he confessed.</p>
<p>Steve looked up and around himself, and in another circumstance Tony would have said he was bothered, but he probably just wanted to avoid his eyes. “Don’t you think that I know that? Just- don’t remind me.”</p>
<p>The sorrow in his words made Tony ache, and he wondered why Steve was all of a sudden so worried about it.</p>
<p>“I know your tendencies, Tony. I noticed that” Steve whispered. “With that nuke in New York- The way you just went <em>straight</em> for it- It could not be the first time.”<br/>His voice dimmed at the end, and Tony felt a shiver running along his spine.</p>
<p>He had never really told anyone about it. Actually, he had never really told it to his own self either.<br/>It was easier to think he had thrown himself though a hole in the sky and had flown in space as an heroic deed. It was more redeemable. It justified his act to his own self. But he couldn’t hide to his conscious all the other episodes in which there wasn’t a global threat to demand him to walk on the edge. It was just him and his own depressive thoughts.</p>
<p>And he was over it. He really was. Like his alcohol passion and his sex obsession. He was not that person anymore. But here and there the feeling of not being enough, not being someone worthy of being loved, remade its appearance again, and it wasn’t always that simple to shut those voices.</p>
<p>“I’m okay” he whispered.</p>
<p>Steve looked down, and as he slightly let out a breath his eyelashes trembled.<br/>“I know you’re not” he said in a whisper too. “But please, remember I’m here for you.”</p>
<p>Tony heard his voice shake a little, and he felt pain at it. He had really been a moron to propose a trip to the fucking graveyard.<br/>“I know you’re here” he mumbled. “I do.”</p>
<p>“Then act like that!” Steve exclaimed, tilting up his head. “You don’t have to deal with these things all alone, Tony, you get this?”</p>
<p>Tony nodded with his brows frowning with sadness. “I know” he repeated. “Believe me, I do. I know you’re here.” <em>Just not the way I’d want you to</em>.</p>
<p>“But you don’t tell me things” Steve pointed out. “That nightmare of yours. What is that about?”</p>
<p>Tony grunted shaking his head. “I don’t wanna talk about it” he stated.</p>
<p>Steve bit his lip. “I want to help you” he assured.</p>
<p>“I just don’t think you can” Tony clapped back with more coldness than he intended to.</p>
<p>Steve stared back in silence.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry” Tony lowed his tone. “It’s enough to me to have you here, I promise.”</p>
<p>He saw Steve swallowing difficulty, but he smiled anyway. “Alright” he conceded.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, for real” Tony said again. He felt guilty at his excessive rage. “Can we roll it back and pretend it didn’t happen? Let’s change the topic, shall we?” he proposed.</p>
<p>Steve sighed deeply, his chest rising and deflating theatrically. “We should go eat something, maybe.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded and thanked him in his head.<br/>Maybe next time he could choose a better place for his date.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Repeat it one more time” Steve demanded again.</p>
<p>Tony snorted loudly. “<em>Steve</em>” he rolled his eyes theatrically.</p>
<p>Steve grunted too. “You don’t get to do that face. <em>I</em> get to do that face, because <em>I</em> am the one who’s worried right now.”</p>
<p>Tony couldn’t resist the urge to roll his eyes another time. “But I’ve already promised that five times!”</p>
<p>“A sixth one is not gonna hurt” Steve clapped back.</p>
<p>Tony huffed. “If something bad happens the first thing I’m gonna do is call you” he finally said in an annoyed tone.</p>
<p>Steve raised an eyebrow. “<em>Where</em> are you gonna call me?”</p>
<p>“Do we seriously have to-“ Tony started, but Steve glanced at him sharply. Tony raised his hands. “Alright, <em>alright</em>. I’m gonna call you on the burner phone. You happy now?”</p>
<p>Steve nodded.</p>
<p>Tony shook his head in annoyance, but he was internally gloating at Steve’s concern. He couldn’t help but think he was acting like a worried boyfriend, and <em>that</em> was something that was making his chest almost exploding with affection.</p>
<p>“I know you don’t think this is in any way dangerous, but you’re probably forgetting-“</p>
<p>“That kids’ life is involved and at risk too?” Tony interrupted. “Yeah, I remember that, believe me.”</p>
<p>“<em>No</em>” Steve corrected. “You keep forgetting that you have a heart condition. I don’t want you to be exposed.”</p>
<p>Tony curled his nose. That was sweet of Steve. <em>Too</em> sweet, maybe.<br/>“I’ll be careful” he promised at last. “And I’m gonna keep you updated meanwhile, is that okay?”</p>
<p>Steve nodded smiling, enjoying the fact that he had eventually got what he wanted.</p>
<p>Tony looked at him, and hinted at a feeble smile too.<br/>He was not worried. Not extremely, at least. He was used to put himself in danger for the greater good, it didn’t really scare him. But there was something a little unsettling in thinking that there may happen some complication that could lead to worse. Not unsettling for his own self, obviously.</p>
<p>Right then and there, Tony really didn’t think his life was more worthy than the plan he was assigned to, but the fear he was perceiving in Steve’s voice was somehow sad, and Tony didn’t like the idea that his own sufferance could sadden Steve. If there was the chance that Steve’s happiness was -<em>weirdly</em>- linked to his own well being, then Tony could <em>maybe</em> try to survive.<br/>If that meant that Steve would appreciate it, of course. </p>
<p>“What?” Steve mumbled keeping on staring.</p>
<p>Tony twirled his head shaking his head. “Nothing” he murmured.</p>
<p>Steve bit his bottom lip. “<em>Oh</em>. Okay” he mumbled blushing.</p>
<p>Tony smiled involuntarily again. “Actually, there <em>is</em> something” he changed his mind.</p>
<p>Steve frowned. “Yeah?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I was thinking- When all of this is over, we should really go somewhere to celebrate” Tony proposed.</p>
<p>“You and I?” Steve asked in disbelief.</p>
<p><em>Ouch</em>, what was that? Was he disagreeing?</p>
<p>“Yeah, I mean- we can ask the others too, you know- everything you’d like better, actually” Tony stepped back and once again damned himself. Maybe he <em>did</em> keep reading Steve’s signals wrong.<br/>Every time he had the feeling something was developing in their friendship, and he was bold enough to make a step forward, Steve seemed to remind him that they were nothing but good friends.</p>
<p>“No!” Steve exclaimed immediately, and Tony widened his yes.</p>
<p>“Yeah, we don’t have to if you don’t want-“ he mumbled hurt. There was no need to be this mean.</p>
<p>Steve blushed. He scratched his nape. “No, I mean- I would really like us to go out. You and me. Only” he blurted out. “If you still want.”</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “Yeah, of curse I still want to, I asked you ten seconds ago.”</p>
<p>Steve blushed even more but laughed along. “Okay” he agreed.</p>
<p>Tony nodded turning away his look. That was truly embarrassing, not even in high school he was this awkward in front of his crush.<br/>“Well-“ he went on, changing the topic. “Maybe I should really go, now.”</p>
<p>Steve nodded.</p>
<p>Tony shifted on his feet, for another instant a little uncertain about what he should do. He had to go, he knew that, but there was a tiny part of himself that almost expected Steve to kiss him.<br/>Obviously, he wouldn’t be the one to initiate that again, not since that epic rejection back in New York, but maybe nothing had really changed since then, and Steve still considered him a good friend. Nothing more.</p>
<p>“You’re gonna do good” Steve assured mistaking Tony’s uncertainty to leave for fear for the plan.</p>
<p>Tony turned up his head and pointed his eyes in Steve’s earnest look.</p>
<p>“You will” Steve repeated. And then he moved his hand forward, and Tony’s mind blacked out, because what was he trying to do? Was he really trying to kiss him?</p>
<p>But Steve actually wasn’t. He placed his hand on Tony’s cheek and stroked his skin with his thumb with fondness.</p>
<p>Tony leaned spontaneously toward the touch and shut his eyes. <em>God</em>, what he would have given to be hugged by Steve right now, to be caressed on his head.<br/>But that was all he could have, all he could get. A friendly touch, some comfort just because he was hurting, and Steve always had a soft spot for hurt people, and just didn’t want to see someone sad.</p>
<p>“You’re still in time to step back” Steve whispered.</p>
<p>Tony shook his head still leaning toward his fingers. He opened his eyes and for a fraction of a second he caught Steve’s aching face, but he changed expression right away and tried to be reassuring.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna do good” Tony mumbled. “Like you said.” Then he smiled forcibly, this time pretending to be sure about what he was about to do, and for his own sake he moved away, tilting up his head and distancing from Steve’s touch.</p>
<p>Steve retreated his hand and pushed it in his pocket, shrugging at the same time.<br/>“I’ll see you later” he promised.</p>
<p>Tony nodded. “Yeah, see you later.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He waited in the middle of the street for a few minutes, until Margot arrived all dressed and elegant.</p>
<p>“Hey there” Tony called.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I’m late, agent Leroy was finishing instructing me about how they’re gonna monitor us while we’re in. If anything goes wrong, just know we have a backup” she reassured in a serious tone.</p>
<p>Tony nodded. “That’s comforting” he stated, while his hand clasped around the burner phone in his pocket.<br/>He knew the thing wouldn’t be that much of a help if he really had to find himself in danger, but the contact was still a reminder that Steve was watching over him, even from far away.</p>
<p>“You ready?” Margot asked, and when Tony nodded again they both headed at the big mansion at the end of the boulevard.</p>
<p>Tony handed his arm to the girl, and they waited to be welcomed after ringing the drill.<br/>The gate in front of them opened with a swift movement, and Tony spotted Augustine and Nadine on the threshold of their house.</p>
<p>“Come, come!” Augustine exhorted, and he vigorously shook Tony’s hand when he and Margot stepped in.</p>
<p>The inside was extremely bright, even though the sun was starting to set in the sky. The interiors were fancy, and reminded of a posh mansion.</p>
<p>While a chauffeur asked for Tony’s jacket, he caught a glimpse of the huge lamp hanging from the ceiling, and he widened his eyes at the cheapness.<br/>The entire furniture was a little over the top.</p>
<p>Nadine cheered enthusiastically at their arrival, and she started pointing all around her at paintings and plants she had chosen on her own to decorate the hall.</p>
<p>“It’s so sophisticated, I <em>love</em> it!” Margot commented, and Nadine smiled widely at the compliment.</p>
<p>Tony made his look wander around. The place didn’t exactly meet his taste, but he still nodded and praised the furniture.</p>
<p>Here and there there were waiters and chauffeurs setting the big table on the other side of the dining room, and he felt quite uncomfortable while standing there with his hands in his pockets.</p>
<p>“Why don’t we sit down? I’m starving” Nadine proposed finally, and Tony blessed her in his mind.<br/>He needed something to focus on, or else he would be looking really awkward.<br/>He wondered where did all his charm and witty humour go, but he realised he just didn’t want anything to do whit this whole story, and his bother was maybe starting to be perceived a little.</p>
<p>He hadn’t even fully sat down, when Margot started rumbling about the fashion show of the day before, how she had <em>adored</em> the dresses they had to wear and how <em>lovely</em> everyone in the backstage had been.<br/>She talked with such confidence and simplicity that Tony awed at her enhanced skills at working undercover. He could tell it was not the first time she had found herself doing so.</p>
<p>“I’ll <em>forever</em> hold that memory in my heart” she sighed theatrically, bringing her hands to her chest and shaking her head dreamily.</p>
<p>Tony hid a giggle.</p>
<p>“You girls did good” Augustine conceded at that point. “I can give you that.” He stuffed his mouth with a big forkful and chewed loudly.</p>
<p>Nadine smirked. “He’s not one to compliment a lot” she confessed describing her husband.<br/>“So, tell me this” Nadine went on, looking at Tony. “How did you fall in love with Margot?”<br/>She propped her chin on her hands and waited for Tony’s reply.</p>
<p>Tony glanced at Margot but she didn’t even flinch. She even blushed lightly, and shooed her hand shyly.<br/>“Oh come on, Nadine” she reproached.</p>
<p>Her friend giggled. “I want to hear that!”</p>
<p>Augustine snorted. “Who cares, he’s still gonna marry her ass, that’s all that matters” he laughed at his own joke.</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth. “No, I actually can tell you about it” he said, just in spite of the man next to him who grunted while rolling his eyes.</p>
<p>Nadine looked at him expectantly, and Tony swallowed.</p>
<p>What could be difficult about it? He could pretend. It was not like it sounded weird that he had fell for a hot blonde.<br/>Then he felt his face getting hot, and realised that maybe he could fake and talk about someone else, no one would actually get he was lying.</p>
<p>“Yeah, you know. First of all, it must be about the blonde hair and the blue eyes. That’s all men’s weakness” he huffed, but in his mind other blond hair and blue eyes made their appearance.</p>
<p>“It’s just- one day you wake up and feel like there is a hollow in your chest, a void you desperately <em>need</em> and <em>want</em> to be filled, and you know you can’t do it just by yourself.<br/>And suddenly there is a face in your mind, and it fits so perfectly and right in that blank space close to your heart that you find yourself being in love without even having noticed that.”</p>
<p>Tony kept tormenting his hands while speaking, in his head images and acts of Steve flowing one after the other. He felt his chest ache at the thought of him waiting on a rooftop some miles away, and he pushed one of his hands in his pocket just to clasp the burner phone once again, tightening his grasp on the metallic object.</p>
<p>He felt so out of place in that moment, he just wanted to crawl in Steve’s arms, and rest his head in the crook of his neck, taking in the scent of his cologne.</p>
<p>Tony raised his eyes from his plate and met Nadine’s touched face. He cleared his throat.<br/>“That’s Margot” he mumbled. “The face I see in my head, it’s Margot” he clarified, suddenly self-conscious of the way he had probably trailed off.</p>
<p>“You really <em>are</em> in love with her” Nadine whined. “That’s such a nice thing to say, oh <em>why</em> can’t you say something about me like that too?” she complained at her husband.</p>
<p>Augustine snorted. “Can we go back to our meal, ladies?” he said in a mocking tone.</p>
<p>They spent the rest of the lunch chattering about no-sense matters, the two girls being the topic of the discussion. Then, when they finally ate the dessert too, a little kid with glasses bigger than his face stepped in the room.</p>
<p>“Here is my little man!” Nadine exclaimed at him, opening her arms to hug him.</p>
<p>Tony turned to look at the kid who was smiling with embarrassment at him and Margot.<br/>“Hi” he said with a high pitched voice, and Tony softened at it.</p>
<p>Augustine emptied his drink with a loud sound and cleared his throat to draw the attention on himself.<br/>“Nadine, sweetheart” he called. “We have to talk about men stuff. Why don’t you take the boy with you, and go chitchat with your friend in the living room?”</p>
<p>Nadine nodded with enthusiasm. “Sure, babe!” she replied picking up the kid and leaving a loud smack on his cheek. Then she grabbed Margot’s hand and exhorted to follow her on the other room. “We can see that movie we talked about the other day!” she clapped cheerfully.</p>
<p>When both the girls went away, Augustine filled his glass again, and drunk slowly this time.<br/>“Why don’t we find a more comfortable place to speak too? Remember the projects I hinted at yesterday? I have something to show you” he proposed.</p>
<p>Tony grinned widely. “It would be a pleasure” he guaranteed while standing up and following the man.</p>
<p>They walked for some minutes and Augustine led him up some stairs until they stepped in what looked like a laboratory.<br/>The place was extremely tidy and everything was in order on the several shelves on the walls. Tony gazed around. That was something he really liked to see.</p>
<p>“You work here?” he asked amazed, while throwing a glance at all kind of books and documents stored around.</p>
<p>“I do” Augustine confirmed. “You can say I like messing around with science” he shrugged.</p>
<p>Tony kept on looking at the shelves. “<em>Messing around</em>” he repeated. “This place has every sort of asset” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“Do you want a drink?” Augustine proposed, and even though Tony shook his head, he still filled two glasses. He started drinking from one, and placed the other on a counter.</p>
<p>“So,” Augustine started. “You’ve seen that kid down there in the dining room?”<br/>He didn’t even wait for Tony’s reply. “That’s one of my smartest boys” he ended.</p>
<p>Tony finally turned his look to him. “Is he?” he asked with nonchalance.</p>
<p>Augustine drank again and shrugged. “His IQ is 175.”<br/>He circled the hem of his glass with a finger. “We provide a level of instruction that can match his ability, and make sure he never gets bored.”</p>
<p>Tony raised an eyebrow in a questioning look.</p>
<p>“You know- smart kids tend to get bored without the proper stimulus.”</p>
<p>Tony narrowed his eyes. “That’s a nice thing you do for them, then” he commented. “They must be really grateful.”</p>
<p>Augustine scoffed moving a hand. “Yeah, yeah sometimes. They are little brats, though.”<br/>He sat on the chair and drunk once again, meanwhile Tony was still standing next to a shelf. He pushed his hands in his pockets and squeezed the burner phone as a comfort.</p>
<p>“Have you ever heard of doctor Erskin?” Augustine asked out of nowhere.</p>
<p>Tony widened his eyes in surprise. “<em>What</em>?” he blurted out.</p>
<p>Augustine smirked. “Doctor Erskin. He created a serum, during the World War Two. This serum was able to create the perfect soldier, a man extremely skilled and amazingly strong.”</p>
<p>Tony felt panic rising in his gut. What was he talking about?<br/>“I actually never heard of him” he bubbled.</p>
<p>Augustine raised an eyebrow. “You sure?” he asked.<br/>He filled his glass another time. “They said the serum actually succeeded, and it worked on someone, before Erskin’s project got destroyed by nazis.”</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth. “Good for him” he joked. He grabbed at his glass still resting on the counter and drank quickly. The alcohol burnt his throat but he needed something else to focus on.</p>
<p>“Well, that’s weird” Augustine went on. “I would have bet you had heard of Captain America, <em>mr Stark</em>.”</p>
<p>Tony’s grip tightened on the phone in his pocket, and he tilted up his head to meet Augustine’s eyes.<br/>He was smirking. “Why that surprised face?” the man asked. “You really were convinced that I hadn’t recognised you idiots? Do you think I do not watch the news?”</p>
<p>Tony narrowed his eyes. They actually could have seen it coming, but he hadn’t questioned their undercover characters not even for a second, and SHIELD had probably thought that people over ocean hadn’t ever heard of Avengers.</p>
<p>Tony tried to clear his mind, even though he was still confused by the revelation. “Why did you bring me here?” he asked.</p>
<p>Augustine laughed without fun. “Because I still think we can be friends” he assured. “You haven’t heard about my amazing project yet. I can assure you you’re gonna like it.”</p>
<p>Tony snorted. “You’re out of your mind” he said sharply.</p>
<p>“Oh, I don’t think so” Augustine clapped back and emptied his whole glass another time.</p>
<p>“Why the hell did you kidnap those kids? You’ve got some fetish for smart children?” he asked harshly. He kept on clasping the phone, but he knew in his mind that if the man actually decided to do something, then Tony wouldn’t be able to contact Steve in time.</p>
<p>“Take a deep breath, Stark” Augustine exhorted a little annoyed. “I’m gonna tell you all you want to know, and be sure you’re gonna actually want to join me at the end.”</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth but actually calmed down. “I’m listening” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Augustine smirked. “<em>Mens sana in corpore sano</em>” he declared.</p>
<p>Tony frowned. “<em>What</em>?”</p>
<p>“It’s latin. It means-“</p>
<p>“Healthy is the mind of a healthy body” Tony interrupted. “Yeah, I know what it means, but why the hell are you telling me?”</p>
<p>Augustine huffed. “I know you were a prodigy kid, Stark. A genius. A very gifted boy” he said. “But so little, so small and frail. Just a teenage boy having to deal with his big brain all alone in a cruel world” he commented in a mocking tone.</p>
<p>Tony stiffed. He would have wanted to punch the bastard right and there for making fun of his youth, but he knew he had to let him speak if he actually wanted to find out something more.</p>
<p>“Maybe you wanted a well built body too. A strong physique that could let you face the struggles of your everyday life without having the damn of getting the sorrow of life thanks to your smartness but still not being able to do something about it.”</p>
<p>Augustine stood up and started wandering around the lab. “And -correct me if I’m wrong- that is most likely one of the reasons why you felt the need to build yourself an iron suit. Something so resistant that you could allow yourself to be vulnerable inside of. And once again -correct me if I’m wrong- what did you use to enhance the strength of it? Oh, yes. <em>Vibranium</em>.”</p>
<p>Tony tilted up his head. During his whole acquaintance, Augustine hadn’t mentioned vibranium yet. Tony listened carefully.</p>
<p>“Once I read about Erskin’s serum, I found myself wondering if people could actually try to replicate it. And I’m not that big of a scientist myself, but I made my calculations and I asked myself: what if we take something that is very very strong, and we inject it in the spinal cord, just a little portion of it, so that blood vessels can get used to it and synthesise it.”</p>
<p>The man walked in big strides around the room, glancing at Tony here and there.<br/>“In this way, we’d have a body that is strong on its own, that doesn’t need an iron suit to protect it. But then- listen up” Augustine exclaimed. “What if we take the body of someone that is <em>still</em> growing up, so the strength molds on it, and the bones are able to re-equilibrate while fully shaping” he smirked gloating at his own idea. “But what would be the purpose of a big strong body on its own? Why don’t we make sure the brain in it is big and strong too?”</p>
<p>Tony tightened his lips. “What are you doing to those kids?” he repeated trying to remain calm.</p>
<p>“I tested this project on some of them, Stark. I can assure you they are reacting very well. There are some bruises here and there where the metal is injected, but their body has already incorporated it.”</p>
<p>Tony shook his head in concern. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! They are <em>children</em>” he blurted out. “You’re experimenting on fucking <em>children</em>.”</p>
<p>Augustine rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I knew you would freak out at first, but I also know you are a smart man, mr Stark” he praised. “Think about very bright kids having to suffer a reality in which they are vulnerable for something such meaningless like their body. Isn’t it unfair? That your own skin envelope transforms into an obstacle for the full development of your brain? I think it’s a shame, don’t you?”</p>
<p>Tony made a disgusted face. “You’re sick in your mind” he spit out.</p>
<p>“Maybe” Augustine conceded. “But I know you know the feeling too. And Captain America does too. Wasn’t he just a skinny boy before? Would he have wanted to remain like that?”</p>
<p>Tony remembered his talk with Steve of that morning. Yeah, maybe Steve was grateful to his transformation, but the thing had happened in a totally different environment. The test was created for good purposes, it meant to end the war, it was not just a treat of a rich man.</p>
<p>“I have the feeling you need some time to think about it” Augustine spoke again. “You could be very helpful, if you decided to work with me. I won’t threaten you to do anything, mr Stark. The choice is yours. I just want you to know that the children are with me, no matter your decision. You might want to think about it.”</p>
<p>Tony felt his head going numb. <em>Decision</em>? What the hell was he meant to say at that?</p>
<p>“Oh, you can tell me what you’ve chosen tomorrow, if you want. There is no rush” Augustine replied at the concern on Tony’s face. “And consider this too: I decided to talk with you because I know you used to be an expert in the field. I still remember you as the Merchant of Death” he grinned. “But I’d highly appreciate Captain America’s help too. If you don’t know how to persuade him, just remind him about that little incident his friend caused some decade ago. You both don’t want the press to know about it, don’t you?”</p>
<p>Tony looked at him in confusion once again, but when Augustine brought his glass to his lips again and gave his attention to some document, Tony got it was time for him to leave.</p>
<p>“Think about it, mr Stark” the man repeated again while Tony had already started quickly going down the steps.</p>
<p>When he got to the living room, Margot was talking animatedly with Nadine.<br/>“Oh babe, here you are! We should go, don’t you think?”</p>
<p>Tony didn’t even reply. He grabbed his jacket from the chauffeur who was handing it to him and stepped outside. He heard Margot quickly saying goodbye to her friend and then chasing after him.<br/>“Baby! What’s wrong?” she asked.</p>
<p>Tony kept on walking until he got out of the big gate of the house too, and even when he was far from the building he still kept on walking fast.</p>
<p>“Mr Stark” Margot called this time.</p>
<p>Tony turned to look at her. “Listen, I don’t really want to sound rude, but right now I urgently need to talk to Captain America. I’m gonna say everything to SHIELD after that, I promise” he blurted out. “But please, I need a moment.”</p>
<p>Margot softened her look. “Yeah, no problem” she assured. “I’ll tell the others to wait for your call. Take your time” she smiled.</p>
<p>Tony smiled too, a little relieved at her kindness. He waved at her and started walking fast again, heading at the rooftop where he had left Steve before the dinner.<br/>He found him walking in strides back and forth.</p>
<p>“Steve!” Tony called loudly when he spotted him.</p>
<p>Steve tilted up his head on the spot, and at first his face brightened just to then grimace. <br/>“What’s wrong?” he asked concerned.</p>
<p>Tony got a little comforted after seeing Steve, but he immediately started rumbling about the events of the evening, and the more he went on explaining every detail of Augustine’s project, the more he felt like way too much responsibility was weighing on his shoulders.</p>
<p>“That’s horrible” Steve commented with a horrified look after hearing what the man wanted to do to little kids.</p>
<p>“I know” Tony exclaimed back. “And he kept on telling me I had to choose, and he said that he has the children no matter what my decision is, and I know this is obviously his plan and of course we’re gonna say no to that but still I’m afraid he’s gonna do something to those kids and Steve- if he <em>does</em> do something to them because I couldn’t even properly hide my identity then-“ Tony looked around in a scared expression. He felt his chest clenching and he noticed his hands were trembling.<br/>He pushed them in his pockets with force. “It’s my fault, Steve. I should have been more careful, I knew I should have” his voice creaked. “I just stood there while he went on talking and talking and I couldn’t do anything- I just was so horrified with everything he was saying and I’m so sorry” he trailed off.</p>
<p>He kept shaking his head with frenzy while Steve approached him worried.<br/>“Hey, Tony, calm” he tried, putting his hands on Tony’s shoulders.</p>
<p>“It’s just- I- I can’t-“ Tony replied, but his breath got caught in his throat, and he felt his lungs tightening searching for air. He started breathing harshly, grasping at his own chest, wile panting and shaking.</p>
<p>“Tony, hey, stay with me” Steve called again alarmed. “We’ve got this, don’t worry. We’ve got this.” He pulled Tony between his arms and held him tightly, trying to still him.</p>
<p>Tony kept on breathing loudly for some other seconds, until he rested on Steve’s shoulder, feeling his limbs go numb.</p>
<p>Steve held him up, stroking his back and shooing Tony’s gulps away.<br/>“Everything’s okay, Tony” he mumbled under his breath. “It’s okay, we’re okay.”</p>
<p>Tony shut his eyes feeling his head empty, and he leaned toward Steve’s hand. Steve was caressing his scalp with precise strokes, and then kissed him on his hair repetitively, hoping to quieten Tony.<br/>“We’re gonna figure it out together, sweetheart, I promise” Steve murmured on his forehead.</p>
<p>Tony nodded sniffing through tears he had not even realised he was shedding. “I’m sorry” he mumbled wiping his eyes. “I’m so sorry. This is so humiliating” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head. “Not at all, honey. You don’t have to apologise.”</p>
<p>Tony bit his lip at hearing the pet name. It sounded so sweet to his numb head, he would have begged for Steve to call him like that for the rest of his life.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna tell SHIELD about this whole situation, alright?” Steve proposed, so that Tony didn’t have to do it instead.<br/>“Right now I just want us to go back to our suite and not to think about this thing anymore” he ordered. “You have to take a long sleep and relax. I don’t want you to stress anymore for tonight. Is that okay?” Steve asked with a firm tone.</p>
<p>Tony nodded again, and he got relieved at Steve’s ordering voice. In moments like this, he loved to just follow instructions and not having to take a decision on his own. He wanted Steve to take care of him, he wouldn’t have complained.</p>
<p>“Now we should go” Steve affirmed. “Can you walk?”</p>
<p>Although Tony would have wanted to ask him to carry him to the hotel, he still had an ounce of rationality, so he nodded vigorously and they headed on their path.</p>
<p>They got to the their suite in silence, and Steve waited for Tony to use the bathroom first. Then Tony waited for him to get ready too, before turning off the light.</p>
<p>“Tony, go to sleep” Steve exhorted sweetly when he stepped out of the stall and found him still awake.</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth. He didn’t want to say that explicitly, but he wanted Steve to let him sleep with him that night too.</p>
<p>He looked at him, and when he met that blue gaze he felt his heart ache once again.<br/>“You’re dying.” Tony blurted out all of a sudden. “Well, not only you actually. I mean, the others are technically already dead while you’re still breathing with difficulty.”</p>
<p>“What?” Steve looked a him in confusion. He actually looked worried, and Tony thought that maybe he was wondering if he had drunk too much during dinner.</p>
<p>“The nightmare. You’re dying in my nightmare” Tony explained then.<br/>He sat on the bed and Steve approached him carefully.<br/>“I keep having it all over again since that first time the Scarlet Witch made me see that vision. I thought it would go away, I <em>hoped</em> so. But I keep on having it” he looked down on his lap, at his hands tormenting one another.<br/>“I don’t know what it means. I really hope it’s not prophetic but, you know- it’s kind of haunting anyway.”</p>
<p>Steve swallowed and got closer to him. “Does something in particular happen?” he asked slowly.</p>
<p>Tony twitched again. “No. Well, not exactly” he corrected himself immediately. “It’s just- you’re the only one who has not completely died yet, and you- you tell me- actually, it’s dumb, forget it” Tony settled at last, shrugging.</p>
<p>Steve reached for his hand with his own and held it tight. Tony looked at him with surprise.<br/>“It’s not dumb, I want to know it” Steve exhorted, stroking lightly at his skin.</p>
<p>Tony bit his lip, before continuing. “You tell me that- that I could’ve done more” Tony murmured. “And I can’t help but think you’re right.”</p>
<p>Tony didn’t dare to turn up his look, too scared to find Steve’s eyes. He didn’t want to accuse Steve of anything, but there was a part of him who was just so sure the Steve in his nightmare was right. That he <em>could</em> and <em>had</em> to do more, but still he kept on fucking things up.</p>
<p>He felt a finger on his chin, softly trying to tilt his head up. He turned to meet Steve’s look, who was lightly caressing his cheek.<br/>“That’s not me” Steve murmured shaking his head. “That’s not me, Tony. I’m here. And I know you did and still do everything you can” he assured.<br/>He kept on caressing Tony’s skin. “<em>Hell</em>, I know you do even more than what you should do, and you always mean good, you always want to better things” he went on.</p>
<p>“Yet I fail” Tony replied under his breath, his voice thick.</p>
<p>“And who cares?” Steve clapped back. “I don’t, and neither should you.”</p>
<p>Tony leaned toward Steve’s touch on his cheek, who was now tracing slow circles over his skin. He reached at Steve’s hand with his own, and held that still on his face, while turning around a little just to leave a feeble kiss on Steve’s skin.</p>
<p>Steve smiled content in front of him, with so much fondness that Tony thought it might make his chest blow up.<br/>“I really think you should get some sleep now, Tony” Steve whispered still smiling. “It’s been a rough day, you have to recover.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded, but kept on leaving light kisses on Steve’s hand.</p>
<p>Steve stroked his cheek. “Come here, you superhero” he joked, while grabbing Tony’s arm and making them both lay on the mattress.<br/>“It’s nap time” he huffed again, before helping Tony settle on his own chest and closing his arms around him.</p>
<p>Tony entangled their legs under the blanket as a reflection, and in the dazed condition he was in that moment he didn’t even question his bold act.</p>
<p>“Good night, sweetheart” Steve mumbled caressing his hair.</p>
<p>Tony left another kiss on Steve’s bare chest, then smiled one last time before immediately falling asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>YEP!!!!! I UPDATED EARLIER!!!!</p>
<p>So, I really really really hope you liked this chapter, because that cemetery scene has like a very important place in my heart due to personal reasons lol</p>
<p>Anyway, I wanted to thank each one of you who's still reading, it means the ENTIRE world to me!!! I'm not gonna act like I always feel motivated to write, considering what is happening around the world, but knowing some of you are genuinely interested in this story makes me feel better, so I wanna thank you with my whole heart!!!</p>
<p>Let me know what you think of this chapter lovelies!!!</p>
<p>Have a good day, byee!!&lt;3&lt;3</p>
<p>ps: I changed the rating so brace yourself ;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Tony woke up he felt sudden cold on his back.</p><p>He tried to reach for the blanket while still dozing and pulled them up over his chest. He twitched his mouth still half sleeping, trying to remember the events of the night before, and he slowly opened his eyes in confusion when he realised Steve wasn’t on the mattress next to him.</p><p>He made his look wander around but Steve wasn’t in the room either, so Tony propped himself on his elbows on the mattress, his hair all rumpled from sleep. He asked himself where the hell was Steve, and for a brief instant he pondered the idea that he had left him in that hotel and went away.</p><p>Tony brought the blanket up to his neck and rubbed his eyes sleepily. He tried to push aside the annoyance in his head, but he couldn’t really deny it bothered him not to wake up with Steve’s body pressed to his own. Sure, it had only been two days, but Tony was one to get affectioned very soon, and he was already growing used to it.</p><p>He sighed and let his head bounce on the pillow under him with a loud huff.</p><p>In that moment, the door flashed open and a cloud of blonde hair made its appearance.<br/>
Steve stepped in all giddy and content, and Tony got a glimpse of his bright smile before Steve frowned.<br/>
“Why that face?” he asked worried.</p><p>Tony raised an eyebrow. “What face?” he asked back.</p><p>Steve tilted his head. “You looked so hurt, did you have that nightmare again?”</p><p>Tony relaxed on the bed. He stretched his back and sat cross-legged on the mattress. “No, luckily I didn’t” he assured. He was actually a little sad because of Steve’s absence, but he was not going to tell him that.<br/>
“What you got there?” he asked changing the topic.</p><p>Steve returned to smile. “Just something to start the day well” he declared with enthusiasm, showing two cups of coffee and a paper bag.</p><p>Tony beamed grinning, and he lighted up even more when Steve actually laid on the mattress again, shifting close to Tony. He gave him one cup.</p><p>Tony reached at it expectantly. “Thank god” he mumbled as he drank from it. One sip of coffee and he was already feeling a little better.</p><p>Steve smiled at Tony’s enthusiasm. “You have to fill your stomach with something solid too” he warned, and then opened the paper bag and handed Tony a croissant.<br/>
“I took it from the buffet down in the dining room” he explained. “I thought you preferred to stay in bed some time more considering- yeah, considering last night” Steve scratched at his nape.</p><p>Tony didn’t reply. He took a bite of the croissant and chewed loudly. “Delicious” he blurted while making a half moan.</p><p>Steve giggled. “Well, good morning” he cheered softly, then he stilled to look at Tony with an intense face.</p><p>“Yeah?” Tony prompted.</p><p>Steve shook his head sweetly. “You just got- here” he mumbled as he reached for Tony’s lip with his finger and tossed away some crumbs that got stuck in Tony’s goatee.<br/>
“Now you’re good” Steve then stated.</p><p>Tony got a little too conscious of the touch, and although he obviously appreciated it, it made him feel somewhat exposed. During these mornings in bed with Steve, he couldn’t help but feel vulnerable among the crumpled sheets, in a way that actually pleased him, even though it was in no way related to something more than just them having to share a bedroom.</p><p>He finished to eat his croissant without saying anything, and then he went on drinking his coffee just to keep himself occupied. He didn’t want to be the one to say something about what was going on between the two of them, but apparently Steve didn’t want either. He just kept on staring at him with that damn soft face of his, as Tony was his only source of happiness.</p><p>“Do you want us to stay in bed some more?” Steve finally asked after a while.</p><p>Tony hid the fact that he almost choked on his coffee and cocked his head. Well, <em>of course</em> he wanted to stay in bed with Steve some more. He wanted it with his entire being. But he wouldn’t have dared to say that out loud for first.</p><p>Even though Steve had left to go take him breakfast, Tony had actually felt the loss of contact as soon as he had woken up. Looking at Steve hugging him first thing in the morning was really a bust of energy for the whole day ahead. Furthermore, beside his crush -perhaps love?- Tony actually was feeling still a little distressed about the events of the night before, and just wanted to curl himself in a blanket forever.</p><p>“You’ve been really pondering your decision” Steve pointed out after Tony still hadn’t replied to him.</p><p>Tony huffed. “Yeah, I was actually- we still didn’t say anything to SHIELD about yesterday” he faltered.</p><p>Steve hinted at a small side “I did. I told you I would. When I went down for breakfast, I called them and told them everything” he spoke a little hesitantly, as if his act could bother Tony.</p><p>But Tony actually got relieved at his information, and sighed loudly. “Oh, thank you.”</p><p>Steve smiled more. “They told me Augustine is out of town today, so they’re discussing about what to do next. They’ll call a meeting with us too once they’ve figured their minds out” Steve explained.</p><p>Tony nodded but he wasn’t actually listening anymore. The thing had ceased being interesting after Steve had assured him they didn’t have to do anything in the immediate.<br/>
He laid back on the pillow again, and stretched his arms over his head.</p><p>Steve turned to look at him again, this time frowning and biting on his bottom lip. His look seemed a little off distance.</p><p>“Steve” Tony called. “What’s that for?”</p><p>Steve shook his head to senses and smiled. “Just thinking” he mumbled. “But-“ he glanced at Tony’s sprawled body on the bed. “Does this mean yes?”</p><p>Tony narrowed his eyes. “<em>Yes</em> to what?” he blurted out in confusion.</p><p>Steve blushed lightly. “Yeah, I mean- about the staying in bed thing” he explained.</p><p>Tony relaxed. “<em>Oh</em>” he mouthed, and Steve blushed a little more.</p><p>“No, I’m sorry, I get it” Steve rumbled passing a hand through his own hair.</p><p>Tony propped himself on his elbows. “Yes” he assured. “I’d love to.”<br/>
He looked at Steve relaxing too, and he witnessed his smile widening on his still flushed face.</p><p>Steve tossed aside the wrapper of their breakfast and made himself comfortable on the bed too.<br/>
He considered for a moment what to do, and then he just opened his arms like the night before and waited for Tony to rest his cheek on his chest, before closing them and lightly stroking at Tony’s back.</p><p>It actually amazed Tony how the whole thing of them laying in bed all pressed together wouldn’t make him uncomfortable not even in the slightest way. They were getting so used to each other that that kind of domesticity was basically ordinary to Tony.<br/>
And he couldn’t deny it hurt him a little to think that sooner or later this bubble of happiness would pop and they would return to New York, where Tony’s failed attempt at kissing Steve would haunt him forever and ever.</p><p>But here he could pretend, and he could also enjoy the situation as long as he could do so. So Tony started lightly caressing Steve’s pecs too, just a brief touch of fingers, a lovely contact to make him know that he too was aware of their closeness.</p><p>Steve’s hand on his back was still sliding up and down, sometime resting on his shoulder blades and then caressing his neck.</p><p>Tony reached for Steve’s face with a hand, and he playfully teased his chin and cheek, and the corner of his mouth, just to see Steve’s lips curve into a radiant smile.<br/>
Tony felt his chest tighten at the need to put his own mouth over that smile, but remembering he couldn’t, he just settled for caressing his soft skin.</p><p>Steve’s hand settled on Tony’s nape and he played with the curls on the back of his neck, circling them with a finger.<br/>
“You should let your hair curly” Steve whispered. His voice came out low and his chest rumbled under Tony’s ear, but there was no intention of making it intimate in an erotic way, just the quiet moment being shared by them only.</p><p>Tony twirled his nose. “The slicked-back look gives me more authority” he stated.</p><p>Steve huffed a little. “I think I have to give you that” he conceded. “With your hair like this you look way younger.”</p><p>Tony propped himself over Steve’s chest to better look him in his eyes. “Are you sayin’ that as a bad thing?” he playfully teased raising an eyebrow.</p><p>Steve laughed again and stroked his scalp in a firm way. “Always so defensive.” He rolled his eyes.</p><p>Tony groaned faking annoyance but didn’t comment any further. He rested his cheek back on Steve’s chest and relaxed while focusing on Steve’s caresses only.</p><p>“I’d like to stay like this forever” he let himself slip out of his mouth.</p><p>Steve didn’t answer for awhile, and Tony wandered if he had maybe said something wrong. Perhaps Steve didn’t want to talk about this.</p><p>“I’d like that too” Steve repeated at last, and to Tony’s surprise, his voice sounded wearily sad.</p><p>***</p><p>Turned out they actually <em>couldn’t</em> stay like that forever, and SHIELD set up a meeting after lunch.<br/>
Until then, Steve and Tony wandered along the most fancy boulevards.</p><p>There was some sort of easiness between them, Tony could sense it. It was like the morning shared together had somehow slackened every remaining trace of restrictions they had toward the other, and they now felt perfectly comfortable.</p><p>Or at least that was what Tony was feeling. He was going on joking and delivering pun after pun just to hear Steve’s chuckle and see his eyes squint with laughter.</p><p>“Oh, come on! I don’t believe it for a second!” Steve stated giggling, after Tony had just told him about a a prank he and Rhodey had schemed to a few guys back in college.</p><p>“I swear!” Tony exclaimed. “And the weird thing was that it wasn’t <em>me</em> the one who thought of it” he stressed.</p><p>Steve shook his head still laughing. “Yeah, you want me to believe <em>James Rhodes</em> would come up with something so childish like covering a frat house with printed pics of your middle finger on his own?” he yelped.</p><p>Tony faked outrage. “Rhodey is extremely brilliant, and that prank was the proof” he scoffed. “Plus, those douchebags totally deserved it.”</p><p>Steve cocked his head. “Yeah?” he asked.</p><p>Tony nodded vigorously. “They knew about my preferences swinging in both ways and- you know how those kind of dudes are- they did not really made it pass, especially considering I was smarter than them but way too younger.”</p><p>Steve lowered his eyes. “I didn’t know about it, Tony” he murmured.</p><p>Tony shrugged. “Well, that’s not even the hardest thing that happened in my youth, so-” he twitched his mouth trying to smirk while sounding uncaring, but the movement turned out to be a little pathetic.</p><p>“That’s horrible” Steve stressed. “No matter how many worse things you had to undergo. That remains an awful act.”</p><p>Tony looked at him and actually softened. Steve was clenching his fists along his body, and probably didn’t even realise it.<br/>
He found it comforting that Steve was always up for stating what was right and what was wrong, disregarding the fact that he was wearing his Captain America’s suit or not.</p><p>“It’s been a long time ago, I don’t even know where those guys are now” Tony replied.</p><p>Steve was starting to comment on it again, so Tony tried to move his attention to something else.<br/>
“Look at that!” he exclaimed indeed, pointing at a stall at the other side of the street.</p><p>Steve followed his gaze and frowned. “What’s that?” he asked.</p><p>“A crepes stand. Let’s take one” Tony exhorted, before pushing slightly at Steve’s shoulder to make him move toward it.</p><p>They bought one crepe for each other and then walked along the boulevard while eating it on a paper dish.<br/>
“This is so good” Steve almost moaned as he chewed contently.</p><p>Tony tilted his head up and found him with his chin covered in chocolate.<br/>
“Yeah, Steve, but the chocolate is supposed to go <em>into</em> your mouth, not all over your face” he giggled.</p><p>Steve blushed embarrassed. He sticked out his tongue to lick at the chocolate around his lips, and Tony stilled silently.</p><p>It was early to have some kind of thoughts, but Steve’s spontaneity even when he could be doing the worst innuendos ever was something that still blew Tony’s mind.</p><p>“Is it better?” Steve asked unconsciously, while trying to wipe the chocolate away from his chin with the tip of his tongue.</p><p>Tony shook his head. “Here,” he said looking for a tissue in his pocket just to keep himself busy and with his eyes away from that sight. “Take this” he handed the napkin to Steve.</p><p>Steve took it and cleaned his mouth. “Thank you, seems like I always need someone to take care of me” he mumbled, as he kept on wiping his face.</p><p>Tony tightened his lips in a smile but ached a little. He would have given anything to be the one to take care of Steve. There wasn’t anything he wanted more.</p><p>“It really <em>is</em> good indeed” Steve repeated once he got back at eating his crepe.</p><p>Tony nodded as he tried to eat too, but his stomach had now clenched.<br/>
He thought about that morning again, how Steve had brought him breakfast in bed without he had even asked him to do so. How could Tony accept this form of kindness while also being aware nothing more could ever happen?</p><p>He wondered again if whenever Steve did those kind of things for him, if whenever he looked at him, he just thought of a very good friend. Someone who he obviously cared about but nothing more than that.</p><p>“Hey” Steve asked with a frowning look. “Is everything okay?”</p><p>Tony twitched. Maybe he could word his thoughts aloud. Maybe he could explicitly ask Steve why he thought he wasn’t good enough to be loved.<br/>
But then Tony remembered he had actually very well let him know he was interested, and Steve had evidently and plainly rejected him, so there was no need to bring that humiliation out all over again.</p><p>Tony nodded. “I was just thinking” he shrugged.</p><p>Steve relaxed. “About what?”</p><p>For a moment Tony bit his bottom lip pondering his next move. Steve wasn’t going to make fun of him if he had declared his feeling openly, and he probably was going to be honest about his own, while also minding he didn’t hurt Tony.<br/>
But Tony actually realised that that was probably going to hurt him even more. He couldn’t bare Steve’s blue eyes being nothing but sincere while rejecting him. And he certainly couldn’t hold that forlorn look of his as he proceeded to break his heart.</p><p>“Have I ever told you about that time I got almost expelled from high-school?” he asked eventually, and when Steve shook his head, Tony started talking with one of his biggest grins on his face. </p><p>***<br/>
<em><br/>
It was not something that happened that often for the three of them to have dinner together. Tony usually tried to avoid that, by eating something by himself before, or just skipping the meal at all.</em></p><p>
  <em>He knew his mother looked forward to those moments. She was convinced that spending time together actually meant they had some sort of deep relationship, but Tony knew the thing wasn’t actually like that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His father would eat chewing loudly and muttering comments about his annoying employees.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On the other hand, Tony would try to stuff his mouth as fast as possible just for that agony to be over as soon as possible.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His mother was the only one to try and start a conversation that usually would fall after some clap backs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Tony, why don’t you tell your father about what happened today?” his mother started indeed that night.<br/>
She was smiling widely while sitting upright on her chair, and eating with elegance.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony snorted silently, but the noise got caught by his father. The man turned up his head and glanced at him.<br/>
“Don’t snort at your mother” he reproached.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony kept his look on his plate.<br/>
Something that really bothered him was how his father was usually disrespectful toward his wife, but would pretend to care about her only when Tony did something to upset her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wasn’t actually up for telling what had happened to him that day. He had won another scholarship that he was most probably going to refuse since he had already got accepted into MIT.<br/>
He had been particularly content about it that morning, but the thing had ceased being interesting a few hours later, when he had found out the girl he was dating had been cheating on him since a few weeks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It wasn’t like he actually felt some deep connection toward her, nor would he have dared say he was in love or something, but he did use to enjoy her company. She was witty and particularly smart, and had never treated Tony like a child even though she was two years older than him.<br/>
But Tony had heard by a bunch of older guys that she was just interested in his name, and she was going to dump him once she had gotten some references she needed for college.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony was not exactly one to believe voices, especially since there were several fake ones about him spreading around too, so he had conceded her the benefit of the doubt for a while.<br/>
But right before coming back home, he had spotted the girl making out with the captain of the football team of the school, and when he had discussed with her about it, she had just twitched her mouth and chirped a “sorry.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So yeah, he wasn’t actually that up for sharing his day with his father.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Anthony” the man called out loud.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony tilted up his head. “What?” he blurted out in confusion.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His father tightened his lips. “Watch your manners” he warned.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony bit his own tongue forcing himself not to clap back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“So, will you tell me what happened today?” the man asked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony stuffed his mouth with a forkful of food. “I got into YALE” he mumbled chewing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t speak with your mouth full” his father reproached again. “And you’re going to MIT.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony rolled his eyes. He swallowed with difficulty. “I did not say I’m going to YALE. I said I got accepted” he worded out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“He did good” his mother intervened with a forced grin. “Didn’t he, Howard?” she tried.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His father emptied his glass with a noise. “He did what he hd to do” he shrugged.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony stood up and his chair creaked on the floor. “I’m not that hungry” he informed. “Excuse me.”<br/>
He let the fork fall on the plate clinking loudly, before stepping out of the dining room, even though he could still hear his father blurting about manners once again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>An hour later, as he was slouching on his bed while listening to music at full volume, his mother stepped in quietly, with a soft smile on her face.<br/>
“Hey” she greeted shyly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony took off his headphones. He twitched his mouth in some sort of greet and moved aside to let the woman sit next to him on the bed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m proud of you,” she confessed. “For the scholarship.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony tightened his lips pretending to smile. He didn’t care a little bit about it.<br/>
“Yeah, thanks” he murmured.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His mother sighed. “I know it’s difficult, honey, but-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Do you think people could ever love me for who I am?” Tony interrupted her. “I mean- who I really am, not just Anthony Edward Stark” he snorted.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His mother softened. “Your father loves you, Tony. He just doesn’t know how to express it properly.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony twitched his mouth. He knew that wasn’t true. There wasn’t a wrong way to love somebody, so if he was suffering, that just meant his father didn’t really love him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not talking about him” he replied, spitting out the last word like it disgusted him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Then who-?” the woman started, but got suddenly aware as she looked into Tony’s eyes.<br/>
“Oh” she murmured. She opened her arms and Tony curled between them without even trying to hold back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Someone will” she whispered on his hair. “Someone will love you, my baby. You just have to wait.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony tightened his eyes, forcing himself not to cry. There was no need to. He wasn’t in love with that girl, so why the hell did it hurt that bad?<br/>
Then he realised that perhaps it wasn’t the knowledge that she in particular had dumped him, but being conscious that people somehow enjoyed cheating on him, betraying him even though he had never even given them reasons to do so.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was just something in his own way of existing that led people to taking advantage of him, of his body and of his will.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His mother caressed his hair with gentle hands. “Don’t you give up on love, Tony” she begged with a rueful voice. “Please, I promise it’s worth it.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony remained in silence. He wanted to nod, but he didn’t feel like lying to his mother.<br/>
Furthermore, was it really that necessary for him to be loved?</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>Once they had finished eating in a pub along the street, SHIELD called them for the meeting.<br/>
The agents were actually waiting for them for some time when they finally arrived, but they were too interested in what Tony had found out to pay attention to them being late.</p><p>“The description of the boy you saw last night actually matches with one of the missing kids, mr Stark” agent Leroy stated.</p><p>Tony twitched his mouth. He had been thinking about that little boy for a while now, wondering how his parents were probably desperate for him to come back, and how horrible it must be to know their child had been kidnapped.<br/>
He shivered realising that Augustine had been conducing experiments on children like that one, and still thought he was doing the right thing.</p><p>Tony wondered if the man was seriously expecting him to accept his proposal. He was sure his own disgust had been very open and evident the night before, and if Augustine was that smart, he surely must have understood Tony was not going to say yes.</p><p>But still it hurt him to think that people would expect him to join such a fucked up plan. He still carried around the mistakes of his pre-Afghanistan life. Maybe he wasn’t that good of a person like he wanted everyone to think. In the end, people still knew him as the Merchant of Death.<br/>
The Scarlet Witch herself had felt an instant hatred toward him, even though she didn’t really know him, just because his weapons had been used against her.</p><p>And now, that man had created a serum he was testing on kids because he was inspired by Tony’s own youth as a smart but frail teen boy.<br/>
How could Tony pretend he was making the right decision, if he didn’t even know how to improve his life?</p><p>“For all we know, Mr Savatier will be out of town the whole weekend” the agent went on talking.</p><p>Tony shook his head trying to clear his mind. He had zoned out while the talk had go on.</p><p>He tried to focus back on the plan, but once again he wondered if those kids were going to hold in their heart the trauma of the kidnap for the rest of their life.<br/>
After all, he himself still had several nightmares about his own kidnap. He still woke up during the night feeling freezing cold, and like his breath had been caught in his throat.<br/>
And he still sometime paralysed whenever he saw tanks of water. He hadn’t been able to bathe in a bathtub since then, he showered in few minutes and even though the reactor wasn’t in his chest anymore, those bruises would never leave him. The void of his damaged heart was always going to haunt him.</p><p>“And once you’ve set the timer, you’ll only gonna have few minutes to step out of the building so you must be quick” another agent explained.</p><p>“What?” Tony blurted out.</p><p>The agents turned to look at him frowning.<br/>
Tony cleared his throat. “I mean- I did not quite catch what you’ve said” he smiled tightening his lips.</p><p>The agent raised an eyebrow but talked again. “I’ve said that once you’ve stepped into his laboratory and placed the explosive in the stock of sabotaged vibranium, you’ll have to walk out fast.”</p><p>“Oh” Tony gaped. “Yeah, of course.”<br/>
He twirled his nose in embarrassment. So they had to sneak in Augustine’s mansion. That was not something he really looked forward to.</p><p>“As I was saying-“ the agent started talking again.</p><p>Tony breathed in and out silently. He reminded himself he had agreed to this mission beforehand, and he should have expected something like this to happen, so he couldn’t complain about it now.<br/>
Then why was his breath slowly growing short?</p><p>He felt a finger brushing on his hands tormenting each others on his lap, and he jolted and turned his head to the right.<br/>
Steve gave him a faint smile and held Tony’s hand under the table.</p><p>Tony returned the grip holding tightly, trying to seek for help with that touch.<br/>
Steve kept the thing low key, lowering his look not to meet Tony’s eyes in front of everyone, but still Tony relaxed a little bit, and felt his own breath get steadier.</p><p>“I know you’re probably used to louder fights and different situations, but I confide you will be able to accomplish the mission anyway” the agent assured.</p><p>“We won’t disappoint you” Steve clapped back with a firm tone.<br/>
Tony thanked him for speaking up on his place, and stroked his thumb over Steve’s skin.</p><p>For some dumb reason, the knowledge of holding hands with Steve in a public place but in secret, made Tony’s heart beat fast as if he was doing something prohibit. He knew it was a weird reaction, but every single sign of affection he received from Steve was something he would hold very dearly and close to his heart.</p><p>“Please, be careful” the agent warned. “There is not much time after the timer is set” she reminded.</p><p>Tony nodded fervently, but then he frowned. “What about the kids?” he asked.</p><p>The agent turned to look at him. “What?”</p><p>Tony narrowed his eyes. “He explicitly told me that I had to ponder my decision because he still has control over the kids” Tony pointed out.</p><p>The agent tightened his lips. “We know that, mr Stark. And we’re obviously going to take that into account.”</p><p>“<em>Take that into account</em>?” he repeated in a mocking voice. He felt Steve’s hand tightening on his own, this time trying to ease his rage.<br/>
“You did think about them, did you?”</p><p>The agent rolled her eyes. “Obviously” she stated with a huff. “But right now the stock of stolen vibranium is our priority, so once we’ve got rid of the compromised one, we can think about the kids.”</p><p>Tony laughed without fun. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he scoffed.</p><p>The agent stiffed.</p><p>“You convinced me to join this suicide mission using that damn kids’ card and know you’re telling me they are considered collateral damage?”</p><p>“That’s not what we said-“</p><p>“But that’s what you meant!” Tony yelled bumping his fist on the table.</p><p>“Tony-“ Steve said under his breath. His grip wholly tightened but Tony ignored him.</p><p>“I want you to do something for those kids, or I swear to god I’m gonna sue you to the fucking Supreme Court” he threatened.</p><p>Another agent stood up. “Mr Stark” he called. “The kids are not in the mansion right now. They are in another building that is being monitored by SHIELD for a few days.”</p><p>Tony turned to look at him with a glacial look and the agent faltered a little. “If- <em>When</em> we have arrested mr Savatier, the kids are going to go back to their families” he ended.</p><p>Tony twitched his mouth. Well, that was something.<br/>
“Maybe next time you can be clear from the start” he stressed.</p><p>“Of course, sure” the man replied sitting down a little hesitantly.</p><p>Steve’s grip eased and he entwined their hands softly. Tony held his hand back.</p><p>“We want this mission to succeed as much as you do, mr Stark” agent Leroy assured.</p><p>Tony huffed rolling his eyes.</p><p>“If that’s all, then I think it’s the best for us to go suit up for the plan” Steve interrupted the fight with a serious voice.<br/>
Tony appreciated the way Steve’s voice always turned out to be authoritative, even when he was not the one in charge.</p><p>The agent nodded vigorously indeed. “For sure, Captain” she conceded. Then she stood up and so did her colleagues.<br/>
“We have this” she stated at the end. But Tony didn’t nod nor reply.</p><p>He stood up too, and Steve let go of his hand. At that, Tony tightened his lips. It wasn’t much, but Steve’s touch could still comfort him even in the worst situations.<br/>
A mean voice in his head reminded him that if the mission did succeed that night, then this was one of the last moments with him.</p><p>He shushed the thought in the back of his mind. The main problem was the kids, nothing else.</p><p>***</p><p>The neighbourhood was incredibly silent as they waited for SHIELD’s signal to take action. Tony was a little nervous. He couldn’t stop thinking about the danger it could be to blow up the place without first being sure it was entirely clear.</p><p>He and Steve were on the rooftop of a building next to Augustine’s house. Tony was sitting on the edge, with his legs swaying over the void.<br/>
Steve was next to him, standing firm with his hands bucked in his belt.</p><p>He had put his Captain America uniform on, and so had Tony with the Ironman suit. It seemed a little weird to Tony to be there just waiting for a signal and not in the middle of the battlefield.<br/>
SHIELD agents were making sure the building was totally accessible for them, but time kept passing by without any news.</p><p>“Nervous?” Steve asked out of nowhere, spotting Tony twitching faintly.</p><p>Tony turned his head up to look at him. He hinted at a smile. “Maybe” he confessed.</p><p>Steve relaxed his straight composure and sat down too next to him.<br/>
“We’ve faced way worse things” he tried to reassure him.</p><p>Tony snorted. “I know” he mumbled. He wasn’t nervous for himself, actually. He just couldn’t stop thinking about the kids adopted by the Savatiers. He wondered what was going to happen to them, if SHIELD really had already thought about a plan for them.</p><p>“You don’t seem so sure about it” Steve pointed out with a soft tone.</p><p>Tony sighed. “I hope the kids are safe.” After all, Augustine did warn him that the decision was his. “I hope we’re doing the right thing” Tony finally admitted.</p><p>Steve looked at him tightening his lips, then he moved a hand toward Tony and squeezed his forearm. “We are” he murmured. “Sometimes a right choice doesn’t feel like it just because you wouldn’t ever thought you’d find yourself having to make it. But right now, in the situation we’re in, this is the best choice.”</p><p>Tony smiled feebly. Maybe Steve was right, he <em>wanted</em> Steve to be right, but his gut was still clenching in double-guessing though.</p><p>In that moment Steve’s badge rang. “All clear” the voice on the other side informed.</p><p>Steve nodded at Tony and they both stood up.<br/>
“You’re okay?” Steve asked one last time.</p><p>Tony breathed deeply. <em>There is no other option</em>, he reminded himself. “Let’s do this” he stated.</p><p>Steve nodded and brought one arm around his waist. It wasn’t the very first time they did the hug and fly, but the grip around the suit was still something a little uncommon to Tony, and even though he couldn’t actually feel the contact under the iron, he still ached nervously at the consciousness of it.</p><p>“Hold tight” he exhorted Steve. Once he had put the helmet on, he fired up his boots and flew away from the rooftop, heading to the building on the other side.<br/>
The front yard under them was in full darkness, and there was not even a single noise coming from the house.</p><p>Tony landed on the roof right over where he knew Augustine’s laboratory was placed.<br/>
“It’s down here” he informed Steve with a low tone.</p><p>Steve nodded silently and gestured with a finger at the entrance from the roof to the room.<br/>
They sneaked inside after Tony eluded the alarms. Considering it was full of stolen and valuable metal, the house wasn’t that guarded, but Tony deduced the control might be at the gate. Augustine probably didn’t expect someone coming from the sky.</p><p>“Which way?” Steve whispered. Tony pointed with his finger a hallway on his left, and they silently ran along it toward the door at the end.</p><p>“I think it has a code” Steve informed when he noticed a combination lock on the hing.</p><p>Tony groaned. “FRIDAY” he called. “Analyse the odds and tell me the bastard’s password.”</p><p>“Yes, sir” the A.I. replied. Then after a few seconds it spoke again. “Given the informations collected during your acquaintance with mr Savatier, the correct code of his laboratory is probably 6-4-2-0-1-1 that appears to be his and mrs Savatier’s wedding date.”</p><p>Tony pressed the buttons on the lock and the door clicked open. He chuckled under his breath. “What a moron.”</p><p>They stepped in the lab still trying not to make any sound. Steve’s steps were soft on the ground and Tony appreciated it with a smile inside his helmet. It was unusual for them to go on secret missions. They usually just fought on battlefields where noise was their last problem.</p><p>“He’s got all kind of things in here” Steve commented looking around.</p><p>“Yep” Tony replied. Even though it was the second time he was in that room, he was still spotting things he hadn’t noticed the time before.</p><p>“Where is the stock of vibranium?” Steve asked, reminding Tony why they were there.</p><p>He frowned in thought. “FRIDAY, scan the place for source of underground energy.”</p><p>The A.I. complied, and Tony got a full infrared rays vision of the room.<br/>
“Behind that thing” he informed, pointing at a huge piece of furniture.</p><p>Steve helped him moving it aside, revealing another armored door.<br/>
“Not that big of a moron anymore” Tony commented under his breath.</p><p>Steve narrowed his eyes. “How do we open it?” he asked, probably evaluating all the possible choices.</p><p>Tony gently pushed him away. “I’m actually starting to get a little annoyed” he scoffed, then pointed at the hinges of the door and shot with the repulser of his gauntlet at it.<br/>
The door started dreadfully trembling and threatening to fall to the ground. Steve leaned toward it and grabbed it with his hands before carefully laying it aside.</p><p>Tony snorted. “You’re way too kind with this motherfucker” he shrugged.</p><p>Steve rolled his eyes sighing. “<em>Tony</em>” he reproached, but Tony didn’t take the hint.</p><p>He turned up his gaze to the several jugs e phials with which the secret room was filled.</p><p>“How much is it?” Steve asked in disbelief when he got a glance at it too.</p><p>Tony frowned. “Are you sure we should blow this shit up? Couldn’t we bring it back to SHIELD?”</p><p>Steve shook his head. “It’s not pure vibranium anymore. He experimented with it and mixed it up with human neurotic liquids. We better get rid of this before he puts his hands on it again.”</p><p>Tony gaped at it a little more. He remembered how his father used to brag about the amount of vibranium he had the chance of working with, and how he had explicitly told Tony that the metal was basically impossible to find. Yet there there were tons of it, completely trashed away.</p><p>Tony backed away. “Can you do that, Cap? I’m giving a look around another time before we go away.”</p><p>“Sure” Steve replied without even flinching.</p><p>Tony left him positioning the explosive in the stall and wandered around the laboratory. Even though it was dark, the moonlight lighted up the place enough for him to distinguish what was stuffed with.</p><p>The room was different from Tony’s workshop. Tony was mostly a mechanic, so his own room was filled with more practical objects. Here there were mostly books and documents, beside some phials with unknown liquids in them.</p><p>“Almost done” Steve’s voice reached him a little muffled, as Tony noticed a frame half hidden by a scale. He took the picture in his hands and looked at it. It depicted Nadine, smiling brightly to the camera, while hugging at both of her sides a couple of kids of about eight or ten year old.<br/>
The kids were shyly hinting at a smile, while everything in Nadine’s face made it think she was loving the idea of hugging those children.<br/>
The idea that Augustine kept that picture in his laboratory made Tony feel a little unsettled.</p><p>“Okay, the time is set in one minute. We must go” Steve interrupted his thoughts approaching him.</p><p>Tony shook himself to senses. “Yeah” he mumbled. “I’m coming.”</p><p>He looked at the picture again, and his sight got captured by one of the kids, a tiny boy with glasses way bigger than his face, and Tony identified him with the same kid he had met the night before.<br/>
He unwillingly thought of his father, and how he used to keep a pic with Tony and his mother too in his workshop, most probably just to give the impression of being father of the year if someone ever photographed him in his office.</p><p>“Tony, we have to go” Steve called again, but somehow his voice reached Tony as a background noise, as he couldn’t turn away his eyes from that little boy. He wondered if Augustine had already injected the serum in him, and if he had somehow suffered.<br/>
The monstrosity of the thought made him shake.</p><p>“Tony!” Steve pulled at his arm, and Tony turned up to look at him, suddenly aware of his presence.<br/>
He had his helmet on, so Steve couldn’t see his expression, but he knew he was feeling kind of out of place.</p><p>Steve noticed the frame between his hands and took it away from him putting it back in its original place. “What are you doing?” he yelped. “We have to go, before everything blows up!”</p><p>Tony nodded frantically. “Yeah, I know” he exclaimed. “You’re right.”</p><p>He swallowed his discomfort down his throat and followed Steve out of the room, and then on the other side of the hallway. They arrived back under the rooftop, and Tony exhorted Steve to grab his waist again, before firing up his boots and flying out of the building.</p><p>They hadn’t even got a mile up when the loud explosion made them both startle, and the house took fire.</p><p>“Tony!” Steve yelled around his waist, because Tony had stopped mid air to look at the explosion, his mind back at the picture of the boy.</p><p>“Tony, please, fly away” he shouted.</p><p>“Yeah” Tony called back, his tone firm thanks to his metallic voice. “Yes, I’m going.”<br/>
He increased the speed of his boots and tried to put as much distance as he could between them and the building on fire.<br/>
Steve’s arm around his waist was firm and tight, but still Tony was dreading he could let him fall. Indeed he was still shocked by the explosion and he could feel his limbs trembling and his head running miles.</p><p>“Cap” he called. “Everything good down there?” He looked down and Steve nodded through his mask.</p><p>Tony was glad his own helmet covered his expression because he knew his eyes were wide and he could even feel his teeth tattering.</p><p>He flew up in the sky trying to clear his mind since he didn’t even know where he was heading to. The sky was clear and full of stars, but inside his mind there seemed to be a storm. He just wanted to find some peaceful place, he needed to land somewhere far away, he needed to still be up in the sky and away from everything that reminded him of what was going on in his life at that moment.</p><p>But Tony really also needed to fly down for a moment: he was used to fly at a high speed and temperature, but he knew that Steve was probably feeling more and more uncomfortable as time passed by, and for a moment Tony had the impression his grip was starting to give up.</p><p>“FRIDAY, find me a place where I can land” he ordered all of a sudden. He was too shaken to think straight and look for it on his own.</p><p>“Sir,” the A.I. replied. “There is indeed a place. The location requires your needs but I’m afraid it is not allowed such thing.”</p><p>Tony frowned. “<em>Not allowed</em>?” he asked, but at that moment the screen inside his helmet scanned and pointed at the Eiffel Tower. “Yeah, now I get it” Tony mumbled.<br/>
He pretended to ponder the decision for a moment, but he was actually already heading at the tower without waiting for FRIDAY to give him the all-clear.</p><p>He pointed at the monument and felt Steve’s grip tightening. “Almost there” he reassured him.</p><p>Once he was hovering over the tower, Tony slowly dimmed the intensity of his boots and put Steve on the ground, while he remained suspended in the air in front of him.</p><p>Steve took off his helmet and ruffled his own hair. Tony softened at the sight, but he stilled when Steve turned to look at him with a glacial expression.<br/>
“What was your intention?” he asked with a firm tone.</p><p>Tony frowned. “My intention?”</p><p>“Over there, at the lab. What was your intention?” Steve repeated, this time with annoyance in his voice.</p><p>“You mean SHIELD’s intention?” Tony asked again dumbly.</p><p>Steve got visibly bothered. “Take your damn helmet off” he ordered.</p><p>Tony startled inside his suit and thanked the fact that it wasn’t evident from outside. He clicked his helmet off as he got a little threatened by Steve’s voice.<br/>
“What’s the problem?” he asked then, still levitating in the air on the other side of the metal railing where Steve was. Luckily, at that late in the night, the visits to the tower were closed, so there was no one in sight. Furthermore, it wasn’t even possible for tourists to get that high as they were.</p><p>“Come inside” Steve ordered instead. “I really don’t get why you have to stay there in the air. Come here and put your feet on the ground.”</p><p>Tony frowned again. What was going on? Why was Steve so pissed?<br/>
“No” he clapped back. “I want to stay here.”<br/>
To be honest, he wouldn’t have minded to get down, but the fact that Steve had basically ordered him to do so made him want to do the opposite.</p><p>“I said <em>come here</em>” Steve repeated pointing a finger at Tony. His face was starting to get flushed.<br/>
“I’m not intentioned to talk to you as you keep on playing fairies. You come here and put your damn feet on the ground!”</p><p>Tony increased his height just for the purpose of standing a few inches higher than Steve. He kept levitating with his boots and crossed his arms.</p><p>Steve’s jaw clenched. “It’s nice to see you doing what you want as always” he commented with sarcasm raising his brows.</p><p>Tony got a confused face as he felt anger arising in him. “What the hell is your problem, Rogers?” he spit out.</p><p>Steve huffed a joyless laugh. “<em>My</em> problem?” he laughed. “It’s not my problem, it’s <em>yours</em>.”<br/>
For a moment he looked around himself in disbelief.</p><p>Tony clenched his fists. “Are you going to talk or what?” he fixed his eyes in Steve’s with challenge.</p><p>Steve shook his head narrowing his eyes. “I can’t believe you!” he replied as his voice came out at an high pitch. “Why are you like this?”</p><p>“Like <em>what</em>?” Tony teased getting closer to him even as he was still flying.</p><p>“Like <em>this</em>” Steve replied gesturing at Tony.<br/>
“If we got a plan why don’t you just stick to it?” he shouted. “Why do you always have to act your own way?”<br/>
He passed a hand through his hair and pulled at it while clenching his jaw. “<em>Jesus christ</em>” he cursed.</p><p>Tony huffed. “Yeah, you’ll have to be a little more specific right there, Cap.”</p><p>Steve brought his eyes back on him, anger still flashing on his face. “What are you trying to obtain, huh? What are you trying to prove?” his voice almost creaked at this point.<br/>
He shook his head with something that Tony would have said was disgust at a first impact, but actually seemed to hide concern.</p><p>“Do you think it’s funny? Do you thinks it’s somewhat <em>entertaining</em> to look at you as you go and basically attempt at suicide every time you got the chance?” Steve gaped and frowned even more.</p><p>Tony twitched at Steve’s voice and actually started to lower a little bit.</p><p>“First in New York, then in Sokovia. Now <em>this</em>” Steve gestured something indefinite with his hands. “Can you stop? Can you just <em>fucking</em> stop?”<br/>
Even though he was still flushed because of his tantrum, Steve’s voice creaked at the end of the sentence. He noticed that and hinted at another ironic laugh. “I just- I don’t know how to tell you this anymore.” He rubbed at his eyes.</p><p>Tony was still so struck by his words, to the point that he even let it pass that Steve had said the f word. He fully turned off his boots and sat on the metal railing in front of Steve, with his legs swaying a little above the ground. He opened his mouth not even knowing what to say but Steve brought a hand in front of him.</p><p>“Don’t” Steve said peremptorily. “Don’t say anything” he shook his head. “I can’t take this anymore, Tony.”</p><p>Tony felt his chest hurting.<br/>
That was it, Steve was going to go back to New York. He had really fucked things up.<br/>
He hadn’t even realised what he was doing while he was standing that close to the explosion. His mind was just full with thoughts about the kids, he didn’t even glance at Steve, he had even forgotten he was standing near him.<br/>
He knew they had agreed to blow up the place and fly away as soon as possible, and he probably had put the plan at danger, but there were moments he just couldn’t think rationally.<br/>
He felt almost a physical urge to sacrifice himself if there was the chance to save another person, because why would his own life be worthier than someone else’s one?</p><p>Tony grimaced. “Steve-“ he tried.</p><p>Steve turned up his face. He had the most miserable expression Tony had ever seen. He would have sweared he was about to cry.<br/>
“I know” Steve murmured. “I know it means nothing to you, believe me, I know. But it means something to <em>me</em>.”</p><p>Tony looked at him clueless, wondering what he was talking about.</p><p>“I cannot pretend this doesn’t affect me anymore. I tried, I swear. I pushed aside my feelings for the sake of it, but I’ve come to a break point” Steve said ruefully.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Tony blurted out in confusion.</p><p>Steve laughed and shook his head. “I guess it’s obvious by now.”</p><p>Tony tightened his hands around the metal handle of the fence. “Believe me, it’s not” he assured frowning.</p><p>Steve passed a hand on his face. “I don’t want this to get weird, Tony. I know you’re capable of keeping your feelings out of what you do, but not everyone can” he stated earnestly.</p><p>“<em>Keeping my feelings out</em>? I- I <em>do</em> feel things when I act like this!” Tony raised his voice.</p><p>Steve twitched his mouth. “I’m not talking about your dumb decision anymore, Tony, I’m talking about us!” he clapped back with emphasis. “I cannot go around while you hate yourself and not be able to show you how much you really are loved! I know I can’t. And it physically breaks me, and I can’t hide it anymore!” Steve almost shouted.<br/>
“So I guess we have to- <em>I</em> have to- take my distance. I can’t play friends anymore, I’m sorry.”</p><p>Tony widened his eyes. “You-“ he stuttered. “You don’t want to be <em>friends</em>, or you don’t want to be <em>just</em> friends?” he asked expectantly.</p><p>Steve clenched his jaw and looked up. “You want to make fun of me?” he asked instead with a challenging look.</p><p>Tony shook his head. “Wouldn’t cross my mind” he confessed. “But- you <em>rejected</em> me” he stated.</p><p>Steve frowned deeply. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>“That night in New York. In the living room. You rejected my kiss, you rejected <em>me</em>” Tony kept on talking quickly. He was starting to feel his heart racing and his mind couldn’t grasp what was going on.<br/>
“You told me there was no problem, that we could pretend it didn’t happen.”</p><p>Steve laughed again. “Are you kidding me?” he asked in disbelief. “I thought you just wanted to have some fun!”</p><p>Tony widened his eyes even more. “I was in love!” he clapped back, and in the rush of the moment he almost slipped from the railing.</p><p>“Tony!” Steve exclaimed grabbing his arm and keeping him firm on the metal handle.</p><p>Tony turned up his head, Steve’s face was now really close to his. He could clearly see the blush on his cheeks and on the tip of his nose. His eyes were painfully blue. Tony tried to look away but somehow his eyes alway got back to Steve.</p><p>“You were?” Steve’s voice came out low as a grumble, and Tony almost felt it in his gut.</p><p>He bit his bottom lip. Even though he was still sitting on the railing and behind him there was the void, Tony was unusually calm. Steve’s hand was still around his wrist, and despite Tony’s suit being a little wider than his own bare torso, Steve’s chest managed to make him feel small anyway.</p><p>Tony swallowed. His heart was thrumming in his ears and he didn’t know what to reply. He had messed up and had admitted his feelings but he couldn’t handle another rejection. Not in this moment, not after everything that had happened during those previous days.<br/>
But there was something in Steve’s harsh breath and in his mildly blown out eyes that made him want to be earnest.</p><p>“I am” Tony said back, and his voice came out weirdly clear and firm.<br/>
If he had to humiliate himself, then he surely was going to do it with his head up.</p><p>Steve seemed to still for an instant, and his eyes widened some more. He lowered his look and Tony almost shuddered when he realised Steve was glancing at his lips.<br/>
Steve turned up his eyes again and fixed them on him. It seemed like he wanted to ask something, maybe a permission to go on, and Tony parted his lips unconsciously.</p><p>At that, Steve took the initiative and got closer, and rested his mouth on Tony’s one with delicacy. He left the smallest of kisses and backed away almost immediately.</p><p>Tony hadn’t even closed his eyes. He had watched Steve brushing his lips on his own completely out of his mind.</p><p>Steve swallowed and returned to fix his eyes on him. He seemed uncertain, like he thought he was doing something wrong, before he worked the courage up another time and kissed Tony again, this time a little more intensely, but still chastely and briefly.</p><p>Tony closed his eyes now. His heart was beating so fast he feared he could slip from the railing again, but as he got almost conscious of what was going on, Steve drew back again.</p><p>Tony met his eyes, they looked almost forlorn.<br/>
He wondered why he had that rueful expression, but most importantly why he had backed away another time.</p><p>“Tony-“ Steve’s voice sounded almost painful, and in that moment Tony knew he didn’t care about his dignity anymore.</p><p>He shifted ahead and gripped Steve’s collar with his hand, and drew him closer before crashing his mouth on Steve’s still parted lips.<br/>
He opened his mouth widely and let his tongue slip between Steve’s lips, as Steve finally let himself go and replied to the kiss with the same emphasis. He encircled Tony’s waist and positioned himself between Tony’s legs as he was still sitting on the metal railing.</p><p>Tony licked at his palate with enthusiasm, and Steve moaned on his tongue.<br/>
Tony shuddered at the sound, and he felt his head almost boiling at the realisation that <em>he</em> was kissing Steve, and <em>Steve</em> was kissing him back.</p><p>Steve slid a hand through Tony’s hair and pulled a little at it, as he adjusted the angle with his mouth and deepened the kiss even more.<br/>
Tony moaned too and drew back a little to take some air. He looked at Steve’s fully flushed face and couldn’t help but grin.</p><p>At his smile, Steve did so too, his teeth flashing white in the dark.</p><p>It was incredibly uncommon to see Steve like this. Although the visible blush on his cheeks, he didn’t look like he was embarrassed like he always did whenever they shared a more intimate moment. He seemed at ease, like kissing Tony didn’t bring him nothing but joy.</p><p>“I really hope no one’s gonna sue us for public indecency” Tony broke the silence wittily. “Because that tongue surely wasn’t up for holy acts.”</p><p>At that Steve shook his head shyly. “<em>Tony</em>” he mumbled, but Tony had already pulled him on his mouth again, kissing his awkwardness away.</p><p>“We should go back to our suite” Steve murmured on his lips, and Tony whined complaining.</p><p>“Why do you have to ruin the party?” he asked pretending to weep.</p><p>Steve giggled. “I’m serious. We’ve been here for too much time, I don’t want to draw attention.”</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes. “<em>Fine</em>” he mumbled. He jumped from the railing to the ground next to Steve with easiness.</p><p>“So there <em>was</em> a way to convince you to fly down” Steve pointed out smugly.</p><p>Tony made a face but smiled again.<br/>
“Hold tight, Captain. We’re heading home” he ordered instead, as Steve gripped his waist and they flew up in the sky.<br/>
They left the Eiffel Tower in the background and cut through the night.</p><p>As they flew, Tony couldn’t help but smile. He tried to rationalise what had just happened, but he didn’t want to spoil the moment by overanalysing it. He knew in the back of his mind that it couldn’t just be fixed like that, that his and Steve’s relationship was full of edges that still had to be levelled, and there clearly were problems of communication considering that it had come out that they were both interested in each other but had misunderstood the situation that bad.</p><p>He lowered his height and landed outside the hotel. Steve let go of his waist as Tony’s suit retreated from his figure and he remained in the casual clothes he was wearing under.</p><p>Tony threw a furtive glance at Steve and noticed he had grimaced. He had his resolute and serious look back on his face. His shoulders were straight and square.</p><p>Tony twitched his mouth but didn’t comment on it. He wondered if Steve had already changed his mind about him. Maybe he had tried that kiss out just to clear his intentions and had actually realised it couldn’t work between the two of them.</p><p>They headed to their room in silence, even though Tony could still trace the taste of Steve’s tongue in his mouth.</p><p>When they got in front of the suite, Tony took out the magnetic card of their room and tried to unlock the door.<br/>
“It doesn’t work” he mumbled a little embarrassed, as he pushed for the card in its entrance without success.</p><p>He noticed his hand was slightly trembling, and he realised he was extremely nervous about what was going to happen once they would be in their room again. Would they still be able to sleep one next to the other? Steve was surely not letting him rest on his chest anymore, now that things had got so weird between them. Tony feared his nightmares could show up again, and what would be the future of the team? And what about their friendship?</p><p>He felt the brush of fingers over his own and immediately turned up his head. Steve was again really close to him, his hand trying to still his shaking one.</p><p>“Hey” Steve murmured. “It’s okay.”<br/>
He let out a small smile and kissed Tony again, with such care that Tony almost melt on his mouth.</p><p>A dull click shook Tony to senses, as Steve easily opened the door.</p><p>“I’m sorry-“ Tony blurted out twirling his nose, but he relaxed when Steve smiled again and with a swift movement held him up with his arms, before returning to kiss him once more, this time a little less sweetly and a little more heavily.</p><p>Tony entangled his legs around Steve’s waist, and Steve brought them both inside the room. He shut the door close and pinned Tony against it still kissing him deeply.</p><p>Tony yelped as he was almost shoved against the solid surface, but immediately recovered when Steve started leaving heated kisses on his jaw and down his throat. He slid his hands through Steve’s hair, finally witnessing something that he had yearned to do since a lot of time.<br/>
He pulled at the strands and let out a loud moan when Steve sucked at his collar bone.</p><p>At the sound, Steve gripped his ass and rubbed off on his groin with slow movements. Tony groaned when he felt Steve’s bulge perceivable even though his Captain America’s suit was tight and padded around the crotch area, and his cock twitched in anticipation.</p><p>He suddenly put an hand on Steve’s chest and distanced his face a little. Steve was panting harshly, his eyes already black with pleasure.</p><p>“Steve-“ Tony called panting too. “Wait a moment.”</p><p>Steve stilled on the spot and got immediately concerned. “You alright?” he asked.</p><p>Tony nodded frantically, his dick pulsing at the closeness with Steve.<br/>
“I-“ he tried. “I want this. I want what happened and what usually happens next” he confessed in earnestness. “Do you want it too?”</p><p>Kissing Steve was already the peak of his life, having sex with him was something not even imaginable to Tony’s mind. He had thought about it, he had <em>yearned</em> about it.<br/>
But he couldn’t let it happen if Steve didn’t want the same. He couldn’t bare it.<br/>
He really wasn’t up for regrettable choices, not when his heart could irremediably shatter because of it.</p><p>Steve’s worried face softened. He swallowed as he nodded vigorously. He quickly kissed Tony  before looking at him with fondness. “I’ve never wanted anything more than this” he stated.</p><p>The sincerity in his eyes was all Tony needed to see, so he kissed him back faintly smiling, and arched his back against Steve’s groin to make him understand his intentions.</p><p>And Steve took the hint and replied with kissing him heavily and while still holding Tony with his arms, he approached the bed. He let Tony fall on the mattress and arched over him to kiss him again, as his hands started to hover over his body.</p><p>Steve quickly opened Tony’s shirt and pushed it away, then he looked at his naked chest with wander, before drawing close to his thighs.<br/>
“Can I?” he asked before unzipping Tony’s pants.</p><p>Tony helped him pulling them off, and remained in his briefs. He was aware his dick was already tenting, and he hoped the tissue wasn’t stained yet like some sort of teenager.<br/>
He looked up and met Steve’s eyes wandering along his body with hunger.</p><p>Steve was still fully clothed, his Captain America’s suit still composed and in order. If it weren’t for Steve’s rumpled hair and blown out eyes he seemed perfectly put together.</p><p>Tony got suddenly self-conscious of what was happening.<br/>
When he had shared those intimate moments with Steve that morning, he wouldn’t have ever imagined he was going to lay on that same mattress under the alert look of Steve wearing his uniform while displaying an evident boner. And he surely wouldn’t have ever imagined Steve would look at it like he was starving and there wasn’t anything he wanted to put in his mouth more.</p><p>“You still got all of your clothes on” Tony pointed out.</p><p>“I know” Steve replied, but he wasn’t really paying attention to it.<br/>
He splayed his hands on Tony’s thighs and caressed his flesh with firm strokes. Then he grabbed the band of Tony’s briefs and looked at him waiting for a signal. When Tony nodded, he pushed them aside freeing Tony’s boner.</p><p>“<em>Tony</em>-“ Steve let out as a whine, and he touched Tony’s cock hesitantly with his fingers. Tony moaned and arched at the touch.<br/>
Steve grabbed his dick and palmed it a few times, before tightening his fist around the shaft in slow movements.</p><p>“<em>God</em>” Tony let out. Steve was incredibly slow to the point that it felt almost teasing. Tony’s hands clenched at the sheets.</p><p>Steve smiled at Tony’s groans and lowered his head on his crotch before leaving a trail of kisses on his inner thigh.<br/>
“You’re beautiful” he murmured against his skin.<br/>
Then he got closer to Tony’s dick and brushed his lips on its tip, kissing him briefly and then leaving a lick stripe along the whole length.</p><p>Tony tightened his low abdomen. Feeling Steve’s lips on him made him almost black out, and he yelped more loudly when Steve took him whole inside his mouth.<br/>
He glanced down and panted at the sight of Steve’s pink lips around his cock, his blue eyes almost black with lust.</p><p>Steve bobbed his head very slowly, nipping a little with his teeth on his sensitive flesh and making Tony jolt with pleasure.<br/>
“<em>Jesus</em>” he moaned as Steve sucked him off.</p><p>He felt his own pleasure building up, and when Steve rounded the head of his cock with his tongue, Tony rested a hand on his hair to stop him.<br/>
“I don’t want to-“ he panted. “I’m gonna come like this if you continue.” He felt his legs trembling as Steve made his dick slid out of his lips with a pop.</p><p>Tony straightened on the mattress and took Steve’s face with his hands. He kissed him frantically and started hovering with his fingers on his suit.<br/>
“How the hell do you take this thing off?” he asked annoyed.</p><p>Steve chuckled happily. He slackened the jacket of his uniform and Tony fretted to push it aside with his hands. He took off Steve’s undershirt too, and caressed his bare chest in awe.<br/>
Yes, he had already seen Steve shirtless many times now, and he had also touched his skin during their sleeping together, but looking at Steve’s heated flesh knowing that that blush was because of <em>him</em> was something else.</p><p>He splayed his hands over his shoulders and neck, as Steve never turned away his look from his face.<br/>
He was following Tony’s movements completely mesmerised, and once Tony caressed his pecs and brushed his fingers on his nipples, he shuddered harshly.</p><p>Tony noticed his reaction and palmed them again, just to see Steve moan under his touch.<br/>
He lowered his hands on Steve’s tight abdomen and then pulled at his belt with desire.</p><p>Steve nodded and entwined his arms around Tony’s chest, as Tony was sitting all naked on his lap. He unzipped Steve’s pants and pulled at his briefs under them, glaring at Steve’s pulsing cock still constricted by the fabric.<br/>
Tony’s gut twisted as he realised he was going to fit all of that inside himself.</p><p>“Let’s set America free” Tony stated confidently.</p><p>Steve burst out laughing. “<em>Dear god</em>” he exclaimed shaking his head. “Worst thing I’ve <em>ever</em> heard.”</p><p>Tony smirked and Steve shook his head while laughing, but the sound died in his throat when Tony grabbed his cock and pulled it out of his pants.<br/>
Steve panted and rested his head on Tony’s forehead, before completely tossing his pants aside.</p><p>Tony propped himself better on Steve’s legs and drew closer to his groin, still gripping his cock.<br/>
He turned up his gaze for an instant and looked firmly into Steve’s eyes.<br/>
There was nothing more he had ever wished for in his life. To be like that, his heart pounding in his ears, and Steve’s sharp breath so close to his skin.</p><p>Tony grabbed his own dick too, struggling a little to encircle the both of them with his fingers, but as soon as their flesh crashed together, they both panted at the contact.</p><p>He started pumping both their boners, feeling his own breath growing short. The friction sent sparkles along his whole body, and as he was focused on his movement, Steve brought his mouth on his and kissed him deeply, sticking his tongue in his throat and arching into Tony’s grip.</p><p>Tony let go of his own leaking cock, not wanting to come like that, and gave all of his attention to Steve’s dick. He pumped his fist faster, as Steve fucked both his mouth with his tongue and his hand.</p><p>Tony tightened his grip and Steve came with a shudder on his lap. He accompanied him through his end and felt him moaning all over his lips.</p><p>“That was hot” Tony commented watching Steve’s dazed smile.</p><p>Steve grinned, leaving a kiss on the tip of his nose. “Lay down” he exhorted.</p><p>Tony let go of his lap and laid on the mattress again.<br/>
Steve brought a hand to his face and caressed his cheek fondly. Tony melted at the touch, and leaned into Steve’s fingers. He dared closing his eyes for a moment and sighed contently.</p><p>“I’m gonna take care of you” Steve promised. A voice inside of Tony debated asking him if that was meant for that night only or forever, but he decided to put his expectations aside and just live in the moment.</p><p>Steve drew one hand along his whole body with grace. He brushed his nipple and his rib, before caressing his hip and stroking at the flesh on his waist.<br/>
“You leave me speechless” Steve mumbled.</p><p>Tony gaped at him without managing to say something back. He wanted to clap back with humour, maybe banter a little like the usual, but Steve’s look was way too similar to the one he had the other day in the art gallery, in front of his favourite masterpieces, and Tony’s heart clenched as he dared to think he caused the same awe in him.</p><p>Steve caressed his inner thigh and pushed faintly at his leg to make him spread them. He wetted his bottom lip before slightly brushing a finger over his rim.<br/>
Tony squirmed on the spot. It had been some time since someone had touched him there, but he always loved the sensation the same.</p><p>Steve caressed his hole with more dedication before pushing a finger inside. He watched Tony squeezing at the intrusion before he relaxed and leaned into the touch.</p><p>Steve smiled and massaged his rim with slow movements, and then he let another finger slide inside.<br/>
Tony adjusted to the feeling. He clenched his abdomen and gripped at the sheets again.</p><p>When Steve started scissoring his fingers, Tony moaned loudly. “<em>There</em>” he winced.<br/>
Steve looked up at him sweetly, and after stroking his rim for a moment more, he worked in another finger.</p><p>“Oh- <em>Steve</em>” Tony blurted out. The sensation made him jolt with pleasure and he clenched around Steve’s fingers.</p><p>Steve palmed his cock and Tony twitched. “<em>No</em>” he whined. “I want to come with you inside of me” he complained.</p><p>At that Steve groaned. “<em>Tony</em>-” he called, and Tony noticed his dick was growing hard again.</p><p>Tony nodded. “Yeah-” he worded out incoherently. “I’m ready, let’s do it.”</p><p>Steve pulled away his fingers from his hole, and started positioning between his legs, but Tony shook his head.</p><p>“Lay down” he ordered.</p><p>Steve frowned in confusion.</p><p>“I wanna ride that” Tony explained breathing harshly.</p><p>Steve swallowed in amazement and obeyed. He propped himself on the mattress and Tony moved a leg on the other side of his waist.<br/>
He straddled his lap and Steve moaned under him. He brought his hands on Tony’s thighs, palming them while looking at him with fondness in his eyes.</p><p>Tony breathed deeply, then he grabbed Steve’s cock that had fully hardened again, and brushed its tip on his own stretched hole. He shook at the contact and he felt his gut clenching.</p><p>He pushed Steve’s length inside his entrance, clenching again a little at the pressure, working it through his muscular rings. He lowered on Steve’s cock with a tremble, and when he felt it all inside of himself he stilled.</p><p>“You alright?” Steve asked.</p><p>Tony nodded frantically with his eyes closed, but he opened them when he felt Steve holding his hand.</p><p>“You’re amazing” Steve praised. “You’re <em>incredibly</em> amazing, sweetheart.”</p><p>At the pet-name Tony softened his narrowed expression and let out another breath. He clenched around Steve’s dick and felt pleasure starting to arise in his gut. He held Steve’s hand tight and started to grind on his lap, working himself on his boner.</p><p>Steve let out a long sigh and Tony smiled.<br/>
He kept a low pace at first, trying to register the sensation of Steve’s length inside of him. He could almost feel it push against his guts, so big that he made his breath shorten.</p><p>Knowing that Steve was moving inside of him made Tony unwillingly tremble. It was like he was always meant to be like this, feeling Steve in and all around him, as if that was the only thing that mattered.</p><p>He got aware of his own cock starting to get interested again, and Steve noticed too, before grabbing it with his other hand and stroking it with the same pace of Tony’s movements.</p><p>Tony pumped himself on Steve’s cock a little faster, moaning as its tip hit his internal organs with such precision that not a single rational thought was left in his mind. </p><p>Steve’s grip on his dick tightened.<br/>
“Look at you” Steve said with a growl. “So pretty” he groaned when Tony’s ass slapped on his balls, and Tony yelped too as Steve hit his prostate.</p><p>“<em>Steve</em>” he called, clenching his hole and tightening Steve’s hand with his own. Steve arched against him, thrusting fast even though his position made it a little difficult.</p><p>He rounded his groin as he gripped Tony’s ass even closer to his crotch, and Tony’s mind whitened as he shook while coming over Steve’s chest.</p><p>“Oh god-” Steve commented, and his voice got stuck in his throat as he came too inside of him. </p><p>He tightened their hands even more, and tried to pump Tony to his end as he spilled himself inside his hole.<br/>
Tony continued for a moment to lazily grind his ass on him, until he saw Steve had let his head fall on the pillow with a wrecked expression.</p><p>Tony brought Steve’s hand still entwined with his to his lips, and kissed it a few times, his mind running miles even though he was feeling extremely tired.</p><p>“Come here” Steve exhorted smiling sleepily. He pulled Tony’s hand, and Tony rested his cheek on his chest while Steve’s cock was slowly softening inside of him.</p><p>“You are so good. So <em>so</em> good to me” Steve praised kissing his forehead.</p><p>Tony smiled, and he let himself indulge in something that he never thought he could do. He traced brief circles on Steve’s pec with his finger.<br/>
“Hope you enjoyed your time” Tony commented huffing.</p><p>Steve stopped leaving kisses on his temple and helped him come off his lap. He pulled Tony closer to him again and hugged him tightly.<br/>
“Hey” Steve mumbled. “I meant it, before.”</p><p>Tony looked up at him frowning.</p><p>“I want this” Steve explained. “With my whole chest. I want <em>you</em>, Tony.”</p><p>Tony felt his heart clenching. In the rush of the moment, he had pushed his feelings aside, too afraid to have them broken. But here Steve was, reassuring him on his worries, stating that maybe Tony <em>could</em> indeed hope for something more.</p><p>“I meant it too” he replied. “Before.” He noticed his voice had sounded whack, so he cleared his throat.</p><p>Steve looked at him clueless too.</p><p>Tony bit his bottom lip. Was it too much to say? He didn’t care.<br/>
“I love you” he let out as his heart beat fast.</p><p>Steve parted his mouth and seemed to hold his breath.</p><p>Tony twitched his mouth. “You don’t have to say it if you don’t-“ he started, but Steve interrupted him with a kiss.</p><p>“I love you too” he clapped back. “Always have, always will.”</p><p>Tony lowered his eyes as he swallowed with difficulty. It was all he had ever wanted to hear.</p><p>Steve lifted his chin with a gentle finger. “I love you” he repeated. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” He left another kiss on Tony’s lips and then another one on his forehead.</p><p>Tony let out a breath and kissed Steve’s hand. He closed his eyes and focused on Steve’s caresses on his naked back.</p><p>He could let himself dream a little. He was tired of breaking his own heart.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>AH!</p><p>You did NOT see it coming, did you????<br/>Or, at least I hope so lol</p><p>Anywayyyyy I was trying to wait for another day to update because reasons but i just NEEDED you to read the chapter and so I decided to post!!!</p><p>I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts about the chapter so that would be highly appreciated, but it's also enough to me that you liked it.</p><p>Turned out that the slow burn was slow but not SO slow, but unfortunately the angst will hit sooner or later :( for now enjoy these babies being in love and happy!!!</p><p>Thank you as always for reading and sticking with me, I hope you all are safe and well. Stay strong, this situation is gonna end soon, don't worry! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Are you crying?”<br/>The question remained in the air without an answer.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Mom?” Tony tried again. “Are you crying?”<br/>He approached the woman standing still in front of the window and he put a shaking hand on her shoulder.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Mom?” he called with a sweet voice.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His mother jolted and turned around. “Tony!” she exclaimed. Tony noticed her eyes were red and she kept sniffing.<br/>“Why are you here?” she asked with a creak in her voice.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony tightened his lips in a smile. “I wanted to make you a surprise” he confessed in a low tone.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That morning, after waking up, he had felt a little lonely all alone in his new house, and something in him had encouraged him to pay a visit to his mom, sure it was going to give him comfort in some way.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But he had not expected to find her so shaken and broken.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Are you okay?” he asked with concern.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The woman nodded. “Yeah, my baby” she assured stroking Tony’s cheek with affection.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Where is he?” Tony asked hesitantly after a moment.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She smiled with a forlorn look. “It’s okay, sweetie” she replied. “He’s not the problem.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony cocked his head. “What is going on, then?”<br/>The woman sighed before sitting on a chair. “Do you think of me as a good mother, honey?” she murmured with a hint of sadness in her voice.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony frowned. “Mom, are you okay’” he asked another time.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She looked around the room with a fervent look. “Just- tell me” she begged in a whine. “Because I know I missed out. I know I missed out, Tony” she confessed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony twitched his mouth without adding anything.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You were young, and you needed someone, and I was never there” she almost cried.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony patted her hair. “It’s okay” he mumbled softly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He would have loved to deny what she was saying. To reassure her she had done everything she could. But there was a part of him that egoistically agreed with what she had confessed. A part that knew for sure that he had been alone during all his youth.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He couldn’t forget birthdays after birthdays spent with Jarvis only, spoiled with expensive toys but without someone to give him a hug.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He didn’t want to complain, he knew there were kids who had nothing, not event gifts, but he couldn’t deny there were moments in which he had hated his parents with his whole being. Nights in which he had wanted to rip off his lungs because he was just so lonely.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And his mother had loved him, of course. She had tried sometime to mend her lack of attention, but sporadic memories weren’t enough. And Tony couldn’t lie.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s okay” he repeated indeed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The woman grabbed his hand and held it tight. “I couldn’t have asked for a better son” she let out.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony smiled feebly. It wasn’t like she had any other option.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I know you’re gonna leave, one day” she bubbled with a creak in her voice. “But please, remember that your mother loves you so dearly.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony nodded without a real certainty.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m sorry that it wasn’t always that clear”she confessed.<br/>Tony looked at her and noticed a trace of real sorrow behind her eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He forced himself to smile again, this time a little more sincerely.<br/>“You still got time to fix that” he murmured.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His mother smiled too.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>A tickle to his forehead made Tony wake up a little confused. He twirled his nose and looked up still sleepy.</p>
<p>“Good morning, my love” Steve’s sweet voice murmured, playing with one of Tony’s curls.</p>
<p>Tony smiled right away. “Hey” he mumbled back, still a little dazed.<br/>He met Steve’s eyes and his gut made a flip back. Steve was looking at him with the biggest of grins, his cheeks lovely blushed and his blond hair ruffled. Tony’s look fell on his bare chest and he remembered with pleasure he was naked too.</p>
<p>Their legs were entangled under the blanket and Steve’s other hand was over one of Tony’s hips.<br/>He lingered in the closeness and sighed deeply content.</p>
<p>“Were you enjoying the view?” he asked with a smirk, but his tone was actually soft.</p>
<p>Steve smirked too. “I don’t know, are you talking about Paris or something else?” he asked back.</p>
<p>Tony rolled his eyes. “You’re not an easy one, huh?” he scoffed.</p>
<p>Steve stroked his hip and Tony faintly squirmed at it.<br/>“I was actually enjoying the nicest view of the entire world, but Paris is okay too, I guess.”</p>
<p>Tony snorted but he actually blushed. “You’re such a kiss-ass” he reproached.</p>
<p>At that Steve smiled smugly. “Only when the ass is worth it” he clapped back.</p>
<p>Tony gaped before bursting into laughter. “That was a nice one, Rogers, I have to give it to you” he chuckled again, but Steve interrupted his giggle placing a kiss on his wide mouth.<br/>“Hey” Tony complained. “Don’t interrupt me.”</p>
<p>Steve nodded vigorously. “Yeah, keep on talking, don’t worry” he conceded as he started nudging Tony’s jaw.</p>
<p>“You’re playing dirty” Tony reproached again, but he let a moan escape his mouth as Steve sucked at his throat.</p>
<p>“You don’t want to talk anymore?” Steve asked innocently.</p>
<p>Tony rolled his eyes with fake annoyance, but he drew Steve’s face in front of his own again and kissed him properly.<br/>“No talking, okay” he stated.</p>
<p>Steve smiled on his lips kissing him softly. He brought a hand to Tony’s head and cupped it drawing him closer to kiss him deeper.<br/>He let the other hand wander along Tony’s body and Tony shivered subtly. Steve caressed his palate with his tongue tilting his head to find the right angle and Tony melted in the kiss. He felt his limbs going numb and his head growing dizzy as he moaned once again, not even trying to hold it back.</p>
<p>He tried to grab Steve’s head too with his hands, or at least stroke his shoulders or back, but Steve was kissing him so deeply and heatedly that he couldn’t even quite get what was going on.</p>
<p>Steve propped himself on his elbows above him and leaned toward his body, still kissing him with the same dedication. Tony felt Steve’s crotch brushing over his own lower abdomen and trembled with pleasure as he realised that was indeed for him and him only.</p>
<p>“Someone’s looking for attention” he bubbled on Steve’s tongue, and lifted his own hips to make them crash with Steve’s boner.</p>
<p>Steve whined on his mouth and shook his head. “Don’t worry” he assured, going back to kissing Tony.</p>
<p>But Tony actually drew back. “Why so?” he asked tilting his head.</p>
<p>Steve seemed to be a little embarrassed. “You don’t have to do anything” he said shyly and scratching his nape.</p>
<p>Tony frowned. “<em>Have to do</em>? Are you kidding me?” he scoffed.</p>
<p>Steve blushed. “It’s just that- you know- that’s not what I want from you” he blurted out.</p>
<p>Tony frowned more. “You did not enjoy it last night?” he asked a little concerned.<br/>Maybe Steve was more of an emotive person than a physical one. Maybe he wasn’t even that comfortable the night before, and Tony had pushed him too far.<br/>Tony started panicking and asking himself if he had taken advantage of him.</p>
<p>“No!” Steve clapped back, and Tony’s eyes widened. “I mean- yes!” Steve corrected himself.<br/>“<em>Gosh</em>” he squinted his eyes in frustration. “What I’m trying to say is- I enjoyed last night. I would <em>love</em> to do those things again, but-“</p>
<p>“Not now?” Tony asked. <em>Good</em>, just when he thought everything was going fine he had fucked up again.</p>
<p>Steve sighed loudly. “I want you to know that sex is not what I want. Not what I <em>only</em> want” he said.</p>
<p>Tony tilted his head still in confusion.</p>
<p>“I know it was late in the night and you were tired and we had a rough day, so perhaps it was the rush of the moment- I don’t know,” Steve went on. “But I truly meant it when I said- what I said.”</p>
<p>Tony recollected their last words before falling asleep. He actually did remember it very well.<br/>“You love me?” he asked slowly, fearing he could break the atmosphere between them.</p>
<p>Steve sighed again, this time actually relaxing. “Yes” he murmured. “Yes, that’s what I’m trying to say.”</p>
<p>Tony softened a little and bit his bottom lip not to smile too widely.</p>
<p>“I had sex with you because I am in love with you” Steve flat out told him.</p>
<p>Tony felt his chest tighten and his heart almost stopping. That was a lot to take in.</p>
<p>“Am I scaring you? I’m scaring you” Steve bubbled.</p>
<p>Tony twirled his nose holding in a laugh and lifted his head to kiss Steve’s parted lips.<br/>“I love you too” he said. “I love you too and I had sex with you because I am in love with you” he repeated giggling under his breath.</p>
<p>Steve twitched his mouth. “Don’t mock me” he reproached.</p>
<p>Tony giggled loudly. “It’s just- nobody has ever told me something like this” he confessed.</p>
<p>Steve cocked his head. “<em>I love you</em>?” he asked.</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “No, I <em>had</em> people tell me they loved me,” he stated. “But- you know, love is something that two people build up. So there usually is interest and affection, and then sex, and then the things evolve and you find yourself being in love, but with you-“ Tony stopped talking when he noticed Steve was looking at him in awe.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” he exhorted him to go on.</p>
<p>Tony smiled lowering his eyes. “I just think it’s nice that I got to fall in love as the first step” he shrugged.</p>
<p>Steve lowered his head and kissed him briefly. “I love you” he repeated.</p>
<p>Tony looked at him straight in his eyes and found them so sincere that it almost scared him. He kissed Steve too, and within a couple of seconds Steve had returned to leave heated kisses all along his throat again.</p>
<p>Tony sighed loudly and Steve turned to look at him. “Hey, I-“ he stuttered. “I don’t know what you eventually got out of my words before but- I <em>did</em> enjoy last night. Like- a lot.” he announced.</p>
<p>Tony nodded. “Yeah, I did too” he stated.</p>
<p>Steve nodded too. “<em>Real</em> lot” he emphasised and leaned toward Tony with his pelvis.</p>
<p>Tony felt his cock brush over his thigh and widened his eyes with realisation. “You mean a ‘I’d like to do that again now’ real lot?” he asked with a grin.</p>
<p>Steve smiled feebly. “Only if you want” he replied.</p>
<p>Tony bit his bottom lip with contentment. He could still feel his ass being sore, but he could come up with something exciting for Steve only anyway.<br/>He left a loud smack on Steve’s shoulder. “Lay down, soldier” he ordered placing a hand on Steve’s chest to invert their positions.</p>
<p>Steve chuckled at the nickname but complied obediently. He pulled Tony’s arm and made him fall on his chest.</p>
<p>“Babe!” Tony yelped, but Steve kissed him again.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry” he apologised on his lips. “I can’t get enough of your mouth.”</p>
<p>Tony smirked lewdly. “Let’s see if you actually <em>can</em> get enough of it” he challenged.<br/>He positioned between Steve’s legs and smiled at him, before closing a hand around his half hard cock.</p>
<p>Steve squirmed.</p>
<p>“Good morning” Tony greeted with a sweet voice, eyeing at Steve whose eyes had started to get dark.</p>
<p>He squeezed his cock one time before slowly shifting his hand toward the shaft in slow strokes. Steve was still looking at him in amazement, not saying not even a single word anymore.</p>
<p>That was indeed a very beautiful cock, and Tony gloated at the realisation that it was already leaking just because of his presence that morning. That surely bloated his ego.<br/>He decided he had to thank Steve for his interest in some way, so he leaned toward his groin and breathed sharply over the skin of his inner thigh.</p>
<p>Steve shivered at it and let out a half moan just at the sight of Tony being so close to his cock.<br/>That flattered Tony even more, so he licked its head in a wide stripe before closing his mouth around its tip.</p>
<p>“<em>Tony</em>” Steve groaned right away.</p>
<p>Tony’s heart grew big at the praising tone, and he lowered his head over his length as much as he could, while bringing a hand to the base of Steve’s cock.<br/>He bumped at it with slow movements at first, while raising and lowering his mouth as well.</p>
<p>Steve moaned again and he brought his hand to Tony’s face, stroking his thumb on his cheek with fondness. “You’re so lovely, my dear” he called.</p>
<p>Tony moaned too on his cock, as he felt light with the compliment. He tightened his fist on his dick and bobbed again his head, this time a little faster.</p>
<p>“Tony-” Steve winced again.</p>
<p>Tony could almost feel the tip of his cock brushing the back of his throat, but knowing he was breaking Steve just with his lips was such a loveable feeling that he found himself being willing to do whatever Steve wanted him to.<br/>He would have ripped his own whole chest apart for Steve if he had asked him to.</p>
<p>“I’m- Tony, sweetheart, I’m” Steve rumbled with a rambling voice.</p>
<p>Tony nodded on his dick and Steve let himself go right away, clenching at the sheets and gritting his teeth.</p>
<p>Tony let go of his cock once he couldn’t swallow anymore of his pleasure, but he actually enjoyed looking at Steve trembling in his own bliss. Especially when he had been the cause of it.</p>
<p>“Oh god” Steve groaned while Tony pumped him to his end.<br/>He sighed loudly, his cheeks flushed.</p>
<p>Tony grinned contently and drew closer to him.</p>
<p>“Kiss me” Steve exhorted with a growl. Tony complied and melted again when Steve let his tongue taste his own pleasure inside his mouth.</p>
<p>“What about you?” Steve asked sweetly parting from Tony.</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “I’m okay” he assured. The show had been extremely hot and he couldn’t deny he was a little excited, but he wasn’t a kid anymore and it was way quicker to make himself cool down than to actually reach a full interest, especially after the night before.</p>
<p>“When this is all over we’re gonna have enough time for that” Steve stated. “And I’m gonna take care of you all night long.”</p>
<p>Tony smiled softly. To hear Steve talking about a later when they would still be together made his heart glow. He hadn’t thought about how the situation could be like once back in New York, but the easiness with which Steve had addressed it made him realise maybe it wasn’t that difficult like he thought of it.</p>
<p>“I love you” Steve blurted out again, leaving a kiss on his cheek.</p>
<p>Tony squirmed. “You’re such a boy-scout” he teased.</p>
<p>Steve giggled, but then he turned serious again. “So, mr Stark, are you going to take me out on a proper date, or is chivalry really dead?”</p>
<p>Tony grinned. “It would be my pleasure” he clapped back. “But only if you let me pay for dinner too” he stated.</p>
<p>At that Steve chuckled rolling his eyes. “Then I’ll have to repay you later” he winked, before kissing Tony once again. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>If Tony had known all he needed to be happy was to hold Steve’s hand while wandering around a park, then he would have ditched all that drink-and-fuck ages ago. Well, he actually may have known that, but he hadn’t had the chance to explore it before.</p>
<p>But now that he had finally reached his lifetime goal, he was positive he was not going to let it go away.</p>
<p>“And what’s the story behind this park?” Steve asked with real interest.</p>
<p>Tony twirled his nose. “I would really <em>really</em> like to tell you, because I’m sure you would love to know it” he assured.</p>
<p>“But-?” Steve asked raising an eyebrow.</p>
<p>Tony forced a smile. “But- I have no idea what it is” he confessed.</p>
<p>Steve chuckled. “Yeah, okay. No problem” he said giggling. “I just wanted to have something to talk about.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’m pretty sure there would be plenty of topics beside the boring history of some park” Tony scoffed.</p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes but actually kept giggling.</p>
<p>After breakfast, Tony had felt the need to find some place where he could just appreciate Steve’s presence without doing something too elaborate. So he had looked for something that required his wishes and had proposed for them both to go to the Luxembourg Gardens.</p>
<p>It was a very huge park with people intent in the most various activities. The weather was very pleasant, maybe even a little too warm, but that didn’t stop Tony from holding Steve’s hand toward their whole walk.</p>
<p>Steve looked so carefree and at ease. He kept joking -<em>terrible</em> jokes, not like Tony’s, obviously- and pointing out things that he found interesting along their path.</p>
<p>Tony couldn’t stop smiling. It was like any problem he had ever had had faded away in a bit. He wasn’t even that worried about the mission anymore.<br/>The mere presence of Steve by his side was enough for him to feel protected and safe.</p>
<p>During their whole stay in Paris they had had various occasions of exchanging casual touches, but there was something so joyful in holding Steve’s hand without making that big of a deal out of it.</p>
<p>Surely, whenever Tony focused on Steve’s warm fingers around him and realised it was actually happening, he had to take a few seconds to recompose himself, because the knowledge was still unimaginable to him. But there also was such a simplicity in their touch. The way their hands seemed to be always meant to hold each other.</p>
<p>Steve turned to him and tilted his head. “What is that big brain of yours chewing?” he smirked raising an eyebrow.</p>
<p>Tony bit his lip holding in a smile. He shrugged. “Thoughts.”</p>
<p>Steve nodded knowingly. “Oh, okay” he huffed. “We’re already keeping secrets, I see.”</p>
<p>Tony chuckled. “I don’t want to sound cheesy” he stated keeping on smiling widely.</p>
<p>Steve squeezed his hand. “What?” he asked. “I’m turning Tony Stark into a sentimentalist?”</p>
<p>Tony rolled his eyes. “<em>Never</em>” he stated.</p>
<p>Steve raised an eyebrow again, then he twisted his arm until it was around Tony’s waist, still holding his hand.</p>
<p>“Such a smooth bastard” Tony commented under his breath.</p>
<p>Steve laughed pulling him closer and tightening his embrace while they kept on walking.<br/>“So?” he asked after a while. “Are you gonna tell me what you were thinking about?”</p>
<p>Tony snorted. “Oh, come on” he whined. “You really wanna mock me, don’t you?” he asked, but before Steve could add something, he went on.<br/>“Fine, <em>fine</em>. I’m telling ya.”</p>
<p>Steve chuckled. “If you don’t want, there is no need to, Tony. I was just joking” he clarified.</p>
<p>Tony stroked his thumb over Steve’s palm. “I was thinking about you” he confessed.</p>
<p>Steve softened. “In a good way, I hope” he joked.</p>
<p>Tony nodded still smiling. “I actually wanted to ask you something” Tony went on instead.</p>
<p>Steve cocked his head. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>“I wanted to know how you fell in love with me” he blurted out.</p>
<p>Steve stilled and Tony almost tripped.<br/>He looked at Steve with a questioning look. Had he been inappropriate?</p>
<p>“Steve, don’t worry” he started, but Steve interrupted him with a brief kiss.<br/>Tony frowned. “What was that for?” he asked.</p>
<p>Steve giggled. “Because I love you” he replied.</p>
<p>Tony grunted but felt himself slightly getting flushed. “I was talking about you freaking in the middle of our walk. Did I ask too much?” he ended with an hesitant tone.</p>
<p>Steve glared at him. “Asked too much?” he repeated. “I just thought you didn’t want to talk about it too deeply.”</p>
<p>Tony tilted his head. “Too deeply?” he asked.</p>
<p>Steve scratched his jaw. “Yeah, you know- because this may be embarrassing” he confessed.</p>
<p>Tony’s stomach clenched. “Well, if you-“ he mumbled, as his throat started to get dry.<br/>“If you fell during this trip there is nothing to be embarrassed about” he stated.</p>
<p>Yeah, obviously it would be quite disappointing but after all Steve had indeed refused him back in New York, so that would be plausible. Furthermore, that didn’t in any way change the fact that right now he was in love with him.</p>
<p>Steve narrowed his eyes. “No, actually it’s embarrassing because of the opposite” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Tony raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” he asked.</p>
<p>Steve blushed as he bit his bottom lip. “I fell for you many years ago, Tony” he blurted out as his cheeks got even more flushed.</p>
<p>Tony gaped at him. His heart started beating again, this time way faster than its normal pace.<br/>“What are you talking about?” he tried slowly.<br/>He didn’t want to make Steve back away, but at the same time he couldn’t help his enthusiasm at what he was hearing.</p>
<p>Steve sighed. “You know that time in New York, after the nuke- well, of course you know” Steve mumbled.</p>
<p>Tony nodded frantically to urge him to go on.</p>
<p>“Yeah, well- I was scared to death while you were heading for the wormhole, but when you were laying on the ground- I felt like if you were, indeed- if you were <em>dead</em>- that most definitely would wreck me” he blurted out.</p>
<p>“Then you opened your eyes and- I don’t know“ he bubbled while looking around. “I felt like- like <em>I</em> was the one who had got to his senses again- like I had just brought to life again.”</p>
<p>Steve bit his lip again in thought and turned his look hesitantly to Tony. “That doesn’t make sense, I know” he apologised.</p>
<p>Tony was still staring at him with wide eyes, his chest clenching with so much fondness that it almost hurt.<br/>He couldn’t help himself to find something to say back.</p>
<p>Steve scratched his nape. “Well- that was the time I fell in love, but I actually didn’t realise for a while. Or, at least I didn’t want to admit it” he shrugged.</p>
<p>When Tony didn’t say anything again, Steve went on. “It was- I don’t even know if you remember that. It wasn’t anything special nor important” he trailed on.<br/>“We were on the rooftop. All of the team, actually” Steve exclaimed. “After a while, -god, I don’t remember how it happened- but it just came a moment in which you were talking about stars and galaxies and just things like this.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded faintly at his words. He actually did remember what Steve was talking about.<br/>It was late in the night. They had been discussing over some task during the whole meeting, and in the end he had found himself discussing with Bruce over an astronomical discovery.</p>
<p>He hadn’t even payed attention to how he was talking. He knew that Nat was focused on other papers, and Clint was napping on his chair while Thor had flown away.<br/>He was aware Steve was focused on the conversation, but he was still dating Pepper at the time, and he had forced himself not to care about his presence. Or, at least <em>pretend</em> like he didn’t.</p>
<p>“Well-” Steve continued. “I didn’t really understand what you were saying, to be honest. You were being pretty specific because, yeah- you were talking with Bruce, so that’s understandable” Steve frowned.<br/>“But then you started saying something about a star that shines brighter than the others, and you were moving your hands fast like you always do when you’re explaining something that you’re really passionate about” he smiled lowering his eyes. “And before I could even stop myself, I just thought ‘I hope he keeps on talking forever.’ ”</p>
<p>Steve looked at him with adoring eyes. “That’s when I understood that I couldn’t hide it to myself anymore. I would have begged for you to keep on talking for the rest of my life.<br/><em>God</em>, I would have sat there and listened and listened without doing anything else but that.”</p>
<p>Tony felt his eyes sting but he breathed deeply to stop himself from tearing up. He twitched his mouth before smiling sincerely.<br/>“Thank you” he murmured, taking Steve’s hand and stroking at it. “Thank you so much” he repeated.</p>
<p>Steve tilted his head. “You don’t have to thank me about anything, Tony. <em>I</em> have to thank you” he said, before kissing him sweetly.</p>
<p>Tony smiled on his lips.</p>
<p>“What about you?” Steve murmured without backing away.</p>
<p>Tony smirked. “Why are you so nosy?” he asked.</p>
<p>Steve ruffled his hair with affection.</p>
<p>“That may be even more embarrassing” Tony chuckled. “I fell for you before I even knew you.”</p>
<p>Steve frowned. “What?”</p>
<p>“My father” Tony explained. “He couldn’t help but talk about you.”</p>
<p>Steve laughed. “That doesn’t count” he stated. “You fell for Captain America, not me.”</p>
<p>Tony bit his lip. “Yeah, okay. You got me” he conceded.<br/>He entwined his hand back to Steve’s and they started walking again with the same slow pace.</p>
<p>“It was a slow progress” he confessed. “I’m certainly losing in the <em>lovestruck cinematographic moment</em> contest” he shrugged.</p>
<p>Steve laughed squeezing his hand. “Come on” he exhorted.</p>
<p>“I can tell when I first realised it” Tony proposed. “We were not really friends yet at that time. We were still bickering and I still was holding grudges for the helicarrier episode.”<br/>Tony snorted. “But yeah, one morning you were, like- shouting at the coffee machine or something- and I looked at you and thought ‘what a dumb idiot I am in love with,’ and wanted to deck me the fuck out.”</p>
<p>Steve burst out laughing. “<em>Unbelievable</em>” he muttered chuckling.</p>
<p>Tony laughed too. “Yeah, okay. I’m joking” he stated. “But I actually did realise I had feelings for you while you were still adjusting to the new century. I don’t know, I just felt like- you were this kind of an untouchable hero in my imagination.<br/>My father used to describe you as some kind of god. And yeah, seeing you struggling with ordinary things just made me understand you were human.<br/>You were flawed. Like me.”</p>
<p>Steve smiled. “That’s one of the things I love the most of you” he murmured.</p>
<p>“That I am flawed?” Tony asked.</p>
<p>Steve twirled his nose. “That, and- the fact that you see me as a person, rather than a god” he shrugged. “But I’ve already told you so that night in New York.”</p>
<p>Tony widened his mouth in sudden realisation. “Speaking of New York” he started. “Why the hell did you reject me? It can’t be just for the fun thing” he anticipated Steve’s answer.</p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes. “I was telling the truth, Tony” he assured.<br/>“I wanted it with my whole heart,” he lowered his eyes and slightly curved his shoulders. “But I just couldn’t stand the idea of having you for one night and nothing else anymore.”</p>
<p>Tony bit his bottom lip. “I never wanted just one night” he confessed.</p>
<p>Steve let out a lopsided smile. “I didn’t know at the time” he looked at him with honesty. “Furthermore, you were very vulnerable, that night.”</p>
<p>At that, Tony narrowed his eyes. He actually remembered being very awake that night.<br/>“Vulnerable?” he asked clueless.</p>
<p>Steve nodded. “We had been talking about Afghanistan and about your reactor. I felt like you wanted to kiss me just as a form of gratitude.<br/>I was scared you didn’t mean that, or actually- I was scared you thought you <em>owned</em> me that” Steve let out with a murmur.</p>
<p>Tony saddened at the revelation. He found it almost unbelievable that someone cared so much about it to question about his real consent, even though there wasn’t anything that could make him think the opposite.</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth. Although he had suffered at the thought Steve didn’t want him, he still wished people always had that kind of care toward him in the past. He couldn’t even enumerate the amount of people that had thrown themselves at him at his slightest form of avance.</p>
<p>“Thank you” he blurted out again. “That means a lot.”</p>
<p>Steve stroked his hand. “This isn’t something you should be thanking people for, this should be the ordinary.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded. “Yeah, but still” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Steve smiled and left a kiss on his head.</p>
<p>“I’m happy it went how it went” Tony affirmed after a while. “I didn’t feel that well at first, but now I’m happy.”</p>
<p>Steve grimaced. “I’m sorry I made you sad, my love” he apologised.</p>
<p>Tony smiled before lifting on his tiptoes and leaving a kiss on Steve’s cheek.<br/>“It was worth it” he assured.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>After almost a week in Paris Tony almost thought for a moment that Steve had actually grown used to it. But Steve still looked around himself with the same amazement and disbelief, and that delighted Tony over the top.</p>
<p>And when Tony proposed to visit the louvre, he certainly did not expect Steve to almost faint out of excitement.</p>
<p>“You’re not kidding, right?” Steve asked again.</p>
<p>Tony giggled. “No, sweetheart. I told you I’m serious” he promised.</p>
<p>So Steve looked at him in pure bliss, and they now where stepping in the museum in the warm light of the afternoon.</p>
<p>“Baby!” Steve exclaimed looking at Tony with his mouth wide open.</p>
<p>Tony grinned. It still felt a little surreal to hear Steve calling him pet names in such a natural way. It was like they were doing that since forever, but Tony would still get subtle goosebumps. But he was definitely not gonna tell that to Steve.</p>
<p>“You have no idea how much I wanted to visit this place when I was a kid” Steve murmured.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Tony asked while they strode along the alleys.</p>
<p>Steve nodded frantically. “In my art class there was this teacher who had lived for some years in France and he kept on talking about the Louvre and about how many artworks he had seen here and how it was a life changing experience.”</p>
<p>Tony couldn’t help but chuckle. “Oh, well- we can look for that at the end of our visit.”</p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes softly. “I’m serious” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“Oh, look here” Tony urged. “There are greek statues in this way.”</p>
<p>Steve widened his eyes as a smile crept on his face. He nodded enthusiastically.<br/>“Let’s go then” he exhorted.</p>
<p>Tony smiled again as he followed him in the other wing.<br/>They walked among several marble statues and even though Steve kept rumbling about the names of the works, Tony just listened to his voice.<br/>He loved seeing him so passionate about those things, but mostly he loved the idea that <em>he</em> was the one who had brought Steve there. That Steve was going to forever link that visit to the art gallery to his memory with Tony.</p>
<p>“Tony!” Steve chanted at one moment.</p>
<p>Tony turned right away a little worried, but Steve was pointing in front of him at a big statue placed on top of a ladder.</p>
<p>“It’s <em>The Winged Victory of Samothrace</em>” Steve said with amazement in his voice, as he started approaching the statue.</p>
<p>Tony fastened his path to keep up with him and he looked at the statue of a headless woman with a big pair of wings.</p>
<p>“They say it is meant to look like she is descending upon the prow of a ship” Steve explained. “It had to bring good luck to sailors.”</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth as he totally ignored the work and snickered to glance at Steve.</p>
<p>“Isn’t it beautiful?” Steve scoffed.</p>
<p>And Tony twirled his nose because what kind of cliche thing was that, but of course he nodded and said “It is beautiful indeed” while still looking at Steve.</p>
<p>Then, after spending way too much time in front of that statue, Steve dragged him to another wing where paintings of all kind were hang on both sides of the hall.</p>
<p>“It looks like a dream” Steve uttered under his breath. Then he proceeded to stop in front of any kind of canvas and bubble about not only its artistic description, but also about the historical context.</p>
<p>“There is a political subtext” Steve stressed while staring at <em>The Liberty leading the People</em>.</p>
<p>Tony bit his bottom lip as he felt like giggling.</p>
<p>Steve turned his look to him an tilted his head. “What’s funny?” he asked.</p>
<p>Tony huffed. “Nothing” he replied.</p>
<p>Steve pursed his lips smiling too. “Now I really wanna know about it” he pointed out.</p>
<p>Tony laughed and held up his hands. “Look- you’re the one who asked” he apologised in advance.</p>
<p>Steve frowned with a hint of a smile still on his lips.</p>
<p>“I just think that the concept of this Liberty lady holding up a French flag in front of her people is really similar to the Captain America’s one” Tony said slowly.</p>
<p>Steve gaped. “And what’s so funny about it?” he asked.</p>
<p>Tony laughed squinting his eyes. “I just-“ he blurted. “I just imagined you leading the team on the battlefield in full costume but a boob out” he finished before bursting out laughing.</p>
<p>Steve blushed at his joke but actually laughed out loud too.<br/>“<em>Oh my god</em>” he commented faking outrage. “We’re looking at history right here, and you’re thinking about <em>breasts</em>” he reproached.</p>
<p>At that Tony laughed even more. “<em>Breasts</em>” he repeated almost crying out. “You really <em>are</em> a 40s man” he chuckled.</p>
<p>Steve sighed before rumpling Tony’s hair both as a reproach and as a sign of affection.</p>
<p>Tony snorted. “Let’s move on, grandpa” he proposed after he had recovered from his own joke.</p>
<p>They stopped in front of some other canvas before making it to the main artwork of the gallery.</p>
<p>“I don’t think all the fuss is really needed” Tony confessed cocking his head. He moved his look back and forth while the eyes of the Mona Lisa stared back at him.</p>
<p>Steve scoffed. “Yeah, maybe you’re right” he conceded. “There are more interesting works, but this one has its own fascination.”</p>
<p>Tony snorted. “Yeah, it still creeps me out, though” he pointed out while keeping on moving his head to see if the woman did indeed follow his stare.</p>
<p>Steve giggled at his act and Tony shrugged trying to apologise. “At least it’s true what they say. She really does not take her eyes off me” Tony  assured.</p>
<p>“Well. she ain’t the only one” Steve clapped back.</p>
<p>Tony rolled his eyes theatrically but actually blushed a lot.<br/>“Rogers,” he called. “<em>Never</em> say something like that again” he ordered still feeling his face all hot.<br/><em>Damn</em>, that wasn’t even one of the most inventive compliments he had received in his life.</p>
<p>Steve smirked satisfied with his reaction. “What?” he asked pretending to be clueless. “Thought you were starting to feel a little jealous of my attention” he shrugged. “Don’t worry, honey, you’re still the prettiest artwork in the room.”</p>
<p>Tony closed his eyes right away trying to still himself, while he could sense he was starting to blush again.<br/>“Okay” he exhorted. “Let’s keep walking, you’re getting way too smooth and I’m getting way too emotional” he bubbled grabbing Steve’s arm and dragging him in another alley, as Steve chuckled behind him.</p>
<p>The last artwork they stopped in front of was the statue <em>Psyche revived by Cupid’s kiss</em> by Canova. It depicted two figures, a woman laying on the ground attempting at hugging and kissing a winged boy.</p>
<p>“According to the myth” Steve explained. “Venus was jealous of the girl’s beauty and had gifted her with a damned vase that brought her eternal sleep. But then Cupid kissed her and broke the spell.”<br/>Steve stilled for a moment and looked at the statue with firm eyes.<br/>“Here it is represented the moment right before the kiss. So, if you think about it, the kiss will never actually take place.<br/>They’ll forever remain like this.”</p>
<p>Tony looked at Steve’s rueful expression and frowned. He seemed so sad about those statues’ fate that it made his own heart ache as if he was one of those figures.</p>
<p>“Hey” he called, entwining his hand with Steve’s one.</p>
<p>Steve turned to look at him and made a lopsided smile.<br/>Tony smiled too, a sweet and bright smile. Then he tiptoed before pulling at Steve’s collar and dragging him closer to his own face.<br/>Steve smiled again, this time in a sincere way, and then he closed their distance and they softly kissed.</p>
<p>Steve brought up his other hand and stroked his thumb over Tony’s cheek, stilling on his lips.<br/>They parted slightly.</p>
<p>“What was that for?” Steve asked with a low voice, almost as if he didn’t want anyone to catch his words.</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth. “It’s for them” he murmured nodding at the statue. “They never had their kiss, so they can take ours.”</p>
<p>Steve twirled his nose in contentment before kissing Tony again, still sweetly and slowly, as if he really meant it.</p>
<p>Tony cocked his head. “And what was <em>this</em> for?” he asked then.</p>
<p>Steve shrugged. “They got the first one, so this was for me” he stated, then tightened Tony’s hand and smiled at him another time.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>When they got out of the museum the sun was slowly starting to set. There was the hint of a foggy sky in the distance, but the weather was sill warm and enjoyable.</p>
<p>Steve looked over the top with joy and his cheeks were still flushed with excitement.<br/>“I can’t believe I got to see all of those artworks” he sighed loudly and shaking his head with contentment.</p>
<p>Tony glared at him. It filled his heart with fondness knowing that Steve had enjoyed the visit to the point that he couldn’t stop bubbling about it.</p>
<p>“It inspired me <em>so</em> much, Tony. You have literally no idea!” Steve exclaimed turning to face him with a big grin.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Tony asked in awe. He did want to know about Steve’s burst of inspiration, obviously, but he mostly just wanted him to keep on talking, because Steve’s excitement was truly making him regret that there had been moments in his life he waisted not hearing him talk.</p>
<p>“Yeah!” Steve clapped back. “When we’re back to New York I’m gonna paint, I promise you” he stated.</p>
<p>Tony tilted his head. “In the tower?” he asked with expectation in his voice.<br/>Technically, Steve had moved in the tower before leaving for Paris, but now that things had developed between them, maybe the idea of living together was suddenly too much for him.</p>
<p>Steve nodded right away, “Yeah, yes in the tower!” he assured. “I’m gonna paint and you’re gonna be there with me too.”</p>
<p>Tony bit his lip hiding another smile and lowered his eyes. This being-in-love thing was turning him into a teenager again.</p>
<p>“You like the idea?” Steve teased.</p>
<p>Tony looked at him with sincere eyes. “Whatever you propose, I like it” he confessed.</p>
<p>Steve smirked. “You do?” he asked with a knowing tone and sparkling eyes.</p>
<p>Tony cocked his head and twirled his nose. “Yeah?” he replied.</p>
<p>“Then come with me” Steve said grabbing his hand.</p>
<p>Tony yelped when Steve started dragging him some metres ahead.<br/>“Steve, honey, where are you bringing me?” he asked frantically.<br/>“What-?” he then blurted out when Steve stopped a few metres of distance from a man playing a saxophone.</p>
<p>“Dance with me” Steve proposed.</p>
<p>“<em>What</em>?” Tony bubbled again.</p>
<p>The man was playing a melancholic sound in the background, his eyes closed as he seemed too immersed in the music to pay attention to them.</p>
<p>“Yeah, please!” Steve exhorted. “I love this song.”</p>
<p>Tony looked at him. It was not that he didn’t want to dance, or didn’t like it. He just- he was still trying not being too invested in the thing. But Steve was looking at him with such blue eyes that Tony felt like melting under that puppy look.<br/>Especially since Steve <em>really</em> seemed to like that song.</p>
<p>“<em>Fine</em>” he mumbled. He couldn’t quite catch what the man was playing, but he didn’t really care.</p>
<p>As soon as Steve dragged him by the hand and put his arms around his waist, Tony damned himself for having even questioned the chance of dancing with him in the first place.</p>
<p>“I hope nobody looks at us” Tony murmured though.</p>
<p>Steve raised an eyebrow. “Who am I talking with?” he widened his mouth. “Tony Stark? <em>The</em> Tony Stark? I just heard someone not wanting to draw attention, are you really you?”</p>
<p>Tony rolled his eyes. “Ah ah” he scoffed.</p>
<p>He felt Steve’s hand in the small of his back and he moved closer to him, putting his arms around Steve’s neck.<br/>“Nice song” he commented. “Nothing special, though.”</p>
<p>Steve shook his head as a reproach. “Just wait for the lyrics” he warned.</p>
<p>They swayed a little to the rhythm of the music, Tony between Steve’s arms, and Steve looking at him as if he had hung the moon in the sky just for him.</p>
<p>“<em>Never thought that you would be</em>” Steve started with a low voice.</p>
<p>Tony eyed at him with a lopsided smile. “You’re not gonna start singing” he said. “<em>Please</em>, tell me you’re not gonna start singing.”</p>
<p>“<em>Standing here so close to me</em>” Steve went on.</p>
<p>Tony rolled his eyes. “Oh my god” he whined, but Steve didn’t seem to care.</p>
<p>“<em>There’s so much I feel that i should say</em>” Steve sang indeed, drawing him closer.</p>
<p>Tony bit his lip again. He acted a little annoyed, but he actually felt like his lungs were going to blow up with joy.</p>
<p>Steve grinned. “<em>But words can wait until some other day</em>” he said shaking his head as if he was performing.</p>
<p>Tony chuckled. “I can’t with you” he whined again.</p>
<p>Steve pushed and pulled him by his hand, making Tony turn around.<br/>Then he tightened his arms around Tony’s waist again.</p>
<p>“<em>Kiss me once</em>” he grinned leaving a brief kiss on Tony’s parted lips.<br/>“<em>Then kiss me twice</em>” he went on. Another small kiss.<br/>“<em>Then kiss me once again</em>” he repeated with another kiss. “<em>It’s been a long, long time</em>.”</p>
<p>“Hey! You’re cheating” Tony called still a little dazed by the feeble kisses.</p>
<p>“<em>Haven’t felt like this, my dear, since I cant remember when</em>” Steve sang. “<em>It’s been a long, long time</em>.”</p>
<p>Tony softened his look. He knew Steve was singing words he had not been the one writing, but still he trembled at the idea that he was saying so in front of him. With such easiness, and such sincerity.<br/>He was looking at him with his fond eyes like he meant each one of those words.</p>
<p>“<em>You’ll never know how many dreams I’ve dreamed about you</em>” Steve went on, clueless about Tony’s loud emotions. “<em>Or just how empty they all seemed without you</em>.”</p>
<p>Tony felt the need to lower his eyes again, but Steve’s soft voice was so mesmerising he just couldn’t. He was so scared that the deep love he was feeling could be read all over his face.</p>
<p>Steve grinned at him and stroked the skin over his hips with his thumbs.<br/>He tilted his head. “<em>So kiss me once</em>” he started leaning toward Tony to kiss him again.<br/>“<em>Then kiss me twice</em>” he murmured still on his lips.<br/>“<em>Then kiss me once again</em>” he smiled with another brief kiss. “<em>It’s been a long, long time</em>” he ended then.</p>
<p>He made Tony turn around another time.<br/>Tony giggled loudly at his own pirouette.</p>
<p>“<em>Steve</em>” he yelped, as Steve made them both swing a little faster, while the melody kept playing in the background.</p>
<p>Steve dragged him by his hand and held him tighter between his arms again, hugging him as the music was fading.<br/>Tony sighed with his forehead resting on Steve’s chest. He got a glimpse of the landscape behind them. The sky was slowly darkening, but the Eiffel Tower still stood gloriously in the middle of it, lit by the setting sun.</p>
<p>“I love you” Steve murmured over Tony’s head.</p>
<p>Tony felt his lips brushing his scalp. He squinted his eyes as he felt his chest clenching with affection. “I love you” he replied, his voice a little muffled by Steve’s chest.</p>
<p>Steve distanced him a little bit just to see his face.<br/>“We should go” he murmured smiling feebly. SHIELD had called them on another brief but urgent meeting.</p>
<p>Tony nodded. “I know” he stated without a real interest.</p>
<p>Steve lowered his head and kissed him properly this time. He cupped Tony’s cheek and caressed his skin softly.<br/>“Let’s go then” he said under his breath, still on his lips.</p>
<p>Tony nodded again. “Okay” he replied, letting Steve kiss him once more.<br/>He smiled on his mouth and gripped his hands on Steve’s shoulders.</p>
<p>“Alright, enough” Steve drew away.</p>
<p>Tony snorted. “Do we really-“ he tried.</p>
<p>“<em>Yes</em>” Steve reproached.</p>
<p>Tony huffed. “Okay, <em>okay</em>” he conceded distancing from Steve and raising his hands as a sign of surrender.</p>
<p>Steve huffed. “Good” he nodded.</p>
<p>Tony wetted his lips. “Last one, I swear” he assured gripping at Steve’s collar and dragging his face to his height to kiss him again.</p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes. “<em>Tony</em>” he reproached.</p>
<p>“I said last one” Tony replied with begging eyes.</p>
<p>Steve sighed at his look. He cupped Tony’s face once more and kissed him again with sweetness. Tony closed his eyes and lingered in the act.</p>
<p>“Last on” Steve repeated when he moved backward.</p>
<p>Tony twirled his nose. “Yeah, yeah” he exhaled. “<em>Last one</em>.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>The rain was streaming softly outside the window. Tony could almost count the drops one by one on the glass pane.<br/>He was dazedly listening to his father rumbling about his latest project in the background.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The man was dressing up to go out with his mother that night, but first he had requested Tony’s presence in his studio.<br/>Lately, his father seemed to be less rude. He still had a lot to complain about his son, but he was more annoyed than angry.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m glad you came home for the weekend” he said out loud.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony shook his head to senses. He forgot about the raindrops hitting at the window and turned his head to his father.<br/>The man was looking at his reflection in the mirror, knotting his tie.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony huffed at his statement. He had come home for his mother only, but he was not in the mood to have a fight with his father.<br/>“Whatever” he settled for.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father glanced at him through the mirror, before rolling his eyes with a smirk.<br/>“Well, I’m glad” he repeated. “Aren’t you happy that your father is glad?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony snorted another time, slouching on the chair on which he was sitting.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Don’t you wanna know why I’m glad?” the man went on.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony tilted his head. “Tell me why you’re glad, please” he mocked.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Come here” his father replied instead.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony snorted but stood up without complaining. He approached the mirror too.<br/>His father completed the knot of his tie with a swift movement then turned to look at him.<br/>“Tomorrow I’m gonna need your opinion about a study I’m analysing” he stated.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony nodded without interest.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Do you understand what this mean?” the man clapped back.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony raised an eyebrow. “That you need my help?” he tried with a huff.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father smirked without real fun. “It means-“ he corrected. “That I’m trying to trust you.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony bit his bottom lip. He didn’t like it when his father teased him. There was always a brief instant in which he thought he was finally being appreciated just to then being mocked again.<br/>“Why so?” he decided to anticipate him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father grabbed a pair of cufflinks from a drawer and started pinning them on his sleeves.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Because-” he spoke while focused on his act. “You’re twenty one now, Anthony” he explained with an obvious tone. “And I think you need to consider the idea of carrying on Stark Industries.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony twitched his mouth. “I thought you said you didn’t like this idea” he clapped back.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father chuckled. “I also said I don’t have any other chance.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony grimaced. He hadn’t really thought about what he was going to do after college, but he had fantasised about leaving and just travel around the world. He felt like after dedicating himself to studying his whole life he needed to find out what he really wanted.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What? You’re backing away?” his father asked with a firm tone, after Tony hadn’t said anything for a while.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No” he murmured.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Good” the man clapped back. “Because I don’t want any other moron to put their hands on my company.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony looked at him as he finished buttoning the cufflinks. “As I said” his father started again. “You’re twenty one.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony lowered his eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You need to start thinking of putting on a family, keep the name going on.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony tilted up his head on the spot. “A family?” he blurted out. “I’ve just finished college” he exclaimed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father huffed. “I’m not saying you have to marry now, Anthony” he clarified. “But I want you to keep in mind that you’re my heir, you’re someone with an important name.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony cocked his head without understanding.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“There may be women interested in your social status” he went one. “You need to be careful of who you hang out with.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony let out a laugh.<br/>His father glanced at him as a reproach, so Tony bit his lip. “Sorry” he mumbled.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Stick to one girl, son. Have fun, but be careful” his father ended.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony raised one eyebrow. “Have fun?” he repeated. “You never cheated on mom, did you?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father sighed loudly before putting an hand on his shoulder and squeezing at it. “I never did, but I know your tendencies, Anthony” he pointed out.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony snorted.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“All of them” the man stressed tightening his grip. “And even though I wouldn’t like my name being related to my son having promiscuous sex, I certainly would like it even less to be given to a bastard.”<br/>He let go of Tony’s shoulder and stepped in front of the mirror again.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony massaged his shoulder in a subtle way.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“So, you’re gonna help me with that project tomorrow, am I right?” the man asked again.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yeah” Tony replied with a hint of annoyance.<br/>He turned to look at the window again, but it was now raining heavier than before, and he couldn’t count the drops anymore.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The SHIELD meeting didn’t last that much. The head of the team let them know they had been informed that Augustine had come back to town when he had found out his laboratory had blown out.</p>
<p>The next move was for Tony and Steve to try and entertain the man in the building for as long as SHIELD agents managed to take under their custody the foster house of the Savatiers, and then show up to arrest the man.</p>
<p>So now they were both heading at his house.<br/>The building was destroyed just by one side, the one that had blown up with the bomb.<br/>Tony looked at it remembering how the night before he couldn’t take his eyes off the scene.</p>
<p>Knowing he had to face Augustine after the explosion did scare Tony a little bit. He had Steve by his side, so that was a little reassuring, but still he didn’t like the idea of seeing the man again.<br/>Tony was sure he had understood it had been him to blow up his laboratory, considering he was the only one knowing the exact location of it, but he also was conscious of the fact that the life of the missing kids was still depending on his acts.</p>
<p>SHIELD had just requested them to entertain him for a while, until they could put under arrest the foster house and set the kids free again, so Tony just had to talk Augustine out during that time. He could do it.</p>
<p>They approached the door with a firm pace but a bodyguard stopped them.</p>
<p>“We need to talk to mr Savatier” Tony explained. “We’re- friends.”</p>
<p>The man frowned but didn’t investigate any further. “Mr Savatier is in the upper side of the building, where the fire took place” he informed them, then he stepped aside and let them come in.</p>
<p>Tony climbed the stairs in silence, followed by Steve who was looking around with a focused look.</p>
<p>“Stark” Augustine called when he spotted him in the hall. Tony twitched his mouth.<br/>“I heard you had fun last night” Augustine said with a hint of sarcasm. “You know what they say, when the cat’s away the mice will play” he huffed.<br/>“I really thought I could trust you” he said in the end.</p>
<p>“Well, you don’t really ever know a person” Tony clapped back.</p>
<p>“If you say so” Augustine replied.</p>
<p>Tony let his look wander around the room. The majority of it was covered in dirt and ashes, and the wall on one side was destroyed and with a huge hole in it where they had put the explosive.</p>
<p>“I thought I had warned you” Augustine murmured.</p>
<p>Tony bit his bottom lip. He knew he had another agenda, he could sense it in his words.</p>
<p>“I told you I would give you some days to ponder about your decision, but you decided to act right away without even taking in consideration my offer” he made a rueful expression. “That did indeed sadden me.”</p>
<p>The room was in pitch dark but a dim lamp in a corner, probably put there just to see the place better. Only the moonlight was letting them see the inside of the room.</p>
<p>“I don’t like nosy people” Augustine complained. “Because of you they all came at me asking what I was working on that made the explosion so huge.”<br/>He snorted.<br/>“I had to lie, obviously, but you know how much all of that is going to cost me?” he asked with an annoyed tone. “And I’m not talking just about my laboratory, but about my time spent researching and experimenting, and about all the mixes I had perfected.”</p>
<p>Tony spotted Steve on his side clenching his fists in the dark.</p>
<p>“A lot” Augustine completed. “Just because you couldn’t mind your business.”<br/>He flicked his eyes up on Tony and looked at him with a weird grin.<br/>“What a shame that you waisted your opportunity this bad.”</p>
<p>Tony narrowed his eyes. “That was not an opportunity, that was an ultimatum. And you’re way too early to pop the champagne.”</p>
<p>Augustine chuckled loudly. “Yeah, you have no idea what you have just caused” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Tony felt the urge to suit up with his Ironman suit. That could cause a fuss, but he suddenly felt way too exposed. He still remained quiet, though.</p>
<p>“Augustine!” a high pitched voice called at that moment.</p>
<p>Tony turned on the spot and got a glance of Nadine stepping in the room too.</p>
<p>“Oh, hey” she exclaimed at first, before grimacing. “Mr Stark” she worded slowly.</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth: so she knew everything.</p>
<p>“Sweetheart, not right now” Augustine replied.</p>
<p>Nadine smiled tightening her lips. “Yeah, of course” she conceded. “I just- I need to look for something” she bubbled.<br/>She looked around the room frantically, before throwing a quick look at Tony with wide eyes and then stepping aside and focusing on a library not totally destroyed.</p>
<p>“Anyway,” Augustine returned to talk to Tony. “That’s all I need to say.”</p>
<p>Tony tilted his head. “Your weird Chemistry Set game is over, you’re not gonna experiment that fucked up shit anymore” he threatened.</p>
<p>Augustine scoffed. “I don’t need your help, Stark. You’ve been acting not that wisely when you chose your side” he commented.</p>
<p>Tony tightened his lips.</p>
<p>“There is no way you’re gonna take that vibranium again” Steve interfered. “And SHIELD is on its way. Your time really is over, and your head is basically at stakes.”</p>
<p>Augustine pointed his eyes on Steve and huffed loudly shaking his head. “You’re talking about justice, Captain?” he mocked. “You freaks love to not being held accountable for your actions, it seems.”</p>
<p>Tony frowned. “What are you talking about?” he tried carefully.</p>
<p>“You’ve got your head wrapped around the idea of doing everything in the name of what is right, like your moral can never be debated” he spit out with a hint of reproach.<br/>“At least I’m aware my actions are questionable” he confessed. “I know not everyone agrees with my point of view” he raised his voice. “But I also know that what I have in my mind is going to serve higher purposes, and that is indeed something good.”</p>
<p>Steve twitched his mouth. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about” he stressed.</p>
<p>Augustine laughed again without joy. “<em>Please</em>, you two are like me” he exclaimed.<br/>He turned to look at Tony with the hint of a smile. “I know what you did with that robot. It was your fault what happened in Sokovia” he said.</p>
<p>Tony stiffed. Once again he pondered the idea to suit up. He wanted to. But that would have been an open invitation to open fire and he knew he had to take time. He couldn’t stand the idea that his own rage could jeopardise the life of the kids.</p>
<p>“And you, Rogers, still covering up that psychotic of your friend after what he did.”</p>
<p>Steve clenched his jaw. “You don’t know what you’re talking about” he commented another time with gritted teeth.</p>
<p>Tony turned to look at him in confusion. “What does that mean?” he asked.</p>
<p>Augustine shook his head. “You’re even more pathetic” he scoffed at Tony. “You cover that mess even though it negatively affected you. And then you have the courage to debate my decision.”</p>
<p>Tony narrowed his eyes. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about!” he spitted out.<br/>“Steve” he then called. “What is he saying?”</p>
<p>He looked at Steve who was deadly glaring at Augustine, his fists still clenched along his body. He didn’t even turn to look at him, and the thing confused Tony even more.<br/>He was repeating in his mind the exchange of claps between the other two men, but he couldn’t quite grasp the train of thought. It seemed like Steve had done something even worst than his own mess in Sokovia.</p>
<p>“Steve” Tony called again, but Steve didn’t reply.</p>
<p>Augustine raised an eyebrow at that point, while realisation hit him instant after instant. He widened his eyes as a smirk started creeping on his face.<br/>“Oh” he gaped. “So he does <em>not</em> know” he huffed.</p>
<p>Steve looked like he could exhale fire from his nostrils. “You don’t know what you’re talking about” he stated once more. “You just don’t know, so shut the fuck up.”</p>
<p>Tony startled subtly at his firm tone.</p>
<p>Augustine laughed. “Well, this might have just turned into a story time” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“Tony-” Steve finally turned to look at him. He had a dismantled face and his voice sounded weary.</p>
<p>“Asking for mercy at the last moment?” Augustine joked. “That may be too late.”</p>
<p>“Tony, I wanted to tell you, I swear” Steve said in a rush interrupting the man.</p>
<p>Tony frowned but Augustine cleared his throat loudly, so he turned to look at him again.</p>
<p>“His insane spy friend killed your mommy and daddy, Stark. Thought you already knew that since a lot” he huffed.</p>
<p>“Tony, it’s not like it seems” Steve tried, but Tony’s mind had gone numb, as he parted his mouth in confusion, his brows narrowed.</p>
<p>He looked at Steve speaking and moving his lips like he was underwater, while his ears were sending back a dull sound.</p>
<p>His parents had not been killed. They had died in a car crash. That was all he had always known. He had never questioned it, and in any other moment, if someone had told him that they had been indeed murdered, he would have not believed it.</p>
<p>He would have said that was bullshit.</p>
<p>That his father was an asshole, but no one could hate him to the point of wanting to take him over.<br/>And no one would have killed his mother in the meantime too, because she was kind and she didn’t deserve it.</p>
<p>And right now, in that dusty and still fire smelling laboratory, with the void in his mind and his lungs, he would have shook his head and denied it with all his will, if just Steve’s blue eyes hadn’t been looking at him with that rueful expression of his.</p>
<p>If he had denied it too, Tony would have believed him, but Steve wasn’t shaking his head. He wasn’t laughing at what had just been said coming up with another version, promising that he would have never lied on something like this. That he would have never kept Tony in the dark about such a big episode of his life.</p>
<p>No, Steve was keeping on bubbling his name, followed with empty words of apology that Tony couldn’t care less about.</p>
<p>He seemed like he wanted to rip his own chest apart just for Tony to say something back, maybe even yell at him, but get at least a reaction, and not that paralysing silence full of broken promises.</p>
<p>“Tony” Steve whined. “Tony, <em>please</em>.”</p>
<p>Tony looked at him with a wrecked face, his chest tightening with so much sorrow that it seemed difficult to even breath. He slightly parted his lips.<br/><em>How could you do this to me?</em> he would have wanted to say, but a sharp and piercing pain to his ribs made him fall on the ground in ache.</p>
<p>“Tony!” Steve yelled.</p>
<p>Tony looked up. In the corner of the room, Augustine was still pointing a gun at him, a wicked grin on his blown away face.</p>
<p>“I had enough of you too” the man scoffed. “Everything was going so well until you decided to show up at my door.”</p>
<p>Tony tightened his eyes and clenched his jaw, as the ache caused him a stabbing pain along his whole abdomen. He yelped as he pressed a hand on the wound.</p>
<p>Steve made to approach him, but Augustine pointed the gun at him too.<br/>“Don’t you dare coming closer” he threatened. “This is a gift, Stark, so next time you learn to mind your business” he blurted out.</p>
<p>He hadn’t even ended his sentence when he shouted too, letting go of the gun right away, which hit the ground with a loud sound.</p>
<p>“<em>What the</em>-“ he yelled as he pressed his hand to his throat.<br/>He turned to his side. Next to him, Nadine was standing slightly trembling on her feet, between her fingers still holding a syringe half-full of pure vibranium.</p>
<p>“Nadine-“ Augustine yelped still pressing at his throat, where the woman had injected the pure metal in his main vein.<br/>He slowly started convulsing, before he fell to the ground on his knees, shaking and trembling as foam started to come out his parted mouth.<br/>“<em>Why</em>?” he asked, before his eyes rotated backward, and his head hit the floor with a thud, the foam drooling down his throat, now not pulsing anymore.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry” Nadine murmured. “<em>God</em>, I’m sorry” she said shaking a little, her eyes wide with astonishment.</p>
<p>“Tony!” Steve turned back to him.<br/>He threw himself to the ground too, coming closer to him.</p>
<p>“Tony, how are you?” he asked slightly touching Tony’s hand.</p>
<p>Tony startled and backed away.</p>
<p>Steve looked at him with a torn apart look. “Tony-” he called again.</p>
<p>“I- I need my suit” Tony bubbled. He squirmed as another ache made him almost black out with pain. “I need it.”</p>
<p>“No, you need medication” Steve clapped back.</p>
<p>Tony gritted his teeth. “The suit- it eases the pain until I can get to the hospital” he bubbled.</p>
<p>Steve eventually surrendered and helped Tony suit up.</p>
<p>“Friday” Tony called. “Check my vitals.”</p>
<p>The A.I. informed him on his condition right away, before proceeding to ease his pain as much as it was possible before he could reach for proper medication.</p>
<p>“Tony” Steve called another time.</p>
<p>Tony ignored him, now a little relieved as he felt the pain slightly soothed and he could think straight again.<br/>He turned to look at Nadine. “You did amazing” he praised. “You have all of our gratitude, really.”</p>
<p>Nadine was still looking kind of shocked by the event. She nodded slowly.<br/>At that point, a group of SHIELD agents stepped in.</p>
<p>“Oh, thank god” Tony murmured under his breath.</p>
<p>“Where is mr Savatier?” Agent Leroy called with concern in his voice.</p>
<p>Tony nodded with his head in the direction of the man laying on the ground, the foam by now dried up on his chin.</p>
<p>The agent made a disgusted face.</p>
<p>“She’s the wife” another agent pointed out in an heated tone, looking at Nadine.</p>
<p>“She’s good” Steve spoke right away. “She did it.”</p>
<p>Nadine was still holding tightly on the syringe, but complied without any opposition when a couple of agents carefully escorted her out of the building.</p>
<p>“The kids?” Tony asked turning to look at agent Leroy.</p>
<p>The woman smiled. “They are all under our custody, mr Stark” she assured. “We’ll proceed to contact the families as soon as we return to our compound.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded vigorously.</p>
<p>“And about your service,” she went on looking at both Steve and Tony. “We’ll be forever grateful. There was no way we could sort this thing out without you two.”</p>
<p>Steve tightened his lips in a forced and not quite successful smile.</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth.<br/>“Margot did a great job too” Tony stressed.</p>
<p>At that the woman laughed. “Her real name is not Margot, but she was okay too” she conceded. “Even though she’s trained for way bigger tasks.”</p>
<p>Tony raised an eyebrow, but followed the agent out of the building anyway.</p>
<p>It must be late in the night, considering the streets were very quiet.<br/>Tony felt another hint of pain coming from his rib. He really needed to go to a hospital as soon as possible. His suit wasn’t going to help for a long time more.</p>
<p>“Anyway, that was all” the agent stated.<br/>“Captain. Mr Stark. It’s been a pleasure” she shook their hands. “I’ll let Fury know about your impeccable behaviour, I’m sure this will get you a promotion, or whatever” she shrugged.<br/>“If you ever had to find yourself around again, let me know” she grinned widely.</p>
<p>“For sure” Tony smiled too, and watched as she walked along the boulevard before getting on a car which was waiting for her.</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth. He checked the level of his vitals again. The bullet was slowly pacing his way through his flesh and organs.</p>
<p>“Tony” Steve’s voice made him startle.</p>
<p>He turned to look at him. “What?” he asked a little annoyed.</p>
<p>Steve saddened at his harsh tone. “Tony, you need to go to the hospital.”</p>
<p>“I know” Tony snapped back. “I’m heading there, if you let me.”</p>
<p>Steve frowned. “You’re not going to fly there, Tony, we can call someone once we’re back to the hotel-“</p>
<p>Tony huffed. “<em>The hotel</em>? Haven’t you heard, Cap?” he asked with a hint of sarcasm. “The trip is over. Finished. Back to the normal life. I’m not staying here a moment more.”</p>
<p>Steve widened his eyes. “Tony, is this because-“</p>
<p>“Because you knew my parents were murdered and you didn’t tell me? Of-fucking-course” he snapped sharply.</p>
<p>Steve grimaced and retreaded a little. “Tony I wanted to tell you-“</p>
<p>“When?” Tony asked almost shouting. “<em>When</em>, Steve? When did you want to tell me?”</p>
<p>Steve shrank on his shoulders.</p>
<p>“You had plenty of moments to tell me about it, but you still decided it wasn’t the right moment?” he raises an eyebrow.</p>
<p>Steve widened his mouth and bubbled a little. “He didn’t do that on purpose” he mumbled, his eyes full of sorrow. “He was brainwashed, he didn’t know-“</p>
<p>Tony chuckled without joy. “This isn’t about Barnes, goddamnit Steve! Can’t you get it?” He yelled<br/>“I <em>trusted</em> you!”<br/>Steve looked at him with a hurt face.</p>
<p>“<em>God</em>, I trusted you with my whole self, and I <em>knew</em>, -I <em>fucking</em> knew- I didn’t have to- but I still- how fucking stupid” he spit out shaking his head.</p>
<p>“Tony-” Steve tried again, reaching out with his hand to grab Tony’s arm, but Tony moved away on the spot.</p>
<p>“No” he stated. “Don’t touch me.” He shook his head.<br/>“I can’t believe you” he murmured with disgust. “I kept on telling you how much all of this meant to me. Me, <em>you</em>- this <em>stupid</em> city-“</p>
<p>“Tony, that doesn’t change what I feel for you” Steve almost cried out.</p>
<p>Tony felt an ache in his chest and he couldn’t quite tell if it was the bullet punching holes in his lungs, or the utter despair of Steve’s betrayal.</p>
<p>He shook his head another time in disbelief. “You didn’t want to kiss me that night because you thought I was too easy, yet you decided to screw me like this. You’re no different than all the others.”</p>
<p>Steve shook his head too, but way more vigorously than Tony. “That’s not true” he whined. “Tony, please, that’s not true, I really love you” he begged.</p>
<p>Tony started slowly backing away. Time was running short and he really needed someone to look at his wound.<br/>“I have to go” he murmured.</p>
<p>“Tony, no- <em>please</em>” Steve said again, drawing closer to him, but Tony fired up his boots escaping his touch.</p>
<p>“Just- leave me alone” he asked, before flying away.</p>
<p>Under himself, he slowly lost sight of Steve mourning on the ground, just a tiny point far from him, not closer than some star in the dark sky.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi everyone!</p>
<p>How are you?? I so <em>so</em> hope everything is fine.</p>
<p>So, to be honest I wasn't really feeling that up to update- both because I've not been feeling <em>that</em> well, and also because I'm not so sure the chapter is -I don't know- worhty??? perhaps</p>
<p>Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the fluff in the first part, and I'm sorry for the angst at the end!!!!</p>
<p>Let me know what you thought of it all, it always makes me happy to hear your opinions!!!</p>
<p>Thank you for reading, and take care of yourself!! &lt;3&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is mainly focused on Tony's mourning process, so it is more descriptive than narrative.<br/>Some reflections may be upsetting, so if you're feeling down I suggest you to take that in consideration.</p>
<p>I'm most certainly posting the last chapter with the happy ending in a few days too, so that it can cheer you up if this one is too angsty.<br/>Please take care of yourself!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His steps were quiet on the ground. The place echoed in the silence.<br/>It was pitch dark around him, but Tony could still understand what was going on. He moved forward slowly, minding where he rested his feet, so afraid he could trip over something without noticing.</p>
<p>He felt a shiver along his bare arms, and realised the air was cold, and he was actually almost freezing. He rubbed his hands along his arms trying to get some warmth, while all around him the silence made him feel even more lonely.</p>
<p>“Tony-?” a voice called. A soft tone, a creaked note in the name.</p>
<p>Tony squinted his eyes to see in the darkness, but there was nothing. Nothing at all.</p>
<p>He moved again, but the air was becoming colder and colder as he stepped further in search of the source of the voice.</p>
<p>“Tony.”</p>
<p>Another time. The voice was the same, but this time the tone was harsher, like it was actually trying to get his attention.</p>
<p>Tony kept on walking confused, dreading to find out what was happening but at the same time too curious to stop along the way.<br/>The place started getting darker and darker the more he went on, until he almost couldn’t even see his own hands. He gulped when he almost tripped over something on the ground.</p>
<p>He quietly levelled his height to see what was on the floor, and the dim light still present around allowed him to notice the faint features of a face. He squinted his eyes, trying to understand what he was looking at, and breath died in his throat when he spotted his father’s dead body near him.</p>
<p>Tony twitched, his eyes wide with panic, as the light cleared a little more, and next to his father, he noticed the body of his mother too. He clasped at his own chest, shaking his head in agony.</p>
<p>“Tony” the voice called again, and Tony turned around right away, his legs trembling and hardly keeping him still on his feet.</p>
<p>Steve’s body was laying on the floor too, his eyes half shut and his chest going up and down frantically as he reached out a hand toward Tony.</p>
<p>“Watch out” Steve blurted before fully shutting his eyes.</p>
<p>Tony tried to reach for his body, but it was suddenly so difficult to move, and when he glanced at the ground, he noticed the floor was starting to flood, faster second after second.</p>
<p>Water was flowing at his ankles, and then his knees, and then past his abdomen.<br/>Tony tried to move away, without even knowing where to, his lungs filling with water too, as the level of the flood had now reached his chest, and his collar bones.</p>
<p>“Steve!” Tony called, his voice so dry it hurt his head.</p>
<p>“Steve!” he yelled again, but he almost choked as he tried to spit out the water all around him.</p>
<p>He moved his feet frantically, trying to stay afloat, but his limbs were so heavy, and his mind so numb, and before he could even get what was going on, his whole sight darkened, and water flooded upon his head.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Tony woke up in a cold sweat. His heart was thrumming in his ears and his chest shaking. His ribs, around the almost healed wound, seemed to be burning with pain all over again. He looked at his hands trembling and tried to breath deeply to calm himself down.</p>
<p>He could still feel the water in his lungs, and he actually checked if his clothes were wet or dry.</p>
<p>His first instinct was to turn to his left, but the other side of the bed was painfully empty. He let out a shaky exhale before letting his head fall on the pillow.</p>
<p>It had been a rough month.</p>
<p>When he had flown to Bordeaux, a plane was luckily already waiting for him to give him medication and bringing him back home. He had passed out as soon as he had made sure they were going to take care of him.</p>
<p>He had then woken up in an hospital bed, no clue about what day it was.<br/>His head was aching badly, and his chest hurt to even breath.</p>
<p>He had laid half dead only able to make his eyes wander around the room. He wasn’t even really conscious of what was going on. It looked like a different universe, and it was even difficult to remember what the hell was his own name.</p>
<p>Then he had woken up another time, this time things were a little better, even though his ribs still hurt as hell.<br/>On a chair next to his bed, Pepper was looking at him with a worried face. When she noticed Tony was awake, she relaxed and smiled widely, but Tony couldn’t help to let his disappointment be read all over his face.</p>
<p>It wasn’t like he had expected him to be present, but still-</p>
<p>A few days later, when Tony was able to stand up and limp a little but still walk, he had found out Steve <em>had</em> indeed asked news about him, but had informed Pepper that he knew it was not right of him to be there when Tony would wake up.</p>
<p>“Has something happened?” Pepper had asked, but Tony hadn’t replied.</p>
<p>There was a weird mix of emotions in his mind. He missed Steve in such a piercing way it could almost compete to the wound on his hip, but still he was firm on taking some time for him only.</p>
<p>The realisation of what he had found out about his parents’ death had struck him as a wave of despair. It had been like reviving their loss once again, this time with the knowledge that it hadn’t been a fortuitous event, but someone had decided for it to happen.</p>
<p>He had hinted at it at Pepper one night. During his convalescence she had been kind enough to stick with him, and Tony had confessed her crumbles of what he had found out.<br/>She had not openly commented on the topic, but she had assured him that wouldn’t change anything.</p>
<p>Tony had snorted. The funny thing was that in any other situation the person he would want to tell about his feelings the most would be Steve, but he couldn’t because <em>he</em> was the reason why he was feeling such things in the first place. And nothing could change that.</p>
<p>Waking up without Steve by his side was still what would hurt the most, though.</p>
<p>His nightmare had come back, this time even more haunting, and there was no one Tony could talk about it with.<br/>Steve’s death was still what he dreaded the most, and it was so heart wrenching to wake up an not even be able to call the man to check if everything was okay.</p>
<p>Tony sighed out loud.</p>
<p>He was used to pine over Steve, but this kind of pining was different. He used to sob about the fact if was never going to happen, that he had to settle for a friendship, that he was going to look at him falling in love with some sweet and humble girl and just accept it.</p>
<p>He would have never thought he could be able to hold Steve between his arms, to kiss his kind smile, to hold his warm hands, to ruffle his soft blonde hair- and do that just one time and never again.<br/>And he certainly would have never thought he could tremble under his touch, shake on his sweet fingers, feel him so deeply that he almost feared he could open his chest in half and find out by himself just how much his heart was growing big with fondness.</p>
<p>And he most of all would have never thought they would be sharing their panting breaths on each other, and call each others’ names in such an adoring way that the word love was going to sound like an understatement- and still for it all to fade away a second later.</p>
<p>He missed him as he could miss air under water, his feelings painfully mixed up with resentfulness and sorrow, and Tony couldn’t ignore that.<br/>Not when his trust had been deceived. Not when all he had ever assumed as a certain fact had been questioned.</p>
<p>It was not like Tony hadn’t realised before his parents were dead. He knew that. He knew that very clearly.</p>
<p>He had undergone a moment of denial, and at first it had seemed like he was living in a parallel universe because in no way he could be an orphan.</p>
<p>Yeah, the word had sounded so bitter on his tongue the first days.</p>
<p>He had wandered around the house asking himself what was the reason to go on, what he was going to do now. He was old enough to understand he had responsibilities, but he still felt like a child at heart.<br/>He had grown up so fast that he couldn’t even remember if he ever <em>did</em> have a childhood.</p>
<p>One day he was messing around with his father’s stuff, and the day after he was too smart to play with the kids of his own age and had to skip classes, and attend middle school, and then high school, and then college, and <em>god</em>- he was way too young, and nobody had understood that.</p>
<p>He was smart, alright. He grasped concepts way faster than others; he knew things not even people three time his age understood, but what did that mean?</p>
<p>Yes, he did get bored when repeating things he knew by heart, but that didn’t mean he wanted to drop into the adult world without forewarning.<br/>And because of this, he had finished college way too soon, and before he could even quite get it, he had to take his father’s place.</p>
<p>And then his father had died.</p>
<p>And it was not like he missed him either. </p>
<p>There were moments at night in which Tony would remember comments made by his father so harsh that his chest would still tighten.<br/>He had suffered so much. He was not going to deny that.</p>
<p>There was never a word of comfort, never an affectionate touch, never a nod or a pat that would make him understand that he was doing okay.</p>
<p>And Tony hated himself because whenever he would think about the fact that his father wasn’t alive anymore, he would feel relieved.</p>
<p><em>Relief</em>.</p>
<p>Almost a knife through his ribs. The word that had haunted him every night. That had tormented him and judged him whenever he was standing in front of someone, shaking hands and hearing people say ‘I miss him, too’.<br/><em>Too</em>. As if Tony did miss him.<br/>People took for granted that he mourned his father’s death.</p>
<p>And god, wasn’t that fucked up?</p>
<p>That the only feeling that would rise in him when he heard his name was <em>hatred</em>, and almost a kind of disgust?<br/>What was that?</p>
<p>And he had hated himself for so much time.</p>
<p>Because he knew if wasn’t right of him to disrespect his father’s name, but he felt like he didn’t really took a big part in that disrespect, and that the man had actually shamed his own name by himself.</p>
<p>But guilt was the worst thing to bare. Nights spent sleepless, trying to revive a moment, just a brief instant in which there had been something even remotely similar to fondness between them. But there wasn’t.</p>
<p>And Tony would have loved to say he didn’t care, but the truth was that he had cried so much at first. He had spent so many tears, thinking about how it was so wrong that he was supposed to mourn the death of someone that had always made him feel like he didn’t matter not even a little bit, that he had no worth, that his life was meaningless.</p>
<p>He had spent all his youth trying to impress the man. Improving himself, trying to achieve any little goal he knew his father had set for him, but even when he succeeded it still wasn’t enough.<br/>It <em>never</em> was enough.</p>
<p>But it had been years. It had been <em>so</em> many years. He had lived as an orphan more than he had lived as a son. </p>
<p>But knowing that it had been a car crash had always given him a sort of hold. An excuse to his own self.<br/>He would repeat he couldn’t have done anything, because it had been an accident, so he had to accept it. And he had tried to hide the fact that he wasn’t suffering that much with the idea that he had actually accepted the inevitability of the event.</p>
<p>But knowing the truth- knowing that his father’s death had happened voluntarily, that someone <em>wanted</em> it to happen- that changed everything.<br/>That destroyed every apology Tony had laid upon his own head. That meant that someone wanted his father to be dead because of something he had done, and that if he hadn’t done that particular thing, then he could still be alive.</p>
<p>And that meant that Tony’s unconscious thanking that someone, was the proof that he wanted his father dead too.</p>
<p>And what Tony hated the most out of the whole story, was that he used his mother’s death as a scapegoat to mourn his father too. That whenever his father’s death was brought up he would cling to his mother’s loss, begging for his sorrow to seem for them both, and not for the woman only.</p>
<p>But what with guilt again, was that sometime Tony couldn’t feel sorry about his mother neither.<br/>And how, how much he hated himself for this!</p>
<p>He missed the woman, he missed her with his whole being, but to be aware that she was gone meant that he didn’t have to worry about anything anymore.<br/>That there wasn’t the fear of disappointing her, that there wasn’t in himself that mean voice that told him that perhaps she didn’t love him that much neither, since she wouldn’t spend that much time with him.</p>
<p>But how cruel of him to be thankful his parents had died!</p>
<p>How sorrowful to walk around with the shame of being an ungrateful son written all over his face.<br/>To hear a nation mourning the loss of that man and woman and standing there with his guilty heart feeling once again relief.</p>
<p>And now this, the knowledge that he had lived in a lie for half his life. That he had cried a thing that had never even happened.<br/>And if he had known before, then he would have wanted to seek revenge, he would have pretended he was furious and that he was not going to rest until the assassin was caught.</p>
<p>But Tony was so tired, at that time. He was trying to find out what his next move was going to be. He had to take his father’s place, he had to roll up his sleeves and live up to his own name.</p>
<p>Day after day, year after year, he had found out it was not that bad. He could enjoy being in his father’s shoes.<br/>His life was entertaining, funny, full of surprises, he only had to nominate his father here and there, tell some anecdotes about the man whenever the press was in front of him.<br/>Nothing else.<br/>The memory of his mother was firm and hidden in his heart, so that was no problem at all.<br/>It had all be so good. All so well, but- but.<br/><em>Paris</em>.</p>
<p>The city had brought him so many memories of his mother. He had remembered moments he had almost forgotten, and had felt the loss for the very first time.</p>
<p>Perhaps he had been harsh toward her. Perhaps she had really tried everything she could. She wasn’t perfect, and Tony himself knew about imperfection.<br/>But she wasn’t his father, and that alone was already enough.</p>
<p>She loved him, and Tony knew that, and remembering that had caused him such a pain in his chest, such sorrow at the awareness that she was gone, and he had waisted all his youth, and then all his life, not loving her back, too busy focusing on his hatred for his father.</p>
<p>And she had been killed too. Murdered. <em>Assassinated</em>.<br/>Such big words.<br/>So weary for the thought of a frail and kind woman who just wanted her son to be happy. <br/>She had been a collateral damage to the man’s death. She had just been a plus one caught in the process.</p>
<p>That <em>did</em> make Tony angry. She could still be there, if she hadn’t ever got into that car that night.</p>
<p>Tony’s trail of thought was interrupted by a piercing pain to his abdomen, and he bent over the mattress.</p>
<p>The wound had healed, but sometimes the ghost of the bullet still claimed his attention, and Tony would hopelessly press his hand over his rib, trying to soothe the pain.</p>
<p>He sighed tiredly. He was running on sleeping pills and painkillers for a month now. He could no longer sleep, and the eye bags under his eyes were an understatement of that.<br/>His breath had evened, and he was no longer scared by the nightmare, but there was such a tiredness in his bones.</p>
<p>He let his head fall on the pillow and rubbed at his eyes.</p>
<p>It was still late in the night, and he really, <em>really</em> needed to sleep.<br/>He shut his eyes and tried to free his mind, but he couldn’t help but think that he would have fallen asleep so easily, if there had been another specific person next to him.</p>
<p>***<br/>hen they told him about it, Tony got really angry.<br/><em>He was studying under the dim lamp of his desk, his head wrapped over some dumb equation he most likely was going to be able to solve in a few seconds the morning after, but that was taking him hours and hours because of his tiredness.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>He heard a knock on his door, and snorted out loud, so sure it was going to be his mother. It was five in the morning, and he knew he had to go to sleep. His mother used to wake up around that time, and she sometimes checked in for him to be sure he had actually had a few hours of sleep.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That kind of annoyed Tony, he couldn’t stand the idea of losing time in that way. He could go for a couple of days without sleeping because that meant he could do so many things, and that satisfied him in a very deep way.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But the knock that early morning was quite louder and firmer than his mother’s usual one. She would knock softly, just to let him know that she was awake and was time for him to go to bed at least for a few hours. But the sound would be sweet in case Tony was already sleeping and she didn’t want to wake him up.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony grunted at the noise, and got a little annoyed when he heard it another time, this time more insistent.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He supposed it could actually be his father, perhaps he wanted his help with that project he had hinted at the night before going out.<br/>Tony sighed and stood up. The chair creaked on the floor but he didn’t pay attention to it.<br/>“Yeah?” he asked annoyed even before opening the door.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He stood still, confusion resting on his face, when on the threshold he found Obadiah giving him a weird look.<br/>“What-“ Tony mumbled.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The man tightened his lips.“Tony” he called, resting a hand over his shoulder and squeezing a little.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What is it?” Tony asked again a little uncomfortably.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Obadiah didn’t usually come at their house that often, and when he did it usually was something set up with some days of advance. So that visit at five in the morning was quite suspicious.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I suppose you’ve already heard it from the news” he mumbled, not even looking Tony in his eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony frowned. “The news?” he repeated. “No, I’ve been in my room since dad and mom left last night” he explained.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>At that Obadiah sighed loudly. “Sit down, kid” he exhorted. “You’re not gonna like this.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And indeed Tony did not like it at all.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He remained a little numb at first, wide eyes and dry throat.<br/>Obadiah didn’t stop murmuring words of condolences, but Tony wasn’t even listening anymore. He had kind of zoned out, his look fixed on the wall in front of him.<br/>His mind kept running to flashes of events he had not even experienced. And in front of him the image of his father tightening the grip on the wheel, and his mother shouting in fear.<br/>He shut his eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I imagine how you’re feeling right now” Obadiah said after a moment.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony swallowed, but still didn’t look at him. “No” he whispered. “You do not know.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The man let go of his shoulder. “Maybe you want to be alone” he suggested already standing up.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony bit his lip. He didn’t want anything. He wanted to sleep, because he had been awake for more than 30 hours, and his chest was slowly collapsing under the weight of his sorrow.<br/>And there was a voice in his mind that was shouting and yelling because how the hell could have his father made a car crash? How the hell couldn’t he drive properly? How the hell had he put an end to his wife’s life too?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And Tony’s unconscious was so sure he probably had drunk once again too much at whatever event they had took part to that night.<br/>Like he always did.<br/>And he had killed his mother because of it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yeah” he blurted out. “Leave me alone.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Obadiah exhaled harshly. “You do you” he mumbled, before stepping out of the room.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony’s shoulders bent over. He was alone once again.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Working in his workshop had always been a way to calm himself. Tony knew that.</p>
<p>But he had been two days in a row in the laboratory now, without any real sign of success. It was a little weird to stand there in silence, he was used to loud music playing in the background, but even though he would have loved his thoughts to be overridden by any different sound, he preferred quietness.<br/>The only noise int the room was his bots beeping around him, and him slamming hammers over nails that didn’t even need to be secured but he just wanted to weld anyway.</p>
<p>When the door opened he jolted in surprise. The dull sound of heels on the ground made him smiling subtly, but he didn’t lose focus on what he was doing anyway.</p>
<p>“Tony” Pepper called after a few seconds, after waiting for him to acknowledge her presence without success.</p>
<p>“Can’t” Tony mumbled still not turning around. “You can try again in a few days. <em>Weeks</em>, maybe” he informed.<br/>“Actually, make it <em>months</em>” he then added.</p>
<p>Pepper sighed.<br/>“Listen, I know you don’t feel like doing it right now” she started with a sweet voice. “But you need to do that meeting.”</p>
<p>Tony snorted. “I’m busy” he clapped back, his hands hovering under a dented suit. </p>
<p>Pepper sighed loudly, probably in the attempt of making him hear her bother. “I know, Tony” she replied. “But you’ve been away a lot of time, and then you almost died-“</p>
<p>Tony stiffed while working. Alright, he had to talk to his people, but now that he had been avoiding every human interaction, he had almost grown used to it. He didn’t like that much the idea of talking to someone.</p>
<p>“They were worried for you” Pepper confessed.</p>
<p>Tony tilted up his head, careful not to bang against the suit.<br/>“Did they?” he asked with a hint of sarcasm.</p>
<p>Pepper tightened her lips. “We care about you” she aded after a moment.</p>
<p>Tony snorted again, this time theatrically. He let go of the screwdriver and wiped his hands on a rag.<br/>“<em>Fine</em>” he mumbled. “Imma talk to them.”</p>
<p>Pepper looked at him a little delighted, but she tried to scoff her joy. “Really?” she asked indeed.</p>
<p>Tony nodded vigorously. “Just give me time to fix myself a little” he gestured at his shirt stained with grease and oil.</p>
<p>Pepper nodded too enthusiastically. “I’m telling them you’re coming, then.”<br/>She turned around and left the workshop making her heels echoing on the ground.</p>
<p>Tony sighed once she left. He was really grateful to Pepper. Without her he probably would be spiralling into never ending self loath.</p>
<p>He realised he had to freshen up and twitched at the thought. He hadn’t cured his appearance since he had been able to walk again. The idea of taking a shower wasn’t exactly that entertaining, but Tony swallowed his annoyance and went for the bathroom.</p>
<p>Feeling warm and clean water over his numb flesh was somehow refreshing. He kept the shower head between his hands, and not hung on its handle. Even though it had been many years, he still despised the feeling of water flooding above his head without him having control of the spry.</p>
<p>He showered quickly and looked at his own reflection in the mirror for a time that didn’t seem to ever stop. His face was pale and worn out, his hair and goatee needed a trim. He shrugged uncaring and proceeded to dress up.<br/>His hands trembled a little at closing the shirt over his chest, the ghost of the reactor way too present in that moment.</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>” he mumbled trying to still his own fingers.</p>
<p>He remembered how gentle Steve’s touch had been on his hand when he was shaking before their first time. How he had made sure Tony was at ease and comfortable with everything.</p>
<p>Tony swallowed his sorrow and felt anger rising his throat.<br/>Why did Steve made fun of him? Why did he lie to him in such a despicable way? He had made him believe he was honest and there was no secret between them.</p>
<p>It was not like Tony couldn’t live with the idea that someone who had betrayed him had first made him feel loved. There was a hint of tragedy in it, but he was used to it.<br/>The unbearable thing was that it had been <em>Steve</em>. And Tony would have <em>never</em> expected that.<br/>That had been totally uncalled.</p>
<p>And if he just made a little effort, he was still able to feel Steve’s touch on his own lonely flesh, promising him he would never be alone anymore.</p>
<p>The emptiness in his lungs made him want to fill that with something, and Tony unwillingly found what might do the trick, a glass of whiskey. He had no intention to fall into his bad habits, so he poured just a little bit of it and drank it all in one single gulp, before putting the bottle away to resist the urge of filling the glass again.</p>
<p>The alcohol burned in his throat, and it wasn’t much but at least it was a distraction to the pain in his chest.<br/>He buttoned the collar of his shirt and put on a jacket before finally leaving the house.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Some minutes later he was striding along the hallway of his office.<br/>When he stepped in, everyone smiled at him with a radiant face.</p>
<p>Tony tightened his lips in a forced smile, nodding at his employees before taking a seat. On the other side of the table, Pepper grinned at him encouragingly.<br/>Tony twirled his nose but didn’t say anything.</p>
<p>She started by thanking everyone for their presence, and presented a feedback of the work done during the last month, the period of Tony’s absence.<br/>Pepper delivered her speech with a confident tone, and Tony enjoyed how everyone in the room listened to her all focused. He had chosen wisely when he had decided to nominate her CEO of Stark Industries.</p>
<p>After pointing out some activities the company still had to enhance, Pepper sat down again and let everyone else add what they wanted.<br/>Tony stiffed on his chair. He knew she was actually waiting for him to say something, but he really wasn’t in the mood for it.</p>
<p>All around him people were waiting for him to stand up and do one of his usual motivational speeches.<br/>Tony cleared his throat and pointed his eyes on his hands awkwardly. He never felt nervous in social situations, it really was going all down.</p>
<p>“We love to have you back” one of his people finally spoke up.</p>
<p>Tony tilted his head right away. </p>
<p>“We-“ the man tried under Tony’s firm stare. “We heard about your injury, and we were all really worried.”</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth in the attempt of smiling but failed in the process.</p>
<p>The man cleared his throat nervously. “It’s satisfying knowing the company still thrives under the Stark’s name” he commented with a genuine smile.</p>
<p>Tony bit his bottom lip.<br/><em>Thrives</em>. The word made him subtly chuckle. <em>Thrive under the Stark’s name</em>.<br/><em>He</em> had made the company thrive. Before, it did not thrive at all.<br/>So he did not <em>continue</em> to do that, he did it from the <em>start</em>.</p>
<p>“Yeah” he mumbled under his breath. “The Stark’s name.”</p>
<p>He heard Pepper let out a sigh in the background.</p>
<p>“Indeed” the man tried again, this time more firmly. “Your father would be proud.”</p>
<p>Tony stared at the man on the spot. He snorted without joy.<br/>“<em>Proud</em>” he repeated. It was the first time someone told him something like that.<br/>He hinted at a chuckle. “My father would not be proud” he murmured. Even though he was bitter, his voice actually sounded wrecked.</p>
<p>“Mr Stark” Pepper called.</p>
<p>Tony smiled feebly at her usage of his last name. As if she wanted to appear professional in front of her coworkers. <br/>“I’m okay” he reassured.</p>
<p>Pepper tried to smile, but her face looked kinda constipated. “I think we can end it here” she suggested.</p>
<p>Tony stood up with a loud noise. Everyone looked at him.</p>
<p>“Tony-” Pepper huffed this time.</p>
<p>But Tony didn’t listen to her.<br/>“He was killed” he blurted out.</p>
<p>A woman next to him widened her eyes. “What-” she muffled in astonishment. “<em>Who</em>?”</p>
<p>Tony swallowed. “My father” he clarified. “He was killed.”</p>
<p>He walked quietly around the room, as the others stared at each other a little uncomfortably.<br/>“Yeah, I was shocked too” he confessed, then he laughed for an instant.<br/>“I lived for like- more than twenty years in a lie, and then I find out it’s a whole different story” he shook his head while staring at his fists clenching and relaxing a couple of time.</p>
<p>“That’s all” Pepper declared out loud. “We’re gonna update in a few days” she announced while grinning at the others.</p>
<p>Tony cocked his head. “I haven’t finished” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“That’s enough” Pepper interrupted.</p>
<p>At that Tony huffed another time. “Yeah, actually I would have loved to tell you how I found that out” he assured. “But it would be such a long story.”</p>
<p>People started to stand up and leave the room, while Tony kept on bubbling.<br/>“I’d have never imagined that” he rumbled under his breath.</p>
<p>He felt a hand over his arm, and when he turned his head he found Pepper’s face being incredibly close.<br/>“Let’s go home” she exhorted.</p>
<p>Tony snorted. “I was talking” he pointed out.</p>
<p>“Not anymore” she clapped back. She had a firm tone, but she didn’t sound angry, just a little upset perhaps.</p>
<p>She accompanied him through the hallway, as Tony bubbled thoughts by himself.<br/>“Pep” he called at one point</p>
<p>She turned to look at him with concern in her face. “What?” she asked with a hint of sadness.</p>
<p>Tony stared at her eyes, his gut clenching as he felt the need to tear up. “I-“ he croaked. “I miss him.”</p>
<p>Pepper frowned. “Tony, you drank too much” she pointed out.</p>
<p>Tony shook his head vigorously. “No, I’m telling the truth” he whined.</p>
<p>Pepper sighed. “Tony” she called sweetly. “You’re probably sad now because of what you found out, but you know you do not really miss your father” she told him.</p>
<p>Tony narrowed his eyes before huffing. “I’m not talking about <em>him</em>” he spit out holding in a chuckle.</p>
<p>Pepper gaped a little. “Who-“ she started, but stopped talking at Tony’s forlorn expression.<br/>“Steve” she said quietly.</p>
<p>Tony turned away his look.</p>
<p>Pepper sighed once again. “Tony” she started, but Tony shook his head.</p>
<p>“No Pep, really. Don’t” he stopped her.</p>
<p>She put her hair behind her ears and tightened her lips. “I don’t know what happened while you were away, but it seems like it broke your heart” she pointed out.</p>
<p>Tony huffed.</p>
<p>“Maybe if you just talked-“ she tried.</p>
<p>“I can’t forgive him” Tony admitted.<br/>He looked at Pepper with a torn apart expression. <em>Oh</em>, how much he would have loved to!<br/>“Not yet” he specified.</p>
<p>It still stung so much. The betrayal, the awareness that Steve knew about it all along.<br/>The realisation that during their conversations, and their kissing, and their most intimate touches, Steve had been lying to him.</p>
<p>Pepper looked back at him and softened her face. “You don’t have to” she murmured. “Just talk to him.”</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth. He would have liked to confess her that he couldn’t listen to Steve, because he knew the moment he was going to look into those blue eyes, and hear that sweet voice of his, he was going to forgive him with no second guessing.</p>
<p>He nodded. Things couldn’t possibly go worse than how they already were.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The days after his breakdown during the meeting, Pepper agreed that Tony needed some time at home to fully recover, both physically and mentally, from what had happened in Paris. At first Tony had battled between actually fight against it or accept her suggestion, but in the end he had realised he could actually use some rest.</p>
<p>At first he had decided to use that time to fix and bring to an end some projects left unfinished. He had a lot of work he had put aside when he had left for SHIELD’s mission, and he used to procrastinate about it, or just dedicate himself to it only when he didn’t have anything else to do.<br/>But now that he was almost fidgeting with too much energy and no paperwork to keep him busy, Tony found the time to tidy up the mess there constantly was in the workshop.</p>
<p>But he had actually overestimated his ability to concentrate, since he had been messing around with some engines since a few hours by now, without really fixing anything at all. He grunted out loud with impatience.</p>
<p>“Fuck it” he snorted, and let go of the screwdriver he was holding in a hand, before standing up from under another suit and badly wiping his hands dirty with grease on his shirt.</p>
<p>He left the lab with a hint of annoyance, because it had been almost a week and he still couldn’t help but get distracted by his own intrusive thoughts.</p>
<p>So Tony went for the storage room where he kept things that weren’t actually that necessary, and brought a big trunk to the living room. He sighed a little distressed but opened it anyway, twitching his mouth at the amount of newspapers, photos and knick knacks related to his parents.</p>
<p>He had been pondering the idea of looking at those memorabilia for some time now, but he had immediately refrained from that because he was afraid it would bring out nothing but pain.<br/>But now he had realised that the reason why he couldn’t concentrate, was because of that particular wish of attachment to something that did not exist anymore.</p>
<p>It wasn’t like he was actually feeling nostalgic. Nostalgia was not something Tony Stark was acquainted with. <br/>He hated to live in the past, to hold on things that just couldn’t change and couldn’t have gone in any different way.</p>
<p>But lately he had been feeling so lonely, so <em>rootless</em>- almost. And he longed for some sort of bond in such a desperate way that it had occurred to him like the most obvious thing to do to just jump on a sequence of memories hoping it could somehow bring him the calm he was aiming for.</p>
<p>There wasn’t anything in that trunk that Tony hadn’t already seen a million times.<br/>When he was younger he used to rummage through those memories like he was thirsting and that was the only way he could satisfy his need.</p>
<p>Then he had kind of forgotten about it until the tenth anniversary of his parents’ death. After that, he had stated once more that he was <em>not</em> a nostalgic man, and he had to grow up.<br/>But right now there was a part of him that just wished to be a kid again, to be held by his mother’s arms, and to be praised by his father like he had never actually experienced.</p>
<p>Tony scratched his jaw and tossed aside some photos of his father when he was young, during one of the first Stark expositions.<br/>He picked up a newspaper with a big pic of both him and his father in the first page. They were standing side by side, one of his father’s arms around his shoulders. They were both grinning confidently.</p>
<p>Tony still remembered the day it was taken. It was the day he had graduated at MIT with the highest of grades. Obviously his father had not been that proud in their intimacy like he had pretended to be for the camera, but Tony hadn’t cared a little bit that day. It wasn’t like he was not already used to it.</p>
<p>He glanced at the newspaper and a joyless chuckle slipped out of his throat. In a big font, right above the picture, the title of the article seemed to mock him. ‘Tony Stark has daddy issues.’</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. The pic was already old when the article had been written. He was still ashamed of that interview. It had been taken some months later the loss of his parents, and in a tantrum he had kind of snapped at the interviewer that kept praising Howard and not even hinted at his mother.</p>
<p>Tony had lost his patience and had made it known that his father wasn’t always the man everyone tried to depict him like. There had been a huge fuss in the days later, magazines angry at Tony for offending a man that had done wanders for his country, and couldn’t even properly defend himself from his bratty son.<br/>The thing had made Tony laugh a lot. Even dead his father was still reproaching him.</p>
<p>But then Obadiah had released a very detailed interview in which he had justified Tony’s behaviour by saying he was still kind of shocked by his loss and not really in the condition to be held accountable for what his dumb mouth would let out.</p>
<p>The thing still somehow bothered Tony, even after so many years, but he didn’t even have the time to think about his annoyance when his phone rung.</p>
<p>He smiled at the screen and picked up immediately.<br/>“Honey bear!” he exclaimed.</p>
<p>Rhodey laughed on the other side of the phone. “I was actually going to bet you were weeping over there” he pointed out.</p>
<p>Tony scoffed too. “Why would I?” he asked raising an eyebrow. “Things couldn’t possibly go better.”</p>
<p>He heard a snort coming from Rhodey, and he smiled imagining his fed-up face.<br/>“Does this mean you’re back on deplorable behaviours?” he tried. He sounded like he was a little annoyed, but Tony knew Rhodey hadn’t actually ever judged him for his coping mechanisms.<br/>That was why he loved the man with his whole heart.</p>
<p>“It depends” Tony clapped back. “What do you mean with deplorable behaviours?”</p>
<p>“<em>Tony</em>” Rhodey called only.</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “Yeah, no, don’t worry” he put his hands out. “I’m an old man, now. My bad habits only include sleeping weirdly on the mattress and waking up with my back yelling at me.”</p>
<p>“Why does your humour make me think you’re actually dealing with all of this very badly?” Rhodey replied, and even though Tony couldn’t see him, he just knew he had his brows drawn in a firm frown.</p>
<p>Tony sighed. He had told Rhodey everything about what had happened. Both his parents’ murder and his feelings for Steve.<br/>Not that Rhodey hadn’t been knowing about that a whole time ago, but still Tony had found it quite relieving to finally confess everything to him.</p>
<p>“Tones-” Rhodey called, affection perceivable in his tone. “I don’t want you to be all alone during this difficult situation” he tried with a gentle voice.</p>
<p>Tony rubbed at his eyes. He didn’t want it either. He actually hated it. But what could he do about it? The only person he needed in that moment was the only one he was trying to avoid.</p>
<p>“I’ve been looking through my old man’s stuff” Tony confessed quietly.</p>
<p>There was a brief silence from the other side of the phone.</p>
<p>“Rhodey?” Tony called a little worried.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m here” Rhodey replied and then sighed. “This doesn’t change anything, Tony” he worded out.</p>
<p>Tony frowned. “<em>Change</em>?” he asked hesitantly.</p>
<p>He heard Rhodey struggling a little to make himself clear. “Your father” he tried. “The fact that- the fact that he was killed- instead of dying in an accident-“</p>
<p>Tony bit his bottom lip waiting for Rhodey to go on.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t change how he acted toward you” Rhodey finally said.</p>
<p>Tony let out a little breath, but still didn’t say anything.</p>
<p>“I mean-“ Rhodey went on. “I know you feel like you own him your grief, but- you don’t.”</p>
<p>At that Tony relaxed a little bit. It was like Rhodey had managed to read his thoughts and had explained them so well neither Tony himself could.<br/>“Thank you” he murmured.</p>
<p>Rhodey laughed lightly. “I’m serious” he stressed. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded, even though he couldn’t be seen. He knew he was lucky to have someone by his side like Rhodey. He had confessed him how his father had always made him feel when they still were at college.<br/>It had been one of the first and only times Tony had really opened up to someone about his insecurities, and he had not regretted it not even for a second. Rhodey had been nothing but supportive, and now, more than twenty years later, he was still on Tony’s side, trying to soothe his pain but still understanding him for being hurt.</p>
<p>“Listen-“ Rhodey interrupted his trail of thoughts. “I’m out of country for a few days still, but once I’m finished here, I’m gonna come at your place” he decided.</p>
<p>Tony huffed. “As you wish, Platypus” he stated.</p>
<p>Rhodey laughed at the nickname. “Stay safe, Tones” he warned with fondness.</p>
<p>Tony smiled sincerely. “Good night, Honey bear.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>When he closed the door behind himself the whole house echoed in the silence. Tony stepped in quietly, his footsteps so slow that it almost seemed like he wasn’t even walking.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His house had always been silent. He wasn’t going to pretend it had been one of those homes full of voices and laughs and chattering. There had always been such a silence that it seemed like it was uninhabited.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His mother spent most of the day away at some charity event or some other appointments, and the times she was indeed at the home, she wasn’t exactly that big of a company.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His father, on the other side, spent the whole day in his workshop. Tony had tried sometime to look for him while he worked, but the man didn’t appreciate his presence.<br/>But Tony hadn’t really bothered him anymore since he was around twelve.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So, yes- he was used to the silence in his house.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But now it was different. He was conscious that no room in the entire building was occupied by someone else beside him.<br/>He knew there wasn’t a single noise in there, no screwdrivers or hammers tinkering and shoving around. Nothing at all.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony looked around. The room was dark but a tiny lamp in the corner, right over the chair on which his father used to sit sometime late in the night, drinking and mumbling to himself.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It had been difficult that day. Tony was not going to deny it. He had struggled to smile at everyone at the funeral who had wanted to make their condolences to him, as if he cared a little bit about the loss of the man everyone there seemed to have loved so dearly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But what could he do rather than tightening his lips and murmuring that yeah, his father used to talk about them all the time, almost as if he was the one that had to comfort the other.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He hated being there, while everyone kept talking about that man and no one would even address his mother. The woman had been mourned just as the wife of Howard Stark, and although that had made Tony grit his teeth in full rage, he hadn’t said anything.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He hated to admit that to himself, but there had been a moment, during all those boring speeches, in which he had hoped so much that someone would stand there in front of everyone and confess him that his father was proud of him.<br/>That he didn’t have to worry, he didn’t have to be sad, because the man used to talk about his son whenever he had the chance, and he had told everyone that he had absolute trust that Tony was going to do big things.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But no one had said such thing.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And Tony had felt such a fool. He had shut the sorrow in his head and had smiled again, while he realised that never in his entire life he was going to hear his father praise him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So now he was standing there, in a empty house, filled with the silence of words never said, feeling his chest growing tighter at the knowledge that it was over, he was not a kid anymore. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>For a few days, before the national funeral and ceremony, he had tried to think about what would happen next, but he was so busy with the organisation of the ceremony that he hadn’t had the time to actually ponder about it.<br/>But now the thing was slowly becoming real.<br/>He was alone.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>All alone.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“He’s coming here”  Pepper informed slowly.</p>
<p>Tony widened his eyes. “<em>What</em>? Why-“</p>
<p>“I know, I know” Pepper tried to calm him down. “It’s just- Natasha told me he’s really out of his mind, he’s barely eating.”</p>
<p>Tony groaned. Pepper had suggested that she thought it was a good idea for he and Steve to talk again, but Tony had took it as a vague advice, something that could be done in an indefinite future.<br/>But apparently, when he had reluctantly agreed, the woman took his word and had proceed to go her way.</p>
<p>“I told you I’m not ready” Tony stated again.</p>
<p>Pepper softened. “I know” she assured.<br/>She grabbed Tony’s hand and squeezed at it lightly. “Just- see how things go.”</p>
<p>Tony didn’t want to. He didn’t.<br/>He knew his will was weak as hell when it came to Steve, but he was also firm on the fact that he still hadn’t really accepted what had happened.<br/>He was not one to really hold grudges, but the wound was still too fresh for it to fade away. His <em>literal</em> wound was still way too evident, so that was an indicator.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna go, now” Pepper made a lopsided smile and left Tony’s hand.</p>
<p>Tony didn’t reply, nor turned up his head as she walked away.</p>
<p>He felt anticipation grow in him, as he waited for Pepper’s appointment to happen.</p>
<p>He didn’t want it. He didn’t, he <em>didn’t</em>. He kept repeating so in his mind, as his mouth started twitching and his leg bouncing repetitively on the ground while he was sitting on the couch.</p>
<p>He tormented his own hands on his lap for awhile, until the bell rang and he jumped on his feet.</p>
<p>He felt his heart thrumming in his ears, as he headed quickly at the front door, and at the same time he despised his own self for being so desperate for Steve’s arrival.</p>
<p>He swallowed difficultly, and tried to still his panting breath before he opened the door and found Steve’s deep blue eyes in front of him.</p>
<p>He involuntarily parted his lips, his breath growing short.</p>
<p>“Tony.”</p>
<p>The voice made him jolt with surprise. The tone was firm but so full of sorrow that Tony ached at it. He had wished to hear that sound for so much time, it almost felt surreal.</p>
<p>He raised his chin with a confident expression and stared right into Steve’s eyes.<br/>Steve was standing upright, but his body posture conveyed what he must be feeling. His shoulders were bent and his head was tilted a little.</p>
<p>The first thing that Tony noticed was how he didn’t really seem to have a good complexion. He was pale, almost. He had dark eye bags and his hair wasn’t even combed.<br/>He was dressed nicely, a bright blue sweater that matched his eyes and made Tony’s stomach twirl with yearning, but his expression was up for another story.</p>
<p>His face seemed to enlighten as soon as Tony pointed his eyes on him. Steve looked at him widening a little his mouth, taking in the sight of Tony with such sorrow that for a moment Tony almost felt uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Tony’s chest tightened, and he tried to hold Steve’s gaze even though he knew he was about to cry in one moment.</p>
<p>“You’re here” Tony managed to say at last. He tried to make his voice come out firm and sure of what he was saying, but the sight of Steve standing in front of him was way too distracting.</p>
<p>He couldn’t stop thinking about how it had all seemed so perfect right before their fight. Like he thought that his life was about to turn upside down in a good way.<br/>Like they were going to actually, <em>really</em>, start something new together.<br/>And Tony had suddenly felt ready for relationships, but now it was all gone.</p>
<p>“Pepper told me-“ Steve tried with a whack voice.</p>
<p>Tony bit his lip at Steve’s tone. He had missed his voice so much. He would have never thought he could become attached to someone’s voice, yet there he was, almost having a mental breakdown because of what was going on.</p>
<p>“I know” he clapped back with confidence.<br/>He knew he had to stand firm for himself. He knew with every second passing by, his desperation was becoming more and more haunting, and he was willing to forget everything that had happened just for not feeling lonely anymore.</p>
<p>“Can I-?” Steve murmured again, nodding at the inside of the house.</p>
<p>Tony nodded too, stepping aside to make Steve come in. He looked around with what seemed amazement, and Tony closed the door hoping to shut his feelings too.</p>
<p>“I’ve never been here” Steve commented making his look wander around.</p>
<p>Tony shrugged. “Yeah” he replied.</p>
<p>A weary silence fell upon their heads.</p>
<p>The situation was so uncomfortable Tony could almost sense it in his bones. He didn’t know why Steve had come there. What he wanted from him.</p>
<p>He would have wanted so bad to forget everything but he couldn’t. He was not ready to forgive yet.<br/>Seeing Steve there was obviously making him think about all the nice moments they had spent together, and mostly about his deep feelings. He could not ignore the happiness he had felt hearing and knowing that Steve loved him back.</p>
<p>But at the same time, the realisation that Steve had known something that big about his parents and still had decided not to tell him, was way too hurtful. Tony couldn’t pretend that didn’t shatter his heart to the core.<br/>Because he had been explicit about what he felt, he had explained to Steve how much his mother meant to him, and even though his relationship with his father was fucked up, Steve still knew about his feelings.<br/>There was something so <em>humiliating</em>, about recalling every moment spent together and being aware that it had all been a lie. And he had made such a fool of himself, keeping on stating that he trusted Steve with his whole life, being willing to overcome his trust issues for him, just to be then mocked like that.</p>
<p>“Tony” Steve called again. His voice sounded so weary, and his expression was broken.<br/>The tone almost breached Tony’s chest.</p>
<p>He remembered what Pepper had told him. He didn’t have to forgive Steve. He wasn’t ready, he knew that he wasn’t. <br/>“Don’t” he said. “Don’t say anything.”</p>
<p>Steve gave him a questioning look, but what surprised Tony was the fact that whatever expression Steve had on in that moment, there was still an evident trace of sadness under it.</p>
<p>“Why?” he asked back.</p>
<p><em>Why</em>? Tony didn’t know. He just didn’t want to hear anything coming out of his mouth. He knew for sure that whatever Steve was going to tell him, Tony would believe that. He knew himself. He knew he was going to forget everything but he didn’t want to. He felt like it wasn’t right of him to just accept the situation. Not yet. </p>
<p>“Just don’t” he repeated.</p>
<p>Steve narrowed his eyes, he seemed on the verge of tears.</p>
<p>Tony remembered their night, how Steve had held his hand through his climax, how he had showered him with kisses and sweet promises he had shattered not even a day after.</p>
<p>“<em>Please</em>” Steve begged.</p>
<p>He wasn’t going to forgive him, but that didn’t mean he had to deny he still felt something while standing in front of him.<br/>He knew it was not right, he knew he had to act as a mature person, that he had to stick to his own decision, that he couldn’t act like that.</p>
<p>But he was human. A flawed one. A <em>very</em> flawed one. So Tony just went straight for Steve’s chest and pulled the fabric in a rush, drawing his face closer to his own and crashing their mouths together.<br/>And it was like breathing again.</p>
<p>He had tasted Steve’s love for such a brief moment that he had almost immediately forgot what it felt like, but now, sucking his tongue with a loud moan, made him remember what it had meant to belong to someone.</p>
<p>Steve replied without a second guessing. He opened Tony’s mouth and deepened the kiss grabbing at Tony’s nape with such desperation that Tony almost lost his balance.<br/>He let Steve lift him grabbing him by his ass, and Tony entangled his legs around his waist, grinding fervently over his abdomen, while pulling at his blonde hair.</p>
<p>Steve walked them to Tony’s bedroom, still kissing him heatedly, moaning and pressing a finger over Tony’s crease above the tissue of his pants.</p>
<p>When he got in front of the bed, he let Tony fall on the mattress and backed away a little, but Tony grabbed his arm and pulled him closer again, making him fall next to him too. Steve sighed and groaned under Tony’s mouth, and Tony climbed over him and straddled him confidently.</p>
<p>He ground on his low abdomen, and jolted feeling the hard bulge under his ass. He helped Steve get rid of his blue jumper and made his hands wander under the tissue of Steve’s shirt.</p>
<p>Steve groaned when he slightly pinched one nipple.<br/>He smirked subtly and brought his hands to Steve’s pants.</p>
<p>“Tony-” Steve bubbled at that point.</p>
<p>Tony ignored his voice. He opened his belt and started to unzip his pants.</p>
<p>“<em>Tony</em>-” Steve called again.</p>
<p>Tony snorted in annoyance. “Don’t ruin the moment” he shushed, before unzipping the pants and growling at the pulse he was spotting in Steve’s briefs.</p>
<p>“No, Tony” Steve repeated putting an hand over Tony’s arm.</p>
<p>Tony stilled on the spot. He thought Steve wanted it too, but maybe he just wanted to kiss and nothing more.<br/>Well, he was okay with kissing. More than okay, actually.</p>
<p>“We can do that another time, no problem” he said, starting to get off of Steve’s lap.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head. “No, I- “ he bubbled. “Before we do- what we are about to do- I need to know something.”</p>
<p>Tony cocked his head. Steve had his forlorn expression back on his face.<br/>He was still panting, and he was clearly aroused, but his frowned expression made Tony’s chest clench with pain.</p>
<p>“What?” Tony asked.</p>
<p>Steve breathed deeply. He slid an hand through his hair before looking around the room trying to focus his look anywhere else but on Tony’s face.</p>
<p>“Do you- “ he tried. He shut his eyes with difficulty.</p>
<p>“Do I what?” Tony encouraged.</p>
<p>“Do you forgive me?” Steve ended in a rush.<br/>He sighed again, a little tiredly. “Do you?” he looked at Tony with hope in his eyes.</p>
<p>Tony froze, his heart thrumming in his ears mostly because he could still feel interest in his pants.<br/>He shook his head slowly but firmly. “No” he stated. “I do not.”</p>
<p>Something seemed to wreck inside Steve’s expression. It almost looked like he was suffering an imaginable pain.</p>
<p>“I- you-” he stuttered.</p>
<p>Tony swallowed. He raised his chin and pointed his eyes in Steve’s. “I do not forgive you, Steve” he repeated. “I can’t.”</p>
<p>Steve remained quiet for a moment, then he gently moved aside Tony to stand up.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” Tony asked. He tried to make his voice sound annoyed, but he knew he was actually desperate.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head while fixing and zipping his pants.</p>
<p>“Steve” Tony called. He was sure of what he had said, but a part of him had actually expected Steve to accept the situation and just stay there with him.</p>
<p>“What?!” Steve burst out looking at him. “What, Tony?!” he repeated.</p>
<p>Tony stiffed at his firm tone. “I thought you wanted to fuck” he spit out a little too harshly.</p>
<p>Steve stiffed too. “I never wanted to <em>fuck</em>” he replied.</p>
<p>Tony huffed sarcastically. “Yet you did that” he clapped back. “You fucked me over and over again.”</p>
<p>Steve shook his head another time, a broken look on his face, but a fed up expression too.<br/>“I can’t believe you’re seriously acting like this” he murmured.</p>
<p>Tony narrowed his eyes. “You’re the one who’s acting like this!” he pointed out. “What do you want from me?! You just wanted what everybody else wants!” he yelled.</p>
<p>“You know damn well what I wanted from you!” Steve shouted back. His face was flushed, but once again it looked like he was on the verge of tears.</p>
<p>Tony remained quiet.</p>
<p>Steve laughed without joy, and fixed his crumpled clothes.<br/>Tony looked at him struggling to calm down. He knew in his heart there was more behind Steve’s presence there, but he still couldn’t bring himself to ignore what had happened.</p>
<p>Steve turned up his head and met Tony’s eyes. He looked like he was really pondering what to say, before he spoke again.<br/>“Why would you say that?”</p>
<p>Tony looked at him: long seconds of silence passing by; neither added something. They just stared into each other’s eyes.</p>
<p>“Say what?” Tony finally asked.</p>
<p>“Why would you say you loved me if it wasn’t true” Steve squinted his eyes, they were burning with a sorrow he was no longer able to hide nor suppress.</p>
<p>“It was true” Tony replied. “It really was.”</p>
<p>Another moment of silence.</p>
<p>“What about now?” Steve asked, and he looked like he already knew the answer. He already knew it was going to break his heart. He knew it but he still wanted -<em>needed</em>- to hear it.</p>
<p>Tony lowered his eyes, shrugged his shoulders, slightly trembled; then finally talked. “Not anymore.”</p>
<p>Steve seemed to break at his confession. He swallowed with difficulty as he stared at Tony’s face.</p>
<p>It was Tony the first who took his eyes away another time. He knew that if he looked into that blue for another instant, he was going to take every word he had said back.</p>
<p>“Alright” Steve said at last.</p>
<p>He remained still another second, probably waiting for Tony to say something. But Tony didn’t even turn his head up again. He fixed his look on the sheets under him and tried to hold in his own tears.</p>
<p>A few moments later, he heard the door of his bedroom shutting close, and Steve had gone away.</p>
<p>Tony finally turned up his look again. The emptiness of the room made his heart tremble. A single tear rolled down his cheek and fell on the crumpled sheets. Next to him, it was still resting Steve’s blue sweater.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi there!!!</p>
<p>I know, I know. This was painful to write, but apparently I'm a masochist.</p>
<p>But do not fear, my dears!!! The happy ending is closer than you think!!!<br/>I hope you enjoyed the chapter, but most importantly I hope you're all safe and well!!</p>
<p>Let me know what you think in the comments!!!!</p>
<p>Thank you for reading, have a really great day!! &lt;3&lt;3&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Last one my dears!!!</p>
<p>Enjoy!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Heartbreak was not a word to which Tony had ever been used.</p>
<p>He had been suffering from loneliness his whole life, so that was kind of a natural state for him. Relationships had never been that big of a deal to him. He dated here and there, maybe put a little more effort in one story than in another, but at the end of the day he still considered himself all alone.<br/>A soul wandering around looking for someone to spend some time with but nothing more. Certainly not a deep eternal bond.</p>
<p>He wasn’t even that interested in the concept.</p>
<p>He had thought about marriage a few times, when he was dating Pepper. She looked down with the idea, but eventually it hadn’t worked on other fields, so a wedding wasn’t that important anymore.</p>
<p>Tony had always been known as someone who couldn’t commit. Everyone thought so. But that was just another thing he couldn’t care less about. He couldn’t deny he had sometimes wondered if he was ever going to find his soulmate, or if he was doomed to just be on his own, but the thought had never required that big of an investment from his side.</p>
<p>When Steve had landed next to him back in New York, right after stopping Loki’s plan, and had greeted him with that ‘Mr Stark’, Tony hadn’t felt that particular impressed.<br/>Then Steve had took off his helmet, and that sweet and boyish face of his had made Tony’s stomach twirl, but what about it? Tony wasn’t certainly going to call himself a puritan, so it wasn’t that weird of him to feel inappropriate thoughts about an attractive person.</p>
<p>What Tony had not predicted was to completely fall in love with the man right away.</p>
<p>But still he was not one to think about soulmates, even less think that Steve’s actions could somehow affect him in some way.<br/>And if someone had told him, right in that helicarrier, that years later he was going to feel such a stabbing ache in his chest because of that rude man in front of him, well- Tony would have <em>not</em> laughed, he would have actually rolled his eyes, and said something like ‘love is a chemical reaction, the brain’s response to a stimulus. If there is no stimulus, there is no reaction. And <em>this</em> man- is giving me no stimulus at all.’</p>
<p>But there he was on crumpled sheets, grabbing at the tissue with almost tragic desperation, as he kept on sobbing and clenching at his aching chest.</p>
<p>His wound had returned to hurt, probably because of the many hiccups he had been letting out in the past hour. His head was hurting badly, but he couldn’t help but weep like a goddamn teenager.</p>
<p>There was indeed a feeble little voice in his mind that kind of mocked him for being that desperate, but his sorrow was so loud that it silenced that voice, and actually flooded over him with waves of sadness.</p>
<p>Steve had left his room since a lot of time, now. Tony was almost sure he could still sense the ghost of his hands on his back, but he didn’t know if he was actually hallucinating it.</p>
<p>What hurt the most was the knowledge that <em>he</em> had caused that pain. He had acted like a prick making Steve leave the room- his <em>life</em>.<br/>He knew he had exaggerated with what he had said. It didn’t even exist a universe in which he didn’t love Steve Rogers, but once again he had acted heatedly because of his bitterness.</p>
<p>He didn’t like the idea that what he had found out about his parents could be put aside like that, forgotten right away. He wanted apologies, he wanted explanations- but most importantly he wanted <em>reassurances</em>.<br/>Reassurances that Steve was madly in love with him, that he worshipped him and that he wasn’t going to hurt him anymore.</p>
<p>That was what really bugged Tony. That he had never expected something like that to happen. Because never in his life would have he expected Steve to betray him. That was just unimaginable.</p>
<p>He clenched his fist on his own shirt, pulling at the collar as he almost felt breathless. In any other situation he wouldn’t have acted like that. It was a matter of conflict of interest.<br/>Because if anyone else had done what Steve had done, then Tony would have cut every bond, he would have changed his entire perspective of that person. But he couldn’t do so as well because there was that damn feeling involved that he couldn’t just ignore.</p>
<p><em>Love</em>.<br/>So pathetic.</p>
<p>Tony Stark was suffering because of <em>love</em>. Tony Stark didn’t know how to cope because of <em>love</em>.</p>
<p>The word burnt his throat, but that was probably because of the many tears he had shed.</p>
<p>He eyed at the blue sweater still resting near the pillow, and he pulled at it to draw it near him.<br/>The bright blue reminded him of Steve’s eyes, and a weird sob left Tony’s mouth as he felt like crying all over again.</p>
<p>He felt once more a little desperate, but he didn’t care that much considering the emotional state he was in that moment, so he raised his arms and put on the jumper.<br/>It was ridiculously big on him, the sleeves way too long on his arms, and the collar loose on his neck and collar bones.</p>
<p>Tony lingered in the piece of clothing and inhaled Steve’s scent still on the fabric.<br/>It was all he could have in that moment. Not enough, but still something.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I’m home!” a voice shouted from the up floor.</p>
<p>Tony jumped a little in surprise and kept his ears open to get who was talking.</p>
<p>“Buddy, where are you?” the voice repeated, and Tony beamed at it.</p>
<p>He let go of the documents he was trying to revise and headed to the living room almost sprinting, all happy and grinning already.<br/>“Honeybear!” he called with a loud voice as soon as he spotted Rhodey in the middle of the room.</p>
<p>“Oh, there you go!” Rhodey clapped back, before gulping a little when Tony almost threw himself at him, hugging him tightly.</p>
<p>“Oh, this is the mood, I suppose” Rhodey scoffed, but actually closed his arms around Tony, returning the embrace.</p>
<p>When they parted, Tony looked at him with a big smile on his face. “I’ve missed you so damn much, <em>god</em>” he groaned.</p>
<p>Rhodey laughed and ruffled his hair. “Yeah, I know, I know” he replied, before slouching on the couch with a loud huff.</p>
<p>“How did it go?” Tony asked curiously, hinting at one of Rhodey’s missions.</p>
<p>Rhodey snorted and gestured with his hand in a vague way. “The usual” he mumbled. “Terroristic organisations held for financial profit” he explained with a bored tone.</p>
<p>Tony chuckled, sitting on the couch too, next to him. “Yeah, we’re lucky there are big strong men like you” he assured, pointing a finger at Rhodey’s arm.</p>
<p>Rhodey laughed too, before turning his face to a serious one.<br/>“Yeah, talking about big strong men-“ he started. “How are you feeling?”</p>
<p>Tony snorted. “We were having fun, why do you have to ruin it?”</p>
<p>“I’m serious” Rhodey stressed, and Tony rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“I’m doing just fine” he muttered.</p>
<p>Rhodey rolled his eyes too.</p>
<p>“I swear!” Tony emphasised. “The wound has almost faded away” he tried to smile in a reassuring way, but he knew he wasn’t that convincing.</p>
<p>Indeed Rhodey pursed his lips. “I wasn’t talking about the wound” he stated.</p>
<p>“I’m not thinking about my father anymore” Tony interrupted at that point. “Not even for a moment.”</p>
<p>Rhodey raised an eyebrow. “Alright” he conceded dubiously.<br/>He raised his hands as a sign of surrender and let his back fall on the couch. “So everything is fine, got it.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded. “Yep” he stated. “Everything.”<br/>He copied Rhodey’s act and laid on the sofa too.</p>
<p>They remained quiet for awhile, during which Tony kept pondering if he should let Rhodey know about his last encounter with Steve.</p>
<p>“Tones” Rhodey called, his eyes shut and his head relaxed on the cushion. “I know you’re lying.”</p>
<p>Tony snorted loudly. “<em>Fine</em>” he blurted out. “Not <em>everything</em> is alright, okay? <em>God</em>, you’re such a pain in the ass” he muttered.</p>
<p>Rhodey chuckled and straightened his back to look at Tony. “Are you gonna tell me about it?” he asked more softly.</p>
<p>Tony’s mouth twitched slightly. He wanted to tell Rhodey what had happened, obviously, but at the same time he didn’t want to relive the whole scene in his mind.<br/>It still was painful to think about it.</p>
<p>He twirled his nose. “It’s quite pathetic” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“I know everything about being pathetic” Rhodey clapped back encouragingly.</p>
<p>Tony made a small smile at that. He loved Rhodey’s support.<br/>“Well-“ he started then. “We saw each other a week ago” he bubbled.</p>
<p>Rhodey raised an eyebrow in surprise. “I was indeed waiting to point out that this sweater is way too big to be yours” he said, nodding at Steve’s blue sweater that Tony was still wearing even after so many days.</p>
<p>Tony interrupted him before he could say anything else. “It didn’t go well” he stated.</p>
<p>“Do we think he’s an asshole?” Rhodey asked at that point.</p>
<p>Tony snorted. “I told him I don’t love him anymore” he confessed.</p>
<p>Rhodey widened his mouth. “Oh, so <em>you</em> are the asshole” he pointed out.</p>
<p>“Listen-“ Tony tried to explain. “I told Pepper I wasn’t ready to forgive him yet, but she said we needed to talk anyway, and things have escalated, and I don’t know- I just needed him to feel how much I was suffering” Tony justified himself, searching for compassion in Rhodey’s eyes, but the man shook his head.</p>
<p>“Damn, Tones, he fucked up real bad but he never denied being in love with you” he stressed.</p>
<p>Tony groaned. He grabbed his head between his hands. “I know!” he assured. “But in that moment I just wanted to see his reaction.”</p>
<p>“And what was it?” Rhodey wondered, but snorted when Tony gave him an ironic look.</p>
<p>“He left” Tony said.<br/>He squeezed his head in his head. “God, we’ll never work through this” he realised.</p>
<p>There was no way they could make it up, not when things had developed this way so far. He still didn’t know if <em>he</em> could forgive Steve, even more improbable was the idea that <em>Steve</em> could forgive him.</p>
<p>“But what do you want?” Rhodey asked with a sweet voice. “If you could make him do whatever you want, then what would it be?”</p>
<p>Tony sighed. He didn’t even know. Sure, he wanted everything to go back to normality, but he actually would have wanted it to have never happened, and that couldn’t be.<br/>That betrayal would forever be real, and he couldn’t change it. But the truth was that maybe, when it had happened, he was willing to ponder his decision a little more rationally if Steve had showed interest.</p>
<p>He knew he had told him he wanted to be left alone, and he appreciated Steve for respecting his boundaries and not insisting, but at the same time it had seemed to him that Steve wasn’t that interested in making it up.<br/>That perhaps he thought it was enough to disappear from Tony’s life until Tony himself would decide what to do next.</p>
<p>“I miss him, Rhodey” Tony confessed under his breath. “I miss him so much.”</p>
<p>Rhodey smiled. “Maybe you shouldn’t be saying that to me” he replied.</p>
<p>Tony laughed lightly. He turned up his head. “What can I do?” he asked, not even to Rhodey, but to his own self.</p>
<p>“You could talk to him, for starters” Rhodey suggested. “Maybe call him, or come back to the tower, I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“<em>Call him</em>” Tony snorted. “I don’t even know if that old man owns a phone.”<br/>He giggled under his breath.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Rhodey asked raising an eyebrow. “Why are you laughing?”</p>
<p>Tony smirked. “Nothing, just- when we were on that damn mission,” he recalled with the hint of a smile. “He gave me a burner phone, for emergencies. I mean, who the fuck buys a burner phone anymore?” he laughed even more.</p>
<p>Rhodey chuckled too. “Well, at least you know he <em>does</em> have a phone” he pointed out. “You can call him with that one.”</p>
<p>Tony frowned. “Yeah, I don’t even know where I put that” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“Go look for it, then” Rhodey exhorted.</p>
<p>Tony chuckled. “Yeah, of course” he huffed, but Rhodey looked at him with a firm expression.</p>
<p>“Why are you still here?” he raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>Tony narrowed his eyes. “Oh, you were serious?”</p>
<p>Rhodey poked at his arm. “Go. Now.”</p>
<p>Tony snorted but actually stood up. “I can’t believe you” he bubbled when he started heading out of the room.</p>
<p>“If you don’t do it now, I know you certainly won’t later” Rhodey stated, and <em>yeah</em>, Tony could give him that.</p>
<p>He looked around his bedroom, trying to remember where he had put his baggage when he had come back. He actually didn’t know, since he was still recovering when he had returned home.</p>
<p>He went for his walk-in closet and looked inside the drawers frowning, but everything was back in its place, so he really had no clue where the phone could be. He snorted in annoyance when he got a glimpse of a bag slouching under a dresser.</p>
<p>“There it is!” he exclaimed in victory.</p>
<p>He sat on the floor and dragged out the bag, opening it quickly to look inside of it.</p>
<p>“Found it” he mumbled again, grabbing at the burner phone among unworn shirts still resting inside the container.</p>
<p>He was already starting to stand up again when he noticed a shining symbol on the little screen of the phone. He frowned in confusion as he got a better look at it, and almost paled out as soon as he understood what it was.<br/>He opened the device and let out a huge exhale when the symbol of a letter shined on the screen, indicating twenty-six unread messages.</p>
<p>“What-“ Tony said under his breath, staring at those notifications, all coming from the same contact. <em>Steve Rogers</em>.</p>
<p>He skimmed through the messages, and found out they were all voicemails, one for each day that had passed since he had left Paris, the last one being the day before his last meeting with Steve.</p>
<p>Tony swallowed still a little confused, and he clicked on the first one, before bringing the phone to his ear.</p>
<p>“<em>Tony, it’s me</em>” the voice said with a broken tone, and Tony shut his eyes in pain, his heart clenching at it, gripping at the phone with a firm hold.<br/>“<em>I’m back at the hotel, please, come back, I’m waiting for you here</em>” a moment of silence followed Steve’s recorded words. “<em>I love you, Tony</em>” he said, before the message ended.</p>
<p>Tony quickly brought the phone in front of his eyes, clicking fast on the second message, before listening to it with his heart racing.</p>
<p>“<em>Tony, I’ve heard from Pepper you’re hospitalised</em>” Steve’s voice affirmed. “<em>She said you’re fighting, the doctors say you’re fighting, so please, please, carry on</em>” he begged with a creak in his voice.<br/>Tony clutched at his own chest, the wound throbbing as some sort of ghost reflex. “<em>I love you so much.</em>”</p>
<p>Steve’s words hadn’t even settled in Tony’s mind that he was already clicking on the third message.</p>
<p>“<em>I’m out here</em>” Steve whispered. “<em>Right here. You’ve not woken up yet, but the doctors said you will</em>.”<br/>A loud sigh. “<em>God, you have to wake up, Tony. I cannot fathom the idea that that one was the last time I saw you</em>.”</p>
<p>Tony’s chest tightened when he realised Steve was crying. “<em>Tony, I love you so much, I’m so sorry</em>” he blurted before cutting the message.</p>
<p>In the following message Steve was apologising once again. “<em>I won’t be here when you wake up, Tony. I know it’s not right of me, but I’m here for you</em>” he assured. “<em>I will love you forever, don’t ever forget that.</em>”</p>
<p>“<em>You’ve woken up</em>” Steve stated in the message after that, on which Tony had clicked in a hurry. “<em>God, I’m so glad, Tony!</em>” Steve exclaimed. “<em>Please, as soon as you listen to this, tell me. I’m so sorry, so so sorry, but I love you and I need you, please call me.</em>”</p>
<p>Tony shut his eyes again with pain, but that didn’t stop him from keeping on listening to the voicemails. Steve’s voice had a soothing effect on his heartbreak, listening him whispering all those fond things making Tony warm up.</p>
<p>“<em>Please, forgive me</em>” Steve asked in another one. “<em>Tony, my love, forgive me. You don’t have to forget, I’ve fucked up and I know, but I love you so much it takes my breath away</em>” he stated.</p>
<p>He then went on asking for Tony to call him, letting him know that he knew he needed time, but at least to let him know he had listened to his messages.<br/>“<em>I understand if you still don’t wanna see me</em>” he stated. “<em>But please, tell me you’ve heard these. God, I love you, I love you, I love you. Call me.</em>”</p>
<p>The thing that mostly broke Tony was the awareness that Steve’s voice seemed to slowly loose its hope, message after message gaining some sort of desperation, the way he would almost beg for Tony to call back, how he would affirm that he loved him with a trace of helplessness in it, almost as if it was the only thing that still got him out of his bed in the morning.</p>
<p>And then his voice sounded a little hopeful again, and Tony noticed with regret it was his last message, the one the night before their encounter. <br/>“<em>Tony, my love</em>” Steve said softly over the phone. “<em>Pepper told me you wanted to talk to me. I’m so happy. I know this doesn't mean anything,</em>” he immediately added. “<em>I know, believe me. But I love you so much, and I’m positive this love is gonna help.</em>”</p>
<p>Tony swallowed, remembering how he had looked into Steve’s blue eyes and firmly stated that he didn’t love him anymore. His words hit differently now that he knew how Steve had felt at the idea of their encounter.</p>
<p>“<em>I can’t wait to see you. I love you, Tony</em>” he whispered at the end, and then the message finished with a click, followed by a recorded voice informing Tony that there were no other messages in the box for him.</p>
<p>He tightened his fist around the phone, as if it was an hold saving him from his own despair. He was feeling a total mess, guilt heavy on his head, thinking about how wrecked Steve’s voice had sounded during all that time.<br/>He realised that Steve was probably expecting them to make up that night, while Tony had broken his heart without knowing it.</p>
<p>So Steve actually had cared about him, he did want them to talk and he hadn’t disappeared from his life like Tony was so sure he had done.</p>
<p>“Tony, what the hell are you doing over there?” Rhodey asked frowning once he saw him on the floor.<br/>He glanced at the phone still in his hands. “Oh, you’ve found it” he exclaimed, but then grimaced when he noticed Tony’s face. “Hey, Tones, what happened?”</p>
<p>Rhodey sat on the floor next to him and Tony looked up at him with a grim expression.</p>
<p>“Hey, what is it?” Rhodey asked again with concern.</p>
<p>Tony closed the phone with a dull click. “He called” he said quietly.</p>
<p>Rhodey widened his eyes. “<em>Now</em>?” he let out with surprise.</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “All this time” he clarified. “He called every day. Every single one” he bubbled. “Left tons of messages.”</p>
<p>Rhodey sighed, before putting an arm around Tony’s shoulders. “God, Tony, I’m sorry” he mumbled. He tightened his embrace to give Tony some comfort.</p>
<p>He shrugged. “It’s my fault, don’t worry” he confessed, but Rhodey shook his head parting from him to meet his eyes.</p>
<p>“Nah, it’s not your fault” he stated. “You can still fix this shit, you two just have to talk.”</p>
<p>Tony twirled his nose. “I don’t know” he mumbled. “He probably doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. He stopped calling right after that night.”<br/>Perhaps Steve had changed his mind about him, by now. He did deserve it, after all.</p>
<p>Rhodey sighed loudly. “Knowing the all-right Steve Rogers, he probably thought it could be considered harassment if he still called you after you told him you didn’t love him anymore” he explained. “Talk to him, Tones, trust me.”</p>
<p>Tony looked at him and twitched his mouth. Maybe Rhodey was right. He didn’t know what could happen until he actually did something about it.<br/>“Yeah, you’re right” he conceded indeed. “But I’ll probably look like an idiot if I just show up out of nowhere, I should need an excuse” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Rhodey rolled his eyes. “Isn’t the fact that you need to talk to him a sufficient reason?” he asked, but when Tony shook his head vigorously he sighed again.<br/>“Alright, then tell him- I don’t know, bring him back his stupid jumper, that is a well enough excuse.”</p>
<p>Tony pondered his suggestion. That could work- after all, he did have to give him the sweater back.<br/>“Yeah okay, that sounds cool” he nodded. “Could actually work.”</p>
<p>Rhodey shook his head with a hint of desperation. “Never in my life I would’ve thought I was going to give you romantic advice about Steve Rogers” he huffed. “<em>God</em>.”</p>
<p>Tony laughed and poked him in the ribs. “You’re the best, Honeybear” he flattered.</p>
<p>Rhodey ruffled his hair. “Yeah, I’ll remind you you said this the next time you’re gonna be rude.”</p>
<p>Tony smiled at him sincerely, before they both stood up, and Tony tried to still his nervousness. Everything was gonna be fine, he knew that.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The Tower was weirdly silent when Tony stepped in. It was late in the evening, and the common room was already dark, not lit by any source of light.<br/>He looked around wondering where the hell was everyone that late, already feeling a little upset at the thought that they might have hung out without him.</p>
<p>“Nat? Is that you?”</p>
<p>Tony startled at the voice, and turned around to find Steve at the end of the hallway, looking at him with narrow eyebrows.</p>
<p>“Tony?” he asked.</p>
<p>Tony shifted a little on his feet, uncomfortableness setting in his chest.<br/>“Hey” he bubbled. “Where is everyone?” he asked glancing back and forth around the room.</p>
<p>Steve tilted his head. “It’s Friday night. They went out” he answered with an emotionless tone.</p>
<p>Tony nodded a few times. “Yeah, right” he mumbled.<br/>He remained sill on his position, then he cocked his head. “But why are you here, then?” he decided to ask.</p>
<p>Steve stiffened and tightened his lips. “Not in the mood of having fun” he deadpanned.<br/>He didn’t look annoyed, but nor did he look at ease. It seemed like he was trying to act politely but was almost vibrating with the desire to snap at Tony.</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth. “Listen-“ he tried, but Steve interrupted him with an hand.</p>
<p>“It’s okay. You came for Natasha. You didn’t expect to find me here” he stated. “We can pretend it never happened, no need to worry” he was already turning around when Tony called him again.</p>
<p>“Wait-” he stopped him, and Steve looked at him again. It was weird to meet his eyes after the last time they had stared at each other, and Steve had had sorrow all over his face.</p>
<p>Now he wasn’t actually sad, but maybe he was just trying to hide his emotions. Tony found it quite typical of him that he was not trying to push anything with Tony considering he had told him it was over between them.</p>
<p>“What?” Steve asked, a hint of bother in his voice.</p>
<p>“I-“ Tony bubbled. “I came here for you” he confessed.</p>
<p>Steve softened his expression, but he didn’t try to approach him, nor did his composure loosen a little.</p>
<p>“To give you this” Tony added immediately. He reached out with his hand holding Steve’s blue sweater. “You forgot it, the last time” he realised he had said too much when Steve stiffed again.</p>
<p>“You can keep it” Steve replied, not taking the jumper from Tony’s offering hand.</p>
<p>Tony sighed slowly. “Steve-“ he tried.</p>
<p>“Alright, Tony” Steve replied. “I know I’ve hurt you, believe me, I know” he stated. “But you did too.”<br/>His voice finally actually creaked at the end, and Tony’s eyes snapped up to catch Steve’s expression.</p>
<p>“I’ve heard your voicemails” he worded out. “All of them.”</p>
<p>Steve’s lips parted, and Tony realised his chest had deflated.<br/>“I- I had forgotten about the phone, I’ve heard them right before coming here” he confessed.</p>
<p>“Tony-” Steve murmured, but Tony went on.</p>
<p>“If I had heard them before- I wouldn’t have said it, Steve, I wouldn’t” he stressed. He hated having to clarify that, but he knew it was what really bugged Steve at the moment.</p>
<p>“You wanna talk?” Steve proposed hesitantly, in his eyes fear that Tony could back away. But Tony nodded firmly, sure that it was now time for him to actually face what had happened between them.</p>
<p>“Do you want us to-“ Steve tried, gesturing around, maybe hinting at them sitting.</p>
<p>Tony twirled his nose. “We can go in my room” he proposed, then he shut his eyes thinking of the inappropriate thing that could look like. “I mean- to have privacy, but I get if you- I mean-“</p>
<p>Steve nodded vigorously. “It’s okay” he assured. “Let’s go to your room.”</p>
<p>The way to Tony’s bedroom seemed eternal, both of them walking at a normal pace and not hurrying up not to bother the other.</p>
<p>When they finally got to the room, Tony invited Steve to sit on the couch.<br/>At first Steve tried to deny his offer, but when Tony insisted again he took a seat.</p>
<p>Another moment of silence followed, neither of them saying something.</p>
<p>“So-“ Tony finally tried, and Steve looked at him all focused.<br/>Tony sighed loudly, not having a clue where to begin from.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Tony” Steve decided to speak up.</p>
<p>Tony twitched his mouth. He thought he was the one that had to apologise.</p>
<p>“I’ve said this many times, and maybe this means that regardless of how many times I’m gonna say it, you’re not gonna believe it, but-“ Steve exhaled tiredly. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Tony tightened his lips but didn’t say anything.</p>
<p>Steve sighed another time. “I have no excuse for what I’ve done. I should have told you so, I know that, but I’m telling the truth when I say that I didn’t know when was the right moment.”<br/>He looked around the room with a look of desperation. “God, when I’ve heard about it, we were finally starting to get along, and I knew that you would have wanted to look for Bucky-“</p>
<p>Tony grunted loudly. “You don’t know me at all, if you think so” he snapped. “Barnes has never crossed my mind not even once!” he emphasised. “It’s always been about you!”</p>
<p>Steve clenched his fists. “I know” he stated. “I know, Tony. But at that time we did not really know each other, and when things developed, I-“ he swallowed. “I realised I had feelings for you, and I was selfish and preferred to have your sympathy even if that meant lying to you” he confessed.</p>
<p>Tony stared at him.<br/>Was that supposed to be flattering? It actually sounded a little fucked up. “You would have had even more sympathy if you told me the truth” he clapped back. “I hate liars.”</p>
<p>Steve rubbed at his eyes. “God, I know, Tony” he repeated. “And the thing haunted me day after day, and I’m so damn sorry.”</p>
<p>Tony tightened his lips once again. There was something that still bothered him about the whole situation, and he was slowly starting to think it didn’t even had anything to do with Steve.</p>
<p>“I know you’re sorry” he said. “I’ve heard your voicemails, and I know you are.”</p>
<p>Steve looked at him, now really saddened. “I don’t expect you to forgive me if you don’t want to” he stated. “But I don’t want you to think that I did what I did because- because I had other intentions, or something.”<br/>He swallowed hard and looked at him straight in his eyes. “I am in love with you, Tony.”</p>
<p>Hearing that forlorn tone made Tony’s chest ache, so he turned his eyes back on Steve with more easiness. He was in love too, he could not pretend otherwise.</p>
<p>“I know-“ Steve added “I know I fucked up, and it’s okay if your feelings have changed.”<br/>Despite what he had just said, his face clearly stated that he was not okay. “But I still feel the same things, and I cannot assure you it will change any soon.”</p>
<p>Tony bit his lip at Steve’s earnestness. “I never got to say goodbye to him” he murmured instead of replying to Steve’s confession.</p>
<p>Steve frowned at first, but softened when he realised Tony was talking about his father.</p>
<p>“And sometimes I’m sorry, but other times-” Tony swallowed with difficulty. “I don’t miss him, Steve.”</p>
<p>He turned up his head and found Steve still staring at him. “Not even a little bit” he stressed.</p>
<p>He looked around the room, trying to find something on which focusing his look, trying to find an anchor to his own desperation but there was no place to hide, just him and his bare vulnerability.</p>
<p>“He was awful” he went on, and actually wanted to punch himself in the face when he realised his voice was shaking. <em>God, you’re not a teenager anymore, Anthony</em>.</p>
<p>“And I don’t miss him.”</p>
<p>“Tony-” Steve whispered, but Tony didn’t listen to him.</p>
<p>“He thought of me as his biggest failure, he looked at me and saw everything that I could have been but was never going to be” his voice was now creaking visibly. “And there is this part of me that just- that <em>knows</em>- that fucking knows- that I was not sorry when, when-“ he grunted, as a sob came out of his mouth, and he felt his shoulders tremble.</p>
<p>“Tony, come here” Steve tried again, but instead of approaching the couch Tony just started wandering around the room.</p>
<p>“And when I found out about that thing- the fact that he was <em>killed</em>- god, I was doing just fine” he confessed. “People thought that I wasn’t mourning because I was a big man, because I had accepted it” he sucked in another sob, but he was well aware his cheeks were wet with tears.<br/>“But it was not acceptance, and I realised it because- because <em>now</em>, Steve, I’m <em>okay</em> with it.”</p>
<p>He brought his eyes back on Steve, who was still looking at him with ache in his face. “It’s okay, Tony” he murmured indeed. “It’s not your fault.”</p>
<p>“But it is!” Tony clapped back. “And you know what’s funny?” he asked with a joyless huff. “That I feel guilty because I <em>don’t</em> feel guilty about his death” he snapped.<br/>“And I’m such an asshole, Steve! I hated my father and I’m happy about his death” he chuckled, tears streaming down his cheeks, and his lungs filled with sobs. “What kind of person am I?”</p>
<p>He shook his head, as his chest kept clenching at every gulp that came out of his mouth, as he found himself both pathetic and cruel.</p>
<p>Steve stood up and actually got closer to him, reaching out with his arms with carefulness, trying to put them around him.<br/>At first Tony debated to push him away, sticking with his decision, but before he could even realise what was going on, his head was resting close to Steve’s chest, his arms hugging him tightly.</p>
<p>He weeped loudly into Steve’s shirt, his sobs muffled by the tissue, but his shaking shoulders being an evidence of his emotional state.</p>
<p>“Shh” Steve mumbled. “It’s okay” he hugged him for a few moments, before deciding to sit on the couch again, making Tony lay with his head on his lap, playing with his hair with soothing movements.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, Tony, it’s okay” he repeated another time, as Tony kept on crying.</p>
<p>Steve stroked his scalp with sweetness. “Shh, sweetheart, don’t worry” he murmured, but Tony felt his hand still on his head when he realised he had used a pet name.<br/>“I’m sorry” he added indeed. “<em>Tony</em>.”</p>
<p>Tony propped a little on his elbows, his throat still filled with tears. “It’s okay” he bubbled. “Steve, it’s okay, I love you too” he blurted out.</p>
<p>Steve widened his eyes. “Tony, you don’t have to-“ he tried, but Tony shook his head vigorously, his eyes wide with desperation, and need to really belong to someone coiling in his stomach.</p>
<p>“No, no <em>please</em>” he croaked. “I love you, I love you so much” he almost whined. “Please, don’t leave me.”<br/>He hid his face back on Steve’s lap as another sob shook his whole body, and he tried not to think about the fact he had almost begged Steve.</p>
<p>Steve returned to play with his hair, even with more fondness now. “I won’t ever leave you, Tony” he whispered. “I promise.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded on his legs, and tried to calm himself, but it seemed like crying was his plan for the night.</p>
<p>“You’re going to be okay” Steve assured, still caressing his head. “I’m here” he stressed, and Tony actually believed him.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“Where are we going?” Tony asked. He turned up his head, pointing up his nose, trying to get a look of the man walking next to him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Burger King?” Jarvis replied with an obvious tone. “You said you wanted a cheeseburger.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yes! Yes, I do!” Tony clapped back.<br/>The man tightened Tony’s little hand with his own and helped him cross the street.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Will they be there?” Tony asked a little hesitantly.<br/>He knew his parents had a lot of work, but it was his birthday, so he thought that could be a valid reason to take a break for him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jarvis turned to look at him, and made a small smile towering over Tony.<br/>“Dad and mom have a lot to do, sir.”<br/>He kept on walking, still careful Tony could keep up with the pace, considering his short legs.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony snorted loudly. “Jarvis?” he called.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The man did not turn his head to him, but nodded waiting him to go on.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony bit his lip in thought. “Do you think they love me?” he asked, already feeling his voice shaking, and his throat scratching with unshed tears.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He saw Jarvis tightening his lips, his look firm and fixed on the street. “They do, sir” he replied.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony went quiet for another moment.<br/>He was not one to have a lot of friends, considering no one wanted to hang out with little kids like him. No thirteen year-old wanted to go to the party of a ten year-old.<br/>So he hadn’t really thought he was going to celebrate with someone other than Jarvis, but a little part of him had wished his parents would eventually show up.<br/>Yet he kept on building his expectations every time.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I always care about people who do not care about me” he murmured grimly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jarvis finally turned to look at him. “I do care about you, sir” he assured. “Given that you care about me, though.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony lit up. “I do, J! Of course I do!” he exclaimed enthusiastically.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jarvis smiled too. “Then you can see that was not true” he explained.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony nodded vigorously. “You won’t ever leave me, right?” he asked worried, but then he pointed at the pub on the other side of the street. “Yay, there it is!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jarvis smiled again, but didn’t reply to his previous question, and just led him to the place.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“One day I’m gonna be working with dad,” Tony went on before they stepped in. “And he’s gonna be so proud of me!”<br/>He could already see that: he and his father creating and working on projects together, laughing and talking in the workshop like two friends.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He looked up at Jarvis, once again with expectation. “Don’t you think so?” he asked grinning.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The man smiled another time, opening the door after realising Tony was struggling because of the weight of it.<br/>“For what is worth, sir,” Jarvis replied. “I’m already proud of you.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony chuckled happily at his words. “I’m gonna take <b>two</b> cheeseburgers!” he almost yelled, and Jarvis shook his head affectionately.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It felt like it had been a lifetime when Tony woke up. He hadn’t even realised he had drifted on while crying.</p>
<p>He was feeling kind of all dizzy to his head, but there was also a pleasing warmth in his stomach. He was still resting his head on Steve’s lap, while Steve’s fingers were mindlessly playing with his loose curls.</p>
<p>Tony opened his eyes feebly, and Steve softly smiled over him. “How you feelin’?” he murmured.</p>
<p>Tony smiled too a little dazed. “Alright” he replied, then yawned loudly and stretched his back between Steve’s arms.</p>
<p>Steve chuckled quietly.<br/>“You were pretty shaken, before” he commented. “Is it better now?”</p>
<p>Tony nodded and propped his head up, resting on his elbows. He looked into Steve’s eyes and found in them a trace of worry.<br/>He was probably wondering if it was all okay between them now, if Tony had really meant to forgive him.</p>
<p>“Yes” Tony stated indeed.</p>
<p>Steve tilted his head, and Tony made his hand caress his jaw. Steve leaned into the touch.<br/>“Yes, I did forgive you” Tony repeated, giving voice to Steve’s question.</p>
<p>Steve lowered his head, a forlorn look on his face. “Thank you” he murmured.</p>
<p>Tony stroked his cheek. “Hey” he called. “I mean it, it’s okay.”</p>
<p>Steve nodded but Tony still noticed a little hesitation. He straightened his position to better look him in the eyes.<br/>“It’s okay” he reassured again. “We’re good, <em>you</em> are good.”</p>
<p>Steve turned his head and left a little kiss on Tony’s fingers stroking at his cheekbone.<br/>Tony ached at his dismayed expression. He could easily point out that Steve was a little uncertain about their makeup, so he raised his chin and leaned toward him, leaving a feeble kiss in the corner of his mouth.</p>
<p>Steve’s eyes clicked open and he parted his lips expectantly.</p>
<p>Tony smiled softly, before leaning again and kissing him another time, on the edge of his bottom lip, almost on the chin. Steve let out something that really seemed a whimper and Tony felt his heart warm up at the sound.<br/>“You want more?” he asked sweetly.</p>
<p>He kissed him another time, on his up lip, and Steve trembled under his touch.<br/>“Tell me” Tony demanded.</p>
<p>He could tell by himself that Steve did indeed want more, but if he wasn’t that sure about it, then he didn’t want to push anything. He still remembered the night in Malibu, how Steve had stopped him to go any further unless he first was sure Tony was into it too.<br/>So it was fair that he still wanted full reassurance.</p>
<p>Steve nodded repetitively, his mouth parted and his eyes wide with fondness at the sight of Tony.</p>
<p>“I have to hear that” Tony clapped back quietly, drawing back and taking away his hand from Steve’s cheek.</p>
<p>Steve let out a very low moan, a noise that Tony hardly heard even though he was standing that close, but that still sent shivers along his body.</p>
<p>“I want it” Steve whispered. “Tony, I want it” he repeated bringing his own hand to Tony’s cheek.<br/>“I want it so much” he assured with a creak in his voice, and Tony trembled at his earnestness.</p>
<p>“Okay” Tony replied.<br/>He glanced at Steve’s blue dazed eyes, and he wetted a little his lips. He could feel his heart thrumming in his ears, and it was so weird for this to be happening, because in what universe could he be shy or nervous about something so simply as kissing someone?</p>
<p>But apparently every perspective of life had changed for Tony when he had met Steve, because his chest was already panting even though nothing had happened yet.</p>
<p>“So?” Steve had the audacity to ask giving him a lopsided smile, and Tony just went for his mouth and kissed him with confidence.<br/>And everything finally fell back into place.</p>
<p>The kiss was soft, at the beginning. Tony shut his eyes right away, focusing on the delicacy of Steve’s lips over his own, how he parted them with a low moan, welcoming Tony’s tongue with such tenderness that Tony really feared he could melt on his mouth.</p>
<p>Steve let him kiss him without doing anything else, he didn’t bring up his hands, didn’t distract Tony on what he was doing. He just enjoyed the kiss with transport, maybe exaggerating a little with the noises that would be caught by Tony’s mouth.</p>
<p>But soon it wasn’t enough anymore, so Tony angled their mouths better, stroking Steve’s jaw and combing his hair behind his ear, just a sweet gesture he didn’t even know how it had come to his mind.<br/>But when Steve still hadn’t done anything but take Tony’s tongue in his mouth, Tony shifted their position and made a leg fall on the other side of Steve’s legs, sitting in his lap with firmness.<br/><em>Better</em>, he thought satisfied.</p>
<p>He nudged at Steve’s lower lip and ground his hips a little just to tease him, and Steve finally took part of the act.<br/>He brought an hand to Tony’s back and grabbed his ass making him moan a little, while he let his other hand cradle around Tony’s head, before setting at the nape of his neck and slightly pressing over his pulse.</p>
<p>Tony whimpered at the touch, and unwillingly crashed his hips against Steve’s abdomen, and they both moaned at the contact.</p>
<p>“I want more” Steve breathed on his mouth, panting a little because of Tony’s kiss.</p>
<p>“I know, soldier” Tony moaned back with a huff.<br/>He ground again on Steve’s lap and felt a twitch in Steve’s pants. “I noticed that” he added, and his voice came out like a growl.</p>
<p>Steve groaned at that.<br/>He stood up and Tony yelped in surprise, at being held up by his wide hands spread under his ass.</p>
<p>He walked them to the bed and sat down on the edge of the mattress, his mouth now taking control of the kiss. Tony relaxed and let him trail his tongue on the back of his palate, as he arched between his arms.</p>
<p>They were still fully clothed, yet Tony was already feeling way too overwhelmed by all the sensations. The last time they had kissed it had been so rushed, fret hands hovering on each other’s body before pulling apart way too quickly and painfully.<br/>But now he knew he could take all the time in the world he wanted. He could just melt under Steve’s firm touch around his throat, over his jaw, and then through his hair, without having to do anything but enjoy the act.<br/>He could even moan without any care, he could whimper and groan all over Steve’s mouth and don’t fear anything.</p>
<p>Steve parted a little, still brushing his lips over his. “I missed you so much” he confessed.<br/>His voice was husky, but there was such a raw sincerity in his words that Tony felt his heart twirl in both affection and guilt.</p>
<p>“I missed you too” he assured.</p>
<p>Steve smiled contently, his cheeks lovingly flushed because of their make out session.<br/>Tony grinned, trying to let go of every worry in his mind, relishing in the fact that everything was okay, and that he could let himself have this, he could allow it.</p>
<p>He kissed Steve again, but this time he accompanied his motion with a grind of his hip, with the intention of making things develop a little from there.<br/>Steve groaned again, and moved his hips too, crashing both their pelvis together, but he still didn’t make anything else, probably wanting Tony to set the pace.</p>
<p>And Tony was cool with it, more than cool, actually. Because that meant that he could witness Steve losing control under his touch.</p>
<p>He let a hand slid between their groin and palmed at Steve’s cock firmly.<br/>Steve moaned and bucked up his hips again, leaning into his hand.</p>
<p>Tony held his grip on him, stroking the bulge over the fabric of his pants, just to feel it twitching constricted in the tight tissue.</p>
<p>“Tony-“ Steve moaned indeed. “<em>Please</em>.”</p>
<p>The word sent a sparkle to Tony’s head, and he pushed Steve on the mattress with a hand on his shoulder, still straddling his lower abdomen.<br/>He bent over Steve’s chest and nudged at his jaw, grinding his ass once again over Steve’s boner.</p>
<p>This time Steve reacted, and he cupped one of Tony’s ass cheeks, pressing a finger in the crease over the fabric.</p>
<p>Tony yelped. “Alright” he finally commented.<br/>“Enough with this teenager shit” he mumbled still trying to still his breath. “Take off your shirt” he ordered.</p>
<p>Steve chuckled contently and with a swift movement he pushed away his own shirt.</p>
<p>Tony sighed loudly at the sight of his bare chest, just for the purpose of it. Steve’s pale skin was brightly flushed all around his pecs and on his lower abdomen, right over the hem of his pants.</p>
<p>Tony wetted his lips and caressed his shoulders with spread hands, before caressing one of his pecs and rubbing a little his palm over his nipple.</p>
<p>Steve groaned under the touch. “<em>Tony</em>” he called with a choked voice, when Tony tweaked a little at it.</p>
<p>He loved to see Steve that dazed under his touch, so he grinned again with satisfaction.</p>
<p>He then shifted a little closer and focused on Steve’s insistent bulge. He unbuckled the belt with fast fingers, and then stopped at the zip, the painful memory of their last encounter brutally making its apparition in his mind.</p>
<p>He swallowed. “Steve, sweetheart” he called, and he cleared his throat when he noticed his voice had sounded like a growl.</p>
<p>Steve looked at him with wide eyes full of lust, and nodded right away when he understood the reason of Tony’s concern.<br/>“Yeah, honey” he assured. “I want it, I want you, I want everything” he stated with a firm tone.</p>
<p>Tony smiled with relief, and felt his chest glow as Steve cupped his cheek and caressed his skin to reassure him.</p>
<p>At Steve’s confirm, Tony focused on his pants again, unzipping them and helping Steve take them off.<br/>A warm pleasure coiled in his stomach when he noticed Steve’s boxers were already stained with precome, making him pleased at how much he affected him.</p>
<p>He took the clothing away and held a breath at Steve’s cock arching over his stomach as soon as it was freed of the tight fabric. The sight of it was well impressed in Tony’s memory, but it was always a hell of an experience to look at it so flushed because of him.</p>
<p>“You’re gorgeous” Tony commented under his breath, fixing his eyes in Steve’s, who was already looking at him mesmerised.</p>
<p>Steve blushed a little all together with the already present flush on his face because of the heat of their touches, and Tony felt once again so lucky to be able to stand so close to him in such a vulnerable moment.<br/>He felt the need to cherish Steve for the rest of his life.</p>
<p>“So, so gorgeous” he repeated indeed, before encircling his fingers around Steve’s cock and making him twitch faintly.</p>
<p> He stroked his length slowly at first, not with the intention of teasing him, but just wanting to enjoy the feeling, to drag that on as long as he could.<br/>He brushed his thumb over the tip, and Steve squirmed at it, clenching the sheets under him.</p>
<p>“God, <em>Tony</em>” Steve groaned, bucking up his hips into Tony’s fist, trying to make him fasten his pace.</p>
<p>Tony smiled. “Let me have this” he murmured with a low voice. “<em>Please</em>” he added, and Steve moaned again.</p>
<p>“Everything you want, honey. Everything, sweetheart, <em>my love</em>” he praised.</p>
<p>“Everything?” Tony asked. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>Steve just nodded without saying anything back, and Tony bent over his groin, leaving soft kisses on his low abdomen, brushing a little over Steve’s sensitive skin with his goatee.</p>
<p>“<em>God</em>” Steve groaned again, and almost choked when Tony encircled the head of his cock with his lips, nudging a little at it.</p>
<p>Steve yelped, and Tony let his cock slide some more into his mouth, widening his tongue under his length.<br/>He pushed his head as forward as he could, and while he could hear Steve’s moans under him, Tony actually felt a groan dying in his own throat at the pleasure of having Steve’s heavy cock resting in his mouth.</p>
<p>He started moving his head slowly, back and forth, bringing one hand at the base of Steve’s cock and pumping it even slower. He brought the other one on Steve’s balls, stroking them too to increase the sensation.</p>
<p>“This is so good, Tony, so good” Steve almost cried out, fucking into Tony’s mouth.</p>
<p>Tony tried to let out a moan, as he bobbed his head a little faster, but still not too much, teasing Steve in the movement.</p>
<p>“I’m so-“ Steve tried slurry. “<em>You’re</em>-” he moaned loudly, and the sound made Tony’s head all dizzy.</p>
<p>He brought one hand away from Steve’s balls and over his own dick, but groaned in frustration when he found out he was still fully clothed and it was impossible for him to give his erection some relief. He humped a little over the mattress, but the thing just made him more impatient.</p>
<p>Steve noticed that and swallowed hardly. “I’m gonna-“ he mumbled thrusting his cock inside Tony’s mouth. “I’m gonna take care of you after, Tony, my love” he promised.</p>
<p>Tony nodded absently and fastened his movements, now pumping a lot faster Steve’s cock, feeling the ghost of an ache at his jaw at the width of his length, as he noticed some spit was drooling over his chin.</p>
<p>“Tony-“ Steve called again.</p>
<p>Tony tilted up his head and looked at him through his eyelashes. He noticed Steve’s expression softening.</p>
<p>“God, you’re so beautiful” he commented.</p>
<p>Tony glowed at the compliment, but Steve spoke again. “Can I?” he asked with hesitation.</p>
<p>Tony nodded again, still moving his head, now even farther waiting for Steve to reach his pleasure.<br/>And Steve did a few moments later, tightening his fists and almost ripping apart the sheets trying not to fuck to roughly into Tony’s mouth, as he came with a tremble and loud moans.</p>
<p>Tony kept on pumping him, letting him spill himself into his throat, but he soon had to move away his head when he couldn’t take it anymore.</p>
<p>“Tony” Steve groaned looking at him with dazed eyes. “That was so good” he murmured.<br/>“You’re so good to me, come here” he exhorted.</p>
<p>Tony complied without saying anything. He climbed over Steve’s torso and leaned into his face kissing him again.<br/>He felt Steve’s tongue brushing inside his mouth and he moaned loudly at the sensation.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you take off your clothes too?” Steve asked smiling between kisses.</p>
<p>Tony put his arms around his shoulders and leaned back a little.<br/>He smirked. “Why don’t you take them off yourself, you gorgeous?”</p>
<p>Steve shivered slightly at it, before kissing him again more heatedly, holding Tony’s neck firmly with a hand behind his head.<br/>Tony whimpered slightly, and lingered in the touch.</p>
<p>Steve angled their mouths so that he could kiss him even deeper, now leaving his neck to bring his hands on Tony’s shoulders and back, spreading them widely over his shoulder blades.<br/>He made his hands slid up under Tony’s shirt, feebly touching Tony’s heated skin, sending him sparkles of pleasure all over his body.</p>
<p>Tony moaned chokingly on his mouth, as Steve put his shirt off. He parted from his lips and looked at him with a satisfied expression, both of pleasure and fondness.<br/>Tony smiled at him, and let his head fall backward while Steve lowered his mouth and kissed the corner of his lips, and then his jaw and ear, still sliding up and down his hands over his back.</p>
<p>He then lowered a little more, kissing at his throat, sucking a little at Tony’s sensitive flesh just to make him whimper under his touch.<br/>Tony moaned another time, when Steve left other brief kisses all along his chest and nudged lightly at one nipple.</p>
<p>“<em>God</em>” Tony groaned, bringing his hands to Steve’s head, pulling a little at his hair.</p>
<p>Steve parted from him. “It still hurts?” he murmured eyeing at the bruises on Tony’s ribs, where he had been shot.</p>
<p>Tony swallowed a couple of times. “A little” he twitched his mouth. “Sometimes.”</p>
<p>Steve frowned and caressed his skin around the wound. “Are you sure you want this?” he asked hesitantly. “I don’t wanna hurt you, Tony.”</p>
<p>Tony softened at his concerned tone and cupped Steve’s cheeks to make him meet his eyes. “Don’t worry” he reassured.<br/>“I’m okay. Couldn’t be better, my love” he smiled, and Steve kissed him sweetly, stroking his cheekbone with fond fingers.</p>
<p>Tony melted under his caress, panting slightly at the pressure of his tongue inside his mouth, and then he jumped in surprise when Steve shifted their positions, making Tony lay on the mattress under him, still kissing him with devotion.</p>
<p>Steve leaned back and grinned at him. “I’m so happy” he whispered with a radiant smile.</p>
<p>Tony smiled too, feeling his face flushed from the kiss. “Going to be even happier in a while” he muttered back, and Steve grinned even more widely.</p>
<p>He stroked Tony’s hips with his hands, brushing his thumbs at the bones of his pelvis, and Tony shuddered contently.<br/>Steve gave him a brief look before unzipping his pants and taking them off, while Tony elbowed on the mattress.</p>
<p>“Come on” Tony exhorted softly, when he noticed Steve was still a little uncertain.</p>
<p>Steve smiled at his encouragement, and helped Tony push away his briefs too, before widening his eyes in amazement at Tony’s half hard cock.</p>
<p>“You’re so damn beautiful” he praised with a low tone that made Tony shiver.<br/>He then moved an hand to Tony’s cock and closed his fist around its shaft, immediately brushing his thumb at its head.</p>
<p>Tony moaned. “<em>Steve</em>-“ he bubbled.</p>
<p>Steve didn’t reply, but started moving his hand up and down a few times, before lowering on Tony’s cock and licking along his length with a wide tongue.</p>
<p>Tony lightly pulled at Steve’s hair. “<em>God</em>” he groaned, feeling his cock fully hardening on Steve’s tongue.</p>
<p>Steve smiled at him, still leaving kisses on his length, a feeble touch that was so wicked in its innocence that made Tony’s head spin with pleasure.</p>
<p>“Can I try something?” Steve asked after a moment, a trace of hesitance in his voice.</p>
<p>Tony looked down at him panting harshly, and gave him a questioning look.<br/>Steve made a lopsided smile, and Tony smiled too.</p>
<p>“Whatever you want, darling” he settled for. “You can do to me whatever you want.”</p>
<p>Steve grinned at Tony’s slurry voice, before leaving aside his cock and kissing his inner thigh, up next to his crotch, making Tony spread his legs by patting a little at one of his knees.<br/>Tony propped himself up on his elbows, wondering in the back of his mind what Steve wanted to do, and almost chocked when he saw him arching his cock over his abdomen, before lifting slightly his legs from the mattress and heading at his hole.</p>
<p>“Oh good god” Tony let out just a moment before Steve left a trail of spit with his tongue around his entrance, making him shiver deeply.</p>
<p>Steve didn’t say anything, but Tony would have sweared he was smiling, as he licked again at his sensitive rim, working his tongue inside his hole.<br/>Tony yelped, moving around the mattress his hands, trying to think of what to do with them, not wanting to pull too roughly at Steve’s hair.</p>
<p>Steve sucked lightly at his hole, with such tenderness that Tony once again wondered how he managed to act so caring while being so dirty.<br/>He shuddered another time, his head dizzy, and unwillingly closed his thighs around Steve’s head, before yelping with embarrassment.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry” he apologised. “God, honey, I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>Steve looked up at him with wide eyes, and just brushed his thumb on his groin, making him relax a little.<br/>He sucked at his hole another time, while Tony thought that he could die right in that moment and be okay with that.</p>
<p>“<em>Babe</em>” he called when Steve twirled his tongue leaving him breathless.</p>
<p>Steve raised his head. “You okay?” he asked worried. “With this-?” he stressed.</p>
<p>Tony nodded repetitively, bucking his hips up in the air, already missing Steve’s touch. “More than okay” he blurted out. “Amazing, spectacular, <em>god</em> it’s <em>phenomenal</em>.”</p>
<p>Steve smiled with the hint of a chuckle, but when he lowered his head again, Tony put an hand on his neck.</p>
<p>“Babe-” he called again.</p>
<p>Steve looked at him another time.</p>
<p>“Not that I’m not enjoying this, but I still want to kiss you meanwhile, and I’m not that much of a health nut but still-“ he bubbled.</p>
<p>Steve nodded. “Yeah, you’re right” he said frowning. “Right.”<br/>He propped up and got closer to Tony before kissing him softly.</p>
<p>Tony moaned on his mouth, self consciousness hitting him with the thought of what Steve had been doing with the same tongue that was now between his lips. He flushed a little, and Steve parted from him.</p>
<p>“You okay?” he asked again, always checking on him.</p>
<p>Tony smiled feebly. “Yeah” he assured. He cleared his throat when his voice sounded like a whimper.</p>
<p>Steve giggled. “You’re the most wonderful thing that could ever happen to me” he flat out stated, and Tony blushed even more. And <em>god</em>, he was <em>not</em> one to blush.</p>
<p>Steve smiled satisfied at Tony’s flushed reaction, before lifting one of Tony’s legs from the mattress and propping it up on his shoulder, making him gasp in surprise.<br/>He stroked his thigh that was resting close to his face, and Tony twirled his nose.</p>
<p>“You’re spoiling me with these compliments” he pretended to snort.</p>
<p>Steve chuckled. “It’s my pleasure” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“Oh, it surely is” Tony clapped back wittily, before making his hand wander over his nightstand and pulling out of one drawer a tube of lube.<br/>“Take it, champ” he exhorted tossing the bottle to Steve, who caught it laughing at the nickname. “I’m not that flexible” he mumbled as an explanation.</p>
<p>Steve chuckled again, shaking his head. He left a kiss on Tony’s thigh. “I like how tight you are” he clapped back.</p>
<p>Tony flushed again, groaning loudly trying to cover his embarrassment, because, <em>Steve Rogers talking dirty</em>? That was one hell of a turn on.</p>
<p>Steve slicked his fingers with some lube, before kissing Tony’s leg another time.<br/>“You’re incredibly beautiful” he commented again.</p>
<p>“Hey, look at me” he called when Tony had turned a little his head to the pillow not to make him see he was flushing again.<br/>Raw sex without feelings? He could do that just fine. But this whole praising and flattering making love thing? His heart was on the verge of exploding.</p>
<p>He turned his head to stare at Steve, who was looking at him with deep adoration. “The <em>most</em> beautiful one” he repeated, then he proceeded to press a finger to Tony’s hole.</p>
<p>Tony squirmed under it, but he was glad he had the excuse of shutting his eyes avoiding blushing another time after Steve’s compliments.<br/>Steve’s finger slid inside without any real pressure, thanks to Steve’s tongue already having loosened him a little.</p>
<p>“So beautiful” Steve murmured again a little dazed, pushing in another finger, twirling it with the other one inside of Tony’s hole.</p>
<p>Tony moaned. “<em>Jesus</em>” he almost cried out, while Steve curled his fingers and brushed at his prostate.</p>
<p>“Look at you” Steve said again with wonder. “God, Tony, you’re so beautiful, you have no idea.”<br/>He worked in another finger, stroking Tony’s leg with his other hand, trying to make Tony relax under his touch.</p>
<p>Tony moaned loudly. “Steve” he called. “<em>Babe</em>.”</p>
<p>Steve smiled. “Shh” he said. “Don’t worry, everything’s okay.”</p>
<p>Tony clenched his fists at the sheets, Steve’s fingers twisting in him making him squirm and cry out in pure bliss.</p>
<p>“Sweetheart” Steve called at some point.</p>
<p>Tony nodded back, making him go on.</p>
<p>“You ready for some more?” Steve asked, and Tony nodded frantically another time.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he assured. “I want more. More, Steve, <em>honey</em>, my love, <em>more</em>” he bubbled.</p>
<p>Steve huffed at his slur and slowly pulled out his fingers, leaving Tony whelping on the mattress, bucking his hips looking for Steve’s touch again.</p>
<p>“You can have everything you want” Steve reassured him.<br/>He got closer to Tony’s lifted up groin, propping his leg better on his shoulder.</p>
<p>“You’re beautiful too” Tony felt the need to confess while he looked at Steve squeezing a ton of lube over his once again hard cock, spreading the slick unguent along his own length, circling it with his long but elegant fingers.</p>
<p>Steve turned up his look, staring back at Tony, still palming at his cock.</p>
<p>Tony moaned at the sight. “Damn hot” he muttered a little breathlessly.</p>
<p>Steve huffed, then he moved his cock close to Tony’s hole. He pressed its head on it and Tony yelped at the contact.</p>
<p>“Shh, I’ve gotcha” Steve murmured, still stroking at Tony’s leg.</p>
<p>Tony nodded faintly and whimpered while letting Steve push the blunt head of his cock inside him.</p>
<p>“Beautiful, Tony” Steve praised another time. “Just this- <em>beautiful</em>.”</p>
<p>The pressure was so damn agonising that Tony didn’t even blush at the comment, but just squirmed at Steve’s length.<br/>He wondered why the hell the first time it didn’t hurt that bad, and he remembered he actually was still technically injured, so that was comprehensible.</p>
<p>“Here you go” Steve muttered. “Here you go, Tony, so good” he reassured him. “So, so good.”</p>
<p>Tony beamed at his fond voice and relaxed on the pressure, feeling pleasure starting to coil in his low abdomen.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, it’s okay” Steve said again, and Tony finally felt Steve’s balls brushing on his ass.</p>
<p>“<em>God</em>” he cried out with a thick voice.</p>
<p>Steve brushed his thumb on his hip. “It’s okay, you did it” he stated again.</p>
<p>Tony smiled at him. “Big guy” he mumbled. “In every way.”</p>
<p>Steve chuckled and blushed a little. “Is it okay if I start moving?” he asked.</p>
<p>Tony nodded. “You were not this careful the first time” he pointed out, remembering how Steve had basically pinned him against the door of their suite.</p>
<p>Steve frowned. “I don’t wanna hurt you” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Tony bit his lip. The wound still ached a little, if he thought about it. The leg propped on Steve’s shoulder was the one on the side of his stomach without the bruise, but the way Steve’s cock had stretched him almost in his guts, was actually making his wound throb a little.</p>
<p>He shrugged smiling again. “It’s okay, I want you to move, sweetheart” he clapped back.</p>
<p>Steve made a lopsided smile, but when Tony nodded firmly he took courage and started slowly moving his hips.<br/>Tony groaned right away, the ache in his ass matching with the one on his rib, but deliciously soothed by the brush of Steve’s length along his prostate.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?” Steve asked, still pushing back and forth, almost teasing with his slow rhythm.</p>
<p>Tony nodded. “Delighted, actually” he bubbled. “But you can go faster, honey, I’m not gonna break” he assured.</p>
<p>Steve stroked his hip. “I know you won’t” he whispered. “You’re the strongest person I know.”</p>
<p>Tony groaned. “Don’t talk me into deep talks while you’re up in my ass, babe. We’ve got time for that” he whined pouting.</p>
<p>Steve chuckled. “You’re such a brat” he reproached, but he finally started fastening his movements, thrusting with firm strokes, each of them leaving Tony almost breathless.<br/>Steve gripped his thigh more firmly, pushing in precisely, making Tony let out little yelps with each thrust.</p>
<p>“Steve-” he moaned, punching the mattress with his hand, and Steve took it and held it with his one, while he kept on thrusting hard, panting heavily meanwhile.</p>
<p>Tony shut his eyes as Steve hit his prostate several times, each one with so precise thrusts that he couldn’t even get what was going on, the only thought in his mind being the sensation of pure pleasure inside his organs.</p>
<p>He moaned again and opened his eyes as Steve closed his other hand around his cock, now fully hard and leaking precome.</p>
<p>“I can’t with you” Steve moaned over him.</p>
<p>Tony tried to frown questioningly, but his face didn’t cooperate when another moan escaped from his lips.</p>
<p>At that Steve moaned loudly too. “<em>God</em>, Tony, you belong in a fucking museum” he blurted out, tightening his fist around Tony’s cock, making him clench even harder on his length.</p>
<p>Tony swallowed with difficulty. “Such an artsy boy” he commented, not really knowing how to reply to Steve’s compliment, feeling both dazed at the praise and at the simultaneous sensations on his cock and hole.</p>
<p>Steve fastened his movements, matching the pace of his thrusts with the one of his hand on Tony’s cock.<br/>“I’m gonna paint you like this, one day” Steve let out with a thick voice, panting harshly. “So beautiful, and tight, and <em>sweet</em>, god, Tony-” he bubbled, and with that picture in his mind Tony came in Steve’s hand and over his stomach, squirming and clenching over Steve’s length, his head spinning with pleasure.</p>
<p>“Dear god” Steve commented at the sight, still moving his hips frantically. “God, Tony” he blurted another time, and followed Tony too, coming inside of him with a long groan.</p>
<p>Tony felt him spilling inside of him, still thrusting lazily in his sensitive hole.</p>
<p>“You’re so sweet, so good” Steve commented, leaning over Tony and showering him with dazed kissed all over his jaw and throat. “So damn good, the best” he commented kissing his neck repetitively, tickling Tony’s skin.</p>
<p>And Tony giggled a little at the touch, closing his legs around Steve’s waist, still feeling Steve’s softening cock inside of him.<br/>He trailed his hand through Steve’s hair, a little damp with sweat.</p>
<p>Steve rested his head on his chest and relaxed under his touch.<br/>Tony smiled over him.</p>
<p>“I love you so much, Tony” Steve muttered on his skin.</p>
<p>Tony felt his heart clenching while thinking about the last time they had talked about love. And Steve was probably thinking about the same thing, because he lifted up his head a little, to look straight into Tony’s eyes.<br/>“It’s true, Tony. I love you” he repeated. “I never stopped loving you” he muttered.</p>
<p>Tony softened his look, and he lowered his eyes. “I never stopped loving you too” he admitted. “I could never stop loving you.”</p>
<p>And it was painfully true. His love for Steve was written on his heart, engraved in his lungs, stuffed in the hollow of his bones. There was no way he could get rid of it. It was the only thing filling the loneliness of his soul.</p>
<p>Steve smiled feebly. “For real?” he asked a little hesitantly, and that hurt Tony even more, to think that he had caused that insecurity, that sorrow resting in Steve’s eyes.</p>
<p>“I love you, Steve” he stated. “It is one of the few things that define me.”</p>
<p>Steve smiled more joyously now. “I love you” he said again.</p>
<p>Tony bit his lip, fondness pooling in his heart. “I love you, I love you, I love you” he stated.<br/>“Always have and always will” he assured repeating the words that Steve had told him the first time they had been together, words that had laid a blanket of warmth and reassurance over Tony, who was now hoping it could have the same effect over Steve too.</p>
<p>Steve chuckled lightly. “Are you making fun of me?” he asked raising an eyebrow.</p>
<p>Tony laughed and cupped Steve’s cheeks between his hands. “I am in love with you, Steve Rogers, I love you.”</p>
<p>Steve beamed at his confession, and adorably twirled his nose when Tony left a kiss on it.</p>
<p>“But although I love you so dearly,” Tony added after. “I am but a frail human being who’s being crashed by a Super Soldier, so I may have to ask you-“ he hadn’t even finished his sentence that Steve was already pulling out of him, lifting himself with his arms.</p>
<p>“Oh my god” he bubbled mortified. “I’m so sorry, Tony.”<br/>He glanced at his wound. “Did I hurt you?” he asked with concern, while rolling on his side next to him.</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “It’s okay, it was worth it anyway.”</p>
<p>Steve narrowed his eyes in a sign of reproach, and Tony laughed at it, stroking Steve’s shoulder with his hand.</p>
<p>“Come here” Steve exhorted smiling. He pulled Tony by his hand, making him shift closer to him, then made him rest his head over his chest and entangled their legs.<br/>He pulled up the blanket to cover them both, as Tony sighed with satisfaction.</p>
<p>“I’ve missed this so much” he mumbled, as Steve curled his fingers through his hair.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Steve asked.</p>
<p>Tony nodded on his chest. “You know- the nightmare, and shit like that.”<br/>Even though he couldn’t see Steve’s face, he knew for sure he had put on a worried expression.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, Tony” he confessed ruefully.</p>
<p>“Nah-ah! Shush” Tony interrupted him lightly tapping a finger over his pec. “It’s okay, we’ve moved on” he assured.</p>
<p>Steve twitched under him. “Tony-“ he started.</p>
<p>Tony shushed again. “Steve, it’s okay” he stated. “We’ll work through this, we’ll fix what has to be fixed, mend what has to be mended.” He raised his head up a little, and Steve turned his look to him so that their eyes met.</p>
<p>“But we’ll do it together” Tony added.</p>
<p>Steve smiled sweetly. He nodded. “Okay, Tony” he conceded. “Together.”</p>
<p>He left a kiss on his scalp, and Tony shut his eyes under his touch. He hadn’t slept in awhile, and suddenly he felt all that tiredness wavering over him all together. He yawned and heard Steve’s giggle as afar.</p>
<p>“I love you” he mumbled slurry, shifting closer to Steve’s body to get more comfortable.</p>
<p>Steve’s hand slid up and down his back, the other one still playing with his hair. “I love you too, Tony” he heard Steve murmur back.</p>
<p>It was nice and quiet and warm that embrace of Steve, and Tony felt stupidly safe in his arms.<br/>The scared little voice in his mind that kept telling him to stay on guard slowly started to fade away, leaving him blissful and relaxed.</p>
<p>He was not a fool to finally accept love. He could allow that, he <em>was going</em> to allow that.</p>
<p>__________________________________</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sky was incredibly clear, that day, and although Tony was wearing sunglasses, the sun was still too bright for his sight to bare it.<br/>He turned to look behind him, while Steve was joining him with a wide smile on his face.</p>
<p>“Thought you were still packing stuff” Steve joked chuckling.</p>
<p>Tony glanced at his own several luggage and chuckled. “No, I think I got everything I need” he stated.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head with a benevolent face. “Here, let me help you” he offered grabbing Tony’s bags.</p>
<p>Tony pursed his lips. “I think you’re spoiling me here” he pointed out, following Steve.</p>
<p>“If I didn’t know you, I’d say you don’t like it” Steve clapped back. He moved all the bags to one hand only, so that he could hold Tony’s hand with the other.</p>
<p>Tony grabbed it immediately and beamed at his words. </p>
<p>They got on the jet and Steve put the several baggage on the luggage rack, while Tony took a seat. He waited for Steve to finish setting the bags, and when he turned to look at him, Tony gave him a soft smile.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Steve asked cocking his head, a faint blush already coloring his cheeks.</p>
<p>Tony smiled even more. “I love you, that’s all” he explained.</p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes, but he blushed more deeply. He sat next to Tony, then he grabbed his hand and left a feeble kiss on the back of it. “Love you too, sweetheart” he replied.</p>
<p>Tony smiled again, and he tried to hide the fact that his chest was clutching with affection, by turning to face the window pane. He looked at the sky outside.<br/>It still seemed surreal to just kiss Steve whenever he wanted, to hold his hand and hug him tightly without having to part from him.</p>
<p>“We’re lucky” Tony informed turning to face Steve again. “This time of the year, it’s already warm in Italy.”</p>
<p>Steve nodded. “Can’t wait to be there” he said.</p>
<p>They had decided to leave for Italy the morning before. They were still laying in bed, Steve mindlessly playing with his hair, when Tony had hinted that he wouldn’t have minded some days away just for them two.</p>
<p>Steve had nodded and asked him if he had any particular destination in mind, and when Tony had clapped back ‘Italy’ immediately after, Steve had nodded again.<br/>“We should book a flight, then” he had pointed out, and had actually proceeded to do so.</p>
<p>“You’re gonna love it” Tony stated sweetly, tightening his grip on Steve’s hand.</p>
<p>He knew Steve was feeling a little anxious, even though he was trying to hide it. Tony had first made sure he really wanted to leave, given that he probably had war memories linked to the country, but Steve had not backed away.</p>
<p>“I know” he replied.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?” Tony checked. The last thing he wanted was for Steve to pretend everything was fine when he was not feeling that well.</p>
<p>Steve made a lopsided smile. “You’re here” he just pointed out, holding Tony’s hand firmly.</p>
<p>Tony smiled too, feeling proud at the realisation that he was Steve’s anchor in this adventure of his.</p>
<p>“Besides,” Steve spoke again. “I got no doubts I’m gonna love Italy. There is a reason why people choose it as their wedding’s location.”</p>
<p>Tony frowned hiding a grin. “How do you know-“ he started, before stopping mid sentence and holding in a breath.<br/>“Are you proposing?” he asked in confusion.</p>
<p>Steve shrugged, then he brought his face close to Tony and left a kiss on the tip of his nose. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. “Am I?”</p>
<p>He hadn’t even finished talking that Tony had already grabbed at his shirt to bring his head down and kiss him properly.<br/>He smiled on Steve’s lips. “I have no idea if you’re joking or not,” he bubbled. “But whatever you want, I’m in.”</p>
<p>Steve chuckled happily. “I love you” he sighed, ruffling his hair with fondness.</p>
<p>When the plane was up in the sky, and Tony’s heart seemed to be levitating too, he glanced at Steve dozing on his side.</p>
<p>He moved away a strand of blond hair that was tickling Steve’s nose, and just took his time to look at him.<br/>He could do it, now, and he was ready to fight for keeping on doing it forever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>YAY!!! WE MADE IT!!!</p>
<p>SO- I am really really really nervous!! I didn't even want to update lol<br/>Writing this fic had become my biggest coping mechanism during this hell of a quarantine, so it feels kind of odd for this to come to an end.</p>
<p>I want to thank each one of you for commenting or even just leaving a kudos- I would have quitted like, immediately otherwise if I have to be honest!!</p>
<p>I hope this ending was worth the reading, I can't wait to hear what you think of it!!</p>
<p>I hope you all are safe, and I'm sure we're gonna be okay, stay strong!!!</p>
<p>Thank you once again, have a really great day! &lt;3&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please leave a comment/kudos babes, it encourages me to keep on writing!</p><p>Hope there were no mistakes!</p><p>See you in the next chapter!</p><p>Have a great day, love y'all!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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